Chapter 2: February - Love (and Lust) is in the Air

Ever get a feeling of intense guilt when you're not sure exactly what it is that you're supposed to be guilty of, a sense that an apology is demanded in a situation where you're dead certain an apology would only make things worse? Oil on water, Jahn thought, gaping at the shrieking girl before him. Woman, he mentally corrected himself. Both of them, however small and slender they were, could not be mistaken for anything other than women. That had been a draw for him; so many of the girls he'd met made themselves up to look like that ... girls who'd never moved beyond high school or college, trying to recapture their glory days by hanging out with younger friends, gossiping about fads they didn't really care about, wearing clothes that didn't really fit them. Some of the guys he knew from the U were the same. Sad. Like a refusal to accept adulthood and the responsibilities that came with it, a failure to understand that some of the greatest perks came with it too: accomplishment, respect, a sense that you were part of the world around you.

So here he was, cock out and philosophizing like a pretentious prick on the nature of adult behavior while the half-sister of his cowering and nude girlfriend screamed at him. Focus a little, he thought.

Not actually screaming at him, he realized ... the ranting was directed entirely at Jenny. Largely incoherent, a tirade of invective and accusation that, with no little discomfort, called to mind his experience with Andrea a month back. Different, though. There was some anger in it, but when he looked at her face, at the creases of skin at the corner of her high, delicate cheekbones and expressive brown eyes, he saw what seemed to be a great deal of hurt in her face. Sense of betrayal, he wondered? Why? They hadn't gone out much, and their last few dates had carried an uncomfortable level of distraction, as if she was anywhere but with him. Jahn had liked her a great deal, of course, but felt as if whatever small relationship they'd developed had no chance of going anywhere. Little wonder that he'd accepted Jenny's overtures without a second thought...

Turning his attention back to his girlfriend, he saw that Jenny had retreated onto the bed, pulling up a sheet to cover her nude body, knuckled fist to her mouth, staring at Fiona with wide blue eyes. Pink blossomed on her cheeks, which was different – Jenny wasn't prone to embarrassment. Shame? Why? Something Fiona was saying ... something about her father, he thought ... hit home, and tears began brimming at the corner of the blonde's eyes. He hadn't the slightest idea of how to reconcile this situation peacefully, and it seemed to be reaching an ever nastier meltdown point. Reaching for his shirt, he ducked his head beneath it for a too-short time, and pulled it down, covering himself at least marginally.

Fiona's yelling hardly abated, and she threw of something about " ... supposed to be my first" that left him mystified, until she stopped cold, her lightly tanned skin going a dusky scarlet of mortification as her attention shifted to him, only now realizing that he was still in the room. Oh fuck, he thought, pieces of their conversation the first time he'd come to the Reed home flitting back to him. A lot of things about the way she'd acted on their dates suddenly became clearer. It occurred to him that while she was more mature, she was a lot like Jenny – they had the same taste in men, and they were both really into him. And apparently both virgins, for some inexplicable reason, waiting for the right guy. Who happened to be him, he supposed. Jenny, however, was way more outgoing and charismatic. All over him almost from the start, it had only taken her a little alcohol to broach the subject after they'd dated for a week. Fiona, though ... she was a lot more introverted, a trait he'd put down to being more thoughtful and less impulsive. Maybe more like Jahn - she was hesitant about making the first move, afraid of being too forward and putting him off, or simply fearing rejection.

Wasn't that she didn't want to be around him, but that she was unsure how to move their relationship forward from the casual dates they'd enjoyed together. How much of that had she told Jenny? Too little? He knew they were close, and that didn't seem likely. Maybe just enough that Jenny wasn't willing to wait around while she figured it out. Jahn hoped he wasn't just rationalizing his girlfriend's actions, because it felt ... cruel ... and the look on Jenny's face told him she'd intended anything but cruelty toward her sister. Whatever stray fantasies might flash through his brain, he desperately wanted Jenny to be The One, and while some insensitivity could be accepted, he didn't want to think she could be that callous. A guy he'd thought was a good friend had done that to him once. Listened to him pour his heart out over a beer, about Amber from Psych class, then proceeded to sleep with her two days later. Prick. Scratch one friendship.

Wandering thoughts dispersed like quicksilver as Fiona stalked out of the room, brunette tresses whipping behind her with the motion. Jenny was openly sobbing now, her face screwed up with humiliation and shame, and he moved forward to place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I d-didn' mean t-to," she rattled out, tears running down her cheeks. "Wasn' like that. I m-mean Ahg-guess I kn-new that she liked you and tha, that she might like to keep going out with you, but she said she wasn' sure you liked her and..." she trailed off, biting her lip. "I just, you were so nice, and fun, and cute, and I really liked you too. I'm n-not a bad person, am I?" She looked at him appealingly, and he fidgeted in discomfort.

With a squeeze on her shoulder that he meant for reassurance, he offered, "You're not a bad person, Jen, and I don't like you any less. I don't know if whatever you did was wrong or not, but I know that we all make mistakes. That's something you have to work out with her, not me."

Jenny stared down at the bed, tear-streaked face still working, but somewhat more composed. "She's my b-best friend, Jahn. The 'half' doesn't mean anything; she's my Sis. N-neither of us really had a father around the house, but we had Mom and each other. Even when Mom went travelling after we entered college, we still had each other." A sniffle escaped, and she rubbed at her face. "I don't want to-, I can't lose her. Family's more important than anything. I l-like you. So much. Not just the s-sex ... I don't want to lose you either, but..."

His heart seized up in his chest, because he could feel the train coming, warning bell ringing in his head. " ... b-but if it means losing my Sis, I don't want to see you anymore." Fresh tears stirring in her eyes, she looked at him, whispering, "P-please don't hate me."

