Chapter 13

“I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing with my life.”

Ellie looked back at me, casting a wry smile over the dishevelled mass of her sweaty blonde hair. “Well, that makes two of us. Hell, that makes seven of us. Maybe not Josh actually; that boy seems to have everything in order.”

It had been a quick, after-work fuck. It was only about half an hour before I had to get up and make dinner for the group, but at the moment I wanted nothing more to lay in bed, spooning Ellie. Or, failing that, laying in bed by myself thinking about the universe. Really, the laying in bed was the important part.

“What brought this on?” Ellie said. “Did being in a rape scene really shake you up that much?”

“No, it’s not that?” I said. “Are you feeling okay, by the way? No soreness or bruises or...”

“For the millionth time, I’m fine.”

“And when I called you...”

“No, I’m not upset with you! I wanted to hear things like that!” It was far from the first time we had talked about the subject, and I had frantically grilled Ellie on whether or not I had done something wrong. Even if I had participated enthusiastically, there was still some nagging part of my mind that couldn’t accept that treating a woman that way was okay, even if she wanted it.

But ultimately I had bigger problems on my mind. “Fine, fine. But I’m serious about feeling kind of adrift. I look on Facebook and all of my friends are moving on with their lives – getting jobs, getting engaged, going to grad school, having kids. And I’m living in a single room, working at a sex shop, with no future.”

“Yeah, but I bet all those people would kill for your sex life,” said Ellie.

I was forced to smile. I wrapped my arms around Ellie’s waist and snuggled up closer to her, resting my limp penis up against her thick ass. “Maybe. But sex isn’t everything.”

“That wasn’t what you were saying half an hour ago.” Ellie chuckled. “But I’m serious. I got married right after college. I spent all my time either at the firm or at home, especially after I got pregnant. I spent my twenties pursuing goals, giving up everything fun, just for some appearance of success. And then in my forties I became a pleasure-seeking bohemian. I think you’re the one doing things in the right order.”

Part of my mind told me that Ellie was right. I should enjoy my life, and be grateful for having found a place like this. But part of my mind was still restless. I felt that I needed a goal to work towards. Something that I could feel I was actually making progress on.

Maybe I could write a book. Nah. I was a lousy writer.

The situation with Troy was just adding to my uncertainty. I had enjoyed our time together (who wouldn’t?) But I was starting to worry that it meant something different to him than it meant to me. He had added me on Twitter, something I was still trying to find a use for, and amongst some charming jokes there were a lot of strident political posts and re-tweets. I supported most of the causes he posted about, but I something still made me pause when someone said that all cops were bastards, or that Canada Day was a celebration of genocide. Did fucking dudes mean I had to be a communist? (Julia probably thought so.)

These were the things I wondered about as I sat through another quiet day at the sex shop. All of the political pins and signs glared at me anew. Commands to free Palestine and end the war sat alongside a ever-growing display of titles like Sorority Sisters 7 or More Than Just Friends that looked pretty mainstream to me. I’d be lying if I said my eye wasn’t drawn to the porn DVDs at times, but I wondered how they jived with tearing down the system. I guess even Alexis had to make compromises.

There was a woman in the far aisle, weighing up dildos like she was evaluating oranges at a supermarket. I was trying not to stare at her, as this was supposed to be a welcoming place, but it was hard. She had straw-yellow hair tied in twin ponytails running down past her shoulders, with large golden earrings in the shape of ankhs. Even though we were deep into fall, she was showing a lot of her ivory-white skin, wearing a tight-fitting leather corset and mini-skirt with thigh-high boots. My eye kept fixating, however, on the black collar around her neck, with an unadorned padlock looped through its front.

I had to remind myself not to get too attracted to anyone who came in here. It was hard, seeing a lot of women, most of them attractive, in a context that always reminded you of sex. But they were interested in the toys and books and DVDs, not me. Hell, most of them were lesbians. But at the same time, I figured there was nothing wrong with looking and fantasizing a little bit.

The woman eventually came up to the cashier, carrying a pair of gray metal handcuffs, silk ropes, and an intimidating-looking flogger.

