Chapter 1

The bitter breeze strewn lifeless brown leaves along my cold, hard midwest lawn. Only a couple weeks ago they dazzled brilliantly against the sun as it shown through the yellow, orange, and red colors of fall. Now, I struggled against mother nature. My only weapon to stop their attempted escape on the wings of her frosty breath, was an old fashion bamboo rake, a hand-me-down from a generation long since past.

I worked feverishly gathering the last remnants of summer into piles to be bagged and picked up before the first snow fall. The dull, gray sky and wintry winds told me I didn't have a lot of time left.

My left arm was still hurting as it had been for most of the day. Normal, I suspected for a man who, like the season, was also approaching winter. The long tentacles of the old rake scraped along the ground when suddenly it dropped from my hands, I went down to my knees clutching my chest from the worst pain I could remember in years. My body twisted from tightening muscles and I fell hard on the frozen ground behind my house.

I was paralyzed from the agony, my body refused to function. I heard the rustling of leaves under me as I rolled uncontrollably from one side to the other.

I had to regain control. I was alone, blocked from view of the street and my neighbors. Somehow I had to get to the house. Then it hit again. My body curled in a ball as it was wreaked with a second wave of burning torment.

I laid there. I could feel the erratic rhythm of my heart pounding in my chest, when off in the distance, I heard a voice.

"I love you," it said like a whisper in the wind. There was something familiar about it. It was almost like a dream, yet so real ... no, not a dream, a memory. "I love you with all my heart," I heard it again but this time I recognized it. It was a voice I hadn't heard in over fifty years, the voice of my high school sweetheart, the first love of my life.

"Tanya," I said in a raspy voice. It was all I could manage, but it brought me back to a warm summer's night in my home town.

We laid under the stars, our naked bodies entwined, our hearts pounding, our minds spinning, as we both had just experienced the rapture of making love for the first time in our lives. Tanya turned toward me and caressed my cheek with her dainty hand. "I love you," she said, "I love you with all my heart."

I still remember how it all started. Back then, as far as I was concerned, it was the most unlikely romance I could think of. I was certainly no lady's man. In grade school I had red hair, freckles, and wore glasses. I was constantly ridiculed by the girls in my class. I guess I grew out of a lot of that by the time I entered high school. My hair turned darker in color. The freckles were all gone; I still couldn't escape the glasses though and was nonetheless very self conscious in spite of the small popularity I enjoyed as the school photographer.

Tanya Dickens was a cheerleader and certainly one of the most popular girls in school. She and I shared a class in English Literature, but other than that, I had no real contact with her except to take pictures of her at the football and basketball games.

I still remember my reaction on that cold November, Friday night after the football game when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder from behind. I turned around and saw Tanya with her winter coat wrapped around her little cheerleader's outfit.

"Hi Brent," she said, in what I was sure was the voice of an angel. "Hey, if it's not too far out of your way, do you think you could give me a ride home tonight?" My brain instantly turned to mush. Be cool, I thought, don't get tongue tied, don't act scared, just answer her.

"Sure Tanya, no problem." Whew! I did it. I spoke to her and didn't make a fool of myself ... at least not yet.

It was only a ten minute drive from the school to her house, but it was the most stressful ten minutes of my young life. She didn't wait for me to get out and open the car door for her like the gentleman I was taught to be. Instead, as soon as I stopped in her drive she opened the door herself, glanced over toward me with a smile that would have melted the heart of Genghis khan, and simply said thanks. A moment later she left me sitting there like a love sick puppy as she disappeared behind the front door of her house.

Driving off, I thought to myself, if I live to be a hundred, I will remember this night for the rest of my life, the night Tanya Dickens rode in my car. Little did I know at the time, there would be many more nights to remember.

The following week was pretty much like all weeks in school until Friday in English Lit. I was already seated when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up, once again, into Tanya's smiling face.

"Are you taking pictures at the game tonight, Brent?"

"Sure, I'll be there," I said trying again not to pee my pants.

