Chapter 3

The bell over the door rings as I enter. The old man is leaning on the counter, smiling his knowing smile.

"Did you have a good lunch, Cal?" I give him a flat stare.

"It was fine, Mr. Wizard, though I bet you know all about it."

"Whether I do or not, it is polite to ask. So are you ready to work?"

"Now's as fine a time as ever I suppose. I'll get paid for today though, right?"

"Of course, Mr. Silver. I know you have rent to pay."

The old man shows me around the shop. He names many of the magical gizmos and knick-knacks but their names just seem to slide out of my mind as we move on. He shows me the cash register and how to work it. Then he brings me to the back room. It is a huge room with many, many shelves. The old man begins showing me around the stacks. It isn't until we are back in the store before I realize something.

"Excuse me, Mr. Wizard, But isn't the ceiling of this room too tall to be in this mall?" He turns and smiles at me.

"Please, Mr. Silver, while on the job call me 'Boss, ' or 'Sir, ' or 'Master.' And as for your question, yes, the ceiling here is much higher than the ceiling of the mall. Now, for your first task: I need you to catalogue all the items in the back room." He looks at me expectantly. I don't disappoint him.

"The entire back room? That could take weeks!"

"If you do it right, you should be done in about three days. Everything is organized very efficiently."

"If it's so well organized, why do you need me to catalogue it?"

"If you're going to be selling things to people you need to know what makes the best fit for our customers; to do that you have to know our merchandise. Making an inventory of everything in here will help you do that." Damn it, I think, He's right. That man has an answer for everything.

"Fine, Boss. Where do I start?" He gets a legal pad and hands me a pen.

"Start at the door and work your way around. I'll be out front if you need anything."

And so I start. I begin working diligently. I immediately notice that everything is in alphabetical order. Sometimes I come across odd items, like something labeled "Albino Asian Elephant Sculpture" or "Croatian Silk Glove". Several times I hear the bell ring over the door. At one point, the old man comes into the back room to get something. The next time I see the old man he speaks to me. "Well, how far have you gotten?" I show him the list. I am amazed to see that I am already at the F's. "Hmmm," he says, "It's a start. We'll see how you do in the next few days." He motions me to follow him. I am amazed to find that it is already closing time. Did I really just spend 6 hours back there?

"Yes, Mr. Silver, you did just spend 6 hours taking inventory of my back room. And I expect you see you bright and early tomorrow." With that, the old man ushers me out of the shop and closes it up.

During my entire journey home my mind is filled with all the names of all the magical items in the back room. I can't seem to think of anything else. They all seem jumbled in my head, whirling around trying to find a proper place. I mumble a hello to Jenny as I climb the stairs and enter my apartment. Once inside I slowly get ready for bed. I don't really see anything, feel anything, or process anything. I am dazed when I climb into bed. The names of the items dance around in my head as I fall restlessly into sleep.

The next morning I feel exhausted. My mind is still full of names, but they seem more at home than they did before. I dress for work, get breakfast, and head to the mall. I notice how empty the mall looks before all the shoppers arrive. I find Spells R Us easily, right where it should be. The bell over the door rings as I enter.

"Good Morning, Cal," the wizard calls from the back room. I follow his voice and join him there. "I've scheduled you for a full day shift for the next several days. I assume you don't mind." It's not like I've got anything else to do. "You made progress yesterday, Mr. Silver. And today you'll have to make similar progress. Here's the pad and pen. Get moving." He hands me the pad and pen and smiles. Then he turns and heads right back to the store. I try to find my place from before. But I realize the items are in a different order from yesterday.

"Boss," I call to the store. A moment later the old man is smiling at me. "The items are in a different order than yesterday." He waits for my question. "I mean, it seems like things are arranged by size rather than alphabetically." He continues to wait. "How is that possible?" His smile widens.

"Just start at the door and work your way around. I'll be in the store." He walks back, leaving me to my inventory. I shake my head and begin a new page on the legal pad. Starting at the door I, once again, begin the inventory. In what seems like no time the old man has come back and is telling me to take lunch. I am once again amazed at how quickly I seem to have gone through the inventory. I've made it to the items between 36 and 48 inches. I put down the pad and the pen and I go to take my lunch.

Once again I head for Subway. I order the sub that I am pretty sure will become my regular. I sit down and begin eating my sandwich. When I finish my sandwich I get up and throw away my trash. When I am walking through the door, a woman bumps my arm. I look back and so does she. Her eyes meet mine and I immediately recognize her. It's Mary. We both blush and she whispers "Excuse me". I turn and walk on towards the old man's shop. The bell rings as I enter. I give the wizard a quick hello and I try to keep my face down as I walk to the back room to resume my inventory. When I return I am relieved to find the objects are still in the same order. I try to focus on the items in the storeroom, but I am partially distracted. I can't stop thinking about what happened with Mary, about how she couldn't stop coming at me. I only get to the end of the three foot tall items before the wizard comes back and tells me to go home.

"What do you mean?" My watch shows I still have 3 hours on my shift.

