Chapter 24

Day 28, Sunday

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"Anna! Wake up!"

"Okay Ma. I'm up."

She was also beside me on the floor. I hadn't woken during the night as I would customarily have done.

"I'll just get Roger moving. Breakfast in ten."

I gave Anna a kiss and headed naked out the window and across the roof, hoping none of the neighbours were watching.

"Ma?" I heard Anna behind me as I ducked under the intervening windows.

"Do you know if my blue bra is in the laundry?"

Good girl! Anna was on the ball.

I dove into my room and pulled my shorts on. Before Ma was halfway down the corridor I was approaching her and entering my bathroom.

"Morning Ma."

"Good morning Roger."

I could see her appraising my body; I was only clad in my boxer PJs. I was fit and, even with the age difference, must have looked good to Ma. I didn't realise that the marks on my back were as prominent though.

As I showered I considered my feelings. Since I hadn't heard anything I had to have achieved my mission. If anything I was glad Adam Pringle no longer walked the Earth. That wasn't strictly true since I didn't really get any joy out of that fact, rather I had a sense of satisfaction over both his demise and my part in it.

But then there was the collateral damage. I could have shot him from a distance -- he'd have been just as dead -- but the last thing we wanted was for his associates to think he'd been murdered, at least for the next few months. We had people inside the organisation making sure more than Pringle went down and it was important that they could function without the extra scrutiny. It was also important that people were slow to consider that there was a connection between the rash of deaths in their organisation.

How did I feel about the innocents? There were others in the house and their chances of being alive were nearly non-existent.

Beverley had married Adam knowing in general terms what he did, if not the specifics. She'd been prepared to live comfortably off the misfortune and suffering of others. Nope, no trauma there.

Michelle! Well if she hadn't proven to be as nasty as her father in her own right I might have felt something there.

Kyra? Kyra would have quite happily been Daddy's girl regardless of what Daddy did for a living had Michelle not taken over that role. Michelle's own attitude had developed in response to Kyra's and I'm not really sure if Kyra would have let me go without Daddy punishing me if she had desired that I stay. On her plus side, she really did care for Mark and I don't mean in an incestuous way. I would remember her with some fondness but once again, I compare her loss to the people who might be saved in her father's absence and cannot think of any real redeeming quality that meant I should feel guilty.

Mark is a different matter. Mark suffered from his father's attitude but didn't have the guts to try and make it by himself. Actually, considering his age, he did have the guts to stick out an almost intolerable existence until he had the ability to make it by himself. Running away from home wasn't really a practical alternative when he wasn't in any actual danger from sticking around a couple of more years. If I could have gotten Mark away without jeopardising the plan I would have quite happily done so. As it was I just considered the stats again and sighed while I hoped he forgave me.

Julia too was a separate issue. If she had been the visitor Mark must have done something spectacular to convince her to sleep over. I couldn't see that happening. I didn't feel too concerned for her but it did leave the sixth person as a mystery.

I scrubbed, but it wasn't a matter of cleansing myself of my sins. I was comfortable with myself and my world this morning.

At breakfast Ma was attentive to both of us but when we continued on about Hailey and Rosalee at the bowling alley we must have confused her more.

I had openly spoked to Ma about feeling something for Anna but I had also said I felt something for Rosalee and Hailey as well. Since we tended to be all together when we went out it must have difficult for Ma to imagine, not so much how I got the marks, but who gave them to me. I doubt she got anywhere near the truth.

I filled two water bottles and threw them into a small backpack with some snack bars. We didn't really have anywhere special to go; it was more a chance to spend some quality non-sexual time together.

We walked towards the river and the bridges I had crossed a few times in my nocturnal excursions. Once out the front door we held hands, no longer concerned if Ma was watching out the windows.

It was still cool and Anna snuggled up beside me after a couple of blocks and wondered if she dared suggest sleepovers with the others.

She was quite conscious that I would not be welcome at the other houses on such a basis and even sneaking into Hailey's again would be near impossible.

I pointed out that Ma would probably consider it more favourably if there were a special holiday involved and Anna started counting through they year.

"If you are getting together that often you are going to get caught eventually. What are you going to say?"

Anna didn't pick up any implication that I would be absent from my question.

"Yeah, well you and I are kind of natural; thrown together by circumstance, immediate predictable dislike turning to love..."

"I've never disliked you Anna."

"Yeah well I guess I was only miffed when I thought you were a peeping tom -- and I wasn't good enough to hang around for."

"I did look in; you were reading."

"I'm glad you did."

"I'm glad you caught me. We might have lost so much time if I'd had to get up the nerve to say anything to you."

"Or Rosalee or Hailey would have stolen your heart. I hate the idea of you falling for both of them and not for me, now that I know what I would have missed."

"I know I would have been worse off."

Anna unerringly jumped back to the point of our conversation where I had interrupted her.

