Chapter 7

I knew my mom and dad were into a weird sex scene but when I caught her masturbating outside of my door while I was in bed with Courtney, it sort of freaked me out and pushed me over the edge. After Courtney left to go home, I went into the family room to confront my mom.

"Mom, we need to talk about what is going on in this house, and about what is going on in this family. We all live under the same roof but almost never see each other, never know where the other is, never sit down to dinner or sit down to talk. Don't you think that is strange and messed up? I have had these feeling since we moved to Florida. Since we arrived here, I have felt that we are just pretending to be a family. I try to stay out of your way so that we don't fight or have to have that awkward feeling when we are together. I want you to tell me what you see in this family and what you want out of it. I have other places where I can live if you really don't want me around."

Mom was crying quietly and didn't know what to say. She took a big gulp of her drink and just sat there.

I was not going to let this go on any further. I had come to an understanding that I did not need my parents. I had already experienced them the first time through but on this new string, something had dramatically changed. I think I know what it is and of course, it was my fault.

I believe that when I came back to this time, won that bet and grandpa started to give them money that their path changed. At that point, my dad was making $15,000 a year. Now that wasn't too bad, considering that the average household was making around $11,000 per year. The first time through, they bought a nice house and nice cars, which was OK, until dad lost his job when his company bought out another bank and the son of the new bank's owner had the same position as my dad. As part of the merger agreement, the son would stay and they would lay off my dad. If that event should happen again, it will occur late next year. They lived an active lifestyle near their income level but when he went to find a new job, he could only find one for less money. This forced mom to get a job to keep the family above water. When they went through this together and fought for a common goal, they bonded more and things worked out.

Now with the extra income without the extra work or common obstacles, they both felt privileged and did not NEED each other. Therefore, I could take some of the responsibility for changing the circumstances. However, in the end, their reactions to the situations are what messed things up.

I wanted to talk with mom and try to figure out where we were going as a family. I wasn't going to let it slide this time, so I just dug in and started asking her questions. I felt like a detective interrogating a witness.

"Mom, do you love me anymore?"

"Yes, baby I do. I know I don't show it, but I am so confused when it comes to love."

"Do you love Dad?"

"I don't know. I loved him when we were first married and when you were born, but our relationship has changed over the years and we are not the same people or the same couple we once were."

"Mom how do you feel about the way dad treats you?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I walked down a staircase into a pit, one small step at a time. When I turned around the steps were gone and I was stuck in the pit"

"So you realize you have gone to a place where you are not happy and you need help to get out?"

"Yes, I feel overwhelmed and sometimes feel like it may just be easier to let it all go and walk away. The issue is do I start over or not at all."

I guess that meant suicide.

"Mom, I have seen some of the things you have done. I know you don't flaunt them but sometimes it is hard to keep secrets when we live under the same roof. I know you do or have done drugs. I know that you live a swinger's lifestyle. I know you drink excessively. I know that Dad sleeps with other women. What if any of those things do you want to change? Or is there something else?"

"I thought you may have seen some of those things and I guess I knew but since you didn't say anything, I didn't either. That is probably the biggest reason we have grown apart, because I am ashamed or afraid that you may bring up those things."

"Mom, I have done some of those things too. I am not so ashamed of them because all of those things can be enjoyable. When you control yourself and your activities, they can be fun. When those same things control you it is like walking into the pit."

She was looking at me and nodding in resignation that what I was saying was true.

"Mom, during the past 24 hours how many drugs have you taken? You don't have to mention the drink in your hand."

After going through some things in her head, she let out a big sigh and said, "I did some coke yesterday afternoon. Then some drinks after dinner. I took a valium to help me get to sleep. I had some coffee to help me wake up if that counts. I smoked some pot after breakfast and had my first gin and tonic with lunch. This is my fourth."

"Mom isn't that a pretty long list for one day? That sounds like you have a pretty expensive habit and your body and mind are losing control and letting the chemicals control your life instead."

After I got a nervous laugh from her, she replied, "You are right. I never looked at the trail or habits that I had day in and day out. As for the money, we have plenty so that isn't a problem. Your dad works hard and makes more than enough."

Now it was my turn to laugh. "Mom you are lying to yourself again, Dad doesn't bring home more than enough. Grandpa gives you $40,000 a year. Dad makes $15,000 a year. That is $55,000 a year. Most families make around $10,000 to $15,000 a year. If grandpa stopped sending you checks then you and dad wouldn't be able to live for more than three months."

