Chapter 6

Ellie was easy to forget. She was the type of quiet, unassuming person that never registered on your mind: the polite woman behind the check-out counter, the wallflower at a house party. The oddity of having a respectable, seemingly "normal" middle-aged woman in a freaky-deaky sex house made her stand out when I first moved in, but it was hard to pay attention to her over the outsized personalities and even more outsized sexual appetites of Dawn and Julia. So two months after I moved in, I had not only never had sex with Ellie, but I had never had much of a conversation with her.

All of this made it very awkward when it was just me and her at the dinner table one night. I had spent much of the afternoon making a three-course banquet with all sorts of meats and vegetables, only to discover that almost everyone was bailing on the nightly meal. Dawn and Simon were going to a show, Josh had to pick up some emergency hours at the gym, Julia was away at some sort of conference or convention, and Padma was out on a very mysterious date.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I said to Ellie when she got home. She had just gotten off work and was still done up in a full suit.

"Oh, I'm starving. I worked through lunch, and all I had to tide me over was a bag of chips."

"You need to eat more," I said. This was not the first time that Ellie had come to the table without having much for breakfast or lunch.

She pinched some of the flab around her waist. "I don't think so. If anything, I need to be less of a pig." Before I could argue, she went upstairs to change.

Fifteen minutes later, we were staring out at a vast smorgasbord of food, and listening to an uncomfortable silence. We both heaped our plates with chicken and risotto, hoping that chewing would be an adequate substitute for talking. After all, if our mouths were full, who could blame us? But even if we would have both been content to sit in silence, there was this kind of strange obligation to talk.

Ellie dabbed at the side of her mouth with a napkin. "So Mike. You've probably told me this sometime, but why did you decide to move in here?"

I shrugged. "I needed a place to stay, and the rent was reasonable. Plus there are ... perks. What about you?"

Ellie blushed. "Oh, the same, pretty much."

There was something there, perhaps something buried. I didn't want to pry. "Well, I'm glad you're here." Lame.

We talked a bit more, about the news and how the Blue Jays were doing this year (about as lousy as ever). I told a dirty joke that Dawn had taught me, and even though Ellie had probably heard it from the same source, she still went beet red and laughed nervously.

"You know," I said, as I tried to find room for another spoonful of carrots. "We should really sleep together."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, I'm just saying that it's kind of weird we haven't yet ... you know, with the house being the way it is."

Ellie dropped her fork and let it clatter against her plate. "Oh, well of course, since we live together you're absolutely entitled to my body."

"I didn't mean it like that--"

Ellie gave me the stern gaze of a disappointed mother. "Yes you did. You just didn't want me to realize it." She got up and shoved her plate towards me. "I'm not hungry any more. Can you pack it up?"

I felt like I had just been caught up in a tornado and deposited in a wheat field somewhere in the Prairies. "Of course," I managed to say.

Ellie did not storm off to her room. A woman her age does not storm to her room and slam the door. Instead she calmly walked up to her bedroom, shut the door gently, and did not emerge for the rest of the night.

The most frivolous four of the house's occupants (read: me, Dawn, Josh, and Padma (but don't tell her I said that)) were playing Super Smash Brothers. Our fingers were in a rapid frenzy as we unleashed cartoon carnage on each other. I was playing Samus, like any reasonable person, while Dawn was constantly picking the "Random Character" option and moaning when Ganondorf or that weird new Pokemon came up.

We were having one of those conversations that begins in smack talk and eventually, through some mysterious alchemy, turns into a serious discussion. Maybe the game distracted me from apprehension and I accidentally said what was really on my mind. I told them about my short and disastrous conversation with Ellie the night before. There was a good bit of laughter at my expense, and then Dawn took me out with a hammer just to add insult to injury.

"So, I guess it's only fair to call you the modern Casanova," said Dawn. "I mean, with an approach like that you could talk any girl into bed."

"Shut up, Dawn."

