Chapter 10

I woke up the next morning feeling a bit chilly. April had indeed proved to be a cover-hog, and now had all of the sheets wound around her in a tight cocoon. I gave her a kiss on the forehead as I climbed over her on the way to the bathroom. She frowned and swatted at me. I guessed I had woken her up.

When I got back from using the bathroom in the hall, not bothering to put clothes on, I found April perched on the side of the bed, still wrapped in her blankets. First thing in the morning, with her makeup worn away, I had to admit that she didn’t look particularly womanly. I chided myself a moment later -- she was a woman, so whatever she looked like was womanly. But it was true that, apart from the long hair and soft swell of hormone-enfused breasts, all of the things that went into April’s feminine persona had ebbed away.

She seemed to know it, too. She didn’t meet my eye, and held the sheets close to her body. “Good morning,” I said. “I think I smell some breakfast upstairs.”

“You actually stayed the night,” April said. I wasn’t sure if she was impressed or alarmed.

“Well, I had to make sure no one else crawled in here,” I said. I sniffed the air. “Is that bacon? If it’s bacon, we’d better hurry.”

“You go ahead,” April said. “I’ll be up in a little bit.”

I frowned. Maybe I had been wrong about her not being shy. “Are you sure? I can wait for you.”

“I need to be alone when I get done up for the day.” April managed a weak smile. “A magician never reveals her tricks, after all.”

I nodded and decided to give her some privacy. After giving April a kiss on the lips, I got dressed again and went up to the kitchen. Julia and Dawn were sitting around the table, practically drooling. To my surprise it was Josh who was currently presiding over a full continental breakfast cooking on the stovetop. The scrambled eggs bubbled, the bacon sizzled, and I thought I saw some hashbrowns cooling of on the back burner.

“I thought you didn’t cook,” I said.

“This shit goes back to my days of bulking up,” Josh said. “Too lazy to do it all the time, but it’s a special occasion.”

“He’s trying to impress April,” said Julia.

I lowered my voice. “You know she’s, uh, trans, right?”

Josh looked at me like I had just told him Santa Claus didn’t exist. “Wait, you mean ... but ... she’s a man?”

“She’s a woman,” said Julia, not looking up from her coffee. “A woman with different equipment.”

“You knew about this?” said Josh, scandalized.

“I thought it was pretty obvious,” said Julia.

“Did you guys not know?” said Dawn, sounding genuinely puzzled.

Josh just stared into space, letting his perfect breakfast begin to burn

It was then that April came up the stairs. She was back to looking radiant, buxom, and definitely feminine. Everyone immediately got quiet.

April sat down and crossed her legs. “Good morning, everyone. Breakfast smells delicious.”

Josh began to go through the motions of serving breakfast like a broken-down robot. I had to get up and help him figure out how to pour the orange juice. His mind, never the most reliable of organs, was apparently completely bamboozled.

The five of us quietly dug into the eggs. We all seemed to be trying to think of a conversation topic that wasn’t April’s genitals. Dawn seemed to get there first, to my misery. “Hey, April. Have you heard about Mike’s girl problems?”

“I think I know about a little bit,” said April.

“Oh, well you’ve got to find out about Nina.” And then she came out with the whole story of my failed courtship and Nina’s weird teasing of me. She even knew about the strange trip to Nina’s apartment last weekend. I guess Josh had told her, back when he was still capable of forming sentences.

April paused to choose her words (and eat a forkful of hashbrowns.) “Would you like some advice, Mike?”

“I mean, it can’t hurt,” I said. If everyone in the house was going to know about my romantic woes, at least I could get some outside opinions.

“It seems like the problems in this relationship have come from a lack of communication,” said April. “You two haven’t been honest about your desires. And I’m not blaming you alone for that. You’re both trying to express desires that are outside our cultural scripts. But if you want to get past this kind of frustrated acting-out, you need to sit down and have an honest conversation. With your clothes on.”

I blinked. That actually sounded like good advice. “Uh, thanks. I should try that.”

“Don’t thank me,” said April. “I’ve just told you to do something that’s really hard to do! There are people who go through their whole lives without having an honest conversation about sex.”

“Well, not happy people,” said Julia.