"How would you know anything about that?"

"Mom when was the last time you gave me an allowance? When was the last time I asked you for money?" I paused while she thought. "Never, that is when. Never! I have never needed money from you and I never will. I am partners with grandpa in some investments and they have done quite well. In fact, some of the money you get every year is from me. The money from grandpa is because I asked him to give it to you. He has more than he can spend and he wanted to see how you would handle what you received before he gave you more. Has he ever increased what he has given you from one year to the next?" I knew that this was only a half-truth the laws and gift taxes were the main reason why they got what they got.

Mom finally replied, "He has given us the same amount every year. How much money do you have Britt?"

"Mom, I don't have any money that is in my name. I told you I am a partner with grandpa and only have or get what he sends me." I patted myself on the back for wording that so well.

"So could he send you more?"

I was getting mad now. "Mom, I think you are changing the subject. We were talking about your addictions and how to help you get over them not fuel them."

That set her back, "I don't know what to do."

"Mom, I can help you if you want help. You will have to be honest with me but more importantly, you will have to be honest with yourself. You will need to be honest about your feelings, your cravings, your desires, where you want to be going forward, whom you want to be going forward and who you are right now. I want to help you and will but you will have to do your part and accept my help."

She broke down, started sobbing, and went on and on while I just held her. When she would start to let up, she would think of something else and start again. This went on for an hour. I finally let her go when the phone started ringing. I answered it and it was Dad. He asked to talk to mom and I said that she had run to the store for a minute. He said to tell her that he had to work late and would grab some dinner before he came home.

I went back to mom and told her what dad said. She said, "He is going to take out his secretary to dinner before he fucks the little bitch."

"Mom, do you want to work things out with dad? If I am going to help turn this caterpillar back into a butterfly, I need to know that you aren't going to be living in a junkyard when I am done."

Her eyes lit up as she saw what she could become. I saw the hope come back into her as if she had found it after it had been lost for a while.

"Britt, I have just been an object to your father for years now. He treats me like and object trades me like an object and uses me like an object. I can't say I didn't enjoy it and don't still enjoy it but it is not love."

"Mom, I think it is time for a vacation. We haven't gone anywhere as a family for years. I would like for you and I to go on a trip."

"Where do you want to go?"

"It isn't about where we go but who we are with. It will be a driving vacation and I will tell you where to drive and when. We will be gone at least two weeks and maybe up to a month. It all depends on how things go. You need to pack casual and dressy clothes and a bathing suit or two."

"When would we leave?"

"I am free for the summer and haven't made any commitments. What do you have planned in the next month and how long will it take you to cancel them. We are working on you being more responsible after all."

"I could clear my schedule tomorrow."

"Then we will leave tomorrow night."

"Why not the next morning?"

"I said I am in charge during this trip. When I say jump you will ask how high on the way up. I will make all of the decisions for you."

"Your dad is leaving in the morning to go on a trip to visit the Miami office. What will I tell him?"

"Tell him that we are taking a vacation for a few weeks and you will see him when we get back. If he asks about where we are going, tell him we will be driving up the East coast and if he asks about money tell him that grandpa is paying for it just like he pays for everything else."

The next day I was up early and was standing in John's driveway when he walked out to his car at 7:30. I asked for a ride downtown. He said sure and I hopped in. "Where are you going to today?" he asked. I explained about my mom and the trip. He was sympathetic and knew about her lifestyle. The rumors get around. I needed to take care of business and downtown is where they had the things I needed. I followed John into his office and asked to use his phone. He said no problem, set me up in a conference room, told me I would have privacy, and to take as much time as I needed. I called grandpa and explained a lot of what was going on and tried to leave out some of the worst and more graphic parts. I could tell that he felt like he contributed to this and I told him my thoughts and feelings as well.

I went to the bank to pick up the cash that grandpa had wired. I had to ask John to come with me since I didn't have an ID. I went to a travel agent to plan the first couple of days and went to a large bookstore to get some reading material, maps and research items. I stopped by a clinic downtown and after waiting for two hours, a doctor finally met with me and said that he could give me two minutes. He ended up talking to me for thirty, but then he had to get back to his patients. We talked about the addictions my mom had and what she would go through as she stopped taking different drugs. He was very understanding and sympathetic so I contributed to his clinic.

