Chapter 29

Molly, the love of my life, the bringer of joy to this most undeserving soul leans over my chair and asks, "Done yet?"

"With the past," I explain. She sits on my lap. I rub her emerging tummy mound and admire her heavier breasts.

"You're writing what I say," she exclaims. "Like dictation. So I'm the boss."

"Always," I say and give her a quick kiss.

"Sonja called," she says. "Hey, stop that."

"Nope. How is she? How is Anna?"

"They're arriving in like ten minutes."

"They're in LA?"

"How else could they..."

"I mean, what about the tour? I thought they managed to schedule a show at each of our show locations." Sonja insisted when her owners as she calls them planned the tour for her newest album, the first one including our collaborations, that a stop on the tour would coincide with wherever we performed. From New York, where her tour began, to Chicago, to Minneapolis, to Toronto and then Iceland and London and Paris and Barcelona, she managed to convince them to make an appearance. It made for a whacky schedule because we would occupy a city for a month before taking a week or two off before beginning the next run at the next city. She bounced back and forth across the world to return for a show or two wherever we were.

When our show added new venues in Europe and then back to the United States, she expanded her tour as well. When the show finally ended (it did start to get old) and we returned to LA to begin work on Plush Fantasies and completed Alexa Awakened, she also returned and she and I collaborated on her new record.

As far as the film, it became the first since the seventies when the whole Porn Chic happened that a hardcore adult movie played at first run movie theaters, art houses at that, with the Anger influenced short entitled "The Whore and the Beast," played before it. Of course it was controversial and that stirred even more business. Mikhail became even better known and Alexa became in demand. Fortunately for us she ignored all requests. "I have other plans," she would tell them.

Her plans included the Fantasies show, in the beginning collaborating with Linda on the script, visiting her as often as possible (Linda had replaced her as her favorite girlfriend when little Joshua Joseph Beiseur arrived in the world and Fanny became intensely domestic, almost normal as a mother and her apartment became the center of all our gatherings because she stayed there almost exclusively and as Molly put it she is the heart of us, meaning my ladies and I). Alexa reported explicitly to me about those visits with Rich and Jennifer or when Linda visited here with Tom as the male, those little sexual skirmishes allowing me a safe vicarious experience enjoying my sister's luscious body without actually, well, enjoying it. Incest in the mind only I guess. What can I say? It doesn't make me uncomfortable anymore and it does excite me.

Also Alexa has become apprenticed with her uncle learning everything she can about filmmaking. It's her college for now, being too busy on the road with Fantasies, another school year performing for students and not being one except to her uncle. She wants to be the auteur for us, to direct and edit as well as act with us in films written by her and my sister or by Molly and Fanny and I. The first we plan on working on will be based on the Mame story about her mom played by Fanny, the narrator daughter by Eva and her in the meaty femme fatale role, and we're planning to film scenes in Moscow while performing Fantasies there in January. Sonja, I thought, would be meeting us there since as usual she's touring Russia at the same time.

Speak of the devil, she's here, her and Anna looking gorgeous as usual.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Thanksgiving," says Anna with a big grin.

"Come entertain us," says Sonja with a leering wink. "If that's okay, Molly."

"Only if I can add my voice to our story, Joseph."

"You're the boss," I say.

Hi, I'm Molly. Molly O'Gara. I kept my name and my husband doesn't mind. He understands the history of it, the whole Plush Buddies thing and hasn't a fragile male ego like a lot of men. He's more confident than that I think.

Anyway, my husband's off to fuck Sonja and Anna. Unlike the rest of his ladies, he doesn't share them with me. It's like with me and Linda and the ladies I guess. You'd think I would be upset, but I'm not. He's my soul mate and I'm his. I trust him and he trusts me. Nothing has or I believe will end that trust.

It's weird though with them. It's like unwritten or something. But ever since they met, it's always been just the three of them and Alex. Even Fanny doesn't join in. I think it's because of Anna, how in love with Sonja she is, and how Joseph owns the only cock she lets inside her. That I can completely understand. Also with Sonja he's a collaborator and the sex is a small part of that (although there's nothing small about Joey) and that's really their intimacy, sharing their musical gifts. I think it's what attracts her more than his perfect cock. I can understand that too. I love collaborating with him.

The thing is, we learned something when we got married. The wedding happened on the beach in front of my house in Huntington Beach. It was glorious. I highly recommend outdoor weddings. Much more than church weddings I imagine (I've never been to any other weddings except my own) because it's like God and the universe directly smiles down at the union. It really was glorious.

Anyway, what I learned came from what happened afterwards. At our Island of Conception I like to call it, a small Island in the Virgin (ha ha) Islands one of the rich assholes Barb associates with in her capacity as my representative in all things business let us borrow. Yeah, the whole fucking (so to speak) island. It wasn't all that big or anything, just a mansion and some out buildings with servants. We gave them the week off.

It got weird there for us. For two days and three nights we fucked. We fucked everywhere on that little island. I had gotten off the pill a month before and this was my time to conceive, so Conception Island. But I woke up that third day and completely freaked out. I mean I hadn't had an attack of any real significance for years, ever since I met my true love basically, although early on I had moments. But since then, hardly any. Just times when I felt the anxiety and let Joseph know and he gave me my space and everything was cool by morning.

This time BANG! Worse than I ever could remember. I mean I was totally FREAKED OUT! I got totally fetal and could barely breathe. I was trembling with fright!

He knew it was bad. He was confused. He didn't know if he should stay or go. I mean we were kind of stranded there. We had a pretty nice motor boat, sure, but could he leave me alone on the island? He decided to talk like he did when it was him that freaked me out and not a press of people getting in my face.

At first of course he tried to touch me, but it was obvious I wanted not to be touched. I think that freaked him out more than anything. But he calmed and sat on a chair in front of the woman's vanity, turned to face me and started talking. He talked for hours, only stopping to eat. He brought me a sandwich and some juice and I didn't move. Only when he left again to visit the toilet did I drink down the juice. I couldn't eat.

What did he talk about? Everything really. At first of course he talked about how he loved me and his life began with me and all these things that I ... well I knew already and if I wasn't stone cold freaked out, I would be agreeing and saying, "right back at you Lover."

Then he talked about his life, about growing up awkward and put upon and shy. He told me about his friends, Dave and Bobby and JB, how they played, had adventures, taught each other about music and philosophy and how they got stoned in JB's basement when they got older. He talked about a surreal moment when a pretty girl joined them and how they acted so different and he wasn't there impressing her but his friends were and he wondered if he should be impressing her too. He had a girlfriend then and he thought he loved her but he cheated on her with her friend one time and never told her and he thought that was weird too. Weird because it didn't mean anything and it didn't really change anything between them. But he could never imagine doing that to me; I mean not letting me know or something. It would be inconceivable. He decided it meant he never fell in love until me in the true sense of hearts belonging to each other and being inextricably attached so that the separation would be like surgical removal, like Siamese twins attached at the heart and that the operation could never be a success, would always prove fatal at least in the sense of being truly alive or surviving as a whole person afterwards. Then he cried.