Chapter 28: Dancing Chief to Chief

Oddly enough, it was Two Voices who rounded up the asians. She hunted down several of the High Muckymucks wives, and brought them back to the fire.

Then she started telling tales of the Valley Idiots. Pretty soon, she had them laughing at the antics of Jo, the Cheese, Bill, Jimmy and Big Stick Kurt. She got to the, "I heard that." part and they were in stitches.

"Oh, Goddess! My husband is just like that," said Chien, the Chiefs wife. "His voice is so distinctive I can hear him across the camp. He's easy ... but any mother who can hear her baby whimper, surely can hear her bellowing mate. Men, they can't talk softly!"

Naturally, this truthful commentary set off the She side of The Two Voiced One. "You better believe it, mine is so loud he could wake the dead ... and when he farts ... there's dead to wake!!"

This comment produced 'gag a maggot' stories of spousal intestinal infortitude. Eventually, the wives forgot that Two Voices was just a voice. They were really having fun.

Of course, they were being watched.

No male, especially a High Muckymuck, can stand to see his wife having a good time without him. The Chief moved out of the shadows of the trees and down to the campfire.

"Here, foolish woman. Who are you to tell tales on your husband! For that matter, who are you telling those tales to?" He raised his hand to strike her...

The Two Voiced One, in a full bore female mood, decided he had pretensions of superior importance, he was overbearing, assuming, insolent, proud, an arrogant public official. A typical asshole politician.

She picked him up and held him over a barrel cactus, "You're a real turd, I'm surprised your tribe has let you live this long. Your wife has been talking to me. How about you have a seat and keep your mouth shut!" And she sat him on the cactus.

Being picked up by a creature he couldn't see, lectured by a voice, and set on a cactus didn't improve his mood one little bit. He called for his assistant chiefs to get him down and pull out the cactus spines that had liberally perforated his pretensions. This brought more of the tribe to the fire. Several young women started laughing at the chief lying on a robe getting cactus spines pulled out of his ass. The Chief told his henchmen to go punish the girls for mocking him.

Two Voices lost it.

"For a scientist," the Cheese commented later, "you can really lose your temper."

Lone Tree, the new chief of the asians, said. "I never could stand that asshole. The reason I scouted was to keep away from the prick."

"Cheese," confessed Two Voices, "you're going to be upset with me. I sent the stupid bastard and his assistants to your time, and your town."

"You didn't!" amazed the Cheese.

"I did!" He/She/It ... Whatever said contritely.

"Where did you drop them?"

"In the park, at the Fair Grounds."

"What date is it there?"

"It's County Fair time, the National Guard and the Army are there recruiting."

"No Shit?"

"Yes Shit!"

"That must have been interesting." The Cheese asked, "where are they now?"

"Two are in the hospital, under guard. The sheriff has the rest in jail, he's holding them for the FBI and Immigration."

"Wonderful!"

"I thought so!" She said, "no one can understand them, the chief still has cactus spines in his butt, and they were all carrying spears."

The Cheese thought about that for a minute. "You know, this is going to create major confusion in academic circles."

"I know, ain't it grand!"

The tribe, under new management, packed up and started the trek to the valley.

"Two Voices?"

"Yes Cheese?"

"We need to speed this up. It's going to take a week or more to get this tribe to the Valley. Can't you just transport them ... or something?"

"Ok."

We were home. Sometimes having a scientist is pretty nifty.

"Hi Lori, how's things here?" asked Two Voices.

"Pretty good, Two voices." Lori hesitated, "Bill and Jimmy made a flight up to wyoming, what ever that is, and picked up some sulphur, there's a place up there that has lots of it. They said something about gunpowder."

"That's fine. Lori?" Two voices asked, "how are you doing with potty training?"

"Really good, now I know what a sphincter is and how to control it."

Two Voices laughed, "You're such a good kid. Your hair is getting long. Did you figure out how to make it grow?"

"Yup. I can make it change colors too. Wanna see?"

While this is going on, the newcomers are marveling at a one year old kid floating in mid air and obviously talking to someone she can see but they can't. Then the little girls hair starts changing colors. Red, blue, orange, green, in stripes and waves and checkerboards, people are in awe of the tiny kid.

Suddenly, she noticed the Cheese, "Cheese! Cheese! I missed you so!" She flew to his arms for a cuddle, tickle and kiss. The Cheese put her down, and she waddled away. Plop, on her butt.

She got up rubbing it. "I don't see what's so great about walking," she muttered, "it hurts!" She stopped and waddled back, "Cheese, Jo said party tonight. The guys are gathering wood. You need to get everyone lodges too. Two Voices? Can you get more tipis? That's a lot of people!"

Two Voices dithered a little, "I didn't even think about lodging. There weren't supposed to be so many landbridgers. I better get busy ... Oh Shit! I gotta feed them too. Cheese, Can I borrow Lori?"

"I don't have a problem with that. Ask Carol."

"Take her!" hollered Carol, from the Red Tent.

"Damn, all your women got good ears," said Chief Lone Tree to the Cheese. "I'm glad I don't have to deal with her?"