Sarah had the strangest dream. She'd been vacuuming the floor, (in the dream, that is) and she noticed that she felt a little odd. Something was twitching just on the edge of her vision. Every time she turned her head toward the flicker, nothing happened. If she turned away, she could swear the door to the ironing board cupboard was undulating.

She tried watching it out of the corner of her eye. Oh, it was moving, all right. As she tracked its ins and outs, starting to feel a little apprehensive, she felt the floor under her feet lift slightly and fall back. What the hel... , the heck? Her gaze shot toward the ground, but the old pine boards seemed as solid and level as always. But, but, why did she yet again feel the air pulsating with the movement of the cabinet door? Wow, when she looked back at it, it was once more the quiet paint-chippy relic it had been from time immemorial. Suddenly the heaving under her was practically undeniable now ... until she looked down again. Nope, not a tremble ... except a LOUD rhythmic rattle re-commenced in the cabinet next to her.

Dream Sarah raised her hands in panic, dropping the vacuum hose. She spun around so as to run out the front entrance, which brought her into view of the window facing the street. She saw a bright yellow Volkswagen Beetle trying to navigate the sharp corrugations that had suddenly risen in the pavement like giant bubbles of tar in the noonday sun. Up and down, up and down, the little car was being thrown about.

Thwarted by fear from taking one route, she sought another alternative and scrambled for the back door, but to her terror she saw the grass of the backyard arrayed vertically on the upthrust dirt of the yard, rather than the usual nice, normal sky over her everyday, flat bit of back garden. She began to scream with her hands over her ears as the material world began to advance toward her in wavering, reaching, melting extensions. She began to fall to her knees ... and the alarm went off. She fumbled to turn the clock off, and lay for a minute panting and heavily disoriented.

Jeff, her pudgy, smelly-but-sweet husband, lay blissfully snoring next to her in the warm and comfy quilts. The alarm had been set to get him up and off to work, but it was always Sarah who nagged Jeff enough to actually get him out of bed. "Jeff. Jeff? Wake up, Honey," she nudged him. "I, uh, I had a bad dream."

Jeff snorted and rolled over, accidentally pushing their big persian cat, Fluffy, right off the edge. "Wha..." Jeff sighed out, falling back to sleep.

Never mind, she thought. She took a deep breath, and consciously pulled herself back to waking sanity. Somewhat more composed, she jiggled Jeff's arm a little harder.

"Honey, you have to get ready for work. Come on, don't go back to sleep," she admonished.

"Uh, ok," Jeff provided, wiping his face with his beefy hand. He gave a big yawn. He actually opened his eyes and spied his wife next to him, and slowly grinned. Suddenly his hands shot out to grab her. She was already scooting backwards in anticipation, and was soon standing out of reach wagging her finger no, no, no at him.

Every day Jeff tried to start the morning with sex, and every day Sarah denied him. Sarah figured it evened out though, because every night she was raring to go, and Jeff begged off because of exhaustion. If Jeff ever decided he could wake up just a little earlier, they'd have time to play around before he had to leave, she thought. Jeff grumbled to himself that if his wife would just let him sleep a while longer in the morning, he'd have the energy left over after work to pork her in the evening. Since either variance would be just too unusual in their boring middle-aged lives, and since neither one wanted to actually talk about the problem, both of them just gave up and lived without.

A little shudder went through Sarah when she went to get the vacuum cleaner out today. Her path led her right past the old ironing board cupboard. "Silly old dream," she chuckled. She put it right out of her mind.

Sandy and Val had been fighting for three days. Sandy had gotten wind that Val was hanging out with all the players in the bar. Now Sandy herself went down to that bar sometimes, all the women did because where else was there to go? If you were a dyke and you wanted to gossip and flirt and be with the girrrls in Blanderton, you went to Shillelagh's.

However, there were women and there were the other women. Couples like her and Val had their table territories marked out over in the darker back section. Most of the quiet corner denizens were older gals, secure in their coupled relationships and often married. They tended to dress alike (flannel shirts, jeans, and work boots), talk alike (womyn this and personal power that), and behave alike (tough and humorless), as if there were hidden, unwritten rules about how to be a lesbian. Flirting was allowed, but it was pro forma and completely harmless.

