Chapter 12

Calculus turned out to be a good class. I understood the material, did my assignment before lunch and felt comfortable with the day's lesson. Photography was becoming an interesting class. Today we would be developing the negatives from the roll of film we shot yesterday. It is not difficult but it is more like baking a cake. If you follow the formula, it works great; if not, it is uneatable.

Go someplace dark, remove film from canister, put film in developing canister, pour in developer, start timer, timer goes off, pour out developer, pour in stopping chemical, start timer, when timer goes off pour out stopping chemical, rinse with distilled water, hang to dry. If you don't follow the formula then you are over developed or under developed. It is really a very simple process.

Ms. Widener had reviewed the process with us yesterday, so we took turns following the steps today. I went first for our group since I had done it before. The others looked on and one by one we all finished our rolls. One girl was nervous but we just talked to her and she was fine. One of the guys in one of the other groups wanted to see how they looked before he put on the stopping agent. They looked good but by the time he got the film back in the canister and then got the stopping agent on, the film had turned black. The class grades for the day were 19 A's and 1 F.

After class, I walked out with Carrie. We walked down to the Rathskeller to get a drink. She had a beer; I had a coke. We both wanted to talk about yesterday. I started by telling her that I was sorry again for the interruption. I also told her I bought four lighters this morning. She asked about me getting high and what appeared to be an inconsistency with how I had related how overwhelmed I was from my experience with Mom's drug use. She wasn't trying to judge me but was trying to understand me.

I told her, "Carrie, my mom was off the deep end it was not just drugs but all kinds of pills, coke, pot, alcohol, dangerous sex and she took no responsibility whatsoever. She was on a downhill spiral and picking up speed. I am taking calculus as my first college class. Most of the other kids in the class are in their second or third time taking the course. I have not missed a class, I do my assignments and I go to the math lab when I need it. I have smoked one time since I have been here at school. My point is that the things I mentioned earlier were to help control my mom.

"I don't care if you do coke or heroin. It is your choice but when you are addicted to coke or heroin you don't have a choice. My mom has not done pills or coke since that picture and she doesn't drink hard liquor any more. A glass of wine a couple times a week is all she drinks. If she sees more than one bottle in the can on trash day, she takes a couple weeks off. She is in control. When we first started her rehab the last drug I let her have, was a joint. I took two hits and then she finished it. After her rehab, she would smoke one joint a month. We would go out by the pool, she would smoke most of it and I would take two or three hits. I like it but don't have to have it. I was doing it once a month at home but can see the habit growing to maybe two or three times a week here. I guess I come from a screwed up family."

Carrie nodded and said, "I think you are saying that balance and moderation are important. Understanding yourself and staying the course over all is more important than every step along the way. I like that. I enjoyed spending time with you. What does this mean for us?"

"Maybe we should have talked first. I have a little speech but it can come across as selfish. In general I like you, the sex was great, I would love to do it again if you want to, but I don't want to get married and am not looking for an exclusive relationship." I said to her. I had watched her to see the reaction and got nothing.

She said, "I like that. I was afraid that you were going to be crushing all over me and I was going to have to drop the class to get rid of you following me around like a puppy."

"Me follow you? After the howling that came out of you yesterday, I was afraid that I would be the one you would be following. If you had, I would have bought you a leash and a collar so I could tie you to a tree when I needed a break."

"Don't get me laughing again. I had fun yesterday and we may do it again. I like talking with you and you have a weird sense of humor. We can both be free to do what we want but we can get together if it is convenient for both of us."

"Sounds good, I enjoy talking to you too. If you want to invite me over to see your sketches sometime, I may consider it."

"Speaking of that, I may want you to model for me sometime. You have a nice body."

"I will sit for you if you will sit for me, deal?"

"Maybe."

The following day, we developed prints from our negatives. We looked at the projection of each of the negatives but only developed two prints. Ms. Widener said we could use the dark room after class or any time it was not in use by a class, but we did not have time to develop all the negatives today. I stayed after and developed a few more prints and when I came out Ms. Widener was just finishing looking over the first set of prints from the class.

"Hi Britt, I am looking over the prints. It seems that most of the class walked out of the front door of the building and clicked off a roll of film. It seems that you and Carrie went over to the pool. I liked the lines and shadows in the prints I saw and they had a more structural feel to them. I think I may send more students that way in the future."

"I saw your second shot was from some funky store. Is that in town?"

"Yeah there is a store over by the Holiday Inn that sells all kinds of tie-dye and incense. It had some interesting light coming in the window."

"Maybe that is where Carrie bought the bong that is in her second shot." She held up the picture taken in my room.

