Best Wife Ever: 12 Days of Sexmas - Cover

Best Wife Ever: 12 Days of Sexmas

by Silkstockingslover

Copyright© 2011 by Silkstockingslover

Erotica Sex Story: A sexy wife plans 12 very special days for her husband.

Caution: This Erotica Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa   Romantic   Heterosexual   Oral Sex   Anal Sex   Sex Toys   Leg Fetish   Public Sex   .

Note 1: A special thanks goes to Estragon for editing this story.

My wife is amazing. I have listened to man after man complain about their wives. I have heard that once she says 'I do', she no longer does the dirty nasty shit she did when she was trying to trap you. Well, if that is the case, I guess you married the wrong woman. I, on the other hand, married the perfect woman. A woman whose beauty is second to none; a woman whose smile lights up a room; a woman whose eyes melt me on the spot; a woman whose sex drive pushes me to the point of exhaustion; a woman who is so incredible and yet so unpredictable, I never know when, where or how she will please me.

Case in point, last Christmas.

THE FIRST DAY OF SEXMAS ... Wednesday December 14th, 2011

I woke up 12 days before Christmas with my wife, a third grade teacher, already in the shower. I rolled over and there was an envelope on the bed. The envelope said DAY ONE. Curious, I opened the envelope and there was a note inside.

Dear Jeremy,

If you dare, get ready for the 12 Days of Sexmas. Each day will be a whirlwind of sexual pleasure. You will never know when, you will never know how, and you will never know where you will come. But I promise you ... you will come.

If you dare, check yes in the box below and leave the envelope on my dresser.

Be warned, I plan to devour you whole until you can no longer take it anymore.

Yes, I take the 12 Days of Sexmas challenge and commit to obeying every demand my beautiful and irresistible wife makes.

No, I am a complete pussy who can't handle the sex drive of my perfect wife.

Signed,

Your personal sex Goddess...

Alexis

My cock fully erect, I stared at the letter. I got up, giddy with the anticipation of 12 Days of sex and found a pen on the night table. I quickly checked 'yes' and put the envelope on Alexis' dresser as instructed.

My wife, wrapped only in a towel, emerged from the bathroom, acting oblivious to the letter she had just left me. She asked, "How was your sleep, baby?"

"Fine," I replied, knowing two could play this game. "You?"

"Heavenly," she replied, dropping her towel and revealing her glistening nakedness. Although I had seen her naked every day for the past three years, give or take the odd day, every time I saw her naked I felt like a child on Christmas morning. Her body was so tight, so perfect; I always wondered how I ever got lucky enough to marry someone so beautiful. She said it was my sense of humour and my adorable geekness (which I labelled nerd chic).

I watched like a dirty pervert as my wife got dressed. A pink thong, beige stay-up stockings, a long black skirt that hid her inner sexiness, a matching pink bra that held perfectly her 38C breasts and a purple flower print blouse that barely hid her voluptuous breasts. Once dressed, she turned to me and asked, "How do I look?"

"Good enough to fuck," I replied, attempting to see what her plans were.

She walked over to me, dripping with sultry sweetness, and reached down and to grab my fully erect seven-inch cock. "Is this because of me?"

"Always," I responded.

She dropped to her knees, opened her mouth, extended her tongue and licked my cock head. Her lips never touched my cock, as her tongue swirled around my mushroom head. I let out a soft moan and waited for her to give me one of her earth-shattering blowjobs. Instead, she stood back up, smiled and said, "You didn't think it would be that easy, did you baby?"

I stammered, realizing she was leaving me high and hard, "I-I-I, um-really."

She smiled, kissed me quickly and said, "Yes, really. All good things come to those that wait." She gave me one quick tug before adding, "And don't you dare jerk off, big boy. I have very elaborate plans for that cock."

With that she returned to her dresser and did her make-up. Finally accepting I wasn't going to get to come this morning, I wandered to the bathroom and hopped in the shower. A long cold shower calmed down Mr. Willy and I focused on the day ahead. I worked for a marketing firm and we had a few big contracts on the go. I was working on a big cola campaign and the presentation was tomorrow. And we sure as Hell were not ready. I got out of the shower and Alexis was gone. I noticed on the bed was another note.

Stud,

Fuck I wanted to suck your cock whole and feel your hot seed slide down my throat. Alas, I will have to wait.