Vice-like, his chest seemed to constrict further, but he managed anyway, pulling her to him in a one-armed embrace, "I'll never hate you, Jen. Talk to her, and do whatever you need to do. I don't want you to be hurt over me." He thought of his older brother, off in college while Jahn was still young, doing those mysterious adult things, but always coming home with a little advice or just to spend time with his little brother. "I couldn't hate you for that, ever."

Great sentiment, he thought bitterly. Movie-of-the-week moment, for sure. Was he even able to have a relationship without it turning into a complete train-wreck? Clothing himself, he left the Reed house, glancing at the cloudless sky. Gonna be a cold, lonely winter, he thought bleakly. Even the neighborhood seemed to have taken on a dark and unwelcoming pall, a heavy-set man across the street scowling at him as he shoveled snow from his driveway.

Jahn had long told himself that he wasn't going to be a drinker, but if this kept up, he might just fall into the bottle with whole heart. The stupor of animated violence just wouldn't carry him anymore, and the drudgery of the working week didn't seem to dull the anxiety that had taken root.

When his cell finally rang nearly a week later, he recognized the Reed number, and felt that familiar sense of constriction grab him. Thumbing the talk button clumsily, he croaked out, "Yeah?"

A tentative voice that took him a moment to identify – Jenny – responded, "Hey, Jahn. Can you come over and talk for a bit?" Not an outright rejection, then. Let it not be so, the curiously stilted thought tripped through his head. Of course he could, yes.

When he arrived at their home, there was no sign of Fiona's vehicle, and Jenny let him in, gesturing him to the kitchen table. Her expression was a little peaked, as if she hadn't been getting a great deal of sleep, and she looked a lot more serious than usual.

Crossing his hands on the table to still them, he ventured, "So..."

Jenny bit her lip, and then started. "So we fought, some." He winced, but she continued, raising a hand dismissively as she looked at him. "Not that much, at least not that much more than we normally do. We got over it, and we talked a lot." From the expressions on Jenny's face, Jahn suspected there had been some crying and apologizing along with the talking, but didn't interrupt. "The short of it is that she and I are okay again."

That was something of a relief, but didn't answer an important question. "And..." he prompted.

Looking at him, face suddenly flat of emotion or expression, she said, "And then there's you." Blonde hair falling into her eyes, she looked down at her hands and asked, "I know it's something that some guys might think weird, while others would consider it a total turn-on ... so I guess ... I'll just say it straight. Would it be a problem for you, going out with Fiona, while you and I are together?"

Shocked speechless, he could only stare at her, and she looked up, blue eyes searching him. What the fuck, he thought. Not that he objected, but ... as tactfully as he was able he asked, "I'm really not sure what to think. That wouldn't bother you?"

Eyes flashing sapphire, she said, "I'm not thrilled with it, no. But it's better than nothing, which is what I expected before I actually talked to Fi. That's what we worked out, the best solution we could come up with, because it's going to be a problem otherwise. We're willing to settle for this, but you have to make a choice too, both of us or neither of us."

"And," she continued as she held up her hand to forestall his response, her posture tense, and expression slightly harder. "I don't want you saying yes out of charity. If you don't really like Fi, then it's done. I won't put her through that."

He considered, but it really wasn't so difficult a choice. Ten thousand wet dreams are made of this, he thought wonderingly, but said far more tactfully. "If she'd given me a better indication that she actually liked me, you and I might never have gone out; I do like her and enjoy her company. This ... arrangement ... would be okay with me."

Nodding, she said, "I thought you might, but it's awkward, having you as my boyfriend, and the two of you having a thing on the side. I get that it means you and Fi going out, and maybe doing ... the other stuff ... as well." He hadn't really thought that far ahead, but it made sense, and hmmm, wow, he thought.

//Jenny and Fiona lay on the bed in front of him, clad in nothing but shadows, lust for him and him alone on their lovely faces. Sister laid hand on sister's breasts, alternating whispers, 'Join us... '//

Suddenly, her voice took on a dangerous tone. "And don't even think for a second that I'm going to dyke it out with my sister, half or not." Busted, he realized, his mind furiously backpedaling from the stray thought. "I know exactly how creepy some guys' fantasies get," she concluded. Oh, right. She'd mentioned a porn collection when he expressed some surprise at her creativity in the hotel room.

Shifting uncomfortably, he asked, "So Fiona already knows we're having this conversation?" Jenny nodded. After some consideration, he ventured, "Alright I confess, I'm not really sure how to pick back up with her. Like you said, this arrangement is strange."

Smiling brightly, she said, "Already thought of that, and I hope you won't think I'm overstepping by giving you these..." Rising, she hurried over to the counter where her purse had sat unnoticed and pulled out a pair of tickets. "Friday's concert. You know how much she loves the Julyus, and the Chevriez are supposed to be there next week," she finished, setting them down on the table. Jahn looked up at her, mentally trying to work out all the dark corners of this rabbit hole he'd stumbled down, and then decided on simplicity. "Thanks. I appreciate what you're doing here. I think ... that I can imagine what it's like to be in your shoes."

"You mean that thing with your ex and that guy, Greg?" Jenny hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Maybe that's what prompted me to try that idea on Fi. It's ... different for us, I guess, since I know you like us and actually care."

Jahn shook his head. "It is, but it isn't. I'm not sure I can really explain it." He'd resented the hell out of Greg, but even in hindsight wasn't sure if it was simply because he was blaming Greg for Andrea's lack of affection, or because he didn't want to share. Maybe both. It was different in the ways that mattered, he told himself.

Sliding his hand forward, he gently took hold of hers. "We haven't been together that long, but I'm glad you're still with me, Jen." She stared down at him, her eyes suspiciously moist around the edges, but she said firmly and somewhat fiercely, "Yeah, me too. Just remember that I have dibs."