"Could you give me a ride home again?" She asked. I was really finding this hard to believe. Two weeks in a row?

"Absolutely." As fast as I said it I wondered if I'd sounded too anxious.

"Great," she replied enthusiastically, "I'll see you tonight then."

That night all I could think of was taking Tanya home again. What if she wanted to talk, what would we talk about? I was so nervous I almost forgot to shoot pictures. I didn't have a single photo that was even worthy of the high school news paper until late in the fourth quarter. I happened to be in the right spot at the right time when I grabbed a great shot of the winning touchdown.

"Great shot, kid," I heard from my left. I looked over and recognized the middle aged man talking. He was the head photographer for the largest newspaper in the state. They would occasionally cover high school sports in our area.

"Thanks," I said, "just a lucky shot."

"In this game, kid, there's no such thing as luck. Sports photography takes a keen eye and split second timing. You just showed both. Are you a senior?" he asked.

"Yes sir."

The tall man walked up next to me, reached for his wallet and took out a business card. Holding it between his index and middle fingers he offered it in my direction.

"You've got talent, Kid. If you think you'd like to learn the newspaper game after graduation give me a call." He smiled and walked off in the direction of the parking lot.

What a night this was turning out to be, I thought. Just then Tanya came running up and grabbed my arm. She was all excited from our big win.

"Hey," she said still holding on to my arm, "a bunch of the kids are going to the restaurant in town, do you think we could join them, or do you have to get right home?"

Everything was happening so fast. Who's life was I living anyway, certainly not mine. Just last week Tanya rode in my car, now she's talking about a ... a ... a date? Well, maybe not an actual date, but it's close enough for me.

"Sure, Tanya." Just then a couple more from the school's 'A' crowd came over.

"So, you guys going to meet us there?" asked Judy, another cheerleader.

"Yeah, Brent and I are heading over there now," Tanya said. When we got to the restaurant they pushed several tables together for us. I sat next to Tanya and was actually talking to several members of this elite clique, almost as if I belonged.

Our tables were just getting served when two more from our school walked in, Pete and Darrell, the two stars of tonight's game. Pete was the quarterback who threw the winning pass and Darrell was the tight end who made the spectacular catch.

"Hey, Brent," Darrell called out like I was a friend of his, "did you get a shot of me catching that pass?"

Hell, I didn't even know he knew my name. "Yes I did," I exclaimed, "I got it just as you grabbed for the ball."

"Alright!" he said with exuberance, "I'm going to have my picture in the paper."

I didn't think the night could go any better until we were, once again, sitting in Tanya's driveway. This time I was ready.

"Wait right there," I said as I got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. She smiled and stepped out as I held the door open for her. It was at that very moment that I thought the universe might explode.

"Thanks," she said, "I had a great time tonight." She then stood on her tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek. I don't even remember driving home after that.

The following week-end was even more sensational than the last. Once again our team won the game and insured their spot in the sectionals. Tanya was so excited she grabbed me around the neck and started jumping up and down while kissing me several times on the cheek.

Having Tanya's body rubbing and bumping into me soon had my own body reacting. I became absolutely mortified when I felt an erection growing in my pants. Several times, Tanya's body, dressed only in that skimpy little cheerleader's outfit, came in contact with my, now fully engorged, dick. I wanted to melt into oblivion and had no idea what to do. I could feel myself getting flush from head to toe. I heard Tanya giggle a couple of times, not knowing if she was giggling because she was aware of my situation, or she was just excited about the game. One thing was for sure, I wasn't going to ask her.

That night several more kids showed up at the restaurant in celebration of the win. This time, however, in addition to talking about the game, the other main topic of conversation was my photograph of last weeks winning touchdown. I was truly living in a parallel universe, I thought, as some of the kids congratulated me and said what a great photographer I was.

The following Tuesday, Jim, a long time buddy of mine from grade school, walked up to me while I was getting some books from my locker. Just by the look on his face I could tell he had something on his mind.

"Hey, Jim, what's up?" He stared at me for a second before responding.