When I got home my mom was packed and sitting in the family room. I had packed the night before so I went up and changed. I grabbed my bags and walked downstairs. I told mom to get the car out and meet me out front. She had a nice Mercedes convertible and parked right out front. She came in and almost freaked out. I had taken her first case and dumped it out on the floor. I put the suitcase on the coffee table and repacked it for her. I folded everything and placed it item by item in the case. I was looking for contraband. I was customs and she was the traveler. I did not find a thing and dumped out the other case. In that case was a makeup bag. Also in that case were both a dildo and a vibrator. I repacked both for her. She was red with embarrassment when I held it up for inspection. I don't know what she was thinking but I was comparing it to my own size and shape.

In the make-up case, I found pills, more pills, a vial of coke, and a bag of weed. I set them aside and finished packing the case. She thought we were done but I grabbed her purse and dumped it out. I found more pills, another vial of coke with a small spoon attached to the inside of the cap. I set those aside, took her cash and credit cards, and put them in my wallet. I put everything back in her purse and handed it to her. I told her to take the bags out to the car. I grabbed a small bag out of my closet and put the drugs in there and even grabbed a bottle of vodka and added it to the mix. I zipped it closed and added it to my own bag and carried them out.

We had not spoken the whole time I was repacking her bags. I locked the door behind me and got in the car. We sat there in silence until mom finally asked me "Where to?"

"Mom, before we start on our great adventure, I want you to know that I love you. Sometime you will have to think of it as tough love but it is love. If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't waste my time and yours on this trip. I will be with you every minute of every day. You will wish I wasn't, but when we get home at the end of this trip, you will either hate me and ask me to leave or you will understand that everything that I did, I did for you. I did it to help you get better and become a better person."

"We will see won't we? I am playing your game. Where to?"

It was 6 pm and I wanted her away from here, away from friends, away from dealers away from anyone that could take her back to where she had been and what I was trying to get her to abandon. I told her to drive west. We were on I-4 headed toward Tampa. We stopped for a quick dinner near Disney so we just saw tourists. Then we continued towards Tampa. We turned south on 301 and headed toward Sarasota. I had reserved a hotel on the beach on Longboat Key. We pulled into the hotel around 9:30. I had to give mom a credit card to sign in and then took it back.

We checked into a nice double room with a small kitchenette where we could keep some cold drinks. I could tell that Mom was on edge but she was keeping up a strong front. I sat on the couch and motioned for her to sit beside me.

"Mom, tell me want you are feeling. I am not sure what you did before I got home and I know you had a glass of wine with dinner. Do you feel like you need anything right now?"

"I feel edgy and nervous. I need something to calm me down and take the edge off. I would typically smoke some pot or drink something. I want to get better but my body is craving those things."

"As I said before mom, I love you. I could say we are going to do this cold turkey and tie you to the chair for a month but you would go crazy and hate me. We are going to do this one step at a time." I walked over and pulled out the gym bag. It did not have a lock but my suitcase did and I kept the key for that around my neck. I pulled out the large and small vial of coke.

"These and the pills are the most addictive drugs you take. I will hold onto the pills for now but if you want to get better the coke must stop now. I want you to take these into the bathroom and empty them in the toilet."

She looked like I just told her to cut off her arm. She finally stood and took the vials. I got up and followed. She dumped the larger vial first and set it on top of the toilet. She then opened the smaller one. When the top came off, she was standing there with a spoon full of coke in her hand. The look on her face was as if she was holding a thousand dollar bill and I had just told her to burn it.

She dumped the vial and set it down but still held the cap with the spoonful of coke. I spoke quietly to her, "Mom you have to take control. With each of your vices, there can only be one master. Are you going to master the coke or is it going to master you?" She turned her wrist and the spoon emptied into the bowl. I made her flush and then washed out the vials before I dumped them in the trash.

"That is one down mom. I am so proud of you. You will have cravings for a while. Some will be worse than others will. I want you to tell me what your body is craving, what your body is telling you and I will help you."

"I need a joint because I am so on edge right now."

I pulled out the bag and handed her the papers and bag of weed. I told her to roll two just in case. After she had them rolled, I put the bag and the papers back in the bag and locked my case. I walked back and took her hand, grabbed a lighter and walked towards the door.