Do not wear any underwear today. I want your sweet meat swaying freely in your pants. A constant reminder of your wife ... the owner of your cock.

Love, your wife...

P.S.-If you look on my dresser you will see that I too am going commando today.

My cock was stiff again. Fuck, my wife drove me crazy. I got dressed, sans my underwear, and went downstairs for breakfast. To my surprise, Alexis was gone already and another note was waiting for me ... this time on the kitchen table.

My fuck-toy

I had to leave early. If I stayed, I don't think I could have resisted bending over the kitchen table while your plowed me with your big hard cock.

Love, your fuck-toy too...

I sighed. If this was her plan for the next 12 days, to tease me, she was going to kill me. My cock was fully erect again. Relieving myself was becoming a growing temptation now, but I would keep playing my wife's sick, yet hot, game. I had a quick breakfast and headed to work, happy for the distraction from the rise and fall of my penis this morning.

The day flew by as I worked frantically to finish the visual part of the presentation for tomorrow.

I texted Alexis. Sorry honey, but I have to work late. This project is killing me.

A minute later, I received a text from Alexis.

Alexis: You have to eat ... Meet me at Corinne's at 5. Don't be late.

I texted back. Ok, but I can't stay long. See you in an hour.

Corinne's was a very nice restaurant two blocks from my office, a place that usually took two weeks to book. I worked my ass off for the next hour before saving my stuff and heading to the restaurant. I arrived a couple of minutes late and a pretty young hostess led me back to a secluded table at the back.

My wife was already there with a big smile on her face. She spoke to the hostess as if they were friends, "Thanks, Bethany."

I thought it was odd, but let it go. As I sat, I realized we were completely secluded from any other patrons.

My beautiful wife asked, "Presentation not going well?"

"We have made headway, but are still missing the big WOW moment," I sighed, no closer from finishing the project than I was this morning.

Alexis' hand went on my leg and she purred, her facial expression dripping with sexual innuendo and promise, "I have a WOW moment for you." With that, she slid under the table, in this 5-star restaurant. I sat there stunned as my wife unbuckled my belt and pulled on my pants. I mindlessly lifted up my ass and felt my pants slide to my knees. A moment later I was indeed WOW'd when her lips wrapped around my cock. We had made love outside, in our car and so forth, but nothing even remotely as public or risky as this.

After a couple of minutes of slow sweet sucking, the waitress came, a pretty redhead, with bright green eyes and long, long legs and said, "Hi, I am Samantha and I will be your waitress tonight. What can I get you to drink, sir?"

Her smile told me she knew exactly where my wife currently was and I instantly wondered how my wife had set up such a moment. I stammered, trying to ignore the growing pleasure down below, "Um-um-a rum and coke, Samantha."

"Sure thing, stud," she replied with a wink. Any last wondering if she knew was now gone.

My wife took my cock out of her mouth and peeked from under the booth, "Could you make sure to order a couple of appetizers."

"S-s-sure," I responded and watched my wife disappear back under the tablecloth. She returned to my cock, continuing a slow burn. One would think she would be doing one of her famous quick blowjobs, the ones she often gave me to get my first load out of the way, before we would start a marathon session. But no, she was lavishly making love to my cock with her mouth. Usually, I come quick, but the slowness, as well as the consistent interruptions, made getting off quite difficult for me.

The waitress returned with my drink and asked, "Can we start you with some appetizers?"

"S-s-sure," I replied, and quickly perused the menu. I choose two, the waitress took the order and disappeared.

"Can you hand me my wine," my wife asked, extending her hand from under the table.

I handed her the glass of wine and her perfectly manicured hand, her bright red nails so sexy, disappeared again underneath the table.

A few seconds later, I felt her lips return to my cock and moaned involuntarily when I felt the intense contrast between her warm lips and the cold liquid still in her mouth. She swirled the wine around my cockhead, bringing a new sensation to her arsenal of cocksucking skills. The feeling was amazing, but the contrast simmered the boiling in my balls. I was transfixed in a state of temporary euphoria, a sensation so hot, yet at the same time unable to reach the level of orgasm I was now dying to unleash.

The amazing whirlwind teasing continued until the appetizers arrived. The waitress said, her smile so knowing I was uncontrollably embarrassed, "I will be back in a couple of minutes to take your and your wife's order, sir."

