Chapter 24

Melinda raced from her last class of the day and past her locker, not risking a delay which could set off the trigger and compel her to think of what waited at home. She wished Heather had not insisted on taking the school bus; she would have preferred Heather go off with Cassie and the others. She knew herself too well; if Heather were around and did nothing to stop Aunt Jo, she would find some way to be angry at Heather.

She plunged into the crush of students and elbowed them out of her way. She met a hard shove from one annoyed girl with a stomp on her assailant's foot without breaking stride. Only when a break appeared and Jason loomed into view did she stop.

Melinda stood a dozen lockers away and stared. Jason exchanged books from his locker, moving like a film in slow-motion. Melinda wished she knew what he was thinking. Had he spared a thought for her at all? Was he thinking of her now? Or was he worried only how the job would affect his chances of acing his exams?

Or was the accusation Heather had leveled after lunch true, that she was acting like a self-centered brat again?

"It's not all about you," Heather had said. "Just because you're going through hell doesn't mean you have an exclusive right to sympathy. Try thinking about someone else for a change. Stop hiding behind your brattiness. Maybe a few months ago it was tolerable or even 'cute, ' but people are getting fucking sick of it. Grow the hell up, Melinda."

Melinda took a deep breath and wiped an eye. It had hit harder than either had realized. Melinda had spent the next class struggling not to burst into tears. Halloween night haunted her again, when she had to admit her own inability to say a few simple words to Jason.

Now she faced the possibility that this was the last opportunity, and still they would not come to her.

She flinched when she suddenly noticed him staring at her, one hand on his locker door. Jason sighed, closed the door, and looked away. Melinda panicked and ran to him. "Jason, wait! Wait!"

"I'm right here, Melinda," Jason said in a tired voice, not having moved from his locker. "No need to shout."

"Sorry, I just thought ... um, never mind."

"What is it?"

Melinda heard little emotion in his voice, and she despaired that he had already stopped caring for her. Hatred she might handle, but indifference would be far worse.

She clenched her teeth and tried to push the thought away. Not all about me, remember? "I just wanted to see if you're all right."

"No, not really, but you can't do anything about that," Jason said.

Melinda frowned, reconsidered, and let out an exasperated sigh. "All right, that was lame. Jason, please, this is hard for me, I--"

"I know, it's hard for everyone. I've been made painfully aware of that."

"Richie didn't have any right to do what he did!" Melinda declared. "Either in the parking lot or the hallway! He's lucky I wasn't there or--"

"Melinda, just drop it, okay?" Jason said. "We made our peace and it's over with. Just let it go."

A protest rose to Melinda's lips, and she clamped her jaw shut until the urge passed. She grasped for the words but nothing came; not the ones she thought she should say, and not the ones she wanted to say.

Jason tilted his head and gazed into her eyes. The impatience drained from his face, and his voice softened. "Melinda, are you okay?"

Melinda's vision became a watery blur. She dropped her backpack and threw her arms around him, closing her eyes in vain against the tears which trickled down her cheeks. She sobbed into his ear when he embraced her in kind without hesitation. She wanted to speak, but everything she could say sounded self-centered, as if nothing in her head was free from its taint.

She mentally shouted for him to say the words she herself struggled to express in some vain hope it would prompt the same reply from her.

"Melinda, I ... I don't know what to say," Jason said in a defeated voice. "I have to do this."

"I-I know," Melinda croaked, her throat tight. "I'm not going to try to stop you."

"It might not be that bad. They can't control me overnight or they wouldn't have arranged such an elaborate scheme."

Melinda let out a ragged breath and eased herself back from the embrace. "S-same Jason I always knew," Melinda said in a shaky voice as she wiped her eyes. "Apply logic to everything."

"I know, you've told me before that's not always--"

"Forget what I told you! I-I mean ... I'm not one to talk. You're the first boy I ever ... w-well ... never mind, I just didn't want you to go off thinking you ... that I h-hated you."

She had almost said "you hated me." She hoped he answered both questions when he responded, "I didn't think that at all. Not for a moment."

