Chapter 14

The air had grown brisk, and holiday decorations had long since gone up in stores. The start of winter in Canada was always full of mixed emotions, at least for me. The enchantment of the first snow of the season was blunted by the knowledge that the cold weather would be sticking around until at least April.

The bookstore had given few concessions to the season. There were no lights, no sales, but traffic was picking up anyway. In addition to what I assumed was actual lesbians picking up gifts for their girlfriends or wives, or embarrassed-looking girls staring at the floor, we had our share of frat-ish dudes chuckling along as they bought An Introductory Guide to Squirting for presumably a gag gift, and straight-looking women sliding containers of “Anal-Eze” across the counter. At one point we had as many as four customers inside the store. Heady times indeed.

Things were pretty empty, though, when I saw Betty again. She was dressed a little more appropriate for the weather this time, with a black leather jacket curled around a tight-fitting dress that would have almost been traditional if it weren’t for the occasional metal stud or jagged rip. She had a kind of nervous energy about her that she hadn’t the first time we met, but she beamed when we locked eyes.

“Mr. Cashier!” she said. “I’m so happy to see you again. The last time I went in here there was this scary-looking lady behind the counter. You seem so much nicer.”

“I try,” I said. “How were the handcuffs?”

“Very good,” Betty said. “You get a lot of lousy handcuffs made for beginners, but these were quality material. I wasn’t going anywhere. Or at least my friend wasn’t.” I realized for the first time how noisy her high-pitched voice was. I wondered if the customers at the trendy fashion boutique below us could hear exactly what she was saying. “And the flogger... mmph.”

“Glad you’re happy with your purchase,” I said, doing my best to sound like an automated e-mail.

Betty leaned over the counter, and I was unable to fight the gravitational pull drawing my eyes to the valley of her breasts. Her dress revealed quite a bit of cleavage, and I got a very good look at the dimple towards the underside of her left tit. “I was talking to my Master about how helpful you are. And he said, that since I was very well-behaved, I could give you a treat.”

My throat went dry. It wasn’t a massive shock to me that the girl buying handcuffs with a collar around her neck was in some sort of BDSM relationship, but there was still something a little unnerving about the idea of being given a woman by some unseen man. Presumably this was all a consensual relationship, but I didn’t want to take advantage of the girl in case she was in some weird cult. At the same time, I didn’t want a tedious discussion between us to interrupt the weird spell that Betty was casting. I couldn’t think of anything non-lame to say. “I, uh, assume you aren’t talking about buying me an ice cream.”

“Noooo...” Betty said, crawling forward a little further. It was at this point that the logistics of crawling across a store counter overwhelmed the sexy concept. Betty pulled herself over in a rather ungainly motion, with her body colliding into mine. We both went tumbling to the floor. I had the wind knocked out of me, and my tailbone immediately smarted from landing on the floor with Betty on top of me. I had barely avoided hitting the glass case of super-expensive dildos we kept behind the counter.

I checked to make sure that nothing was broken. And then I started laughing. Betty quickly joined me, her laugh an infectious whoop.

“I thought I was being so sexy,” she giggled.

“You were, you were,” I protested. “For a little while, anyway.”

“I think I’ll probably leave that part of the story out when I talk to Master,” she said.

The “Master” part was still a little off-putting to me, but there was still something about her impish grin that pulled me in. I brought my head up and gave her a peck on the lips. She kissed me back, and a minute later we were swapping spit on the shop floor, her hands grappling with my belt.

The door swung open, along with the familiar ringing bells marking the arrival of a customer. I put up a hand to get Betty to stop and squirmed out from under her. Business before pleasure, after all. I popped my head above the counter, and was surprised to see a familiar face.

“What’s up?” Julia said, before heading down into the toy aisle.

“Uh, hi,” I said. “You here to see me?”

“Not particularly,” Julia said. “But my Hitachi finally gave out, and I thought I would try to keep you in business. Used that thing to death, you know.”

I felt Betty’s hands clawing at my pants again. I looked down to see her on her knees between my legs. She fished out my cock and began stroking it up and down. I didn’t know what to say – I was just trying not to let Julia know that anything was amiss. Somehow, my nervousness just made my erection harder.