As soon as the waitress disappeared from view, my wife took my cock out of her mouth and crawled from underneath the table, leaving me erect as a flagpole and desperate to cum. Ignoring what she had just done, she announced, "I am famished" and dipped a tortilla chip into some nacho cheese.

I stared at her bewildered. "Are you really quitting now?"

She smiled, repeating a mantra I would learn would be an underlying theme of the 12 days, "All good things come to those who wait."

I went to pull up my pants, but she grabbed my hand. "No, no, no, I want it open and ready, baby."

I looked at her perplexed, "What has gotten into you?"

"Not you," she joked, "plus this is just the beginning, baby."

The next forty-five minutes were excruciating, as we chatted about life, Christmas plans and agreed on a formal New Year's Eve gathering with her friends, never once discussing the issue at hand ... my still stiff erection. Every once and a while throughout dinner, Alexis would reach for my cock to make sure it was still stiff.

Once we were both done our main course, Alexis smiled, "I think it is time for dessert."

Oblivious to her sexual implication, I replied, "How could you eat another bite?"

"Oh, I definitely saved room for this," she flirted, and slithered back under the table. This time she devoured my cock whole, bobbing up and down like a desperate slut craving cum. It took all my will power to not moan out loud.

The waitress returned and no longer able to hide her knowledge commented, "I see your wife has already started dessert."

I let out a moan and uncontrollably, in full view of the pretty waitress, came in my wife's mouth. Alexis kept bobbing on my cock until every last drop of cum had been swallowed. The waitress watched intently and finally asked, "Would you care for any dessert, sir?"

Attempting to be suave, I answered, "I think I might, but what I want is not on the menu."

The waitress blushed, thinking I meant her, but I meant my beautiful wife. The waitress left and Alexis crawled back up from under the table. "Hmmm, was that the best dessert ever?"

I smiled back, "I think I could use some dessert too."

I pulled my pants back up as my wife responded, "You don't have to, baby. This is all about you."

I shook my head no. "Baby, it is all about us." I slid under the table, parted her legs open and dove in. The feeling of doing something so naughty and potentially getting caught was like being high, exhilarating and yet numbing. Unlike Alexis though, my goal wasn't to tease, it was to please. Licking pussy was something I was very good at, and Alexis had a major weakness when her clit was pressured. I also knew that extended clit play would have her scream so loud that the whole restaurant would know exactly what was happening to her. So I had to be careful. I alternated between sucking her clit in my mouth and long wide licks down her wet pussy lips.

I could hear her soft moans and suddenly heard her say, "Yes, just the bill, pleeeease."

The waitress chuckled and replied, "I'll give you a few minutes first, ma'am."

"Thaaank yooooou," she moaned. After only a couple of minutes, maybe three, I knew she was close and I tapped on her clit with my tongue, hard sweet tongue spanks, that had her legs tighten and her juices flow out of her and onto my waiting mouth. I savoured her juice until she let go of my head and I quickly climbed back onto my seat.

"Hmmmm, this restaurant has the best dessert. I may have to get some for take-out," I smirked, my usual wit on display.

She chuckled, "I think you should dine out more often."

"Agreed," I replied, just as the waitress returned with the cheque.

I grabbed the bill and saw that it was signed, Samantha and her phone number was on it with a heart. She smiled, "You two are incredibly hot together. If you are ever looking for a third wheel for playtime, give me a call." She winked at both of us and sauntered off, looking back once to see if we were watching her go ... we both were.

Alexis grabbed the bill, "We can talk about that offer some other time, and you need to get back to work."

Looking at my watch I almost shit; two hours had passed. "Oh crap, time flies when you are having fun."

"It sure does," she smiled back, kissing me on the cheek. "I got the cheque; get your ass back to work."

I kissed her back and added, "Tip her well."

She smiled, throwing me for a loop, "Who says I haven't already tipped her well?"

"What?" I asked, confused by her implication.

"Go," she smiled, pulling me up from my chair.

"This is not done," I said, adamantly.

"I never said it was," she smiled.

My cock rising, I rushed out of work, before it was too late. At the door, I turned around and saw that Alexis was talking to Samantha. A million naughty conversations spun around my head, fantasies I had never seriously considered.