"I'm sorry I can't help you," said Melinda. "I don't know how much I can work with the other Harbingers."

"I know, Heather told me some of what was going on," Jason said in a low voice. "I feel bad about not paying more attention to you."

Melinda shook her head, her hair flying. "No, you had other things you had to do. You had to read that journal ... I mean, even if it didn't work out, you still had to do it."

Jason gave her a wan smile. "Melinda, thank you for talking to me before I left. I really appreciate it."

Melinda swallowed and nodded, not trusting her voice.

Jason picked up his backpack and shouldered it. "Um ... see you tomorrow."

Melinda tried to convince herself that she would indeed see him the next day. On one level, all her fuss seemed ridiculous. He was not going away to be executed. He would be alive and well the next morning.

But would it be only a shell?

Her eyes threatened to tear up again. She gave him another embrace and forced her throat to work. "Just ... just try to be you, still, tomorrow."

Jason hugged her tighter and whispered in her ear, "I'll try. I'll really try."

They broke off the embrace, and now Jason's eyes glistened. Without any sort of cue, just a knowledge that the moment was here, both turned away at the same time. Melinda sniffled one last time as she picked up her backpack and turned towards the east entrance of the school. Technically, he should be going in the same direction, but she understood why he had not. This was easier.

Melinda stopped, resisted the urge to run after him, and fled towards the entrance.

Debby sat very still after Ned and Cassie had finished their tale of Jason's woes. She let out a slow, shaky breath and closed her eyes, repeating a short prayer to the Goddess in her head until she felt she had gained the requisite emotional strength.

"Are you okay, Mrs. Radson?" Cassie said.

"What?" Debby said in a distracted voice. She blinked a few times before she could properly focus on Cassie and Ned. "Yes, I'm fine. Well, no, I'm not, not after hearing this, but I can't ... we can't dwell on that now."

"Like hell we can't," Ned muttered.

"Ned, don't, " Cassie warned.

Debby sighed. "No, it's okay, Cassie. Ned, please, say what's on your mind."

"Ya sure of that, Mrs. R.?" Ned asked in a challenging voice.

"I would rather we don't pussyfoot around these things. We've ignored enough elephants in the room as it is."

Cassie uttered a despairing sigh and gave Debby an apologetic look. Debby grasped Cassie's hand and squeezed it.

"I wanna know what the hell's the deal with ya not tellin' Jason he was barkin' up the wrong tree," Ned demanded. "Ya said ya read the journal. Why'd ya fuckin' let him get his hopes up?"

Debby let go of Cassie's hand and stood. "Because I had hoped he would find something else. I'm a very straightforward and simple person. I have trouble finding hidden meanings or codes. I was sure there had to be something for Jason to find."

"That's not inspirin' a whole--"

"Mrs. Radson, I still think there has to be something!" Cassie declared. "I read both the journal entry where she claims it was all a mistake and the one right before it. It makes no sense, not after everything we've been told about Elizabeth."

"And I still say we gotta consider that mebbe our good witch of Haven was jus' a might tetched in the head by then," Ned said.

"Absolutely not, " Debby said with such force that Ned's eyebrows rose. "In 1999, I was doing volunteer work visiting people in nursing homes who were either abandoned by their families or had no family. I first met Elizabeth there. The only reason she appeared senile was because she became so withdrawn from lack of anyone who cared about her. Once I got her out of her shell, I discovered she had a very sharp mind. She was delighted to find a fellow Witch."

Ned hesitated and glanced at Cassie. "Um, okay, mebbe she didn't have bats in her belfry after all. But she still coulda jus' made an honest mistake, right?"

"Do either of you have the journal with you now?" Debby asked.

"I do," Cassie said. She stood long enough to fetch the manila folder from her book bag and give it to Debby. "He marked the important entries with post-it notes. If you want the two entries were were talking about, they're here and here."

Debby opened the folder and paused. She stared at the first page, remembering the moment a year ago when a frail Elizabeth handed her the journal and, to her utter shock, all her other personal witchly effects that by all rights should have been destroyed upon her death.