We all finished breakfast -- even Josh, who looked like he was eating ash. April got up and smoothed her blouse. “That was delicious! Do you guys eat like that every day?”

“No,” said Julia. “But Josh wanted to do something extra. Since it was a special occasion.”

“Thank you!” April leaned forward and gave Josh a peck on the lips. He looked shell-shocked. “I’ve got to get to work. But I’ll see you all tonight!”

Julia and Dawn got up to get to their day’s work as well. I had the day off, and an important conversation to have. But I wanted to put it off a bit, so I started to do the dishes.

Behind me, Josh whimpered. “Are you guys sure?”

In the end, it took me a couple hours to work up the will to text Nina. It was a short message -- “Can we talk?” -- but I half expected her to bite my head off over the phone about it. How dare I pester her more, and all that. But her response was equally brief and open: “Sure. My place at 4?”

I hadn’t realized it the night of the party, but the address was different from the apartment Nina had shared with the soccer hooligans. She must have moved in with Jen -- a quick-moving relationship, I guessed. Or maybe it was simply a more convenient place to meet. I found myself nervously overthinking things on my way there.

That mental whirling didn’t stop once I got in the door. The second I saw the table in the living room, I remembered Nina kneeling across it, getting fucked. You can imagine what I thought when I saw the woman herself.

We sat in the kitchen, a rather cramped and distinctly un-sexy cube of white tiles. Jen set out three cups of tea. The tea tasted orange-y and a little too sweet, but I drank enough to be polite.

“I’m glad you messaged Nina,” said Jen, sitting down alongside us. “I was trying to get her to do it. It’s obvious that there are still some ... issues between the two of you. And, to be honest, I don’t like being surprised by whatever exhibitionist display she decides to throw.”

Nina winced. “Yeah, I had to apologize to her a thousand times for that Friday night. Believe me, I paid for it too. My knees did not take that wooden table well.”

“Yeah, and then I had to do all the errands while you lay in bed,” said Jen.

“Writhing in pain!” said Nina.

“I kind of imagined we’d be talking one on one,” I said. I didn’t have anything against Jen, but I also didn’t really know her.

Nina put her hand on Jen’s wrist. “This is my girlfriend. Anything that happens between you and me, she deserves to at least know about. That’s my hard and fast line.”

“Basically, I’m here to keep Nina from doing something stupid,” said Jen. “As much as I love your impulsive side, honey, it can get out of hand.”

So that was that. Well, Nina probably had more guts to pour out than me, so we would do it her way.

“I think ... I mean, I’ve always been honest about my feelings for you,” I said. “Maybe I haven’t been honest about anything else. But I do like you. You’re fun, you’re smart, you’ve got a killer bod. I want to be around you, and I want to be with you.”

“But not more than you want to be in your sex house,” said Nina.

Was this going to turn into an interrogation? “I don’t see why I have to choose between the two.”

“Because relationships aren’t just about sex,” said Nina, raising her voice. “They’re about waking up together in the morning, going through the day together, kissing each other good night. They’re about supporting each other through the hard times, and celebrating victories together. They’re about having someone who knows you better than you know yourself. That’s what I want.”

“That’s what I want too,” said Jen.

“And the two of you have that, or will have that,” I said. “I have my support system. You have yours. I just didn’t see why we couldn’t have something on top of that, to fill ... different needs. And I’m sorry I wasn’t open about my situation to you. It’s not something I knew how to bring up. But I don’t think that what I wanted was wrong.”

“How can you be so ... blasé about this?” said Nina. “You go join a commune for four fucking months and all of a sudden you don’t understand that someone would want to be monogomous?”

I stopped to think about that for a moment. It was true, the shift in perspective hadn’t been difficult for me. I had never really thought about polyamory or having an open relationship before, but I had never had any real attachment to monogamy. When I had started dating a girl I stopped pursuing other ones, but only because those had been the unspoken rules, and I didn’t want to push my luck. When my second-ever girlfriend had cheated on me way back in high school, I had been upset, but only because it meant she didn’t really care about me. And when I joined the house, and was told that the old rules no longer applied, it hadn’t felt like I was losing anything.

