Chapter 10

Derek and Danny arrived around four-thirty. I was surprised to see how little beer they were carrying, but then I saw Derek wave an amber bottle, shouting, "Aye, aye, aye, aye!"

I was sitting with Sol at the fire circle eating pretzels and talking about movies when they strode in. Something was wrong. Derek was acting happy and was quite animated, which seemed a little over the top for Derek, while it was clear to me that something was bothering Danny. He didn't scowl or do anything angrily. He was just quiet. He was trying to hide it.

He's upset about what happened with us. Is that it?

Sol noticed too. "What's up dude?" he probed.

Danny made eye contact and shrugged, stating nonchalantly, "Nothing man. I'm good. What's up with you?"

But I knew Danny. I think Sol still suspected too, but he didn't press him further.

The afternoon went by without incident. We drank, we laughed, we told stories. Everything seemed okay, and while I observed Danny, I felt that maybe I had just read him wrong. He still was more quiet than usual, but I rationalized maybe that was just how he got sometimes.

As evening fell we gathered and ate bratwursts, chips and watermelon. It blew me away how much Adam could eat. Even for his size it seemed ridiculous to me, and I had two good sized older brothers to compare it to. The rest of us still managed to have our fill though. I had been starving from an active day, but felt self conscious while I ate, especially after catching Jake surreptitiously watch each time I brought my bratwurst to my mouth.

By the time dusk settled in I was feeling much more buzzed than the previous day. I drank much less conservatively than the night before. Maybe it was because I was more comfortable with everybody and I wanted to look cool. Maybe I was trying to challenge myself. But at least part of it had to have been Danny.

Something was definitely bothering him, and I was becoming convinced that that something was me.

He's quiet. He probably realized what he did. He was drunk and touched me. And kissed me. And now he's fucking grossed out. And pissed off probably. Probably at me.

My thoughts became more and more self-condemning. But it still didn't make sense to me.

Why did he need to talk to Derek?

It was confusing and upsetting to me. I had tried to causally approach him several times by then, and while he didn't blow me off or treat me unkindly, his responses had a tinge of hardness in them.

"Te-quilla shots!!" Derek exclaimed. "Everybody, come on!" He waved the bottle up high in one hand and started plunking down glasses on the table with the other.

"I only got 5 glasses so who's first?"

"Me!" I jumped up and hopped over to where he poured.

"Careful," came from Danny, quiet and even.

I turned my head sharply to find him looking at me. "Kay," I responded simply. Normally I would have been put out by his patronizing, but I was just happy to feel his concern in that moment.

Over the next hour we imbibed like we could do no wrong. And 'careful' I was not. Each of us drank equally, and the thought never crossed my mind that I was keeping pace with 180lb guys. Five shots later I was singing loudly and dancing to "Shake Ya Tail feather" and shouting "Wooo!" with Sol on each chorus. I wasn't drastically more impaired than the rest of the group. Everyone was drunk, and Erin was not too far off from my own state. She was stumbling and laughing obnoxiously. I, on the other hand, had cut loose. I was a wild girl, uninhibited, and having all the fun I pleased.

I was pretty sure that I was causing a lot of amusement, but the more time passed, the more I didn't care. It just felt good to be and do whatever. I felt free, and I really needed that at the moment. I wasn't going to get sad over anything. I was just going to have fun, like everybody else was. But the alcohol had only started to really hit my system.

Soon the guys got loud and were reliving old memories and bruising each others' ego. Danny was in it with them by this point, and even laughed pretty hysterically at moments. By now my excitement and jovialness had dropped off some, and I was feeling dazed. I listened and laughed and got lost in jumbled thought. Kristina noticed my drifting and came over to talk and maybe see how I was doing. She engaged me in conversation and pulled Erin and others in as well. It was almost a motherly thing to do but pretty subtle at that. We had fun and laughed and a few other stories, but my mind was muddied to the point that I would get confused or accidentally tune out. When Sean went to pour another round of shots, Kristina declined and gave me a squeeze around my side.

"Me either," I said. I hadn't been asked, but at least I was picking up the cues.

Everyone else drank with several echoing shouts right after. Sean took off in a dead sprint toward the lake and each of us trailed afterward with varying levels of enthusiasm. Kristina and I were the last. She teased me and hugged my side as I staggered. I laughed giddily about it as well. As we reached the clearing I could see several bodies splashing in the lake with a few still milling around the water's edge. Derek called to Kristina to join him swimming.

"Come on," she invited, but I didn't really feel up to it and let her know. She pouted and teased me, but turned and splashed out into the shallows, somehow still graceful even now. I smiled and watched but suddenly realized that I really needed to pee. Quietly, I turned back up toward camp and then veered off into the woods.

I managed not to fall over as I squatted. I thought about Danny and his quietness and seeming so aloof. I couldn't process it though. I was drunk. As I rose up I felt it through my whole body. I wavered in place for a moment.

Just go to sleep.

I was resolving to do just that when I heard snapping branches on the forest floor close by. I reached clumsily to tug up my little cotton shorts and stumbled as my eyes searched for who or what had made the noise.

Suddenly Jake came into view. He walked right up to me.

"Jeez. You scared me," I muttered, still trying to shimmy into my shorts. I stumbled again and he grabbed me around the waist.

"Careful now," he said quietly. His hands held my hips, and then one moved down onto my bottom. "Better help you so you don't fall."

I feigned a giggle, feeling nervous and unsure of what to do. His hands rubbed over my butt and I gulped uneasily.

"I'm just gonna..." I started, but he interrupted me quickly.

"Shh ... let's just stay out here a while." His hands pulled at and kneaded my ass. "Everybody's down at the lake."

He lurched forward and kissed me, pulling me tight to his body. I heard Erin's obnoxious cackling laugh in the distance as his tongue suddenly pressed deep into my mouth and moved greedily against mine. I was caught completely off guard, and didn't have the wits or will to respond how I might have otherwise.

Numb and apathetic, I just gave into it. I waved my tongue over his in an action that was more compliance than passion. My mind swam in intoxication and sensation. I blurred between what he wanted and what I wanted. I just gave.

Invigorated, he thrust his tongue into my mouth over and over. His hands pawed at my body, groping my ass and my breasts roughly. The fierceness was intense, and I was shocked, but my excitement was nowhere near what his was. For whatever reason I continued though, sucking his tongue on each jab, and holding his shoulders as he raided my private places.

He became more urgent, rubbing my crotch deeply through my shorts, and I finally started to question myself. Did I want this? I started to withdraw from kissing, but in an instant his hand slid down my waistband and his finger dug up inside me sharply. It raked against my less than aroused insides as he pushed upward. I winced and pulled back, pushing myself away, but he was still trying to get in further. Finally I said, "No," and pulled away forcefully. I stumbled backward and fell hard onto my ass and right shoulder, skidding to a halt on the pine needles and dirt.

Just as I turned back upward to see how Jake would respond, I heard footsteps. Danny walked into view. He spotted me lying in the dirt, with my clothed disheveled and looked sternly over at Jake who was standing five feet away from me.