Debby's eyes grew misty as she realized how much she missed that vibrant woman.

She turned to the indicated entries and read them silently, pacing the length of the living room once. She pushed back the melancholy which threatened to cloud the meaning of the words with the bittersweet memories of the last day Debby saw Elizabeth alive.

She closed the folder with a snap and took a deep breath, blinking away a tear before she turned to face the others. "It made no sense to me back then, and it makes no sense now," she said in a strained voice. She cleared her throat when her words threatened to dissolve into a sob. "I regret I had delayed so long before I read the journal. By the time I reached this point, she was gone."

"So whaddaya mean it makes no sense?" Ned asked. His voice was more hesitant, and Debby wondered if he were afraid of treading on sensitive ground.

"Please, Ned, don't feel guilty for pressing me," Debby said in a soft voice. "After what happened, you deserve an explanation." Debby clutched the folder to her bosom. "Goddess, I had never known why she had died, not until Jason told me his story about the House."

"I don't understand," Ned said.

Cassie gasped. "I-I think I do. Mrs. Radson, when did Elizabeth pass away?"

"Near the end of July," Debby announced in a toneless voice.

"That ... isn't that when Jason and the others ... when Mara appeared to them in the House? When she told them it was a test and gave them the vision of her and Elizabeth?"

"Yes, Cassie, I believe it happened on the very day," Debby said. "They said she had taken a nap sometime in the afternoon and died in her sleep. They said ... th-they said she had never looked more peaceful in her whole time at the nursing home."

"Mara," Cassie whispered.

Debby nodded.

"Okay, fergive me fer bein' as dense as my nose," said Ned. "But what gives?"

"Ned, remember that Mara's spirit was tied to the House," Cassie explained. "Elizabeth did that. She did some sort of ritual she didn't really want to do."

"Elizabeth always struck me as someone who felt she was living past her time," Debby said in a low voice. "I once managed to coax her into a reading. I had to smuggle a candle into the nursing home. Her psychic aura told me she was waiting for something despite having already made peace with the idea of her passing. Her spirit was still anchored to earth, and she would not leave until the anchor was removed."

"The House, Ned," Cassie said. "She lived only for it and Mara. Once Mara's spirit was freed from the House, she visited Elizabeth, and then Elizabeth knew they had finished what they had set out to do."

Ned let out a windy sigh. "Wow, that's heavy."

"Do you see what Mrs. Radson is trying to say now? Would a woman like that make a mistake like this? Would she throw away years of dedication on some foolish belief that she was crazy?"

"Okay, y'all have me convinced, she was sound o' mind," said Ned. "And body, too, considerin' some of the horizontal shenanigans I heard she got inta."

"Sexual pleasure does not have to stop because of a mere numeric age," Debby said in a gentle voice.

"Uh, yeah, jus' don't go makin' me get any mental pics of that. Anyway, the numero uno problemo is: it gets us nowhere. Fine, we've all agreed we're in the swamp an' we gotta drain it. Now what do we do 'bout the crocs?"

Debby opened the journal and thumbed through some of the entries where Elizabeth described the effects of the potion, how to use it properly, and in what amounts. "Are you sure Jason found nothing else? No codes, no hidden annotations?"

"He said nothing to me about it," Cassie said. "I've only glanced through his notes, but there doesn't seem to be any mention of anything like that."

Debby sighed and closed the folder, handing it back to Cassie.

"Mrs. R., did Elizabeth leave ya anything else?" Ned asked. "She couldn't've just had the journal ta her name."

Debby gave them a troubled look. She could tell by Cassie's face that the young empath had already picked up on both the reluctance and guilt which swept over her. No matter what she did, she would never live it down. She refused to call it a choice between the lesser of two evils, for the Darkness had redefined the term "evil."

She slowly sat down, and Cassie held out a comforting hand. Debby squeezed it, but gently nudged it aside. Before she could speak, the doorbell rang. She was not sure whether to be annoyed or grateful for the delay. "Ned, would you please get the door? That's probably Diane."