"I don't know how I could explain Rosalee and Hailey. I'd love Ma and Dad accepting them but even one girl lover would be pushing it. Two plus you!? I don't think so."

"And I don't see us convincing three separate sets of parents that I'm only interested in their daughter. Not before we are old enough to go our own way."

"That seems years away."

There was a small park by the side of the path; a little area really only big enough for walkers to take a rest in pleasant surroundings. We stopped and sat.

"Anna you had first call on my affections and, though you don't have all my heart now, you have a pretty big chunk of it. I don't know where life if going to take us but whenever I am able to stand on my own feet you can count on me checking to see how things stand between us before I approach anyone else. I loved you first, I hope to love you always."

It was a promise I hoped I would be able to keep as well. If I left and worked for another five years then I could well come back and speak to Anna, then to Rosalee and finally to Hailey. I would be able to see just what time had wrought.

If they had no new love and still felt for me I would be there unless I had changed myself. Then I could at least offer honest closure. If they felt for each other I should be able to support us all.

If any or all of them had changed their feelings for each other but not for me then I would need to make some awkward decisions. Perhaps by then I would have the necessary additional maturity not to make them too painful. Surely no future decision could be as bad as having to leave them now.

I know it sounds stupid that we felt that way after only a couple of weeks but at sixteen you fall heavily when you fall in love -- there is nothing to compare it with. I guess at nineteen I was no different from the girls, not having had much affection before.

Even Ma had shown me as much affection as my own mother had given me during my early years and much more than the later ones. I didn't get hugs and kisses but at least they sincerely looked out for my best interests. Was it any wonder that I did fall for those who did shower me with hugs and kisses as well?

So what about Kyra and Mark? They had been equally attentive, indeed affectionate. Was I so attuned to the job that I could compartmentalise my life?

I felt I had. I had approached friendship and sex with the Pringle twins as a necessity; the same with Anna, Rosalee and Hailey was by contrast sheer pleasure.

On the seat in the park Anna sat on my lap with her arm around me. We kissed as boyfriend and girlfriend rather than as lovers and it was fun. We had jumped right past the level of uncertain beginnings to lusty explorations. We had still had our uncertainties but none had been the "does she/he want me to kiss him/her" dilemmas of teen dating.

We didn't retreat quite that far but rather explored the stage where we knew we both wanted to kiss but weren't about to push the boundaries further. Yet.

The big advantage we had then was that neither of us felt awkward about kissing; neither of us was worried we had to touch one another or if we didn't touch in other than a friendly way.

The disadvantage as I saw things was that most young couples setting out had a future. Even if I returned in five years I wasn't optimistic.

I wasn't going to spend my last days with Anna, hours perhaps, regretting that they were the last. That would only waste the time we had. I held her against me and let my lips explain exactly how much I loved her.

"I wish we had somewhere we could go. I don't mean right now, though that would be nice. I mean where we could be together and Rosalie and Hailey could either visit or stay with us."

I thought of the Pringle's Hacienda. I really would have to find out whether it was going to be available. If my exit strategy allowed me to return then I liked that property as a base. It would be one way that my time with the three girls need not end.

But I couldn't say anything to Anna, not yet, perhaps not for years, maybe never. That didn't mean we couldn't make plans together that would describe "what if?"

"Well then, suppose I had a nice house, maybe with a stable and enough land to ride on. Do you like horses?"

"I haven't had much to do with them but I think they are beautiful animals."

"You can muck out the stables then."

"Thanks."

"Well we'll have the house plenty big enough for guests; it would have a lovely big spa and be located far enough from anyone that you don't have to worry about neighbours noticing if you are naked when you sunbathe or soak in the spa or even ride the horses."

"That sounds perfect; perhaps a little expensive though."

"In that life we can afford it. With room enough for Rosalee and Hailey, could you live with them?"

"Is that a condition?" Anna was serious now.

"No, I was just wondering how you felt."

"I like being able to go to sleep with you; I really like being able to wake up with you. I know if the others were there they would have good reason to expect to share those moments as well. The chance to spend the night with each of them would be pretty neat as well though so maybe I wouldn't miss you quite as much."

"I don't think they would like missing out on the times you and they spend together. I think that while the four of us certainly have fun all together we need to have some 'just us' time too."

"I know I value it, but you are talking like we can make it happen."

"If we don't try, it won't. I'm willing to try. How about you?"

"You know I will."

"All we have to do is convince six parents that it is a good idea."

"Yeah, that's all!"

We'd spent about half an hour walking and another thirty minutes sitting while an occasional person, couple or group went by. Most just nodded and one older couple scowled at us being so forward in public!

I suggested we move on and Anna stood. She made her own suggestion that I'd got her to shift because my legs needed some relief from her weight. I offered to let her sit there again until we had to return home instead.

"No. I like walking with you too."