"Are you really dating Tanya Dickens?" he asked in a voice that more than showed his total disbelief, even in the question he was asking.

"Where did you hear that?" I inquired. It was extremely flattering, but what came to mind first was worry, worry that Tanya would hear that and get angry. Driving her home and going out with the kids after the games was one thing, but if she heard some kids use the term, "dating," she'd probably think I started the rumor and be really pissed.

"It's all over school," said Jim still with a questioning look. "Is it true? Are you really going out with Tanya?"

"No, Jim, it's not true. Her house is right on my way home so I've been giving her a ride after the games, that's all. You don't really think she'd go out with me do you?"

I saw the look on Jim's face. I think he was actually comforted. I'm not sure why, maybe he thought we'd no longer be friends if I was really dating Tanya, or something. I'm not sure. We both had to get to our classes so, after a couple chuckles, he went one way and I went the other wondering if Tanya had heard the rumors and if she would ever speak to me again.

A couple days later I was relieved when Tanya stopped to say hi to me in the hall. Either she hadn't heard the rumors, or she simply shrugged them off, I thought.

That Friday night everything seemed normal. Football season was winding down and it looked like we had a good shot at going all the way in the sectionals. As was now becoming the norm, Tanya and I met several of the kids at a restaurant after the game and talked again about our teams victory.

I had been nervous the whole night. Sooner or later Tanya was going to hear the rumor about us dating and I didn't want her to think I started it, so as we pulled into her drive, I had to take a chance.

"Tanya," I said apprehensively, "ah, well ... I ah, well I heard there's a rumor going around the school about you and I dating and ... well, I ah, I just didn't want you to think I started it, that's all."

I saw the smile leave Tanya's face and really thought I'd blown it. Evidently she hadn't even heard the rumor until I just blabbed.

"Are you ashamed of dating me?" she asked. Okay, now I was really confused. I never had a sister and had absolutely no experience with girls whatsoever. Was she mocking me, making fun of me, or was she being sincere? Then again, I had heard my dad say many times, 'sincerity is what women fall back on when all other forms of deception have failed.'

I didn't know what to say. Then, before I knew what was happening, it just came out. "Hell no Tanya, are you kidding, I love you." Even as I heard myself saying it, I wanted to pull the words back into my mouth but I couldn't. I think my eyes got as big as saucers about the same time Tanya put a smile back on her face. "Oh God, Tanya, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I ... I didn't mean to say that."

"Shhhhhh," Tanya shushed me putting her finger to my lips. "Wow, that's the first time anyone ever told me they loved me. Look," she said, "my mom and dad would like to meet the guy who's been driving me home. Why don't you come in and meet them."

"Oh Gad," I said, "I've already made such a mess of tonight, I don't know."

"Oh come on," she said, "you haven't messed up anything. Come on in, it'll just take a minute."

I reluctantly agreed. Tanya took my hand and led me into the lion's den.

"Well, you're the young man we've heard so much about," said her dad as he reached out and shook my hand.

"Dad," Tanya said, "don't embarrass me, please." He chuckled and asked me to have a seat. Tanya had a younger sister who came running in, I guess to see what I looked like. As we all sat and talked I began to relax a little when Tanya's mom brought me a Pepsi from the fridge. What do you know, I thought, Tanya was part of family just like me. In fact her dad was a no nonsense kind of guy just like my own dad. I really liked her whole family and they seemed to like me.

When it was time to leave Tanya walked me out. "I don't know about love, Brent," she said honestly, "but I like you a lot, and if you ever do decide to ask me out on a real date, I'd be happy to say yes." She then reached up, put her arms around my neck, and kissed me. This time on the lips. It was the first time in my life I had been kissed on the lips. I remember thinking at that moment, if God were to strike me dead right now, I would have no regrets. I had just been kissed by Tanya Dickens, what more could life hold?

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, was all that came to mind as I drove off heading for home. What'll I do? I've never been on a date before in my entire life, not a real date. I've never had a girl friend before. God! What to do? I have to talk to someone, I need advise, but who. I can't talk to my folks ... not about girls ... oh God, I thought, that's just sick!