Alexis and I had done a lot of fun and kinky things, but we had never even remotely considered adding a third member to our relationship. I was not sure I wanted to, quite frankly. There was no way I could share her with another man, but the thought of watching her with another woman, especially someone as hot as Samantha, was very, very appealing.

My cock now at full mast in my pants, I slipped out the door before any other naughty ideas crossed my mind. I got to work, and slowly let go of my fantasies and focused on my current problem ... this fucking presentation.

THE SECOND DAY OF SEXMAS ... Thursday December 15th, 2011

The next morning I was awaken by a warmth wrapped around my cock. I opened my groggy eyes, not having got home till after midnight, to see movement under the blanket. I let out a moan as my wife woke me up the best way possible ... with a blowjob. This happened once in a while, but never got old. It also helped, since I really wasn't a morning person usually ... until I had my first cup of coffee. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sweet pleasure of my wife's mouth. She used the whole arsenal in her cocksucking agenda: teasing the mushroom head, licking my entire cock with long sweet strokes, sucking my balls into her mouth, deep-throating me and using her amazing saliva trick (I can't explain it, but she somehow creates enough fluids to bathe my cock). The variety is purposely used, to make it last longer. There have been times she was pleasuring my cock with her mouth for over an hour. This time it was just over fifteen minutes when I felt the familiar feeling of an impending orgasm. My legs stiffened like they always do and a few seconds later I filled my beautiful bride's mouth with my seed. Like always, she swallowed every drop and continued her constant rhythm until I was completely drained.

She crawled up, kissing my chest until she finally reached my face and we were eye to eye. "Morning lover-boy."

"Morning beautiful," I replied, adding, "I so love your special wake-up call."

"Hmmm, and I so love my morning appetizer," she purred back, leaning in for a kiss.

Some guys would be grossed out by the possibility of tasting the odd lingering drop of their cum. And although it didn't appeal to me, it was a price I was willing to pay. Plus, I seldom noticed any lingering taste.

Breaking the kiss, she asked, "So, did you get done?"

"Yes," I replied, "Kevin came up with an idea around ten and we scripted it and just have to film it this morning."

"Cool," she said, "will you be home for supper tonight?"

"No," I replied, "the meeting is in the afternoon and then we are taking them out on the town."

"Reeeeeeally," she said, all dramatic. "Let me guess steak, beer and strippers."

I shrugged, "Yes, and probably in that order."

"Well, I am happy I made sure to get Day Two done early," she smiled.

"If you want, you can get every day done early," I joked, slapping her ass as she got off me.

"Oh, baby, this is nothing. The things I've got planned for you are ... wait for it ... legendary," she smiled.

"Don't you dare How I Met Your Mother on me," I joked back.

She shrugged and jumped in the shower.

I would like to say the rest of the day was as riveting as my morning wake-up call, but it wasn't. The meeting went well, although the group were really a bunch of stiffs. Supper was good and a few beers in them loosened them up a bit, but the evening ended without an official agreement, although they did promise to come back after Christmas to discuss a contract offer. So there was the potential of a big time deal, but until they signed on the dotted line it was just that ... potential.

3. THE THIRD DAY OF SEXMAS ... Friday December 16th, 2011

After the late night entertainment, I slept in till nine. Alexis was long gone, but there was a note on the bed.

Good morning babycakes,

I am not going to lie. I wanted to straddle you this morning and ride you like a cowgirl. Alas, I let you sleep in and am leaving to work horny as hell.

Tonight I won't be home till after supper as it is happy hour at McFarlane's. So I won't see you until late ... unless you decide to meet me there. If you do ... I will DEFINITELY make it worth your while.

Have a great day and again ... no underwear!

Kisses

Alexis

I already knew I was going to meet her at McFarlane's. For a few reasons:

1. Her colleagues were almost all young and hot.

2. When drunk they were all very touchy-feely.

3. When my wife was drunk she became very foul-mouthed and naughty.

By the time I arrived at the pub it was 5:30 and the last half of happy hour. My wife and her colleagues were well on their way to drunk as they were already onto shooters.

As I arrived at the table, I heard a chubby brunette say, "And number one would be Matt Damon."

"Number one in what?" I asked, interrupting their girl talk.

All the girls broke out laughing. My wife stood up, walked over to me and kissed me hard. When she broke the kiss, she turned to her friends and announced, "He is my number one."