“For a friend,” she said with a grin.

“Seems like a kinky friend,” I said.

“Yeah, she’s a real freak,” said the woman, pulling a cigarette from her purse. “Do you mind if I smoke in here?”

It was definitely a non-smoking space, but for some reason I said “Nah, go ahead.”

The woman lit up and took a drag. She gestured to the wall of DVDs. “You ever watch those movies?”

“Er, not those particular ones, no.”

She laughed. “Relax, I know that every guy watches porno. I watch it too. It’s too bad there isn’t one of those little viewing booths in this store, or I could go in the back and rub one out right now.” She watched me carefully, as if measuring my reaction.

“Well, if you want I can talk to the owner to get one installed,” I said. Trying to keep my expression as neutral is possible. “But I’m sure she’d be worried about getting a bunch of perverts in here.”

The woman winked and pointed at herself. “I think it’s a little too late to worry about that.”

I rang up her items, my throat suddenly dry. “I hope your friend has fun.”

“She will. By the way, my name’s Betty.”

“Mike.” I extended my hand, as if we were going to complete a business transaction, and she gave me a strange fistbump. No matter how much sex I had, I was always a little awkward.

Betty left me in a better mood and with a tumescent erection. My phone buzzed. It was Troy, That haze of confusion returned immediately. hey man. going on a trip to the bathhouse this fri – you and simon want to cum?

I didn’t think he had made a spelling mistake. Sure, I have that day off. But I normally shower at home, lol.

trust me, we aren’t going there to get clean

I wondered if I would ever stop feeling out of my depth.

It wasn’t uncommon to hear the sounds of fucking in the house – indeed, sometimes it felt like someone was getting laid the majority of the time. So I initially didn’t pay it any mind when I walked in the door afternoon, tired from a long day of dildo salesmanship, and heard Julia crying out “oh yes!” But then there were a pair of voices I didn’t immediately recognize – a throaty, velvety female one moaning out her pleasure, and a more high-pitched man’s voice.

I was ready to mind my own business, although it was irritating me that I couldn’t quite place where the voices were coming from. That was, until I found a naked Ashley Extra in my kitchen.

I had seen Ashley essentially nude at the burlesque show, but it was something very different to have her in my home. Her back was turned to me, and I couldn’t help but stare at the abundance of her body, the rolls of fat running down her back and ending at that gorgeous ass and the thick thighs it sat on. And then she turned around, and all I could look at were the puffy pink nipples on those enormous breasts.

“Hi,” Ashley said. “I was looking for a nice cool glass of water, and I just found one.”

It was then that I noticed the sweat on her body and the redness around her cunt. I gathered that she had been part of the festivities upstairs. I cocked an eyebrow. “Is that Cal and Trinh up there with Julia?”

“We came over to talk business,” Ashley said. “Julia wants to expand the videos she’s doing. But you know, business ended up leading to ... business.”

“Am I keeping you?” I said.

Ashley stepped forward and ran a hand down the front of my shirt. “I actually came down here hoping I would find you. Ever since I saw you at the burlesque, I’ve been wanting a taste.”

I didn’t need any more invitation. I leaned in and kissed Ashley on her ruby-red lips. After enjoying the taste of her tongue, I leaned in and took one of her large, pendulous breasts in my mouth. Ashley giggled and then moaned. I buried my face between her melons and felt the warm tit-flesh around my head. Some of my fantasies are not very mature.

As I began to kiss and nibble at her left breast, I ran a pair of fingers down to her pussy. It was warm and wet, and I was sure that there was more than one person’s juices in there. I kissed my way down her bounteous stomach to press my way to her pussy, beyond a thin delta of copper pubic hair. And then my tongue was inside her, tasting her, making love to her.

Ashley’s taste was rich and meaty. She put a foot up on a chair so that I could eat her better, and wrapped her hand around the back of my head. I dug my nose into her clit as I lapped at her insides. Her thick thighs trembled around me as her breaths got shorter and higher.

“That’s good, honey,” Ashley said. “But I’m going to need to fuck you right now.”

