"And welcome to Day Two of the round-up show of the Olympiad here in London," a smart suited gentleman said to the camera in a clear voice with a cheesy smirk. "And what a programme we have lined up for you today. It's been thrills, excitement and plenty of action."

His co-host, a beautiful young lady with bouncing brunette hair and an infectious smile nodded. "There's some great events coming up," she agreed and the host leant back on the red sofa.

"First a look at the medal table." A screen popped up next to the autocue and he turned to his co-host. "So Brittany. Did after the events yesterday – the handjob and oil wrestling – did you expect to see the European teams do so well?"

The girl – dressed in a skimpy bright bikini gave a cheesy smile to her host. "Of course. You see on the oil wrestling that it's dominated by the European countries and to have the Canadian team disqualified for use of soap, it was always going to be tough." The screen cut to a video of two girls fighting in a giant paddling pool of transparent goo and she coughed. "You see here, a local fighter, Chrissy Olumbo really going for it against the gold medallist in the final – Anna Nordstrom – look at the concentration on her face."

"And look at those titties," the presenter told her and Brittany giggled.

"Of course. Those shining beauties are sure to be a distraction and that's what the crowd in East London have come to see and expect. And if you look here, yes, it's where she loses her bottoms. And the crowd loved that."

"Is that Gold pubes?"

"Absolutely. A lovely touch from the Scandinavian competitor to dye her hair down there and the crowd here. They just loved it. It set them off."

"I can see why." The presenter adjusted his trousers and rubbed his hands. "So that's Day One and with the European countries winning 26 of the 30 medals up for grabs, there's plenty of work for the rest of the world to catch up. First up today is the synchronised doubles blow job final. It's USA versus Russia. Who's your money on?"

"Well I would have to say that both of these teams have performed near flawlessly in the heats on day one and we always expected it to be close but it was two hundredths of a point separating them after the heats, bookies couldn't call this one. And there's some beautiful girls in the final."

"And of course from this year, it's all about the costumes too..."

"Some of the costumes have been brilliant and there's points there for that. The Dutch team had vibrating dildos in their outfits that just really caught the imagination with the judges. Unlucky not to go through with that but they needed to work on their technique – all slobber no direction."

The screen cut to a packed arena and two teams walking onto the mat. Each team considered of four people – two male and two female – all with large dressing gowns on. The Russian team were pointed to the right hand side of the mat and the American team to the left.

The judges on the end nodded and the lead judge – a slightly ageing gentleman addressed the two teams. "And just going through the rules," the voiceover said. "And watch out for the young Dmitri on the Russian team. He's come in a bit last minute and he doesn't have quite the control in the heat. Could cost the Russians if he does that again."

"Absolutely. But the Russians are more adventurous, it'll be close."

The talking stopped and a piece of classical music started. The teams had a few seconds to get in position and all eight members of their teams quickly discarded their outfits; the men hairless and naked and with prominent erections, and the girls dressed provocatively.

The American team had tight blue leotards on with holes for their pendulous breasts, that extended into leggings and a white bushy tail what waved as they moved. They both smiled at the camera as they sank to the mats and gave each other a full-on snog. "Ahh that's nice to see," the voiceover crowed. "And look at those outfits. They'll get marked for style. Judges love to see creativity and imagination."

The Russians were going for a different "look" - black leather harnesses, attached to which were two dildos that went inside their women – both of whom had short black hair and tattoos. "And that's sexy ... I can't choose," the presenter muttered.

"I'd have all four of 'em," Brittany boasted. The classical music introduction stopped and a flute took over. Both couples moved in to their partner, taking the cocks in their mouth.

The American girls openly swirled their tongues in unison and at the same speed, causing the cocks to bob slightly in time to the music. As the flute solo was joined by other instruments they impaled themselves at the same speed and to the same depth causing comments from the commentators.

"And look at that precum and sheen already. These girls have been in training!"