"Live by the picture die by the picture. That is in my room and it is my bong. I hope I didn't bust your bubble of what a wonderful person I am."

"No, I know college kids. I work with them every day. I won't ask what Carrie was doing in your room."

"Thanks, no comment, I plead the 5th." I turned and told her I would see her next week and then stopped. "Can I use the dark room for my own photos or just for class assignments?"

"Britt the class fees you paid cover you for the semester and you can use any of the dark rooms as long as it is free and not reserved for a class like today. Have a good weekend and be safe."

It was still early so I went back and finished making prints of some of the other shots from the day before. There was one of Carrie in the shop, which I enlarged. I was able to get just her face and her hand as it touched the shirt in front of her. She is a cute one.

As I was walking back to the dorm, I saw Karen out playing Frisbee and stopped to say hi. "What's up, doc?"

"I should ask you the same."

"I was developing some pictures I took a couple of days ago."

She smiled and then asked, "Were they of that girl who was screaming in your room?"

"Karen, what are you talking about?"

"You know two days ago. I was walking down the hall and was wondering why there were four people standing at your door. When I got closer, I asked what was going on and one of the guys said you had a howler in your room. I stopped and she seemed to be enjoying herself. I stayed for a minute but had to get to practice so I couldn't stick around."

"Well I guess I need to work on my bedside manner. We can't be scaring away the patients in the waiting room."

"There were three guys and only one girl so unless you have changed your specialty I wouldn't worry about it. What are your plans this weekend? We are going to play down below South Hall. If you want to play we can always use more people in the summer."

I had seen a poster for a 5K road race on Saturday morning and thought I would skip my morning workout and run. I didn't think that they would be playing too early so I told her to stop by and grab me when she was heading out and if I were around, I would play.

Reggie and I had dinner together but he was not in a very good mood. I asked him what was up and he said "nothin'." I didn't want to press him but later asked again, what was bothering him? He said that during the school year, he had some scholarships and work-study but in the summer, he was always short of money. Yesterday, they told him that he needed a couple other books for one of his classes and it put him over by $150. He asked his mom but things were tight at home. I asked about the extra he got from people like me. He said that he was good during the school year but summer was slow.

I didn't want to make it seem like I was giving away charity but he had been friendly to me from day one and we were becoming good friends. I made him and offer. I figured that over the next year I would probably spend a couple hundred bucks with him. I offered to give him $200 today and in exchange, he could charge the future purchases against my credit balance. He was hesitant because it felt like charity. I told him that I wasn't done. I would expect the price to be at $20 a bag instead of $25. He would be giving me a discount to offset the cost of money. I also asked if he knew a bookie.

Reggie looked at me and then just grinned, "For a little kid, you have all the vices don't you. Next thing you know you will be looking for hookers. I could probably come up with one or two but from the rumors floating around you don't need my help in that department." He took a bite of his burger and then sipped his drink. "I do know some guys on campus who will take sports bets but they take 10% if you win or lose and they don't take IOUs. They settle all bets the day after the event unless you win. You can pick that up any time or they will hold it for you for future bets."

"I just bet for fun and I never bet more than I have to spend. Do they just take the college and pros or do they have a line on horses and crap?"

"They mostly try to keep it local but have connections for the nonstandard stuff. Stay away from the multi bets, you almost always lose in the end."

I didn't have the heart to tell him about my bet on the Dolphins. I just nodded. We didn't play ball on Friday night so we went back to the dorm. He stopped by his room to grab some bud but I told him I still had plenty. He saw me looking at the Playboy and Penthouse magazines on his table and said to take a few. He had plenty. I did grab a couple of the Penthouses and we walked down to my room. I went in and went through the whole ritual with the bong and we ended up pretty baked. I did set my alarm for 6:30 so I could get to the race in time to register. I Gave Reggie the $200 and you could see the weight lifted off his shoulders. I handed him $400 more. He looked at me waiting for the punch line. Obviously, I wasn't smoking like a chimney and he would be graduating in three years.

"Reggie, the All Star game is this coming week in NY. I want to bet $200 on the National League to win. I am loaning you two hundred to place the same bet." I went back and gave him another $40. "I will even cover our vig to the bookies."

"What if they lose?"

"In that case you were just helping me place a $400 bet for myself. There is a 50% chance they will win. Trust me, have I ever lost a bet that I gave you the winner on?"

He hesitated and said, "Not yet and I hope you don't start now."

