Chapter 12: Rebuilding

It didn't take us any time to get back into our previous routine. I would pick Dory up at her house and bring her home each week day. If one of us had to stay late for any reason, the other would use the library to study or just read until we were ready to go. It worked well for both of us.

There was a brief break at Thanksgiving before we headed toward the pre-Christmas exams. I had been having no difficulty with my courses, and Dory wasn't either. More than once I was tempted to ask her out on a date and decided not to at the last minute. I wasn't willing to risk what we had rebuilt so far by doing something that would put the pressure back on her.

I got a minor shock when Pam and I were sitting at the kitchen table one Sunday afternoon. We were just talking about things in general when she asked me a very loaded question.

"When was the first time you had sex?"

"What? What kind of a question is that?" I said, completely surprised by it.

"It's an easy question. When was the first time you had sex?"

"I decline to answer on the grounds that it's none of your business," I said with a grimace.

"Come on, Steve. You're the one person besides Nana that I can talk to about this and not worry what you'll think."

"What do you mean? You're seventeen years old and you haven't had sex? I guess I understand that. I was seventeen too," I admitted.

"So ... it was with Dory then. That's what I guessed anyway."

"Jeez, Pam. You are getting very personal and nosy now. Why are you asking me these questions?"

"Because I want to know if ... maybe ... if ... I should."

"Oh. Uhhm, is this about you and Pete?"

She nodded wordlessly.

"How do you feel about him? I mean, is he really special to you ... or just a guy you go out with?"

"I'm not sure. He is special, but not like you and Dory were ... you know ... really in love."

"Then don't. I know it's not the popular thing to stay a virgin, but I found out later just how much it affected me. I was glad it was with someone that I really felt attached to. I'm not sure it was love, but it was close to that. Anyway, sex for the sake of having sex wouldn't work for me. It's just too personal."

She sat silently, not saying anything for a while.

"Is Pete putting pressure on you?"

"No ... well, a bit. Most of my girlfriends have done it."

"Pam, it's your decision. You have to decide if it's that important. Whatever you decide, I'll support you. Just make sure you're protected ... understood?"

She nodded. "Thanks, Steve. Thanks a lot," she smiled before leaving the table.

Jeez, here's me giving sex advice to my sister and I've hardly got any experience at all. I wonder what she'll do? I hope I don't live to regret this.

There were no surprises at Christmas exams and I got through without difficulty. I was taking that for granted now, considering just how my relationship with Dory had come about. I was a math dummy and needed her help. She taught me how to study, too. She nursed me through first year college and gave me the confidence that I could do it and do it myself. Yeah, I'd come a long way from that tentative approach I made to her in the school cafeteria that lunch hour.

I didn't hear from Dory over Christmas or New Year's. I was invited to a New Years party with some of my classmates and went for no other reason than I didn't have anything else to do and didn't want to be by myself. It was fun and we were all able to have a good time without getting too blasted. We had hired five designated drivers from some underclassmen and didn't have to worry about getting home in one piece.

I met a couple of girls at the party who were unattached and made it known they might be interested in going out with me. Both of them were attractive and both were juniors, a year younger than me. Try as I might, I couldn't work up any enthusiasm for them, although it was nice to have a dance partner and someone to talk to besides my male friends.

Dory and I resumed our classes on Monday morning and we talked about what we did over the holidays.

We had a family Christmas," she said. "My grandparents on my mother's side came in from Edmonton and that made it better. They left just before New Years. Good thing. They wouldn't know about those parties their daughter and son-in-law went to," she said sourly.

"When do you think it will end?" I asked.

"Who knows? Soon I hope. I've been tempted to say something more than a couple of times, but held my tongue. We just don't need any upset in our household right now."

"Is there something going on?" I asked, wondering if I'd gone over the line with the question.

"I think Dad cheated on Mom. At least, that's what it sounds like. I think he might have met up with one of their group on the sly and Mom found out about it."

"That might bring an end to it then," I suggested.

"They still went to the New Years party. Maybe Mom's planning on revenge. Anyway, they are acting real strange around each other. I guess I could set up my recorder again, but honestly ... I really don't want to know."

"I can understand that. You've had this hanging over your head for a long time, Dory. I hope it doesn't turn out badly for you or your parents."

"Thanks, Steve. I know you mean that. I'm hoping for that too."

"Did you get our Christmas cards?" I asked.

"Yes, we did. Thank you," she said. "It did bring about some questions from Mom about what happened between you and me. I've been dodging them so far."

"Are you worried about that?"

"No. Just uncomfortable for all the reasons we talked about earlier this year. I feel a bit better about it all now. I guess just talking about it with you helped."