"I don't think Mike was really out of line," said Padma. "I mean, he let Ellie knew he was interested, and didn't press her when she wasn't interested. I think that we would be better off if people were more direct."

"You're just saying that because you don't have to sleep with him," said Dawn. "It would be different if he was being direct all over you every day of the week."

"Is that an euphemism?" I said.

Josh, playing Bowser, knocked Dawn into the stratosphere. "That's the cool part about living here in this house. You can just be like 'yo, let's fuck' without worrying about all that romance bullshit."

"Have you had sex with Ellie, Josh?"

"Only about a million times." There was just a little of the frat-boy smirk in Josh's voice. Just a little.

"Well, what did you say to her?" I said. "'Let's fuck?'"

Josh shrugged as he grabbed the star and went on an invincible rampage. "I dunno. I don't remember the words we used – it was too long ago. I just remember the moment she walked in the door, she saw me and her body was all 'Woah' and mine said 'I don't normally go for older women, but this one is a fox'. Of course, there were a couple days of flirting and shit. I don't remember the words, but I remember the tension, you know?"

"You know," I said. "I think there's some wisdom in that."

"Nah," said Dawn. "Josh is a moron. Why do you want to fuck Ellie, anyways? You figure if you do all of us you can send the box-tops off and get a prize?"

I paused, allowing Samus to be hurled off the edge of a cliff once again. "I don't know. You're right, it was stupid of me."

"Well, I guess we're all morons around here," Josh said with a bit of a glower.

"I guess I just thought ... maybe she could teach me something."

"If you wanna get taught something, you should just go to Julia," Josh said. "She knows every weird sex thing there is. Hell, she probably even has the video."

"You know," I said to him, "You don't have much room to talk about 'weird sex things', considering I've seen you in a dog collar and assless chaps."

Josh got flustered. "That was one time!" His rosy-cheeked state allowed Dawn to hit him with a bomb from behind and win the match.

Dawn sprung up and pumped her fists in the air. "All right! Lucario reigns supreme!"

"I was distracted," Josh said. "We need a rematch, without Mike talking about his goddamn relationship problems."

"All right, rematch," said Dawn. "But let's add some stakes. Whoever gets knocked out first has to go down on the winner."

Josh jerked a finger towards me. "I'm not going down on this guy."

"Then don't lose, slut-boy." Dawn smiled wickedly and hit the start button.

It was, to use a cliche that I've never quite understood, the dog days of summer. The muggy air felt like a liquid that we had to wade through in order to get anywhere. The old house was naturally lacking in central air, and the two old air conditioners that Simon had hauled out of the basement were not doing much to alleviate the situation.

Julia was stretched out on the sofa in her underwear. It would have been a turn-on, but it was so hot that the thought of such physical exertion as sex was almost revolting. "Can't move," Julia said, mimicking my thoughts. "Moving is too hot."

"I shoulda gone out West with Nina," I said. My girlfriend, if one could still use the term, was spending the month visiting some relatives and enjoying Vancouver's constant rain.

"You still haven't told her about us?"

"I'm waiting for the right time."

Julia buried her face in the arm of the couch, but her hectoring voice was still pretty clear. "You need to stop leading her on. It's unethical otherwise. As much as I hate it, monogamy is the default option in our society, so if you don't let her know that you're treating this as an open relationship..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"You know, but you're not doing anything about it."

I looked at my sweaty palms. "Maybe I'm just being a sexual radical, like you're always talking about."

Julia looked at me, her head askew. "I've always been open and honest with all my lovers. There's nothing radical about cheating."

Before this uncomfortable conversation could proceed any further, Ellie walked into the room. She wasn't quite at Julia's level of non-modesty, but she was clearly wearing the thinnest tank top and the shortest shorts she owned. I couldn't help but notice her heavy breasts threatening to break loose from the thin white material, to say nothing of her luscious thighs and plump ass. I tried to tear my eyes away – it was evident that she didn't want my attentions. Dawn also bounded into the room. She was wearing her underwear, and looked as hot as ever (in multiple ways), but for some reason I was still fixated on Ellie. Thrill of the unknown, maybe.