We were in a good mood and went down to the Union to shoot some pool and play some foosball. We started playing teams and Reggie was hot. I would knock in one or two but he would always make the shot we needed to win. We walked away making about $100 each. It was close to 2 am when I finally got to bed. The alarm went off and it took me a few minutes to remember why it was even going off. I remembered the race, walked down to take a shower, and got ready to go. I wanted to bang on Reggie's door to get back at him for keeping me out so late last night, but I was in a pretty good mood and didn't want to piss Brett off.

I just got dressed, grabbed my key, a $20 bill and ran the two miles to the starting line. I didn't run hard but stretched my legs and got them warm and my heart beating a bit. I paid the fee and they gave me a t-shirt. Next time I will run down topless. I now have two shirts. I walked down and put it under a bush. If it was there when I was done, I would take it home. We stood around for twenty minutes until the time to start. There were about 300 people running. I found out from one of the guys that there is a race almost every weekend to raise money for something.

We got instructions and told what the course was. There was a bike rider to lead the route. After the first person, just follow the leader. I felt good so I went out with the leaders, three guys with matching shirts. They would look at their watches every time we passed a distance marker and either speed up or slow down. The hills were not too bad and not worse than the route I ran every morning. I was just sitting in fourth with about a half mile left when the other three took off. I started to go with them but never caught back up. I closed at the end but was still 10 seconds behind. They were surprised how close I was, came over to congratulate me, and asked if I went to the local high school.

Before I could answer, a man walked up and said, "No, this is Britt. He goes to school here." He came over and shook my hand. I recognized him but forgot his last name.

I nodded to him as we shook, "It is good to see you coach." It was the cross-country coach from the Gators team.

He spoke to me but tried to include what I now figured to be some of the runners on his team. "Britt, I called your coach when I didn't see your name on the results last year and then again at the state meet. I had you on my list of kids to watch. He told me about the car hitting you and all of the rehab. How was the race today? It looks like you finished well."

"I was following your guys and they kept changing the pace. I was not ready when they took off and the early kick was too much for me to recover and catch up to them. Your guys had a good kick from a half mile out."

"What you call a good kick, I call bad pace setting. They ran too slow for the first 2 1/2 miles and had to kick that far out to try to make it up."

I agreed but didn't want to say anything negative so I let it go with a shrug. I said goodbye, walked over to pick up my shirt, and jogged back to the dorm. Why does it have to be at the top of the hill? I dropped off the shirt and was going to jump in the shower but decided to do my sit-ups and pushups and then said what the heck and walked across the street to swim. I came back and took a shower. I was walking into my room when Karen came up and asked if I was ready to go. I didn't say anything but grabbed my wallet and key and pulled the door closed behind me. I asked Karen to make a detour by the cafeteria so I could grab something to eat on the way since I had not eaten breakfast yet. I didn't say anything again but grabbed an already made turkey sandwich and a banana for the road. We walked down to the field and played hard for the next three hours. I was exhausted. Karen asked if I wanted to grab some dinner. I was hungry again and told her I couldn't wait until 6 o'clock. It was 4 pm now if she wanted to come by at 4:30 I would have time for a shower and we could go.

I was ready by 4:15 and left the door to my room open. I crawled up on my bunk for a ten-minute nap and when Karen came walking in she asked what I was doing? I told her I was sleeping and to let me stay there and sleep.

"You promised to have dinner with me." She was in the room now and did sit down in one of the lounge chairs. "What is this on the table? Looking at naked girls?"

"I just like the stories" I replied sleepily.

"Where have I heard that before? Are you saying that you don't like looking at the pictures?"

"I wouldn't go that far but I prefer the stories. Why don't you read me a bedtime story while I try to sleep?"

"What article would you like me to read?"

"I haven't looked at either of the magazines but look for the forums section and read me the first one."

She flipped through until she found the section and started reading about a guy watching his wife screw some guy while he hid in the closet. She finished the story and was a little breathy. She asked if I was ready to go again and I told her to come lay down with me and read me another story. For that, I got a swat on the foot and she told me to get up.

I crawled down and told her thanks for the story, and that dinner was on me. We walked to Leonardo's Pizza and got a couple of slices. She had a beer and I had a soda. She asked why I was so tired. She asked if I had more patients stop by for an exam.

I explained about playing pool last night and then the race, workout and practice that started too early this morning. I guess I got some sympathy points and we walked back to the dorm. I had never been to her room and asked what floor was her room. She told me she lived in the basement where there were only six rooms. She only could exit through one side of the building so we had to walk through my floor to go to the other side. I walked her to her room and she had a similar lay out to Reggie and Britt. Her roommate was also in med school but had to go home for the weekend. I asked if she was lonely and she said that she was not and would be fine all alone in her big room. I asked if she wanted me to read her a story and she declined, saying it was still early. I asked if she had a car and wanted to go somewhere further away like a movie. She considered it and then declined. Something was on her mind but she was not sharing it with me so I thanked her for going to dinner and headed upstairs.