"Bull shit, that is not allowed," cried out a very tipsy Jenna, Alexis's best friend, and a raving beauty. "You have to announce yours in front of your husband for cheating, Alexis."

Alexis smiled, "Ok."

"Announce what?" I asked.

"My favourite five," she revealed.

"Favourite five what?" I asked, still not catching on.

"The five celebrities she is allowed to fuck if she ever meets them and it doesn't count as cheating," Jenna explained.

"Oh," I replied, before adding, "wait, do I get a list?"

"Of course," Alexis smiled, "although they are the five celebrities you would like to see me sleep with."

A blonde I didn't know said, "Oh, Alexis you are soooo bad."

Alexis smiled, "I am not, I am just drawn that way," quoting my favourite 80s movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Alexis pointed to a spot for me to sit at the round table and then slid beside me.

Jenna, already showing impatience, demanded, "Stop stalling, Alexis, your top five."

"Fine, fine, fine," Alexis responded, "Let's see, number five would still be Brad Pitt. I know he used to be my number one, but he gets older while my list stays the same age."

The girls laughed.

"Number four would be Hugh Jackman," my wife revealed, her hand landing on my leg.

"Why?" Jenna asked.

She shrugged, her hand under the table slithering up my leg slowly, "I love his British accent."

"Fair enough," Jenna agreed.

"Number three and two both played James Bond. Although tough to choose one over the other, I guess Pierce Bronson is number three and Daniel Craig is number two, but they could be interchangeable," she winked, her hand now firmly on my cock.

As she struggled with one hand to pull down my zipper and release my cock, she revealed her number one, "And without a doubt, and if there was it ended when I saw Crazy Stupid Love, the completely edible Ryan Gosling."

"Great choices," the unknown blonde concurred.

"Of course," Alexis smiled, pulling my cock out from its restrictive prison.

I let out a quiet moan, but no one seemed to notice. My wife began slowly giving me a hand job under the table as the conversation continued.

Jenna asked, "All right Jeremy, since you crashed this girl's night, you must play the game too."

"I didn't crash the party, Alexis told me to meet her here," I said, defensively.

Jenna, giving my wife a look, said, "She did, did she?"

Alexis, suddenly defensive and almost fearful of upsetting Jenna, stammered, "I-I-I am sorry, he is just going away next week and well ... I miss him."

Jenna gave one last dagger's look and returned her gaze to me, her crystal blue eyes piercing into mine. "So your fav five. Or as Alexis already pointed out, the five you would like to see her dyke out with."

I countered, "I am not sure they would be the same."

"Reeeeally?" Jenna asked, clearly the leader of this group.

"I don't know, I would have to think about it," I responded.

Jenna played with her long blonde hair, the way she twirled with it and her tone implying a flirtation if it wasn't for the fact that my wife was right beside me, my cock gripped firmly in her hand. "So, either leave, or give us a famous five."

I looked at Alexis and she gave a subtle nod.

Jenna laughed, "Oh Jeremy are you ever whipped, asking permission to answer a question. Wow, Alexis I am impressed."

I spoke confidently, "I am not whipped, I just love to look at my lovely wife."

"You two make me sick," Jenna sighed.

"All right, my favourite five," I began getting back to the conversation.

Jenna interrupted, "That you want to see your beautiful wife play with."

"Sure," I agreed, "Ok, since my wife seems to like British men, I am assuming she would like British women too. So at number five is Kate Beckinsale, based on the fact that her favourite chick flick is Serendipity and she is damn hot."

My wife shrugged, "What can I say? I am a sucker for a romantic comedy."

Her hand began moving faster as I continued, "Sticking with the British theme, number four is Keira Knightley and number three, I am pretty sure she is legal now, would be Emma Watson. She is all grown up now."

"Oh, you nasty boy," Jenna teased, using a faux British accent that had my cock twitch. My wife gave a sudden squeeze, knowing exactly why I twitched.

Trying to distract her, I continued, "At number two is the quirky, the hot, the often pantyhose wearing Zooey Deschanel."

"Oh, is that your fetish?" Jenna flirted.

I stammered, realizing I revealed too much, "Um-I-well I suppose so."

Alexis added, trying to one-up the tipsy, flirting Jenna, "Yes, he loves fucking me in stockings."

The chubby girl gasped, "Alexis!"