Julia strolled back up to the counter, emptyhanded. “The toys here are super expensive. Love to support local, but you know, so much cheaper online, and they have these nice trying-too-hard-to-be-discreet packaging.”

“Uh huh.” Betty was rubbing my balls through my pants while she wrapped her palm around the head of my cock. I was just worried about Julia going a step too far forward and seeing what was happening.

Julia turned towards the DVD display. “Do you know where Alexis gets these tapes from?”

Betty leaned forward and took my cock between her small lips. There was a tightness to her mouth that I hadn’t experienced before. I almost gasped, but managed to strangle the sound in my throat. “Uh, I don’t know. That’s a bit above my pay grade.”

“Probably that big conglomerate in Montreal that owns everything,” said Julia. “Runs off convincing 18-year-old girls to pretend they’re gagging on dick.”

Meanwhile, Betty was doing her best to gag on my dick, bobbing her head back and forth. She pressed her lips to the base of my cock, and I could feel the soft touch of her lower lip on my balls. There was the slight touch of her teeth and then she pulled back, leaving a warm trail of spit.

My ability to make conversation was rapidly deteriorating. “Uh, yeah. That’s crazy.”

Julia cocked her head. “You okay Mike? You’re looking a little green around the gills. Want to go get some lunch?”

“No I ... Iii’m good,” I said. The “I” came out as a bit of a drawl as Betty slipped a finger just inside my ass, all the while continuing to lash the tip of my cock with her tongue. “Still on shift, after all.”

“I get it, the job’s important to you,” said Julia. “After all, it’s not everywhere that you can get blowjobs at work.” And then, with a wink, she walked out of the store.

Before the door had finished swinging shut, I gasped and emptied my balls down Betty’s throat. A huge sense of relief flooded through me, but also a sense of shame. Of course I wouldn’t have been able to get one over on Julia.

Betty stood up and wiped her mouth. “She seems fun. Friend of yours?”

I shook my head. “I don’t even know how to describe our relationship.”

“That’s how I feel about my Master,” said Betty. “Anyway, have a nice day. Pleasure doing business with you.”

Then she was out the door. I had no idea if I would ever see her again, and my pants were still around my ankles.

The letter had been sitting on my computer for a week. I had got in touch with some old professors to see if they’d be willing to write letters of recommendations. To my surprise, they all remembered me, and had no objection to endorsing me for grad school. Professor Lensman, my crusty half-retired professor of analytic philosophy, raised an eyebrow at my dissertation idea and muttered something about wishing he was young today.

But I hesitated to actually send the damn application. I looked at the different schools, all of them in different cities. I tried to imagine my life on each campus, with each different mentor. I saw my life spiralling out in a spiderweb of possibilities. And then there was another thread: staying here, following the free love rabbithole as far down as it went. After all, where else was I going to be in a situation with six (well, five and a half, with Josh being straight) people who wanted to have sex with me?

An instant message popped up on my desktop. It was from Padma. hey, have u sent off those applications?

still working at it, I responded.

ok. i got in touch with an academic i met at a conference. dr. sheila vincent. she’s done some work on poly stuff and would b e happy to meet with you and put in a good word for your app.

I looked up the name. I had expected this to be a Canadian scholar but she taught at Columbia. Was Padma actually suggesting I apply to an Ivy League school? In New York? My grades in undergrad had been good, but not that good. And I already had enough student debt without going to grad school in another country.

Sill, I clicked on Sheila Vincent’s profile. She had published three books, all on some aspect of queer theory. Her last work was simply titled Non-Monogamy and Queerness. And there she was, a pleasant-looking red-haired woman in her late forties, with her husband, and her wife. So people really did this stuff into middle age.

I sent her an e-mail, with my proposal attached. I still didn’t know if I would actually apply there. But the time was running out to make a decision.

I had woken up in the morning to find a note card pinned to the chore wheel. HOUSE MEETING TONIGHT 7PM – MANDATORY. I knew by now how to recognize Julia’s messy handwriting.

Sure enough, we all stayed after dinner in the kitchen. “I’m missing tequila night for this, so it better be good,” said Dawn.

“I think you’ll find it interesting,” Julia said. “Everyone knows about my videos, right? The masturbation series? Most of you have been in them.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you when my turn is,” said April.