I grinned and got up to my feet. In all of my excitement, I was still fully clothed, with a serious tent poking out of my jeans. I fumbled to slip the button through the slit, but Ashley put a finger to my lips and got to work. She was, after all, a professional at disrobing.

My clothes vanished so quickly I barely even noticed what happened, just that I was nude, still standing in the house’s kitchen, with an equally naked woman. We met together in a hot liplock, our tongues dancing against the insides of our cheeks. My cock was jutting into her stomach, and I idly thought that I could fuck her folds and be perfectly happy. But I thought she would like it better if I fucked her pussy.

Ashley turned her back on me and leaned over on the table. I lined myself up behind her and slid into Ashley Extra’s pussy. (I idly wondered what her real last name was.) It was a tighter squeeze than I expected, and it seemed to get tighter periodically, as if she was squeezing her cunt down on my rod. In fact, that was probably exactly what I was doing.

I grabbed hold of her breasts from behind and started slamming into her. Her whole body shook with each thrust, a pleasing ocean of curves. I felt her ass rubbing up against my hips as I fucked her, a pleasing cushion that gave just a little but of a push back. Ashley moan and swore and rubbed between her legs.

“Uh...” I glanced over to see Josh and Dawn standing in the doorframe to the kitchen. They were fully clothed and had evidently been in the midst of a conversation when they walked in. I had nothing left to hide from either of them, but I still felt a little embarrassed.

Josh gave me a hearty thumbs up. “I appreciate the view,” Dawn said. “But come on, dude. We eat there.”

I looked down to see that there was now a decent puddle of our juices on the kitchen floor. “Um, sorry. Just got caught up in the moment.”

Ashley pulled herself off my cock and offered a hand to my two housemates. “Hi. I’m Ashley.” Dawn and Josh both shook hands with her, and Dawn reached down to get a taste of her girlcum.

“Nice to meet you,” said Dawn.

“Same,” said Josh. “Nice rack.”

“Aw, you’re so nice,” said Ashley. “Mike and I were just getting acquainted. Do you two want to join in?”

“We’ve got a meeting for the basketball rec league,” Josh said. “Gotta go over the rules and get those T-shirt orders in. Hey Mike, do you want to join? I know you liked rec soccer.”

“I played one game and twisted my ankle,” I said.

Josh shot me the finger guns. “And you got a threesome out of it. Not bad!” I had not told Josh about my encounters with Nina and Jen, but he always learned about these things.

Dawn and Josh eventually headed off, leaving Ashley and me naked in the kitchen. There was a time when I would have been shocked that anyone would have turned down a kinky foursome for something as mundane as rec basketball administration, but in the months I had been living in the house, I myself had passed by many in-progress orgies because I had chores to run or just wasn’t feeling it. When sex was so plentiful, it felt strangely less important. There would be another foursome. It was just a thing you did, like eating or watching TV.

They had made us promise to stop fucking in the kitchen, so we found our way down to my bedroom. I had gone limp during our conversation, so Ashley dropped to her knees and sucked me into her mouth. She was really good at giving head. She took my full length into my mouth, until I felt the tip of my cock hit the back of her throat. Ashley reached up and fondled my balls, rubbing both forward and backwards in one smooth motion. I felt one of her fingers toy with my asshole before going back to my ballsack.

Being in Ashley’s mouth felt so good that I knew that I wouldn’t last long. I slid my cock out from her lips and lightly shoved her onto the bed. I climbed onto the bed, which creaked beneath our weight, and kissed her plump breasts again. Ashley giggled. “Come on and stick it in me, dummy.”

I was hers to command. I found my way between Ashley’s thighs and positioned my cock at her opening. We groaned in unison as I pushed in. After a few thrusts, we found our rhythm again and were fucking with abandon.

Ashley’s body was plush beneath me, a soft pillow which I could throw myself into without fear. Just looking at her, from her bouncing breasts to the curve of her thighs, felt decadent and self-indulgent. Her cunt was warm and wet and squeezed down on my cock when I least expected it. The whole time she had a mischievous grin on her face, as if she was the one who was taking advantage of me.