Denny! Of course, my cousin Denny. He was nine years older than me and was married. Denny and I were more like brothers than cousins and his wife, Cindy, was extremely pretty, not as pretty as Tanya, of course, but still pretty. Tomorrow was Saturday, Denny didn't work so I could go over there and talk to him.

Saturday morning, in spite of still being nervous, I tried to act normal at breakfast. All I could think of was Tanya and the talk I was going to have with my cousin later. For now though, I had to help my dad with the last of the yard work. He handed me one of the two brand new bamboo rakes he had just bought, and we spent the next four hours raking and burning leaves.

After dinner I told my folks I was going over to Denny's for a little while. They warned me not to make it home too late, we were all going to church on Sunday.

When I got to Den's I was glad to see Cindy was in the kitchen doing dishes. Den and I sat in the living room. I guess he could read my face and knew I had something specific I wanted to talk to him about.

"Okay, Brent, you look worried, what's going on?" he asked.

"Well," I said softening my voice so Cindy wouldn't hear me, "I need some advice. There's a girl at school. I really like her and ... well, I want to ask her on a date, but...

"Hey man, it's about time," Denny interrupted, "who is she? Is she cute? Hey Cindy, come on in here, Brent has a girlfriend!"

Damn it, I thought, there goes the private conversation I wanted to have. Cindy came into the living room wiping her hands dry on a dish towel. She had a huge smile on her face as she sat next to me on their couch. This was going to be embarrassing, I could just feel it in my bones.

"Brent, that's great," said Cindy. "Do we know her?"

"No, I don't think so. Her name is Tanya Dickens, she's one of the cheerleaders at school," I said.

"One of the cheerleaders!" said Denny with a surprised tone in his voice, "Hey man, that's my cousin," he said while shifting his body forward and leaning his elbows on his knees in a more intent listening posture.

"I think that's great," Cindy said,"

"Yeah, she's really something special," I said with pride. "But ... well, I want to take her out on a date, but I don't really know what to d..."

Before I could finish Denny broke in again. "The clit, man, go right for the clit. It drives them crazy, doesn't it honey?"

I looked up at my cousin in shock. "It's right under the little hood at the top of the pussy," he continued, "show him yours, honey," he said looking at his wife with a big grin on his face.

I could literally feel my entire body blushing. Cindy looked at me. "Den, will you stop, look at the poor kid. You're embarrassing him."

Denny looked back at me and laughed. "Ha, ha, I don't think I've ever seen anyone quite so red in my life."

"Brent," Cindy said with empathy, "just be yourself. You're a great guy."

"Oh hell, Cindy," I said nervously, "she could have any guy she wants, I still don't know why she likes me but she does. At least I think she does. She sure seems to."

"What do you mean you don't know what she sees in you," said Cindy in an almost angry voice. "You're smart, witty, you have a great personality ... any girl would be proud to be your date, I'm sure."

"I don't know, Cindy. It just seems so far fetched that she really could like me. Anyway, I have no idea where to take her or what to do," I said.

"Take her to a movie," Cindy said. "You can't miss with going to the show, Brent. It's romantic, you two can cuddle, then afterward, you take her out to a restaurant. If you can't think of anything to talk about, you can talk about the movie you just saw."

"Yeah," I said, "that's a good idea. Thanks."

"Hey, there's also a little trick you can do by cutting a hole in the bottom of the popcorn box and putting it on your lap," said Denny joking again.

"Will you stop!" yelled Cindy looking at him with a big grin.

The following Monday, at school, I was trying to figure out how to approach Tanya. I brought the Sunday paper's movie section with me and thought I'd let her pick out what ever movie she wanted to see.

I was standing at my locker wondering when I would have the opportunity to talk to her alone when I felt someone push their hip against the side of my body. I looked over to see who it was.

"So," said Tanya with a big smile, "have you thought anymore about what we talked about?"