"It helped me too," I admitted.

"Yes, I could tell," she smiled. "I guess it's getting easier to talk about it now. You've been really good about letting me deal with it, Steve. I think we're getting back to being at ease with each other, don't you?"

"I'll know for sure when that happens, Dory."

"Oh? How?"

"There's a special thing that will tell me."

"What's that?"

"Sorry, can't tell you. I'll just have to wait until it happens," I said.

"Oh, so you're going to keep secrets from me now, are you?" she said, poking my shoulder with her finger.

"Nope. Not a secret, just one certain thing."

"Now you're going to drive me crazy trying to figure out what that thing is," she said, no longer smiling."

"I hope not. I prefer you sane."

"And you won't tell me?"

"No. When it happens, I'll explain it all to you. It's something that's just between you and me ... no one else."

She was baffled and looked it. But I was completely serious. Until I heard that one word, I would know we still had a ways to go.

We caught some really nice weather at the end of March. There was a little over a month left in our college careers. Both of us would graduate, that was certain now. What surprised me was that Dory hadn't decided to embark on teaching as a career.

"I've had some student-teaching assignments and I haven't enjoyed them as much as I hoped I would. It wasn't the classroom that bothered me, it was the politics in the staff room. Between the union and the administration, it sounds like they are at each other's throats all the time. Maybe I'm not seeing the big picture, but I've pretty much made up my mind I'm only going to apply to private schools."

"Wow! That's a surprise. Do you think you can get on at a private school?"

"It won't be easy, but I'm sending out my résumé to every one I can find on the register and see what happens. I'm keeping my fingers crossed."

"Good luck, Dory. I hope you find something."

"Me too. If I don't, I'll probably look for a job in TV. At least I've got a little experience there and I know how the production floor operates."

It was Thursday and neither of us had afternoon classes that day. Usually, we would just have a quick lunch at the SUB and head home, leaving the afternoon to ourselves. I had been working my way up to something and, with the sun and the warmer temperature outside, I decided this was as good a time as any.

"Dory, it's a beautiful day. Why don't we goof off this afternoon and do something different?"

She looked at me with a question in her gaze before she answered.

"Okay ... what do you have in mind?"

"When was the last time you went to the suspension bridge in the canyon? Or the dam?"

"Ages. When I was still in junior high school."

"Why don't we go up there today? It shouldn't be crowded and we'll get some exercise and fresh air."

There was a pause for a moment before she answered. "Okay. That sounds like fun. Let's do it," she smiled.

Fun! When was the last time she and I had done something just for fun? I could feel an adrenalin rush when she agreed. It was a date ... our first in a very long time.

There was plenty of room in the parking lot and not many tourists and visitors in sight. As we arrived, a school bus pulled up and about three dozen kids piled out and assembled around four adults; teachers I assumed.

I looked over and smiled at the sight. "That could be you someday soon," I chuckled.

"Yeah, it could be," she smiled in return, watching the teachers try and herd the children into some kind of organized line. The boys and girls looked to be seven or eight years old and were only slightly paying attention to the adults.

"You sure you're ready for that?" I grinned at Dory.

"No. Not when I watch that," she laughed. "I wonder if they have cattle prods or lassoes to keep them together?"

"Come on, let's not get caught behind them."

We hurried to the ticket vendor and moved toward the suspension bridge. We were given a brochure and when we examined it, we realized how much more there was besides the bridge. It was impressive to begin with: 135 meters long, anchored to giant Douglas Fir trees. The canyon was over 70 meters below the bridge. It had been constructed over a hundred years earlier. It was spectacular on this brilliantly sunny Spring day.

Almost immediately, Dory took my hand and held on tightly. She was nervous, but fascinated at the same time. I wish I'd had my Dad's camera with me. Some of the views were amazing. I was really happy I'd suggested this and I could tell that Dory, although a bid nervous about the heights, was enjoying it as well.

When I thought about it, this was the first time that she and I had any physical contact in a long time. Her taking my hand was instinctive, but I never got the feeling she was uncomfortable. When we were on the pathway and away from the canyon, she still held my hand, although not so firmly. I was pleased with this simple touching.

"That was wonderful, Steve. I was a bit frightened with the height, but fascinated at the same time. I'd forgotten all about this place. Thank you for bringing me here," she smiled.

"It is amazing, isn't it? I was thinking how much Pam would have enjoyed it too if she'd had our camera. If you'd have seen her on that trip we took, you'd understand how much fun it was for me to watch her enthusiasm. Maybe I'll bring her up here one day soon."