"I know the director of Sex USA said he tried 400 girls personally until they picked these two – Chantelle Harris and Divina Drake. And they have been practising every day for the last three years. Pure dedication. And all their efforts have come to this."

The camera cut to the Russian team who were devouring their cocks with passion and lust, frantically suckling their team-mates manhoods in perfect sync. "They look sexy," she cried and the music moved onto a crashing solo.

"Preparing for the finish," the male presenter announced as the American girls shook their rears in tune to the music and their bobbing heads. The faces of the men were a mixture of concentration and enjoyment. "They're in control." The same was not said for Dimiti whose face was almost panic. "She needs to be careful with him."

"Keep the stroke rate up but not put so much pressure on," the girl told her host. "When I did this in 2008 there are tricks. It's all about finishing right and looking good, what goes on in her mouth, the girl needs to be so attuned to the guy she's blowing. One wrong move and he's gonna blow when she doesn't want it."

They watched as the music built up to the climax; it was approached and all four girls were giving head in perfect synchronisation with their teammates. The music crashed and all four men came, pumping semen in strings across their colleagues' faces. The Russian girls also orgasmed from the vibrating dildos in them, their sound echoing in the hall that erupted into a sea of cheers and shouts.

"Wow, let's have a look at that replay. And you can see," the girl cried. "Both men coming at exactly the same time for America. Now that's technique from the American girls. That's ... even getting the same cum stains across their faces, up the nose and into the hair. Perfection. Now the Russian ... ah Dimitri he's half-second ahead. This is going to be close on the scores. The Russian girls might have done enough here."

The camera cut back to the mat and the two teams were busy cleaning themselves up with wet wipes and tissues. They waited and the two American girls kissed each other again. "Close. Very close."

The board flashed up and the cheer turned into a deafening roar. "It's a tie. Six point nine two. What the Russians did in outfits and passion, the Americans made up in synchronisation and technique. It's a tie for the gold."

"Wow! We haven't seen that before."

"No. And it just shows there's more than one way to suck a cock."

The camera cut back to the reclining studio host. "A word about these games then," the presenter asked. "Is London a good place for them. I mean we've seen all the stories of British prudishness over the years. Was that a factor to bring the games here?"

"Maybe. It's certainly not come out this week, the opening ceremony was excellent with 204 spurting dildos pointing to the sky but really, it's about building a legacy and the spectators here, they'll love it. They'll be doing dogging and swinging all over the Isles before these games are out. And that's what we want to see. Teenagers, young people and married couples, getting out there and getting their end away everywhere. In public, at home, at college, at work, everywhere. Facilities shouldn't be an issue any more." The director frantically waved his hands and looked at Brittany to continue; the feed from the next venue wasn't ready and she coughed. "Of course there's been some controversy. The shooting events that's been cancelled. I mean, it's disappointing – who doesn't like religious bigots being gunned down but gun laws are strict here. The games are off to South America next so that'll be back. Obviously, certain teams have expressed anger at the minimum age of 16 but you have to take the age of consent of the host country."

"And that's really disappointed a few countries, hasn't it?"

"Especially France. Young Carla Austoir, champion in the speed trials at the World Championships in Paris this year. Their big hope and a world record two minutes twelve seconds for four guys in the final up against German opposition. Those German guys were built of stone and she went through them in a world-record time. But she turns sixteen on the day of the closing ceremony. And you get that every year and we can't just look at London for that. Of course in Rio in 2016, it'll be fourteen but then that could upset Argentina and Mexico. We think sixteen isn't a bad age for these competitions and hey, the facilities are great here, the crowd have been up for it and it's such a fitting place. Just down the road from an area full of debauchery and sex, the crowd are lovin' it."

"Indeed," the host crowed. "Jack the Ripper walked the streets of East London."

"That he did," she told him and the director gestured with his hands to move onto the next sport.

"This is the home clothed speed trial. Now for Great Britain we have a young lad called Eric Marsden and his partner Theresa Watson. About them Brittany?"