For the first time since giving Tanya that initial ride home, I was starting to believe she actually liked me. Why? I had no idea. She could have any guy in the school. But I think, at that very moment, I lost some of my fear, some of those inner demons I had developed in grade school. I felt just the tiniest amount of self-confidence as I smiled.

"Tanya, that's all I thought about all week-end," I said while reaching to retrieve the movie section from my locker. "I know it's short notice, but would you be free Saturday night? I thought we could go to the movies."

Tanya smiled as she took the movie section from me then crooked her index finger motioning me to lower my head. As I did she kissed me, ever so softly, and right on the lips.

"Tanya and Brent, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g." We both looked over and saw Becky Peterson, another of the schools most popular people, singing the little ditty.

Tanya smiled. "Eat your heart out, Becky," she said to her friend with a cute, little cock of her heard. This was all just so hard for me to believe. Any time now I just knew I would wake up and realize it was all just a dream.

For the rest of the day, I'm not sure, I think I probably went to classes. I mean, physically, I must have been there. Mentally, however, I don't remember a thing after that kiss. All I could see was Tanya and myself, standing together with wedding bells ringing over our heads. As they say, I had it bad, I was in love.

That Friday night turned out to be a real downer. In an upset, our team lost the second game of the sectionals. Tanya had tears in her eyes when she came over, put her arms around my waist, and leaned her head against my chest. I put my arm around her and pulled her closer.

"I'm sorry, honey," I said. The term of endearment came out before I knew it. It was what my dad always called my mom. It just seemed natural. I Wondered if Tanya even heard it, if she did she didn't say anything.

There would be no celebration at the restaurant tonight, no joking, no compliments on my photography. The game had been played at the rival school which gave us a very solemn forty minute ride home. I had as much school spirit as the next guy but I knew the loss affected Tanya much more than it did me. All the way home I wondered about our date the following night, would Tanya be in a bad mood all night, or maybe not even feel like going and call it off completely. My worries were, somewhat, relieved when Tanya slid over on the bench seat of my fifty-seven Chevy and leaned her head into my shoulder for comfort.

Saturday night, I hadn't heard anything to the contrary, so I drove over to Tanya's house at six forty five as planned. Her mother must have seen me drive up and opened the door to invite me in before I could even knock. As soon as I stepped into the living room Tanya made her entrance. It finally happened. I knew it would sooner or later. She was so beautiful that the moment I opened my mouth to tell her so, I got tongue tied, all that came out was gibberish, and it happened right in front of her parents.

I know I must have been turning a scarlet shade of red when Tanya smiled, walked over, and with a small peck on the cheek, said, "Brent, you say the sweetest things."

"You look absolutely incredible," I said. The little kiss did it. I could talk again. Tanya took my arm while we said good night to her folks and we were on our way.

At the show we got some popcorn and a couple of soft drinks before going in to sit down. I couldn't help but smile as I remembered my cousin's joke about the hole in the bottom of the box. Tanya asked what I was smiling about and I had to think fast.

"Well, I'm sitting here with the prettiest, the nicest, the most wonderful girl in the whole world, why wouldn't I be smiling." I said. Just then the lights went off. Tanya reached over and gently turned my face toward hers. She slowly moved her lips closer to mine. I felt her left hand on the back of my head as she pulled slightly making our lips touch. Then I felt her other hand slip to the inside of my thigh and knew in an instant I would have a raging hard on in another second or two. Tanya's lips opened and I felt her tongue probing for mine. I wanted to concentrate on her kiss, but I was so worried, so embarrassed by the problem growing between my legs.

I knew she could feel it. I tried to take my mind off of my dick and focus on the kiss. I swirled my tongue to intermingle with hers. When we broke the kiss Tanya had a big grin on her face. There was no doubt she was aware of my hard cock. It actually hurt from straining against the fabric of my trousers. Was she teasing me or testing me, I wondered. I was beginning to think I should have paid more attention to my cousin's information about a woman's clit. Shit, I thought, what if she really does want to have sex. I've never even been on a date let-alone had sex before.