“You have to understand that it’s different for us,” Jen said. “Girls grow up hearing about fairytale weddings and Mr. Right. When a guy does what you’re doing, he’s lucky. When a woman does it, she’s a slut.”

That caught me by surprise, although it probably shouldn’t have. I thought of the women of the house, all brave and sexy in their own way. Would other people consider them whores? What had they had to push through to embrace the lifestyle they did?

“I’m not trying to force you into anything,” I said. “And we’re not just here to talk about me. I was going to leave you alone after what happened, Nina. But you seem to still have some kind of fixation on me.”

Nina bit her bottom lip. “Fuck you, Mike.”

“Or do you get naked in front of all your ex-boyfriends?”

“I’m serious. Fuck you.”

“Is that a proposal?”

Jen shot me a look that could kill lesser men. “You’re not helping here, Mike.”

I sighed. Surely I hadn’t come here just to get chewed out again. Jen got up and wrapped her arms around Nina. She kissed her girlfriend on the cheek and then whispered something into her ear. Nina turned away, seeming not to hear it, but Jen persisted. The dark-haired girl then returned to her seat.

“I do have to admit,” said Nina, “That my feelings about you are a lot more ... complicated than with the other guys who have cheated on me.”

I was tempted to make another smart-ass remark, but let her go on.

“I’m not sure you’re aware of this, but I really fell hard for you. You were cute, sensitive, and didn’t take yourself too seriously. Compared to my last couple of guys ... well, let’s just say you were a breath of fresh air. This is going to sound dumb and maybe a little creepy, but I was fantasizing about us moving in together. Starting a life, and everything that entails.”

Everything that entails? Did she mean marriage and children and everything else? Maybe we really did have different ways of thinking. Still, I said “If that was your fantasy, there’s nothing wrong with it.”

Nina ignored my interruption. “And afterwards, there was this little voice in my head saying that I let the perfect guy get away. That it wouldn’t have been so bad, sharing you with other people, as long as I didn’t think about it. That I was being a killjoy, a stick in the mud. And the rest of me rejected that voice, but it wouldn’t shut up. So I started trying to prove stuff to it -- to you. That I didn’t need you, that I didn’t need any man, that I was happier with Jen.”

A look of concern crossed Jen’s face. I could understand why. She had to be wondering if this would end with Nina declaring her lesbianism just an attempt to get to me. But Nina pulled Jen’s head down and kissed her. “And I am happier with you, sweetie. But that happiness feels ... insecure.”

“I know what you mean,” said Jen. “There probably hasn’t been a day since we met that I haven’t heard you complaining about Mike.”

“That’s an exaggeration,” said Nina.

“Not much of one.”

“So ... where does that leave us?” I said.

Nina fretted. “I love Jen. No matter what, I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with her. But ... there’s something unfinished between me and you, Mike. This is going to sound a little desperate, but a part of me regrets not sleeping with you before dumping you. At least I would have avoided some lingering curiosity.”

Jen took a deep breath. “You could sleep with him now.”

Nina’s head darted to look at her girlfriend. “What?”

“I mean, it would seem to solve at least some of our problems,” said Jen. She sounded weirdly analytical, like she was talking about a group of strangers. “And maybe it would get Mike out of your system for good. No more wondering.”

Nina got up and took Jen by the hands. “I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Don’t worry about me,” said Jen. “I want you to be happy, and I don’t want to live with a frustrated partner.”

Nina looked back to me. “Mike, would you mind if Jen and I discussed this in private?”

“Um, no problem,” I said.

They went off into their bedroom, and I sat there sipping tea. It tasted even worse cold. I began to wonder if I was about to get laid or not. Should I start getting excited, or prepare for more sober, pants-on conversation? It was a fine line between having an open sex life and letting your dick make the decisions for you.

Finally, the hushed voices in the other room stopped. I heard Nina call out. “Mike? You can come in here?”

It was, surprisingly, my first time in either girl’s bedroom. It seemed like Nina hadn’t really influenced the place’s decor. The room was painted in warm pastels, and the pictures on the wall were mostly of Jen with friends and family (or at least other black people.) I was pretty sure that the well-worn baseball bat sitting underneath the window was Nina’s, though.