"Hi all," said Ellie. "Dawn and I were talking, and this is going to sound corny, but..."

"Water park!" Dawn proclaimed.

"What are we, six?" said Julia.

"It'll be a lot of fun," said Ellie. "And if nothing else, it'll give us a chance to cool off."

I was all for it, and said so. I was very curious as to what kind of swimwear the women of the house would have. It might even redeem this hellish weather.

"Today's a Saturday," Julia said. "The park will be packed. With kids, especially." Julia hated kids.

"I only have weekends off," said Ellie. "You know I bring in the most money around here. So why not let me have my fun."

Julia rolled over, allowing the sweat to pool in her navel. "You always have to throw that around."

Ellie flushed. "I don't think I, uh, usually do."

Dawn slapped Julia on the ass. "Come on. We can all go in Ellie's car."

"That gas-guzzling suburb-mobile? I thought I told you to get rid of it."

Dawn made a sour face. "Julia's always such a spoil-sport. Don't mind her, Ellie. This trip is going to be awesome! Hey, what swimsuit should I bring?"

Ellie and Dawn bounded upstairs to get ready. Julia rolled over and gave me an askew look.

"I'm going to tell Nina about us," I said. "Just as soon as she gets back from Vancouver." Julia still looked skeptical. "Really. I am."

Ellie's car was every bit the typical soccer-mom mini-van that Dawn said it was. I had seen it parked on the street outside the house before, but I didn't make the connection that one of us actually owned it. I had assumed that we were all too poor and bohemian to afford such a car. But no matter how much of an affront it may have been to Julia's environmental and aesthetic sensibilities (and mine too, if we're being honest), it was awfully convenient for getting all seven of us from one place to another.

The van was abuzz with chatter as we turned onto the highway. "This is nice," said Ellie, in the driver's seat. "All of us together. It seems like we don't do this enough."

"This is why I'm saying that Tuesday night should be Orgy Night," said Dawn.

"Seconded," said Josh from the back seat.

The water park was about ten minutes outside the city limits, an elaborate and sprawling structure of concrete and plastic. It was, as Julia had predicted, swarming with kids, but also with a fair amount of adults and teenagers just looking to cool off. I remembered why as soon as we stepped out of the moderately air-conditioned car, and the full musty force of August hit me in the face.

"Ow," I said. "Let's get into the water as soon as we can."

Of course, first we had to wait in line to get tickets, and then we had to listen to Julia complain about how overpriced the tickets were. Then we had to wait in line to use the changing rooms. All three of us men got in at the same time, and we quickly shed our sweaty clothes in exchange for our swimsuits.

I couldn't help admiring Simon's bubbly ass as he bent over to slide his shorts on. His cock dangled out enticingly, and if it wasn't for the crowd of strangers I probably would have dropped down and sucked him off. That thought was a little weird to me, so I turned around. There was Josh, his muscles taut and his body honed from years of athletics, and his thick cock hanging loose in the summer air. There was no question of anything happening between us – Josh was about as straight as it gets – but it was a nice to momentarily fantasize about that thick cock plowing into me. And past him was another hunk with a classic beach body – bulging muscles, a nice tan, and not a bad package either. I was having to fight to stop from getting hard.

And all of these men were totally oblivious that I was ogling their naked bodies. (Except for Simon, who gave me a covert wink and a shake of the ass.) Shit. Maybe this was one of the advantages of being bi.

I left the changing room in a haze of sexual confusion, trying to stop my nascent erection from fully blooming. That got much more difficult when we ran into the girls.