I put my arm around her and pulled her close. The screen lit up with the first of three cartoons before the movie. We both laughed as the road running, using his speed and intellect, out foxed Wile E. Coyote, yet again. Now and then Tanya would remove her hand from the inside of my leg to get some popcorn or to take a drink, but would always return it to the danger zone. By the end of the movie I was actually getting comfortable with the feel of her hand so close to my, still hard cock.

The rest of the evening also went well. I was finally starting to accept the fact that Tanya, one of the prettiest and most popular girls in the whole school, actually did like me. I found myself more relaxed and allowed my personality to come out more. I was always kind of the class clown and usually kept people, even adults, laughing when I was around. It was a trait I had been too nervous to show off around Tanya until that night. We both talked and laughed the night away.

By the time I got her back to her doorstep around midnight, I was actually starting to think of Tanya as my girlfriend, a feeling that

was completely foreign to me, but very enjoyable.

"Did you have a good time?" I asked while looking into her deep blue eyes.

"I had a great time," she answered.

"Would I be out of line to ask if you'd like to go out again next Saturday?"

"Next Saturday, and the next Saturday, and the next, would be okay with me," she said. She reached up wrapping her arms around my neck again. This time I met her half way taking her slim waist in my hands and greeting her lips with a passionate kiss.

The following Saturday Tanya was running a little late which gave me some time to get better acquainted with her mom and dad. "Tanya tells me you have a job after school, what do you do?" asked Mr. Dickens.

"I work at the Chrysler dealership in town, sir. I clean up the new and used cars that come in," I answered. "I work every night, except Fridays, till nine o'clock and I work Saturdays from eight to three."

"I see," he said with a bit of approval in his voice, "when do you get your home work done?"

"When I get home after work, it's the only time I have," I said.

"So, did your dad buy that car out there for you?"

"No sir. You don't know my dad. He believes people should work for the things they get. Not only did I have to have all the money up front to buy the car, but I had to come up with a years worth of insurance as well. I've been saving up for the last two years for a car and last summer I worked two jobs to get the rest of the money for the insurance," I said with a smile.

In my sophomore year I was determined I would have a car in my senior year. I worked hard to make it a reality and I was proud of my accomplishment. Although my dad never said anything, I knew he was proud of me too.

Just then Tanya came in the kitchen all ready to go. I almost got tongue tied again as I looked at her. There was not a doubt in my mind, I was truly dating the most beautiful girl in the entire world.

"Tanya, you look stunning," I said.

"Thank you, Brent," she returned with a big smile. We said our good-byes to her folks and, once again, was off to the movies. While driving it occurred to me, I was going to have to find other places to take her if this was going to be an on-going thing.

The movie was a comedy this time and we both laughed till we cried. I had my arm around her waist as we walked from the theatre to the car. I was all set to go to the restaurant again when Tanya said she wanted to show me something. We drove a couple miles out of town, then turned on a dirt road.

"Where are we, Tanya?"

"We're behind the old cemetery," she cooed.

"The old cemetery, what are doing back here?" Just as I said it I realized what we were doing back there. I remember thinking, God I've got a lot to learn.

Tanya kind of chuckled. "Brent, we've been, more or less, dating now for several months. I thought I made it pretty clear that I like you ... a lot, yet you have never even tried to touch me. You're not gay are you?"

The question almost killed me. It seemed like I was in new territory every week. I just didn't know how to act around girls, but I was bound and determined I was going learn. "No, Tanya, I'm not gay. To be honest, I'm still finding it hard to believe that you like me at all. These past months, it's like I've been living a dream and I'm so afraid of saying something or doing something to break that dream."

She was smiling again. She turned her body and maneuvered her leg under the steering wheel and over my left leg so she was straddling me. She was sitting on my lap facing me with her arms over my shoulders as she pressed her mouth to mine. I reached around her with my arms and held her, never wanting to let her go. We kissed passionately for several minutes before her long, slender, beautiful legs started to cramp up on her.

By the time she swung her leg back around and was sitting next to me again, I was sitting very uncomfortably with a unbelievably stiff hard-on again.