The young things lining the area around the dance floor, well, they were different. They thrived under the bright lights. They wore outfits running the gamut from see-through sexy, lacy bits, to big, stomping untied boots, and often at one time on the same person. They laughed. They giggled. They applied lipstick to themselves, and each other, often with just their lips, or other body parts. Many even claimed to be bisexual, as if it were something to be proud of, this occasional touching of ... MEN. It was like life was a big gambol to these girls, something to joke about and for fun.

Sandy wondered, just why did she and all the other women fight so hard for gay rights, if these girls were just going to throw it all away?

And now, Val had begun to stray into the young stuff's midst. She didn't do it when she knew Sandy was there, but Sandy had spied Val dancing with one little flibbertigibbet on a night that she trailed Val by an hour into the bar. Some of the older women had been talking about it, too. At first, Val flat out denied she'd been doing anything wrong. Finally, after three days of haranguing, Val had shouted, "So what? So what if I wanna hang out sometimes with those women? I'm not fooling around with them, I swear I'm not."

Sandy loudly professed her disbelief. Lady, their dog, whined nervously.

Val squinted her eyes in anger, and ground out, "You don't trust me, do you?"

"I'm so afraid you're going to leave me for a MAN," blurted Sandy. She froze. She really, really hadn't intended to ever say that.

"That's it! I'm so outta here," Val growled in a low, deadly voice. She turned and started for the door. Sandy had broken the last straw.

An odd buzzing light suddenly flared around them. As if an electrical current had been cut, the beam from above arrested Val's flight, and stopped Sandy right where she stood. It intensified, and crackled, and poof! the women were gone.

Little sparkling dots appeared in the air centered over the circles arrayed on an oval platform, and began to coalesce. When enough of the atoms had come together, images of Sandy and Val reanimated themselves into their human selves. A vaguely recognizable ringing tone sounded as they formed.

"Where, where are we?" cried Sandy.

Val ran over and took Sandy in her arms. "I don't know, Honey, I just don't know." All thoughts of the battle were long fled.

The door of the chamber gaped upward, and a goofy little being stepped through. Both women screamed in fright.

The critter, or whatever it was, raised one hand in a calming motion. In another hand, it raised up several diminutive black boxes with straps, and thrust them toward the women. It shuffled toward them.

Sandy and Val backed up as far as they could go, their eyes wide.

A third hand was raised, and two calming motions were made. The thing shook its head, or whatever was on top, back and forth, and again offered the black boxes. A line of squeaky gibberish emerged from its upper body area.

Sandy turned her head and buried her face in Val's shoulder. Val wished she didn't have to be the brave one.

The creature stopped, and a fourth hand made an exasperated gesture. The entity set the assorted items down on a counter covered with knobs and dials, and picked one up with its fifth and sixth hands. It buckled the black gadget around itself. It raised its first and third hands towards the women again. They guessed it had run out of hands.

"Stop! I mean you no harm." Unintelligible squeals and squawks issued from the being, but tinny English squirted out of the box it had put on. "If you put this +º¿Δ₤◊∞д translator on, you and I may converse." It picked up the remaining boxes again, and held them outstretched, re-issuing the invitation.

Val took a big gulp, and hesitatingly peeled Sandy's tentacle grip off her arm. Val carefully leaned forward just far enough to swipe the offered gizmos off the hands that held them forth, and jumped back. Here goes nothing, she thought, as she wrapped one around her forehead.

Sandy looked fearfully at her, and said, "Say something, Honey. Anything."

"Ah," dithered Val, "about those women at Shillelagh's..." They were both startled by the freakishly weird sound coming out of the box.

"Yeehaw!" the creature said, triumphantly pumping three hands. It turned slightly, and said, "Did I say that right?" as if someone were standing a stride behind. Then it "looked" back up at the women. "We didn't know if my invention would work in reverse. Hee, hee, now Kerumbish will have to eat hez words. But what does this mean, this Shillelagh's?"

"Never mind," spat Sandy. "Tell us, how did you get us here? Take us back, right now!"

The little face, if one could call it that, fell in disappointment. "But we need your help!"