I had seen most of these women naked before, but there was something about the swimsuit and its small modesties that made their bodies impossible to look away from. Dawn was dressed in a skimpy red bikini that barely contained her curvy body. I could see her nipples, the same nipples I had licked and played with countless times, poking out through the red fabric. As she turned around, as if modelling the outfit, I could see that the bottom part of the suit was a thong, and her bubbly asscheeks were exposed to the open air for anyone to look at.

Padma was dressed a little more conservatively, but not much. Her black swimsuit seemed almost to blend into her dark brown skin, creating an impression of total nudity. Her tits had never seemed quite so large as they did now, pushing forward in rebellion against the bikini top. I could see just a bit of her black pubic hair poking out from the edges of her bottom, hanging between her tanned thighs and luscious legs. Her midriff beckoned like an oasis in the desert.

Julia was wearing a black one-piece that wouldn't be out of place at a swimming competition. Despite its strictly utilitarian appearance, she still looked ridiculously sexy. The suit was a bit tight, and hugged the contours of her skinny body perfect. Standing a few feet away, I could see every tight muscle, to say nothing of the distinctive "V" of her pelvis and the vague impression of her pussy lips. And when she turned to the side to whisper a comment to Padma, I could see her tight little ass in all its glory.

And then there was Ellie. If there was any doubt in my mind that a middle-aged woman could be as much of a knockout sexual vision as a twenty-year-old pin-up model, that was gone now. She wore a yellow bikini, not particularly revealing as far as these things go. But even some of Ellie's bounteous cleavage was a sight to behold – and it teased me of the idea with what lay below that tight yellow suit. Her short-style bottoms hugged her thighs perfectly, and her bare belly called to mind the classic hourglass figure in all its glory.

"Upon seeing our Medusa-like images, the boys were turned to stone," said Padma. It was true – Josh was just as gobsmacked as me, and even Simon was reduced to little more than your typical ogler.

Dawn snickered. "Or at least part of them was."

"Perverts," Julia said, as though she hadn't spent a good long time staring at the Speedo-like suit Simon wore, and the gentle bulge his cock made. "We're here to swim."

"Well, we've got to wait in line for a while anyways," said Dawn. "So we may as well have something to look at while we do so. And if you don't mind me saying so, you are SMOKING hot Jules."

"Didn't we already wait in line?" Josh said, without taking his eyes off Ellie's boobs.

"There are always more lines to wait in," Padma deadpanned.

And so we all lined up for the big waterslide, the park's main attraction. Dawn leaned in and whispered to me. "You think you're pretty lucky, but I got to see them all naked." And then she scampered off somewhere with a mischievous look on her face.

It wasn't just the women of our house who were strutting their stuff. The whole park was filled with women of all colours, shapes, and sizes, with one universal constant – they weren't wearing much. I found myself gawking at a pair of stacked blondes in bikinis that appeared to have just strolled out of the pages of the Swimsuit Edition, and then at a svelte woman with dusky skin who regarded me with a raised eyebrow. I also began to admire the young men with tight surfer bodies and perilously short trunks. Julia grabbed me by a finger and yanked me along in line. She muttered something about roving eyes that I didn't even register. It wasn't as though I had never been to the beach before – but for some reason, I seemed more attentive to the bodies around me and their sexual possibilities than I had ever been before me.

At the same time as my eyes were taking in more flesh than they could handle, the whole park was baking in the August heat reflecting off the park's white-hot concrete. There were lots of children too, often tugging at the ankles of the men and women that I was ogling. The water park was supposed to be a treat for kids, but the long lines and unbearable heat meant that most of the children transformed from cute visions of innocence into raging imps that cried, screamed, and in at least one case puked into the nearest trash can. So if the water park on this day was a little bit of heaven, it was also a little bit of hell.

Whatever eschatological state we were in, the line did eventually slowly move. (So maybe it was purgatory?) And, after half an hour of waiting, we were at the top. And suddenly I wasn't sure why we had come up so high. I looked down on the slide, a seemingly endless tube that snaked around itself in ways that were seemingly geometrically impossible. I felt a wave of nausea as I looked down. Ellie evidently felt worse.

