Chapter 6: The Forgotten Memories

I saw myself as a small girl, playing with my friend Mandy at the beach. It was like I was watching my life on a television screen or a movie. I suddenly remembered this event. I was five and it was my first trip to the beach. The scene changed and I was in elementary school, playing hopscotch with some other kids, when a girl comes up and knocks me down causing me to skin my knee. I start crying and holding my knee. Then it was the summer I learned to swim and I saw Mandy, by my side and encouraging me to try. Now I start to wonder why we aren't friends any more. I can see how close we were.

The scene morphs again and I was in middle school now. Mandy and I are walking to class when suddenly there are three large girls standing in front of us. Why did they hate us so much? I never understood this. Another change and I'm crying. Why don't I recognize this scene from my life, and why am I crying. I'm sitting on a sofa, in a house that isn't mine. My mom walks up and hands me a glass of juice and a tissue. All around me people are wearing black and crying. A funeral, this is a funeral. But who's funeral? And where's Mandy? Why wouldn't she be here for this ... unless ... suddenly I see the picture of Mandy with the wreath around it. 'What? How? MANDY?!?'

There was another change, but this is before the funeral, because I see Mandy. We're fighting. I have no idea why but it seems stupid. She drove away in the car and I was yelling at her, calling her mean names. 'Why? Why am I so angry?'

The light turns green; she enters the intersection and WHAM! The truck comes out of nowhere and slams into her car. The truck driver who was too cheap to fix his brakes so he could buy a bottle vodka. He was driving too fast because he wanted to drink that open bottle at home. Instead, he slammed into the driver's side of Mandy's car. I ran to her. Her mangled body was covered in blood. She gasped for air. I put my arms around her the best that I could.

"Mandy! Oh God! Mandy! NO!" I screamed.

"Alexis," she gasped.

"Shhhh!" I said, "Help is coming. Save your strength."

"Alexis," she gasped. "I ... I ... I'm ... s-s-s-sorry."

"No Mandy," I sobbed, trying to be strong. "I'm sorry. Please Mandy, please forgive me. I don't even like Jimmy that much. Oh Mandy!"

"A-lex-sis," she whispered, and then died in my arms.

Suddenly, I remembered this moment. We had just gotten our licenses a few weeks before, and we were fighting about ... about ... Jimmy ... yes ... Jimmy Peterson. We both had a crush on him but he liked Mandy more than me, and my stupid, teenage girl feelings were hurt. I stood there, on the curb, watching in horror. I was supposed to be in that car with her. She was giving me a ride home when she told me Jimmy kissed her, and asked her to be his girlfriend. I was furious with her and we started fighting. She pulled over and we continued arguing until I got out of her car, slamming the door and I told her ... oh god ... I told her that I wished she were dead.

"Fuck-off Alexis!" Mandy screamed at me. "I thought you were my friend!"

"Me?!?" I yelled back. "You knew I liked Jimmy and you took him from me!"

"Alexis! I'm sorry!" yelled Mandy with tears in her eyes. "Please forgive me!"

"We are finished Mandy!" I screamed.

"FINE!" she screamed back and drove off.

'Oh god! It was my fault! Mandy's death ... it's my fault.' I began to weep.

Now, it's my graduation day. There are my parents, and Mandy's parents. They all hug me and Mandy's parents don't hate me? No. Wait, oh now I remember I told them what happened and they still forgave me. They forgave me so I'd stop hating myself and live. It was Mandy who wanted to be a teacher, not me, but I promised to be the teacher she couldn't be.

Yet another change, college, my college boyfriend, Rodger, we were in his dorm room, kissing, touching, 'Oh my God, ' and I realize, it's the night, that night, the night he took a scared 19 year old girl and made her a woman. He started off slowly kissing and touching. I knew I wasn't his first, but after almost a year of dating, it was time for me to give him what no man before had had, my virginity. I was so scared and he was so gentle. I remembered how he planned the whole night, a nice dinner at our favorite place, a long walk across campus, then his room, candles, soft music, and roses. Yeah, it was pretty cliché, but it was so romantic. He had been so patient with me, never made me feel bad for saying no when I did. I knew tonight was all about me.

His kisses were so soft, gentle, passionate, loving. I was sure we were going to get married after graduation. He unbuttoned my blouse so slowly, kissing my lips, my face, down my neck as my blouse fell to the floor. I was so scared, but he was so gentle, patient, and slow. Soon, my bra was gone and he was suckling my breasts, caressing them, loving them and me. I pulled off his shirt and rubbed his back. Over the year, prior to this moment, we had touched and kissed, but never anything below the belt, and tonight, I would finally see him naked. It was silly how curious I was about how his penis would look. The only ones I had seen before were either in biology books, or the "Playgirl" Mandy had stolen from her mother with Harrison Ford on the cover. Rodger never forced himself on me, never rushed, and this night was planned carefully. His roommate was visiting his folks for the weekend, and no one cared if a guy brought a girl to his room.