Sandy and Val exchanged looks. "Ok," Val ventured with no slight trepidation, "what do you need us to help with?"

The thing brightened right up. "Er, thank you for sending your messages to us. But, we don't understand them."

"What messages?" Val wondered.

"You know, the messages!" stated the hominid, stomping its lowest appendage.

"I'm sorry, but you might be mixing us up with our government," Sandy offered, feeling sorry for causing upset. "I don't think we're responsible for broadcasting any signals to you."

The thing groaned with exasperation. "Look! I'll show you." It turned and shuffled toward the entrance, which slid open with a hiss. Noticing that Val and Sandy were not following, it waved hands two and five to bid them to come along. Very, very nervously Val and Sandy crept out into a circular hallway that disappeared around curves in front and behind them. Perhaps this was a segment of a donut shaped passageway. The little being suddenly reappeared in front of them from behind the forward curve of the circle, and approached very closely.

"I am remiss," it said. "I forgot to reassure you that you are completely safe. Nothing will harm you or cause you injury."

"Now you tell us," Val ejaculated, blowing out a huge breath.

"I'm," it cocked its 'head, ' "sorry."

Sandy giggled. Val looked penetratingly at Sandy. She had never seen her spouse act so girly.

Val cautiously accepted the surety. "Lead on, kind ... thing," she rolled her eyes. She decided its name was Sputnik, and suggested so to Sandy.

Sandy laughed and agreed. Hand in hand, the two women trailed Sputnik, or whatever its name was, to some kind of command center.

"Let me welcome you to our bridge," announced Sputnik. They entered the entirely round enclosure. A gigantic screen filled with a huge blue and white earth dominated a quarter of the room. The rest was ringed with computer type display after display, fronted with multiple data entry devices. For every three keyboard-type apparatuses, one Sputnik sat with all hands engaged. Sputnik Prime led them to one station, and squealed something to the hapless creature sitting there, who quickly disconnected and scuttled away. Their guide then sat down, and fiddled with the electronics.

A window popped up. "See that?" demanded their host. "All of your earth people send and receive these signals. What do they mean?"

"Envision my lovely lady lumps"

"Re:V!aggla"

"How peni$ Ring$ Can Improve $ex For Your Womens"

"Your tiny size make you feel less than full man?"

"Save your biggie from feebleness"

"Huge Torpedo DiXXX for U"

"Let us find you the right hole"

"Anastasia Crave You Now"

"Fur begone your pu$$y today"

"Bomb Size Ur P3nid"

"Learn Belli Dance-Yur mens will Luv U"

"C-Alice to grow Biggest"

"Boost your vigor Sxx Rocket"

"Safely Garden Your Peni$ so Big"

"Veri XXX Russky 18's!"

There were thousands of said signals, for as far as Sputnik Prime moved the indicator downward. Poor Val and Sandy were laughing so hard that tears ran down their faces.

"I think we can rule invasion out," Val whispered an aside to Sandy.

Sandy sputtered agreement, nodding her head so vigorously that her laugh tears were flung off into the air.

"Why are you laughing? Tell me what these mean!" Sputnik Prime demanded, stamping his appendage again.

"Uh," stammered Val, a little stymied. How does one explain human sexual behavior to an alien, especially as illustrated by spam lines?

Sandy stepped into the breach. "How do you guys reproduce?" she asked bluntly.

"I don't know what a guy is," remarked Sputnik, "but see these innies and outies?" It pulled aside the hair on its body? thorax? and indeed there were depressions and protrusions. "When we want to make little ones, and often just for fun, we rub these together until it feels really good. Then there is an exchange of fertilizing fluid, and we get pregnant."

Sandy's eyes were round. "You mean, you BOTH do?"

"Oh yes," said Sputnik. "One little @*±ζψ ≠! for each of us." Its eyes crinkled up with joy at the thought.

"Well, then!" exclaimed Val, taken aback ... and then she laughed some more. And, Sandy laughed. Even Sputnik laughed.

Sandy wiped her eyes and explained that the spammers were just people trying to make money from some aspect of sexual behavior.

"Why not just do it for free?" wondered Sputnik. "It feels so good."

Why not, indeed.