She clung to the railing, her knuckles white. "I can't do this. I'm sorry guys."

"Why not?" said Josh.

"It's just ... look, I've always had a problem with heights, and I'm feeling a little faint..."

It seemed bizarre to me that Ellie, the most sensible and adult out of all of us, would turn into the scared kid perched at the edge of a diving board. I reached out and touched her shoulder. "It's okay. We can go down together."

Ellie nodded in mute compliance. I sat down in the thin lane of water leading up to the slide, and Ellie sat in front of me. She leaned back against me, her plush body melding into mine.

I looked up at the gawky ride attendant. "Hey, can me and my girlfriend go at the same time?"

"Well, the regulations say--"

"Great," Ellie said, and pushed us both forward and down into the slide. We were instantly sucked into a dark vortex of motion, whipping around and around until we know longer knew where we were and what we were doing. I held Ellie close to me with my arm that was wrapped around her bare stomach, pressing her ass against my pelvis. Somewhere in the midst of all this, I found time to get an erection.

We finally landed in the pool with a massive splash. We kept together. Ellie whispered to me "Your girlfriend?"

"What, would you have preferred I called you my mom?"

"'Friend' would have been acceptable." But at this point Ellie was rubbing her ass against me in a distinctly non-friendly manner. I wasn't exactly resenting the attention, although it did have me a little confused. But I soon found my other arm wrapping around Ellie, and the hand starting to wander towards her breast. I let out a long, hot breath that snaked around her collarbone. I softly kissed the skin of her shoulder, and for a moment the rest of the world faded away.

But that was when Josh came barreling down the slide, his flailing legs almost decapitating the both of us. We ended up in a pile of limbs, and for once it wasn't the sexy kind. I was momentarily ducked underwater, trying to untangle myself from Josh's legs. I broke through the surface just in time to see Julia splashing down on all of us.

"Jesus," Julia said, as I was coughing up heavily-chlorinated water. "Can't you guys read? You're supposed to get out of the lane in front of the slide."

"I didn't know slides had lanes," Josh said.

The four of us let the pool's soft, artificial waves carry us away from the dangerous opening. "Sorry, Julia," said Ellie. "I guess I just got kind of distracted. Won't happen again." And then she winked at me. I realized that I still had a huge tent in my shorts, and it wasn't going away any time soon.

Ellie and I found a few moments to be together in that hazy summer afternoon. We came together in the corners of the pool or behind the burger stand and kissed and touched. It never went further than adolescent skin games, although I did manage to slip my hand under Ellie's top long enough to feel a hard nipple before we had to go stand in another line. There was a kind of magnetic pull that had suddenly sprung up between us – no, not magnetic, something warmer and wetter, like the maple syrup that makes your fingers stick together after a big breakfast. An addiction, maybe. Before we left, Julia found the two of us making out behind the changing rooms, and smacked me on the back of the neck. "Break it up, lovebirds. We have to get out of here before my brain breaks."

"Fine," I sulked.

"And no sex in the van," Julia said, wagging her finger at the two of us.

"It's my van, and I can do what I want to," said Ellie. But of course, she was in the driver's seat on the way home, and I didn't want to try my luck in the middle of the QEW. So instead I spent the whole time turning the affair over in my heat-addled brain. It was as though that slide had flipped a switch, and Ellie had turned from the responsible matronly figure who saw me as nothing more than a young troublemaker into a sex kitten that couldn't keep her hands away. Why were women always so baffling? Then again, men had been confusing me a lot lately too.

In the backseat, Padma snuggled up with a badly sunburnt Dawn. Maybe they had intended some hanky-panky, but both girls quickly fell asleep. Josh and Simon were nodding off as well, while Julie was obviously struggling to read whatever had popped up on her tablet. The day's exuberance had combined with the dry heat to sap us of all our energy. Only my confusion kept me awake.