My pants came off slowly. He could feel my nervousness, but he didn't stop. He kissed my hips, the outside of my panties, and my thighs. I was so wet and I knew he was the cause. Slowly, he removed my soaked panties and looked at me, lying there naked on his bed. The lust in his eyes told me he liked what he saw, as did the wicked smile that grew on his face. His first kiss to my sex sent electricity through my body and I nearly climaxed right there. I gasped and moaned as he licked me, probed the inside of my sex with his tongue, and sucked my clit. It didn't take long for my first orgasm of the night to strike with a force that I had never experienced before. My body convulsed and shook violently while he worked me.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yes!" I yelled without fear or hesitation.

Rodger sat up and slipped the condom on his penis. It looked so big, the veins budging out, and I was sure he was going to split me in half with that thing. The sound of the foil packet tearing open added to both my excitement and nervousness. 'How is that tiny thing going to fit over his huge erection?' I thought. Somehow, that tiny condom rolled over him with ease, and he crawled up my body and slowly entered me. I felt the latex of the condom and how perfectly it fit around his penis, and he gave me time to adjust to him, before pushing in further. Then, came the tearing of my hymen. Damn that hurt. I cried out in pain.

Rodger kissed me. "I promise it will only hurt for a moment, baby, but I will feel better when you climax with me in you."

"All right," I sobbed, still reacting to the incredible pain I had just felt.

Oh how right he was though. He moved so slowly, so carefully, filling me, giving me time to stretch and adjust. I don't remember how long that first session lasted, but I do remember the magic. When my second orgasm hit, it was bigger and strong than the first and Rodger climaxed with me.

We made love three times that night and I was sore and achy the next day. Rodger and I dated for another six months, but then, like so many college relationships, we realized that we were not in love, and even though the sex was great, it wasn't enough to sustain a lasting relationship. We parted as friends, and the last time I saw him, he was engaged to a woman and moved to New York.

Everything blurs again, I saw ... another funeral? I was sitting alone, but I was in a room with people I'd never met. A plane crash. My parents and Mandy's parents were flying back when their plane crashed, leaving no survivors. These were friends of my parents and Mandy's parents. I'm alone. I'm an orphan now. Everyone I have ever loved has died.

Another change and I was teaching my first class. I remembered those kids. We were reading "Dogzilla" that week. It was the class favorite and I was so happy. Then I started reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the kids were watching me read to them. This is why Mandy wanted to be a teacher, and I was glad I chose to follow her path. Music. I hear Journey's "Faithfully" as someone touched my back. I jumped and I see a pair of light brown eyes, like creamy caramel, looking up at me and lips that mouth, "Sorry."

I took the ear buds from my ears and asked, "Are you Mr. Stone?"

'The day I met Oliver! Oh yes!' He hands me the paper and the stapler I dropped, helps me down from the stepladder. Then we were in the parking lot talking. Then we were in the restaurant, talking, eating, laughing, kissing, and making love. It wasn't just sex, it was so much more. The scene changes again and we were walking together through town. This was the real memory, I was sure of it. Another change, and I was talking to the real Mrs. Stone about her son, and sitting next to my left hand is the note and the rose from Oliver.

Another change and I was at the middle school, and I was sitting at my desk by the window I hear the "PING" and I see the message. Suddenly I know what was going to happen. I wanted to warn myself, but I know it's just a memory so I watch. Just as I hide the print out and fix my shirt, Fleck and Wyman step into my room. After a few moments of verbal banter, I see Wyman grab me, and Fleck sit in my chair. Only, this time, I noticed something I didn't remember. Wyman had something on the tip of his right index finger and when he grabbed me, it pierced my skin. Why didn't I remember that? I remembered my arms hurting after he left. I guess I was struggling too much to have noticed before. Fleck gets in my face when he can't find anything and they leave. Two more e-mails and a change.

I was at my apartment talking with Oliver about what had happened earlier. Then I was back in the restaurant ... why? The last time I went back in time with my memories was Mandy's' death. But this scene is wrong. Oliver didn't bend me over the table, I sat ... oh wait ... this is my nightmare. Oh god! There's Fleck ... grabbing me ... choking me ... he's going to rape me ... NO! I woke up and was scared. Back to my classroom and my punching Fleck after he slapped me. Dean Wilson did save my life at that moment, she fades away and I'm standing in my apartment. I looked around to see what was wrong. There was the floor safe and the text message. I made coffee. There was Wyman, and right on cue, Fleck steps out ... he hit me ... choked me ... pinned me to the island ... this time it's not a dream ... not a nightmare ... it's real. He began to unbutton the top button of my jeans. I lift my head. WHAM! I was blind, but I heard voices. Oliver, Fleck. Fleck held me up, making me stand. I'd had it! This bastard could rape a corpse for all I care, but I was done! I felt my head smash his nose, I bit what I thought was his hand, my knees made contact. Only, what I felt ... wasn't normal. It was almost like, he had two penises ... maybe it was just the fabric of his pants. Escape. I felt must escape. I must breathe. Another kick. I was blind and I followed the hard top of the island. I put my arms out to find the wall. Hands grab my shoulder. Panic. Fight. Escape.