Ned bolted and rushed to the door. Debby turned her head when she heard an unexpected voice. Ned returned with not just Diane but Richie in tow as well.

"Richie!" Cassie cried. "You made it!'

"Yeah, old Seeger's a softy nowadays I guess," Richie drawled, his hands deep in his pockets.

Debby's eyes widened as she gazed at his psychic aura. The edges of the band representing his emotional state vibrated like violin strings. Of most concern was a dark blue, inner band she had never seen before. It looked as if it were struggling to expand outward, occasional spikes trying to inject themselves into other bands, only to be blunted rather aggressively by Richie's ego.

"So what we miss?" Richie said.

"We told Mrs. R. about Jason an' his bright new future in hotel management," Ned said. "An' now we're figgerin' there's gotta me more ta the journal than what Jason read."

"There fuckin' better be," Richie grumbled.

"Um, should I come back later?" Diane said in a small voice.

"Of course not, Diane, you should hear this too," Cassie said.

"Diane, we'll get to your lesson shortly," Debby said. "I don't expect this to take long." She stood and gestured to the empty seat. "Here, sit. Richie, please take the easy chair."

Debby waited for the others to settle. The debate in her head had ended with Richie's arrival; it reminded her that she had cast her lot with the Harbingers, and they took precedence over tradition. "Ned had asked me if Elizabeth had given me anything else. I don't know how relevant they will be, but ... how best to explain this..."

"What, you've been holdin' out on us?" Richie demanded.

"Richie, please, " Cassie said.

"It's okay," Debby said. "They were not anything which would have helped. Modern witches keep a book called the Book of Shadows. It describes in detail the rituals that the witch has used during her lifetime. It's considered a very personal thing. More often then not, a witch's Book of Shadows is destroyed upon her death."

"Um, not ta trample on yer traditions or nothin'," Ned said in what Debby was sure was his most delicate voice possible. "Isn't that kinda like inventing something and then burnin' all yer notes?"

"We have a sort of central Book of Shadows for common rituals," said Debby. "The personal Book of Shadows contains rituals which have been altered to suit the witch's needs or new ones she invented. They are always tuned to the witch who created them. Magick is very personalized."

"What about the journal, Mrs. Radson?" Cassie asked. "Isn't this considered personal as well?"

"Yes, but traditionally less so than the Book of Shadows. A journal like that is sometimes called the Book of Mirrors. The only other things she left me was her Book of Simples, which contains instructions for the preparation and use of herbs and simple recipes for salves and ointments, and a locket."

"Anything in the locket?" Ned asked.

"The latch is jammed shut, and I felt it violated Elizabeth's privacy to pry it open." Debby sighed. "Not that I have done much better by looking through her Book of Shadows. When I realized something was happening in Haven, I wanted to ask Elizabeth's permission to look into her Book of Shadows. That was when I had learned she had passed on. I ... I should have burned the book then."

"Wait, why the fuck would you do that?" Richie said. "She gave you the damn thing so you can read it, right?"

"I don't know why she gave it to me, Richie," Debby said. "It was about a year before her passing. It's not a day I like to remember because ... she ... she gave me her affects and told me never to see her again. I-I begged her to reconsider and take back her Book of Shadows, but she became so agitated the staff had to sedate her."

"Did she say anything to you at all?" Cassie asked. "Anything that might hint at ... well, anything?"

"She was hard to understand once she became upset," Debby said. "All I could discern was something like 'it's in there, it's all in there.' That's why I read everything she gave me."

Cassie's eyes widened. "Then she did leave some sort of code!"

"I've been over her journal and all the books," Debby said in a tired voice. "I found nothing more. The Book of Shadows has no rituals which mention the Darkness. None of the recipes in the Book of Simples seem anything like what Elizabeth describes in her journal. Even if I had found something, she spoke repeatedly of a special ingredient central to the potion, and I have no idea what it could be."

"Huh? Potion?" Richie said. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"It's what Jason found in the journal," Cassie said. "Elizabeth had created a potion that helped her resist the Darkness."