Reggie was in his room and asked if I wanted to go shoot some hoops? I told him I was not exerting myself any more today. I told him, "If a girl shows up I might let her blow me but I am too tired to do any work." I hung out in his room for a few hours while we listened to music and talked. He was in a much better mood after giving him the cash, the cash we won and the hope of the bet he placed today paying off. He only needed $150 but that could be $500 by the end of the week. That is quite a bit in 1977.

I went back to my room and called my mom. She missed me and I missed her but at this point, I was pretty independent. With the cost of long distance I didn't call often because she would spend half the time complaining about the cost.

She was home and her boyfriend Bill was over. I asked if she was doing well, if she was in control and if she was happy. The answer to all three questions was yes. I told her about my classes and some of the friends I had met and told her about my busy day. Tomorrow was Sunday, my day of rest. I said good night and crawled into bed.

Sunday morning, I walked down to grab a paper and then went to a diner on the strip instead of the cafeteria. I slowly read the paper and drank my coffee while having eggs, bacon, hash browns and grits with a side of raisin toast. I walked back to the dorm and went into the kitchen/lounge and there were a few people around. Benji and Shannon were there. They were fixing lunch together. I think they ate every meal together and they always made their own food in the kitchen. She slept in his room and I don't know if she even had a room anywhere. I think that they paid less than any other students did for room and board. I sat down and there was some golf tournament on TV. I wish I had a TV in my room, falling asleep on Sunday was always easiest with golf on the TV.

I found out that Benji was a marketing major working on his MBA. As to Shannon, she already had a history degree. She was working toward an eventual Ph.D. She also worked at a grocery store. I asked if I gave her money if she could pick up some stuff for me after work some time. She said she would be happy to and she was working that afternoon. I gave her a list. Apples, bananas, half a gallon of chocolate milk and two six packs of Budweiser. She almost gave me shit but it was about $10 worth of groceries and I gave her a $20 and told her to keep the change. She smiled and said no problem.

I was bored and went down to see if Karen wanted to throw the Frisbee? She answered but she looked depressed. I asked if she wanted to talk but she didn't. I asked if she needed any help, but she didn't. I can only do what I can, so I left her to herself. I went back, picked up the clothes and junk in my room, and did some laundry. Reggie came by and he and Brett were going to get some oysters at the Purple Porpoise and asked if I wanted to go? I had not had oysters this time around but used to buy them by the bushel the first time through, so off we went. It was within walking distance so we were going to hoof it over. I asked if I could invite Karen and they didn't mind, so I ran downstairs and told her to get dressed and come eat with us. She said no but I made her. I was unbuttoning her pajama top when she finally stopped me and said she would go but to wait outside while she changed.

I think the three of them shared four pitchers of beer. We were all laughing and by the time we left, everyone was in a better mood. I walked her down to make sure she got in the outside door OK. She thanked me for making her go out and walked away down the hall. I went up to my room and put on a James Taylor album and just lay on the couch and chilled. I was on the third song when there was a knock at the door. I didn't want to get up so just called out, "Come in."

Karen stuck her head in and she was crying again. It was just forty-five minutes ago, that she seemed so happy. I sat up and waved her in. She closed the door and sat in the chair across from me. "Can I stay here for a while?"

"Sure, no problem. Can I get you something?" She shook her head no, which was good because I had water and three cokes. "You've only been gone a little while. What happened?"

"My roommate is back. We have been fighting, that is why she went home. She came back and she broke up with me." She barely had the words out of her mouth before she broke into tears.

I never asked about her significant other and she never mentioned one. She is a pretty woman and I had tried to flirt with her. She never returned it, but I figured it was my age and not my gender. I still liked her as a friend and wanted her to be happy. I asked her what happened.

She told me that she and her girlfriend/roommate, Carole, were both med students but Carole was a little slower in her studies. It made her feel dumb when Karen would get the material so quickly and resented when she would try to help her. She also couldn't understand the other activities like playing on the Ultimate team or making friends. She thought that class and studying were the only two approved activities for med students. Having a lover only magnified Carole's faults and she was jealous or envious depending on how you looked at it. In the end, Carole's faults made her break up with Karen.

It was too bad. I went over to her and gave her a hug. She started crying on my shoulder so I walked moved back to the couch. I sat down and pulled her down on my lap. We sat for a while and I just held her. The album restarted twice. She went from whimpering to crying to sobbing then silence then sobbing again. I just rubbed her back and held her. There was another knock at the door and since I couldn't get up, I called out, "Come in." It was Shannon. She had my food and drinks. She said that the chocolate chip cookies were on sale and she bought them for me. She asked if Karen was OK. I said she would be and Shannon put the beer and milk in the fridge for me. I thanked her and she left.