Alexis smiled back, "What? I do what I need to do to please my man, don't I, baby?"

I purred back, "Indeed you do, my pet."

Jenna joked, "You two really do make me sick. Let's get back to our little game. So Jeremy, who would be number one on this list of your wife dyking out with celebrities?"

"Sticking with the Crazy Stupid Love theme, I will go with the beautiful redheaded Emma Stone."

"Hmmm," Alexis faked a moaned, "good choice baby, I would devour her whole."

Her hand was now moving at a steady rate on my cock and her naughty innuendo was getting me close. Jenna asked, "Would your fav five be any different?"

"I don't think so," I reflected, "all five are very fuckable."

"Indeed they are," Jenna laughed. "Well ladies next stop is Malibu's and," she added, looking at me, "no boys allowed."

Feeling my balls bubbling, I stiffened my legs and got ready to come from my wife's hand, while four of her friends sat around the same table, oblivious. I shrugged, "No biggie, I have things I need to do."

Jenna smiled, "Good, because we are getting your wife shitfaced tonight."

"Go ahead," I said, barely holding in a moan, as I began to shoot my cum underneath the table. Alexis kept pumping my cock until my public, yet secret, orgasm subsided. Once done, she let go off my cock and subtly, put her hand to her mouth and retrieved the cum that had landed on her hand. It was so fucking hot, I wanted to fuck her right here, right then. I also knew right then, right there that no matter how great my famous five were, my real number one was right beside me.

The conversation continued for a few minutes and after awkwardly getting my cock back in my pants, I texted a buddy and made plans to meet at the pub. Making sure to make it clear I was the man in our relationship, I pulled her in for a passionate kiss in front of her friends before saying, "Have fun tonight sexy, I am going to meet Pete and have a few drinks."

She leaned in and whispered, "Sorry about tonight, I had a naughty plan for you, but it will have to wait."

I gave her a wink that implied it was fine and said my goodbyes. I headed out and ended up not getting home until 2:30 and was shocked to see she still wasn't home. I crashed on the bed, still fully dressed, and instantly hit full slumber.

4. THE FOURTH DAY OF SEXMAS ... Saturday December 17th, 2011

When I finally opened my eyes, a hangover clearly at work, I rolled over and saw my lovely bride still asleep. I quietly got out of bed and made her and me my hangover cure: a fruit smoothie and oatmeal ... the real kind, none of that microwavable crap. I also made some coffee just in case. Once it was made, I put it on a tray and went upstairs.

Alexis was awake, but not moving. I said, "Good afternoon, sleepyhead."

She turned to the clock, "Is it really afternoon already?"

"Yep," I replied, reaching the bed. "Sit up! I got the cure for your hangover blues."

"I can't believe how late we went," she mumbled, still not fully awake.

I put the tray on her lap and asked, "What time did you get home?"

"It was after four," she answered through a yawn.

"Wow, that is like 5 hours past your bedtime," I joked, although it was the truth. Alexis is not a night owl, but more of a get up and go type of woman ... the opposite of me.

"So true," she sighed, before taking a long sip of the shake. "Thank you, I so needed this."

"No problem, I can't even count the times you have helped me recover from my own self-inflicted death sentence."

"Seventy-three," she quipped.

"Hardy-har-har," I replied. "So I was thinking we could hit a movie this evening, what do you think?"

"No decisions until I eat and make sure I am not already dead and am just in some cruel limbo place between earth and heaven," she moaned.

We ate in silence and once done, slowly re-joined civilization. Showered up, Alexis was more herself. She said, "Well, I don't feel perfect, but I am good enough to continue with my plan."

"Plan?" I asked.

"Of course, today is day four of the 12 days of Sexmas," she winked.

"How could I forget," I mocked.

"Indeed, how could you," she retorted, her wit as quick as mine.

"So what is on the agenda today? An orgy with your teacher friends?"

"Hmm, you would like that, wouldn't you," she teased, grabbing her purse.

"Well, not with all of them, but a couple I could handle," I responded, acting like the stud I wasn't.

"Let me guess, Jenna would be one?" she hypothesized correctly.

"Well, if she begged, it would be hard to turn her down," I joked.

"That I agree with," she replied, throwing me for a loop with implied lesbian innuendo before instructing, "Let's go, stud boy."

 
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