"What?" Diane suddenly piped in an excited voice. "She actually found something that--"

"Claimed ta have found something," Ned said. "Remember what Jason said. She did a bootlegger reverse on us an' said sorry, jus' kiddin', thanks fer playin'."

"It's not quite that simple, Ned," Cassie said with a trace of irritation in her voice. She turned back to Debby. "I refuse to believe this is a dead end. There has to be something Jason missed."

"Something the nerd-brain missed?" Richie asked in a dubious voice.

"Jason's not perfect. We have to stop assuming his is." Cassie looked down at the journal. "We have to go through this ourselves and--"

Ned reached out his hand. "Give it here, babe."

Cassie looked up and stared. "What?"

"I wanna be the one ta look it over. I'm gettin' tired o' standing on the sidelines watchin' the game go by."

"But..." Cassie trailed off.

"C'mon, it makes sense. Mrs. R. can't do it, she's already looked at it til she's cross-eyed and saw nothin'. You got yer gala luncheons and dinners. Diane's gotta focus on her lessons with the good witch Mrs. R., here. Richie, well, um..."

"Hey, I don't want it," Richie said. "I don't get half the shit you're all talking about anyway."

"An' that leaves Heather and Melinda, who have their own problems. I'm the only one here with loads of time ta spare."

Cassie paused, then nodded and handed the journal to him. She stood and stepped over to her book bag. "You may want his notes, too."

Ned grabbed the folder of notes from her. "Got it." He looked up at Debby. "Ya know, mebbe we should look at what's in that locket, jus' fer shits and giggles."

"From the sound it makes when I shake it, I believe it contains ashes," said Debby. "Perhaps of the lover she spoke of in her journal who passed away before her, the only one she was ever close to in her later life. It will be here if we feel we need it."

"Gotcha, chief."

Silence fell, and many eyes turned to Cassie. She glanced around, appearing uncertain, and only an encouraging look from Debby stopped her from waiting for someone else to take charge. She stood. "Um, okay ... if there's nothing else, I think we should all leave so Diane can have her lesson with Mrs. Radson. I think -- that is, if Mrs. Radson is okay with it -- that this should be a regular meeting place after school."

"Yes, of course, I'm fine with that," said Debby. "And the room upstairs is available for ... other activities, when Diane and I are not using it."

"You mean fucking?" Richie said with a small smirk.

"Ah, that's the Richie we know and love," Ned said with a grin. "As subtle as a tactical nuke."

"Not today," Cassie said. "Not after everything that's happened. I really wish Heather would have come."

"She's too worried 'bout her little sis."

"She said she would try to meet me after I'm done here," Diane said. "I can fill her in."

"Thank you, Diane," said Cassie.

"Wait, you use that room for those lessons with Diane?" Richie asked of Debby. "Are you two doing the -- hey!"

Ned nudged Richie towards the door. "Git along li'l doggie."

"Fuck you, Ned, not like it's a freakin' big deal anymore."

"Yeah, but knowin' ya, yer gonna wanna watch."

"What's your point?"

Cassie rolled her eyes and turned to Debby. "I'm sorry about that, Mrs. Radson. I think Richie is just a little frazzled."

Debby placed a hand on Cassie's shoulder. "It's more than that, and I have feeling you already know."

Out of the corner of her eye, Debby saw Diane give them a concerned look.

"Hey, babe, ya comin'?" Ned called from the door.

"I'll be along in a minute!" Her gaze swept by Diane as it returned to Debby.

"Um, should I leave?" Diane said in a tentative voice. "If this is private--"

"Please stay, Diane," Cassie said. "Just don't tell Richie what we're talking about."

Diane nodded, stopped, and shook her head instead. "No, I better not listen. If Richie found out I knew something ... I have such a hard time lying to anyone anymore. I'll just wait for you upstairs, Mrs. Radson."

Debby uttered a small sigh as Diane raced up the stairs.

Cassie glanced at Diane before continuing in a reluctant voice, "It's like I can sense another presence in his head. He has no Aura so it can't be the Darkness."