Chapter 1

The summer of my fourteenth year of life was filled with events that would turn my world upside down. None, however, were more influential than what happened on that first hot, lazy night at the end of May.

School was just getting out, and I was excited about the prospects of free time, going to the lake, and parties. At the moment, though, all I wanted was to be a lump on the couch for a couple days and enjoy some time doing nothing. It wasn't so much that I was over-exhausted. Maybe I just wanted to exercise my own growing independence by letting go of my responsibilities. I laughed to myself over the thought of that.

A little ironic, don't you think Amanda? I tried to disregard my own faulty rationale though, and got busy being lazy.

After all, I was a good student. I earned mostly A's and a few B's, and on the college prep track too. And I've been super busy with drama club since February, so I deserve this, I told myself.

I went to a Jr/Sr High combined school, the only one in our small town. Because of this, making the transition to being a freshman in high school looked as though it would be fairly seamless for me. I was more excited than concerned about it, and was even feeling pretty confident about my chances in making the Junior Varsity Volleyball team.

I had played in a rec. league for the last couple years and had started running over the last few months with my friend, Erika, to prepare myself for try outs. It was mostly just for fun, but I really got into it too. Girls who knew me were often surprised by my competitiveness out on the court.

In general, I think most people saw me as a sweet, fairly shy, petite girl who was involved in a lot of things, but not really a dynamic personality. I liked to think that my feisty side came out in my volleyball games, and judging from some of the looks I got, I was right. Drama and volleyball were good outlets for me in that way. When I was involved in them it seemed like I could show more of who I really was, and it felt good to do so.

It wasn't like I didn't get attention in other ways, though. Guys my age sometimes hit on me in their awkward ways, and I didn't shy away from it. I flirted at dances and social gathering, and had kissed a few guys over the last couple years. Even some older guys checked me out from time to time, including some of my brother's friends, even though I doubted any from that group would openly admit it in social settings. I loved both the attention that I got from boys and my growing experience with them, but I definitely wasn't very confident in that arena yet.

Maybe that'll change this summer. I pondered it for a moment. I was excited about my maturing self: my knowledge, my skills, my thought, my desires, my body. Looking down at myself as I lay there on the couch, I scanned over my body. My legs were bare and smooth, decidedly needing more of a tan, but I was pleased that they were looking more athletic and womanly than the girlish, lankly form that they had been for so long. I thought about what my little ass would look like in those tight volleyball shorts, and how much fun it might be to show it off a little in them.

Looking still, my eyes moved up to the front of my tank top. I frowned a little, staring at my breasts, hoping that by my own shear will they would start to grow. Any time you two are ready... I knew they fit me well though, and truly, I was happy with where they had progressed. Still, I was jealous of Erika's C-cups and how the eyes of any guy that was around her were magnetically drawn to her chest whenever she wore a tight shirt.

I was happy with who I was though, and I had plenty of good features. My eyes were probably my best. They were kind of a hazel greenish color and big and bright. I felt like I could capture people with them, which probably sounds ridiculous, but just the same. I've always had a very expressive face and use looks to be both silly and to effectively communicate without words.

My lips were also a big part of that. Not super full, but smooth and bright and made me have a really nice smile. They were just a little bit pouty too, which I had found that guys like. I was hoping they would see their share of action that summer in one way or another too, but I had no plans for such activity on that particular night.

My intent was to ignore all aspects of life, blissfully letting my Sunday night eke away, and dedicate my existence to watching movies.

"Amanda," my mom called from the kitchen just as I had flopped on the couch after dinner, "take your laundry in there and fold it, will you?"

Grrr... It seemed that no matter what plans I ever made, whether she knew them or not, she always had something else in mind for me. It drove me crazy. She wasn't bent on opposing me, but it sure felt like it at the time. She was just industrious. It probably had something to do with the difficulty of having to raise me and my two older brothers. By now she was almost fanatical in her efficiency.

"I'll do it in the morning!" I yelled back, not hiding my annoyance. I usually would have made sure to do it right away, wanting my things to be in order and unwrinkled. Perhaps I was more like my mom than I cared to admit, but I was not about to be deterred from my slothful pursuits for the evening.

I put on cherry Chapstick while I flipped through channels. We had a couple of newer movies that had come in the mail, but I wanted to explore my options. I hadn't seen "Wedding Crashers," which was one of them, so I figured I would end up watching it at some point that night.

After searching for nearly fifteen minutes I saw that a new one called "A Good Year" was on pay-per-view, starting in just a few minutes. I ordered it, which I knew my parents would give me crap for, but Russell Crowe, who I found to be rather delectable even though he was older, was in it and that made it worth the trouble. Since I had a few minutes, I went up to my room to get some polish to do my toes.

My older brother, Danny, was just heading out the door as I came back down the stairs. Probably going to go molest his whorish girlfriend. My other brother, Scott, had moved to Southern California the summer before to go to school. Danny was just graduating from high school and didn't have the same ambition Scott did. We were all curious to see what he would end up doing.

I shot him a feigned look of disgust as he was closing the door, but he just grinned knowingly as I did. I adored him and he knew it. I just wish he would wake up and get motivated to be more than the slacker he was right now. I looked up to him a lot, but knew he was capable of so much more.

His girlfriend, Erin Rhodes, seemed to fit with his directionality: simple and easy. I knew it was rude, but also true. I had heard them having sex in his room on more than one occasion. I had snooped and found one of their used condoms in his room one day during winter break. Overcome by curiosity, I examined it, and even tasted what was inside. The taboo nature of doing it only fueled my desire to do so, and I licked it several times and found enough to swallow a few drops. My first taste of cum, my own brother's. It had me jittery all that evening, and led to a series of fantasies as a result.

He would be out late. Probably partying. I wished he would take me out some time, but for tonight I was content with my plans. I flopped back on the couch just as the movie was about to start, Russell Crowe preparing to seduce me. I turned my phone off and kicked off my socks to do my nails.

My dad walked in after a couple minutes, and sat in the chair next to me.

"What's this?" he asked, try to understand what was going on as he inspected the screen.

""A Good Life, '" I informed I him. "Um, it's about, this investor, Russell Crowe, who ... well ... he's in England, but there's something about his uncle in France..." I trailed of as I heard him start to chuckle at me.

He obviously recognized that I couldn't tell him much more than who was in it.

"So what?" I shot back as an indirect counter to his mocking laughter, knowing that he had caught on to my true motivation for watching this particular movie. He responded with a big smile with softness in his eyes.

He was my hero, always there for me: coaching, advocating, defending. He doted on me till I would get embarrassed but I loved him for it. He was the balance I needed from my mom. I think he kept us both sane sometimes.

We sat in silence while we watched. I did my toes and looked over and caught him watching me a couple times. I smiled at his attention, but he pretended he hadn't been looking. I had my foot up on the edge of the couch while I painted, and I wondered if his gaze was on my feet or elsewhere. A few minutes later, he announced that he was going to take a shower and headed out of the room.