I asked Karen if she would like a beer, some milk and cookies or a joint. She sat up and looked at me. "Do you really have a joint?"

"No, I don't"

"Carole does not like drugs of any kind and I gave up pot for her. I would love to smoke a joint right now." I pushed her off my lap onto the couch and told her I would be back. I grabbed a cup on the way out the door. I came back two minutes later and she asked if I had gotten a joint. I told her, "no" and walked over to the desk.

I sat down and pulled out the drawer. I loaded up the bong, spun the chair around, and handed it to her with a lighter. She smiled and took them from my hand. She finished the first bowl and I reloaded it for her. She started with a big pull and started coughing. I walked over to the fridge and found that the beer must have come from the cooler at the store because it was already cold. I cracked one open and set it on the table in front of her. She took a gulp and then another and then finished off the second bowl. She had on a button down shirt that was not tight but a little snug. She also had on jeans and loafers. I reached down, took off her loafers, and rubbed her feet. The room had been quiet since I sat down at the desk with JT singing, "You've got a Friend". She had her beer in her hand with her back against the arm of the couch. The weed really got her baked and you could see her relax.

I broke the silence, "What do you want to do? I can go talk to Carole or we can. You can stay here as long as you need."

"Can I sleep on your couch tonight?"

I grabbed my new t-shirt from the race and handed it to her. She took off her shirt and put on the t-shirt while I moved the bong over to the desk. When I turned around, she was taking off her bra under her shirt and it came out her armhole. I didn't have any shorts that were small enough for her to wear, but tossed her a light blanket to cover up if she wanted to take off the jeans. She did after she finished off the beer. I offered another and she passed. I had a gallon of water in the fridge so I poured a glass and gave it to her with a couple of aspirin. I also pulled a box out of the closet, set a toothbrush on the table, and pulled my toothpaste out of my travel kit.

She smiled and used the glass of water to take care of the aspirin and her teeth. I told her to get up in the bed. She said she would stay on the couch. I grabbed her hands. "Karen, I have a big bed up there. There is plenty of room for two people. I promise not to do anything. I will wear shorts to bed and we can sleep on opposite sides or I can hold you ... whatever you want. I am here for you. She broke down in tears and hugged me for two minutes while she built up her courage and climbed in bed. I told her I would be back.

I walked down to the basement and knocked on Carole's door. When she opened the door, she had no idea who I was. I told her that Karen was upset and cried herself to sleep on my couch. I did not want Carole to worry all night long. I told her that Karen would be down in the morning when she woke up. She didn't know who I was or where I lived so I didn't worry about Carole banging on my door. I slipped back in and Karen was asleep. I crawled into behind her and held her.

The alarm went off at 6:30. I quickly turned it off. Karen rolled over, kissed me on the cheek, and thanked me for being there for her. I told her I was going out for a run and would be back in around thirty minutes. I dropped down and did my pushups. I had on my shorts. I rolled over to do my sit-ups and Karen was laying on her stomach with her head looking over the edge as she smiled down at me. I smiled back until I got to 200. I then grabbed my running shoes and a t-shirt. I headed out the door and waved before I pulled it closed behind me.

I needed time to think so I decided to go ten miles and skip the swim this morning. I cared for Karen and will help her in any way I can but do I want to get in the middle of a lovers' quarrel between two women? I pounded through the miles and finished in 55 minutes. I walked an extra mile to get the air back in my lungs and give myself ten more minutes before I had to face what was in my room. When I walked in, the room was empty. I grabbed my stuff and went to the showers. I dressed and headed out for my day. I did stop by between classes but did not see anything. I wasn't in a great mood when I walked into my photography class. Carrie saw that and tried to get me to smile. She was teasing me and I just ignored her. She kept on when we were in the dark room with the others in our group. A girl named Trisha was working on making some prints and I was sitting on a stool. If she had questions I was there but still in an unsocial mood.

Carrie came up and leaned against me and whispered, "What is wrong, didn't you get any this weekend?"

I did not respond.

She tried again, "Were you thinking about me when you had to take care of things yourself?"

I reached out quickly, yanked her arm behind her back, and whispered back in her ear. "I seem to remember you getting off when I had your hands pinned above your head last time. I think I may have to tie you spread eagle and see if you are so brave when you don't have control of the situation and there isn't a room full of classmates to hide behind." I heard a small moan but wasn't sure, if it was the visual picture in her mind of her arm twisted up behind her back or something else.