Julia caught her eye and paused. “Talk to me afterwards. Anyway, I’ve been really wanting to expand what I’m doing. There’s not that big of an audience for amateur masturbation videos, and I’ve pretty much ran through everyone who’s willing to do it for free. And without marketing, there’s not much of an audience outside people we know.”

“Is that a bad thing?” said Simon. “I thought this was just a personal project.”

“It was,” said Julia. “But ... whenever I watch porn, which as you know is a lot, I wish it was better. Sex is so beautiful, and seeing it turned into a misogynist commercial product ... I just think we could be doing better.”

Ellie tapped idly on the table. “So what, you want to open a porn studio or something?”

“Basically,” said Julia. “I was talking to Cal and Trinh and Ashley, who do commercial porn. They’re ready to put up money and give it some exposure. Alexis says she’ll distribute DVDs in the store – just don’t piss her off too much, Mike.”

I put my hands up. “Would I ever do something like that?”

Julia narrowed her eyes. “You never know. We would use the house to film scenes. The upstairs rooms are big enough to get proper lighting and mics in. Everything would be paid, but shot as close to real sex as we could get it.”

“You’re doing it in the house?” Ellie bit her lip. “Look, I don’t want to be the one to say no, but I just barely won visitation rights. If It comes out that I’m living in a porn studio...”

“It won’t be a studio, per se,” Julia said. “And we can be sure to get everything out of there on your weekends.”

“Yeah, but how long until someone recognizes an Ottoman on a video of a girl getting spit-roasted or whatever?” said Ellie. “I don’t want to hide how we live, but I don’t need to announce it with a loudspeaker either.”

Julia nodded. “I totally understand your concerns. We’ll have to think about it. Any other objections?”

To my surprise, Dawn raised her hand. “I don’t want to be in business with that woman,” said Dawn. “I don’t want her around here, I don’t want her making money off her, and I sure as hell don’t want a DVD with my naked ass on it for sale in her store.”

“Nobody has to film anything,” said Julia. “And I know you’ve had some bad experiences with her. But she’s just a distributor, she doesn’t have to be around here.”

Dawn snorted. “Come on. You know if you’re shooting pornos around here I’m going to jump on in.”

“I think we would all like to have some time to consider it,” said Simon. “Maybe we can meet again tomorrow?”

“I wasn’t planning on having us vote tonight or anything,” said Julia. “But I’m not done with my presentation.” She pulled out her laptop, which had a Powerpoint presentation loaded up on it. “Now, I have a detailed business model...”

I was doing a little bit of holiday shopping when my phone buzzed. I usually had a pretty simple holiday practice of buying books and DVDs for my parents and siblings, although DVDs were staring to go out of fashion. (Did any of them have a Blu-Ray player?) I wondered if I should by presents for any or all of my housemates. None of them were exactly my girlfriend (or boyfriend), but they weren’t exactly just roommates of convenience ta this point. On the other hand, I didn’t rally have the money for six more presents. Maybe seven, because I felt I owed Padma something for all the help she’d given me.

Anyway, that was when my phone went off. It wasn’t a number I recognized, so I almost dismissed it as a telemarketer, but I decided to pick up. The voice on the other end was that of an older woman’s, warm and with the faintest hint of a Southern accent. “Hello, is this Michael?”

“Uh, speaking,” I said, flipping through a rack of Criterion DVDs.

“This is Sheila Vincent,” the voice said. “I got your e-mail, and I thought it was really interesting. I’d definitely be willing to supervise you. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’d love to have you down here.”

I hadn’t really expected anything more than a form e-mail from her, and suddenly a storm of nerves sprung up in me. I had to sit down somewhere, but there were no chairs in the store, so I just squatted on the floor. “Okay. Tell me how this works.”

Sheila explained the whole application process. I might still have to take out more loans, even if I got funding, and she couldn’t guarantee I would get in. But it began to seem like a real possibility in a way that it had never been before.

“Well, you’ve given me a lot to think about,” I said.

“I’m glad,” said Sheila. “If you want to come down here and visit, we’d be happy to have you.”

“Hey, can I ask you a personal thing?” I said.

There was a pause on the other end. “Sure. I’m an open book, honey.”