Promising to stay in touch with their new friends, the Sputniks returned Val and Sandy to Earth. Lady was jumping up and down, she was so happy to see them. After talking about their experience, Val and Sandy realized their argument had been really silly.

It proved to be hard to jump start their sex life, however. Some level of trust had been broken, and expectations had changed. It was going to take some work to figure out how their marriage was going incorporate the new ideas Val had picked up from the bright young things at the bar.

Cassidy was hurrying to finish getting ready for her date with Brian. Running from the shower into her bedroom, her family's cat, Tusker, tried to weave himself between her naked legs, making her stumble. Too hurried to put on her robe, she hoped her strict parents didn't spot her daring dash.

"Not now!" she admonished the cat, scooping him up and setting him to one side, being very careful to avoid feline claws. The old tom laid his ears back in irritation, twitched his tail, and turned to lick himself.

Paying the cat no mind, Cassidy hurriedly shut the door to her room, and began quickly putting on the clothing she had set out on her neatly made four poster bed. Stockings and garter belt, full length panty briefs, a sturdy brassiere, and a thin white cotton shift underlay the beautiful blue knit dress she pulled over her head. Her parents would kill her if her clothing revealed too much, so the dress covered everything from a turtleneck top, to a hem reaching just below the knees. She knew Brian would like how tightly the dress hugged her form, though. She smiled and felt a little rebellious as she put on a denim blue jacket that hid her curves. That should get her past her dad's sharp eyes. Mother was harder to fool, but she would obediently follow her husband's dictates. It was Father she would have to mollify.

It never occurred to 19 year old Cassidy to question her parents' control over her life, or to have even a glimmer of hope for independence.

Brian had been handpicked for her by her loving parents. He and Cassidy went to the same local community college, but that isn't what made Brian ideal in their parents' minds. Both Cassidy and Brian attended the charismatic church group at the evangelical church where all their parents were members. Years ago, the God-serving parents had decided their progeny would best be protected from worldly sinfulness if the children were thoroughly indoctrinated with the tenets of the church, and married together.

Both children wanted to be godly, and to resist the physical charms of one another until they were of an age to be married under the dogma of their church, but it was getting harder and harder to deny the cravings of the flesh. Cassidy and Brian were lucky in that, despite the machinations of their parents, they really liked each other. Maybe they even loved each other. Neither had ever dated anyone else to able to make a comparison. Cassidy was becoming almost obsessively interested in the bulge that was so often present in Brian's trousers when they were alone on their dates. She caught his eyes straying to her bust almost constantly now, or even her backside if it were in view. They limited their physical contact to kisses so as not to stray down the path to the Devil, but those kisses were so hot, so passionate that both of them stood shaking and panting in need thereafter.

"Honey, Brian's here," she heard her mother call up the stairs. Cassidy thought she had heard the doorbell.

Pulling the front edges of her jacket together, she fastened the middle two buttons. She slipped her feet into flat crepe navy shoes that matched the dress. A quick look in the mirror reassured her the outfit would pass her father's inspection.

She lightly tripped down the stairs toward Brian standing at the bottom, her dress flaring out around her. Brian's eyes grew huge, and riveted themselves to her legs, praying to get a glimpse of the Promised Land. The layers she wore protected her chastity, but she shivered inside to imagine him seeing all the way to her secret place. She saw her dad coming out of his study and quickly ran her hands down to smooth her skirt into submission.

Father looked her over with a critical eye, then relaxed his face, satisfied with Cassidy's choice of attire. He turned to Brian and shook his hand.

"Where are you young folks off to tonight?" he queried. The inquisition had become routine now, the kids had been dating for so long.

"Well, Sir, if it's alright with you, we're going to see the movie, 'A Guiding Hand, ' that the kids in youth group were talking about this week. Then, Sir, we'll stop and have some ice cream at the soda shop. That should put us home by curfew," promptly responded Brian. Curfew was at 10:00 p.m. Cassidy noted just a hint of something in Brian's expression, but she didn't know what. She'd ask after they left the house.

"Oh, yes," said Father, thoughtfully. "That movie was on the list that the Board approved at our last meeting." Cassidy's dad was an Elder at the Church; the Board of Elders set all policy for the congregation to follow. "Well, that sounds good." His face grew stern. "You take care of my little girl, now," he said warningly.