"You are too distracted today. Go home and sleep on it. Come back tomorrow clear headed." His face is stern. I get the sense that arguing would be fruitless. So I hand the old man the pad and pen and I head back home. On the way my mind is filled with both Mary and the items in the shop. I get home and make myself some heat-and-eat food. I barely taste it. My mind bounces back and forth between Mary and the items. She couldn't stop herself. Singing Trout Plaque. What did I write in the Sexnote? Dog Training Guide with Illustrations. "Uncontrollable"? Amorous Ointment. Why didn't I think about—suddenly something clicks in my mind. None of the items I inventoried in the shop repeated! I quickly began writing down all the items I could remember. When I finish I have over eight pages crammed full of names of magical items. I know the list has no repeats and the order of the items is neither alphabetical nor by size. I wonder at all the items that I managed to learn. Names of items are still jumbled in my head, but now they all seem to make a little more sense. I go to sleep with the list in my head, thinking about the productivity of tomorrow.

The bell over the door rings as I enter the Spells R Us shop. The old man is at the counter, pad and pen in front of him. I was ready for him.

"Are you ready today, Cal?"

"You bet, Boss" I say, emphasizing the word. I take the pad and pen, looking the wizard in the eye.

"Indeed you are ready today. Have at it then." Today the back room is organized by color. Red is closest to the door. I begin cataloguing the items. Today, however, is different. I am no longer doing an inventory of items in a shop, but rather I am writing the names of old school friends at a twentieth school reunion. I am matching names to faces, not writing words on a page. My pace increases. Their names are flying through my mind, like children racing to find their seat before the bell. Quite abruptly, I find myself in the Blues and the wizard has come back to tell me to go to lunch. The break is an intrusion, but I use it to recover. My mind is winded. I hurry over to the Subway and order my regular. I eat in a whirl of names and images and magic. Before long I return to the shop. My mind gains its second wind. I take the back room by storm. My pen is a flurry of movement and my paper a mess of cramped writing.

The wizard comes back a few hours later and finds me at the end of the shelves. I am sitting on the floor looking at the pad in my lap.

"So, Mr. Silver, have you finished?"

"Yes, Boss, I have it all." I continue to stare at the pad.

"Then, can you find for me the Cupid's Bow?" I nod. I get up and hand the wizard the pad and pen. I walk over to the proper shelf, find the Cupid's Bow and bring it back to him. "Good, good. How about the Clue: Orgasm Edition?" I replace the bow on its shelf and wend my way through the room to find the game. The wizard sends me after six more items before he deems me ready.

"Good Job, Mr. Silver. You may be ready for sales work. You're done for today. Go ahead and go home. Tomorrow we'll start you off in the store front and you can watch me make some sales."

"Alright, Boss. I can't wait." I leave the store and head home. When I reach my apartment it is still fairly early. Since my brain solved the problem of the backroom, I decide to let it work on the other problem I'd been thinking on. I change clothes and make a quick peanut butter sandwich. I grab the Sexnote and head out to a club. Once I get there I head to the men's bathroom, making sure it's the men's. I go into a stall and open the Sexnote. I turn to the page with Mary's name written on it. It says, "Mary" and on the next line, "Lusts uncontrollably for me and my body." I memorize the line. I close the Sexnote and head out of the bathroom. I go to the bar and order a drink. While nursing my beer, I turn the phrasing over in my head. Lusts uncontrollably, I think. The error seems clear, but a test is in order. I survey the room. A young woman with black hair catches my eye. She has small breasts, and slender hips. She is wearing a black tshirt and black jeans. She seems to be a little teenage goth chick. She is in a small group of other girls. I ask the bartender if he knows her name. He tells me he doesn't. I go up to the girl and introduce myself.

"Hey, I'm Cal." She gives me a bad look. "Care to dance?"

"Not really pops. Why don't you try someone your own age?" The rest of her little group giggles and laughs.

"May I at least know your name?"

"People call me Candy."

"Well, Candy, I'll be by the bar if you change your mind," I say, smiling. I turn and walk back to the bar.

"Struck out, did you," asks the bartender.

"Maybe, maybe not. We'll have to see." The bartender chuckles and turns away from me. I take out the Sexnote and turn to the page where I'd written the names. I think of Candy's face and write her name. On the line underneath I write, "Wants to give me a blowjob." I check my watch, close the Sexnote, and wait. I pretend to check my phone and scope out the room. Once six minutes passes my penis begins to tingle. I look over to Candy's table. She is still sitting there, but she begins looking around at me. I smile and she turns back to her friends. A few more minutes pass and she looks at me a few more times, but she is still sitting with her friends. I frown. Then I get the Sexnote back out. Once again I think of Candy's face and write her name. Below I write, "Wants to give me a blowjob as soon as possible." I wait another six minutes, requiring me to buy another beer. After the time my cock tingles again and Candy says something to her friends, then gets up and walks over to me.

"Meet me in the men's room," she says to me. She then heads to the restrooms. The bartender overheard and looks at me with a shocked expression. I smile at him, take another swig from my beer and head to the men's room. Candy is there waiting for me.

"Open up those pants pops, I wanna see what you got." I open and pull down my pants and underwear in a single stroke. Free from its bounds, my cock springs up to full length, sticking out from my body. Candy is struck dumb by the sight. For a moment, so am I. This isn't my cock, I think to myself. Of course it is, answers back a voice in my head.