“You’ve been in, like, a poly relationship for a long time, right? Can I ask you – is it worth it, in the end? Once all the excitement wears off?” I bit my lip after that. It came out way too personal, and a little meaner, than I had expected.

“I’ve regretted a lot of things in my life,” Sheila said. “But I never regretted who I loved.”

I spent the next couple days lost in thought. Columbia and grad school was becoming a real possibility. If I went there, I could see a bright academic future, maybe a tenured job with a nice house in the suburbs. I could get to the bottom of this strange culture I could stumble upon. But it would also result in leaving behind yet another home, for another transitory place, to get to yet more places I couldn’t stay in. I would have to leave my poly relationship to study and write about poly-ness.

Before I knew it, we were back around the table, for another meeting about Julia’s porn studio idea. Cal, Trinh, and Ashley were there with us tonight. They were the most dressed I’d ever seen them, but I still couldn’t stop from staring.

“I just wanted to thank you all for meeting with us,” said Trinh. “I know you have reservations about the business, and I understand that. But we think we can do porn in a very different way, and we want to tap into the sexual energy you group have.”

April blushed, and I don’t think she was the only one. “I can’t imagine people like you wanting to capture our sexual energy.”

“You’d be surprised,” said Cal. “A lot of time the porn industry can be deeply unsexy. It’s like a factory line, and that comes across on film, I think.”

Ellie folded her arms. “I’m sure you lot have good intentions. But is this even legal?”

“We’ve ran everything past the lawyers,” said Trinh. “We’ll have to use a couple of loopholes, but it should be fine.”

“It should be fine?” Ellie arched an eyebrow.

Trinh blushed just a little. “In any case, you guys won’t be in any trouble.”

“I’m still a little worried about Alexis,” Dawn said. “I mean, look, I got Mike a job with her, so I can’t take an ethical stand here. But I don’t want her around here.”

“She won’t be,” said Ashley. “She’s a distributor and an investor. I don’t think she wants to be on set at all.”

Ellie folded her arms. “I’m hearing a lot of ‘I think’ and ‘probably’s.”

“Of course, there are going to be risks,” said Julia, a note of irritation creeping back into her voice. “Nothing is a sure thing. But goddamnit, we have an opportunity here to make a difference. What we have here is so special and I want to share it with the world.”

Cal stood up. “We don’t have to film here. We can use my apartment, and there are plenty of people in the city who would be interested in being involved. I don’t want to push anyone to do anything they would be uncomfortable with.”

“I didn’t say I was uncomfortable with it,” said Ellie, templing her fingers. “I just ... don’t know how this will look in practice.”

“We could show you how it looks,” said Trinh, with a glance to Cal and Ashley.

Cal rubbed his temple. “I don’t know if this is the place...”

“That’s a great idea!” said Ashley.

“Can someone please explain what we’re talking about?” said Josh.

Julia got to her feet. “The three of them and I filmed a little ... test video when they were over here the other day. We weren’t really planning on releasing it, but we thought it might be a good way to create an exemplar for the style of porn we want to do. Not that we want it to look like any one thing, of course.”

Dawn immediately perked up. “Well, what are we waiting for? I’ll get the popcorn.”

There was a little more trepidation from Ellie and Cal, but most of us pretty quickly decamped to the living room. There wasn’t that much space on the couch, so the ten of us had to get pretty comfortable. I ended up on the floor with April and Dawn on my legs, cuddling into me in a way that was very pleasant even if it was cutting off my circulation a bit.

Julia brought down her laptop and hooked it up to the TV through an HDMI table. We got a glimpse of her intimidating-looking video software before she opened up the rough video file. Immediately, Julia’s big bedroom, lined with the shelves of other porn and her much-used king-sized bed, was recognizable. And in the middle of it were Cal, Trinh, and Ashley, as we had never seen them before.

We had seen them all naked before, or close to it, but this was the first time they seemed truly nude. None of them seemed to acknowledge the camera, their eyes turned only to each other. Trinh was in the middle, with the other two laying kisses and touches along her body. Gradually, their bodies shifted. Cal fucked Ashley while Trinh rode her face. The three of them briefly, and oddly gracefully, arranged themselves into a triangle to orally please each other. Cal spooned Trinh and thrust into her while Ashley fucked him from behind with a purple strap-on.