"Yes, Sir!" Brian nodded sharply. "I wouldn't think of anything else, Sir!"

Father opened the door and shooed them out. Waving and shouting goodbye, Cassidy and Brian hurriedly paced off down the sidewalk.

Brian smiled at Cassidy. "Glad that's over! Your dad is pretty protective." They walked as they talked. Brian wasn't allowed to have Cassidy alone in a car yet, so the plan was they'd only go as far as the neighborhood theatre on foot.

"I guess he wants me to be safe," Cassidy said in loyalty to her father. "But I wish he'd see what good care you take of me." She thought for a few seconds, then asked, "Brian? When you were talking to my dad, I could see that you were thinking about something. What was that?"

Brian laughed, then glanced around. They were out of sight of Cassidy's home and Father's vigilance. He stopped walking and faced Cassidy, who obediently halted and turned to him. He put his hands on her shoulders, drew her in and kissed her deeply and forcefully. Any thought she might have had flew away.

He drew back and searched her face. "Cassidy, do you trust me?"

"Oh yes, I do, Brian," she responded, breathlessly, gazing beseechingly into his eyes. This, this ... DESIRE that she felt was almost like a sickness upon her.

"Kevin told me about a place where we could go for a few hours, and nobody will disturb us. He took Jill there, and he said they could kiss all they wanted to without being stared at." Kevin and Jill were other young adults in the youth group at church. "I want to take you there," Brian strongly suggested.

PDAs (public displays of affection) were strictly discouraged by the Elders, but single people were never allowed to be alone with each other in private, either. Behavior that was meant to be controlled by church doctrine, limited to expression only within the extremely narrow boundaries of church approved matrimony, threatened to explode in the hormone laden teenagers.

"Do you, do you mean, right now?" a faltering Cassidy hazarded.

"Yes. You are so beautiful. I want to be free to kiss you, my love," Brian whispered, "and have you kiss me back." He pulled her closer and stroked her hair. Their bodies touched in a full length hug for the first time. Brian bowed to kiss Cassidy again.

Again, heat flooded over the young woman. She had never felt Brian hold her this close before. Her flush deepened when she realized the fleshy bit crushed against her was Brian's erection. Almost involuntarily, she gasped and thrust herself ever so slightly against the lump. When her mouth opened, Brian's tongue shot through her lips, and suddenly they were engaged in their first French kiss. Cassidy gave forth a low, throaty moan to tangle with their tongues. Suddenly, Brian pushed her away, and turning away, wiped his mouth on his sleeve. He peered guiltily about, checking to see if anyone had spied them.

He sheepishly stood before Cassidy. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he apologized.

Cassidy opened her eyes, wonderingly. "I didn't mind," she admitted. "I'm not angry."

Brian gave a little grin. "Oh!" he exclaimed. His smile grew. "I see. Maybe you'd like to go where we can be alone, then?"

The good girl in Cassidy reawakened to save her then. "Only ... only if you promised to not go too far."

"Just to kiss. I promise, we'll just kiss. Ok?" Brian insisted.

"Ok, then." Cassidy agreed. "I think I'd like that."

Seizing the moment, Brian walked them up to the intersection where the little side street joined the main boulevard, and stood them at the corner bus stop. Cassidy took off her jacket as they waited, noting Brian's sharp intake of breath with satisfaction. Soon a noisy city bus belching diesel fumes lumbered up and stopped with a whoosh of squealing brakes. The bus driver nodded hello at Cassidy, who was a frequent rider on his route. He gazed curiously at Brian for a moment, then returned his attention to the street and set off again.

The two young people changed buses at City Center. Cassidy noted the new bus bore the legend "Beacon Heights #13." She'd never been there, but she knew the Heights was a very posh area. As the bus labored to climb the incline to the well-to-do area of the city, Brian thrilled her by brushing his fingers across her knuckles. Her heart thumped. Brian took a piece of paper out of his pocket and studied it, looking up and around at houses they passed, and back down to the directions. "Here!" he announced, and jumping up, pulled the cord to request a stop.