Jen was laying on the bed, playing with her hair. Nina seemed tense. “We talked about it,” she said. “And Jen still thinks I should sleep with you. In my experience, she usually knows what’s best for me. I want her to be there, though. And just one time.” She held up a single, determined finger to get her point across. I’d never experienced such an angry seduction before, and I’d slept with Julia.

“Well, if that’s how you feel,” I said. “Who am I to refuse? I’d be an idiot to turn down a girl like you, especially a second time.”

Nina seemed to melt under my grin. “There you go again,” she muttered under her breath.

“Do you want to do it now?” Jen said.

“Isn’t that a little ... sudden?” I said.

“I’m not sure when our schedules will line up again,” said Jen. “I’m doing some more hours at work, and Nina’s schoolwork is about to pick up. So there’s no time like the present.”

It seemed weird to discuss sex in such a way -- like I was scheduling a dentist’s appointment. But if this was what it took to make sure that everyone ended up happy, I could take a little awkwardness.

“Let’s do it.” Nina stepped forward, right up against my body. She looked up at me quizically. I tried to ignore the lack of a romantic atmosphere, and leaned down to kiss her. She surprised me with the passion she returned. Nina’s lips moved quickly and furiously, and her tongue soon darted into my mouth. When I say our tongues wrestled, it’s not figurative language. Hers won, of course.

The angle was awkward, with Nina being a good six inches shorter than me. So she wrapped her arms around my waist and spared me the neck strain. Her lithe, athletic body clung to mine fiercely. I lowered her onto the bed and crawled on top of her. It was only then that our lips finally broke apart.

“Wow,” Nina said. And then we both took a deep breath and started kissing again.

Jen didn’t say or do anything, just lay on her side and watched us. If envy crossed her face, I didn’t notice it -- I was too wrapped up in Nina’s embrace. But after a few minutes Nina reached out with her right hand and put it in Jen’s left. Even if she never took a stitch off, I knew that Jen would be an important spiritual part of this.

Nina’s athletic body was tight under me, ready to explode at any moment. She began to writhe against me, grinding her crotch into mine. I could feel the hard points of her nipples rubbing against my chest. I licked and nuzzled at her neck, drawing a deep groan from Nina.

She reached up and began unbuttoning my shirt. I sat up and let it fall away. For a moment I felt self-conscious -- it wasn’t far into the fall, but I was already starting to acquire a bit of winter flab. Sex was the only exercise I could bother to keep up with. But Nina didn’t seem to care. She buried her face in my chest, leaving a warm wet trail. Nina took one of my nipples in her mouth and whirled her tongue around it. It was something I had done to many women before, but it felt strange from the other end. Strange, but good.

I reached down to pull Nina’s shirt over her head. Jen moved behind us to unbutton her girlfriend’s bra and give her a reassuring kiss on the cheek. I cupped Nina’s small breasts in my hand, squeezing her hard pink nipples between my fingers. She groaned and began pawing at my crotch.

Who was I to dissuade her? I shifted onto my side and unbuttoned my pants. Sliding them off, I tried to make a bit of a tease of it, but I didn’t really know how to do it. My cock was already hard, making a visible tent in my briefs. The briefs went next.

Jen looked me up and down. “I have to admit, honey: he’s not bad looking. Nice dick, anyway.”

“That’s all mine,” said Nina playfully.

“Oh, I know,” said Jen, as she slid off her own skirt. “Mike, you won’t mind if I...”

“Go right ahead.”

Jen slid her fingers into her white cotton panties as I turned my attention back to her girlfriend. The topless Nina crawled towards me on her hands and knees. She took my hard cock in her hands, as if to judge the weight of it. Nina ran her fist up and down along my shaft, and then leaned down to take the head between her lips.

That it was only the second-best blowjob I’d gotten in the past twenty-four hours was a sign of my charmed life. Nina’s mouth was a warm, sealed cave. When I say that she sucked me, I mean it literally. The tight pressure of her lips and tongue felt like they were about to swallow me whole. And I wouldn’t have minded. But I had other things to do.

I put a hand on Nina’s tight ass. “I want to do you,” I said. “Lie down.”