Chapter 27: Visiting

The Cheese figured, "no sense fucking up a good get together. We'll take a bathmat and go alone."

Lone Tree, the scout whined, "do we have to? I hate riding that carpet. One of those tiny bathmats makes me nervous."

"Hey Tonto, we'll be fine. I'll even teach you how to drive."

"I was afraid of that." He complained, "who is Tonto?"

"Private joke, Lone Tree. It's a private joke."

"Ok."

"Let me have Two Voices put you in the computer. HEY!!"

"Yes, Cheese?"

"Will you put Lone Tree in the authorized driver list for me," he begged, "please?"

"My, you do live dangerously. I assume you're going to meet the invading Asians."

"Yup. I do wish Lori could come, though. A flying, talking one year old is pretty impressive."

"She would be, but she's busy dealing with cranky women" said Two Voices.

"I heard that!"

"How 'bout I come, instead." Two Voices almost begged.

"Oh my! You're expecting that many problems?"

"No, Cheese." He/she complained, "I'm pretty bored. The girls won't let me in the Red Tent."

"I can see where being male and female could cause difficulties. WOMEN'S SECRETS!"

"Yes, they won't let me join," said the male voice.

"You listen in on the male meetings," argued the Cheese. "What's up with that?"

Jo's voice rang out from the tent, "guy's secrets are so easy to get. A blowjob and you babble like idiots."

Lone Tree said, "Man, she's got good hearing! You sure she's not a god?"

"I'm more convinced everyday she is." The Cheese nodded, "every day."

"She convinced me a year ago," said Two Voices. "Can I come along?"

"I don't see why not," Cheese announced, "it's your experiment."

"Oh yeah, right, I forgot!" Two Voices complained, "I was thinking it was Jo's"

"I heard that!"

And all the listeners laughed.

Two Voices went, they couldn't get him/her to stay. What with one thing and another, she/he decided anywhere was better than listening to 50 or 60 red flagged women bitch. The scout, Lone Tree, figured out the carpet. They were making pretty good time when they buzzed the Coots and Lone Tree told them to..."go sunset way here. This is a great way to travel!"

"I thought you didn't like it."

"We always fear the unknown," Lone Tree explained. "when our scouting party found your camp, you were speaking our language, so we figured you must be some of our people who got here first. If you can't understand the man who's talking to you, who is to say he's not trying to kill you?"

The Cheese took exception to this, "It's not us speaking your language. It's you understanding ours. Two Voices did it, she/he changed your brain so you could understand us. If anyone is a God it's her ... him ... whatever."

"I knew there was a god fucking with us someplace. Two Voices is it ... her ... him?"

"Lone Tree," said Two Voices. "I'm not a god, I'm a scientist."

"What the fuck is a scientist?"

The Cheese spoke up, "it's a fancy name for a god!"

"Damn it, Cheese," argued Two Voices. "There's a rational explaination for this."

The Cheese and Lone Tree spoke at the same time, "Yup ... God! Any time someone says 'there's a rational explaination' for shit you don't understand there's gods and magic involved."

Lone Tree laughed and Two Voices pouted.

"The camp is just ahead," said Lone Tree. "You want me to walk on in alone or we fly in and scare the shit outta everybody?"

"I'm for the impressive entrance," said the Cheese.

"Me too," agreed Two Voices. She started a big fanfare of braying trumpets. "Oops, now how do we get them to come back?"