Cassidy felt a little naked in the cooling evening air and slipped her jacket back on. Brian reached for her hand and led them up ever higher layers of streets among huge stately homes. Turning and walking parallel to the rise of the hill, they strode along a twisted, well manicured cobblestone track with mansions towering over them. At last, they came to a vast marble structure that dominated its block of impressive neighbors. Consulting his instructions once again while they stood on the street, Brian nodded, and confirmed the address aloud.

"Would you, would you please go first?" begged Cassidy with fear in her voice.

"Sure, Honey," confidently replied Brian who was only confident on the outside. Inwardly, he was intimidated by the surrounding ruling class edifices. Only the pounding desire he carried for Cassidy, the urge to rub against and kiss her lips, drove him onward.

He marched to the door with intention, and without looking, reached up with his hand and banged the knocker while he faced the rich cherrywood paneling. The door opened a tiny width, while whoever was within examined the young man who waited outside. Then with a giggle, a frilly, lacy arm reached out and grabbed the chest of his shirt, and pulled him inside. The door slammed shut behind him.

Cassidy jumped with the bang. Oh, nothing for it, but she'd have to face her fears and follow him. She approached the entry with apprehension.

She raised her hand and looked up to locate the knocker, and thought her eyes would bulge out of her head.

Was that ... THING ... that knocker in the shape of a man, naked? Did men really have such big testicles? Surely they couldn't be naturally proportioned. She blinked, hard, and the knocker resolved itself into a very normal looking green man clothed in leaves. She stood there trembling for a moment, feeling shocked.

Then she shook her head and resolved to be courageous. She knocked, gingerly touching the metal figurine, and the door reopened for her. Brian smiled and beckoned her in. Relief made her whole body let go of a painful tension she hadn't even realized she was carrying.

"Come on, Honey. We've got a room,"enthused Brian.

An older woman with an outrageous beehive adorned with artfully arranged sausage curls waited just behind Brian. She stepped out and greeted Cassidy. Cassidy was amazed to see the woman laced neck to toe in a sweeping Victorian gown, albeit with a daring décolletage.

"Please do come in," the woman invited. "Your suite is waiting for you." She swung her arm toward the grand double staircase behind them.

Cassidy was stunned by the overwhelming and luxurious appointments. She hissed quietly to Brian, "How much did it cost?" fearing her boyfriend had spent everything he had. The woman heard and lifted her lips into a smirk.

"Why, my dear, think nothing of it. The room is entirely without cost. Think of it as ... a tribute to young love. It does my and my husband's heart so much good to be surrounded by glorious young romance," she declared. "Please, please avail yourselves of our generosity." She again gestured up the stairs.

"Come on," urged Brian again, taking and tugging on her hand. "We've come all this way, let's make use of the room now." Ardor made his voice hoarse.

Feeling impelled, Cassidy began to follow Brian up the right hand staircase. She heard a bell tone sound behind her. She turned and looked back down as an interior door opened into the foyer next to the woman, and a man and two other women emerged from within. The man reached out and handed something to their host, while the women laughed and looked coquettishly over hand-held fans at Cassidy and Brian climbing the stairs. Then the three newcomers began running up the left hand steps as fast as they could go, the females holding up skirts as they went. They were all masked, Cassidy noticed, and dressed in clothing of the same era as that of the woman at the door. It must be a game, thought Cassidy, amused. The trio reached the second floor well before Cassidy and Brian, and galloped off along a hallway Cassidy couldn't quite see down yet. She heard a door click shut, and the giggling was cut off.

At the apex of the climb the hallway stretched before them, now empty. The couple walked briskly along to an entrance marked "13." "Ah, here we are," sighed Brian. He turned the knob and lovingly led Cassidy inside. She could have sworn she heard merriment within, but no one was present in the environs of the room. The huge fireplace, and the silk and velvet adorned bed were lost in the urgent demands of the present moment.

Cassidy took a deep breath, and let down her guard. Brian acted as if he had brought them to a place of safety, and she meant to trust him wherever he led. Catching his eye, she stepped back, and slowly unbuttoned her jacket. The generous hourglass shape of her body was revealed by the clinging dress. A thud resounded on the near wall, but a startled glance over Brian's shoulder found nothing but a large painting of a man, woman, and child.