I stopped for a moment, knowing I had to pace myself or else I would come before her. Ashley pushed at my shoulder and flipped us around until she was straddling me. “It’s okay, lover boy,” she whispered, her breath hot across my ear “I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.”

She certainly could. I abandoned myself to my pleasure as she began humping up and down on my cock. I reached around and grabbed her plump ass, forcing her down further on my rod. I lasted longer than I thought, but sure enough I felt that wild pulse run through me and, the next thing I knew, I was shooting into her warm cunt.

Ashley slid her fingers down and rapidly strummed her fingers along her clit. She was a maestro of her own body as well as mine, and a short time later she was mewling out an orgasm. She leaned down on my body and giggled, her tits crushed between us. “Not bad,” she said. “But I’ll expect better next time.”

She wasn’t interested in pillow talk. Before I knew it, Ashley was standing up, my cum starting to drip out of her. She ran a finger across her lower lips to gather the liquid and popped it into her mouth. “Tasty,” she said. “I should go see if Trinh and Cal like it.” And then she walked away, still naked as the day she was born.

Part of me felt I should go with her. But it was a long day at work, and I was tired. I let myself drift off to sleep, feeling completely sated.

If you’ve never napped until 8PM before, let me tell you: it’s a strange trip. I woke up completely confused about what time it was, and why it was still dark outside. My cock was sore and stuck to the side of my thigh with the crusted-over juices from my fuck with Ashley. I was suddenly remembering the importance of a little bit of after-care.

I washed up and pulled my clothes back on. I wandered upstairs, where a cold pot of leftover pasta was waiting for me. I microwaved a bowl and carried it into the living room. Julia, Trinh, Cal, Ashley, Dawn, and April were all sitting around, more or less clothed.

“What’s up, stud,” said April with a wink.

“Not much,” I said, sitting down. “What are you guys doing?”

“Hatching a scheme,” Dawn said.

“It’s not a scheme, it’s a business plan,” said Trinh, her smoky voice sending an almost instant jolt through me.

“It’s not a business plan, it’s political organizing,” Julia added.

The couch seats were pretty full, but I grabbed onto an ottoman and straddled it. “This a scheme/business plan/political organization that involves a lot of gratuitous sex?”

“No sex is gratuitous,” Cal added. I wasn’t sure what he meant.

“It does, in fact,” said Julia. “You know those little videos I make of people masturbating?”

My mind flashed back to Julia’s raw, honest, and very erotic video. “Um, yeah.”

“Well, we were thinking of expanding the operation,” Julia said. “You know, get some proper lighting and sound, do scenes with more than one person. We want to create a free alternative to exploitative, sexist commercial porn.”

“I’m still not sure about the free part,” said Trinh. “Sex work is work, and people deserve to be paid. I’m not going to say I’ve never had a shitty experience on a set, but getting paid nothing for ‘feminist’ porn seems more exploitative to me.”

“If you can watch shitty porn for free, and good porn for money, nobody’s going to watch the good porn,” Julia said.

This was obviously not the first time this argument had taken place. “There are plenty of tube sites out there,” said Cal. “Big reach, free to access, and you get a bit of revenue back.”

“Yeah, and the rest of the revenue goes to some creeps in Montreal,” said Julia. “This is why I keep talking about having to build our own institutions.”

Dawn got up with a pleasant smile. “Well. Does anyone want some mixed nuts?”

The conversation went on, and I sort of tuned out, but the gears in my brain had started turning. The past six months had exposed me to just how complicated free love could get. Before, I would have thought that the main problems were jealousy and falling in love with each other. It hadn’t been like that at all – I didn’t feel bad when I saw Simon or Josh fucking one of the girls. But it wasn’t a totally frictionless, utopian world. Whether it was Dawn’s sacrifice to get me a job, my fling with Nina, or Adam’s insistent politics, there had been a lot of things that I was still uncertain how to feel about. It took years for some people to figure out a relationship between two people, and there were countless books and movies about how to make a couple work. There was not much written about the dynamics in a relationship between seven people.