We followed the river for a couple of kilometres and took the track away from the water when the path branched. It led to a small shopping centre and a burger outlet. We entered and I gave Anna a couple of dollars and suggested she get a drink for us to share while I used the men's room.

It was empty. I checked the cubicles as soon as I entered and while I was using the urinal another customer came in.

"5 for 5 plus a cook."

I showed no sign I'd heard him as he headed into the stall. Oh well, a cook who stayed overnight rather than Julia. It was one less matter to concern me.

There was nothing about the circumstances; no suggestion the family had been caught unawares as they slept or had been struggling to escape. I would hear that soon enough.

I rejoined Anna.

She was overjoyed to be sitting with me in public, able to cuddle and even to share the restrictive sort of kiss that wouldn't have us asked to leave. I had been aware of the presence of some of her friends and classmates (and some of mine) before we had opened the door. Now I noticed her subtle glances around the room checking that those we knew were aware of the physical signs of affection that were passing between us.

I didn't have the heart to even suggest it no longer mattered if her parents knew all. Anna knew I'd spoken of her mother knowing we were romantically involved but Ma hadn't sat down with her yet. Until she did, Anna wouldn't consider things had changed.

We left after nodding or chatting to a couple of people and headed along the highway that would take us home.

If we wanted to we could go past Rosalee's or Hailey's home or even both of them but they would likely be at Mass or getting ready for Sunday dinner. As I had already said this was going to be Anna's time I didn't even mention the possibility.

As often happens, the way home seemed to require less time than the way out, probably due to the stopovers in the park and at the burger barn.

We had been due back at noon and came in soon after eleven. As a matter of course, we disengaged arms when we came into view of the house. We didn't want to push our relationship too far into Ma's face and possibly end up with unwanted additional strictures.

"How was your walk?"

"The river path is beautiful. You should come with us next week; it would do you good."

Ma considered us. If we were an item, would we ask her to join us? Were we still trying to work out if it was friendship or love? And yet there was the matter of my back.

"Well you can have an early lunch then. Anna, I've got a uniform for you. I'll bring it up to check it fits properly."

I emptied out the water remaining in our bottles, rinsed them and refilled them to sit in the refrigerator until needed again. While I was busy Ma took Anna upstairs.

In Anna's room Ma handed Anna a coffee shop blouse. "See if you need a bigger size."

Anna didn't hesitate and Ma was relieved by an absence of any hickeys or suspicious scratches on her body. She wasn't entirely reassured; an absence of proof is not proof of absence.

"Anna I think we need to talk. Things have changed in this house since Roger has arrived. I guess the main one was you convincing me that you should go on the pill. I accepted you were interested in a boy at school and I believed that, by raising the issue of contraception before you needed it, you were taking the matter seriously enough to trust you to think carefully before you took that step."

Anna sat on her bed next to her mother and waited to hear what was about to come. As she did she looked down at the floor where she had asked me to fuck her hard and fast only hours before. How she managed to control her expression was amazing.

"Since then you've been out with Roger on two occasions when he has been with Rosalee and Hailey -- both lovely girls, I am sure. You haven't however mentioned any other boy. Am I right in thinking that the boy at school was Roger all along?"

Anna knew there was no point in lying about that matter. I had said I liked her and Ma wasn't stupid. If Anna had to lie then it was better to keep the karmic imbalance for something more important.

"Yes."

"Now Roger has said he likes you as well as the other girls. Is that how you see things?"

"Yes, and we all think he's special."

"The fact that you aren't scratching each other's eyes out suggests he's certainly that. He's not playing you off against each other is he? Having you compete for his favours?"

"No. Nothing like that. We each like him and we know he likes the three of us. I guess we're waiting to see whether one of us wins or not."

"And does sex feature in this competition? You're not offering yourselves in an attempt to win?"

"I'm not really comfortable talking about this. Did you talk to your mother about when you were thinking of having sex with your boyfriend?"

"No, but I was older, I'd known the boy for a couple of years and had been dating him for a few months and, just for the record, it wasn't your father. You're still sixteen, have known Roger for three weeks and have two competitors for his affection. I think I need to be a bit more reassurance that you aren't finding yourself pressured into situations you aren't able to give adequate thought to in the time you are being allowed.

"People in a hurry make poor decisions that they regret when they have time to think things through. I only want to give you a chance to slow things down so you can do your thinking first. You are still going to have to make your own decisions but I want you to be happy to live with them."

"Thank you Ma. We've all kissed Roger. I know I'd like to do more but Rosalee and Hailey are around as well. Today was the first time we've been out together except when he took me to the Mall and to the movies, and neither of those were close to being a date. Today we walked and talked and held hands; and yes we kissed. It was beautiful and I think I love him so much it hurts. Is love supposed to be like that?"

"Well I know I missed your father so much when he went home after taking me out it felt like I had a stomach-ache sometimes. I guess it can be pretty awful."

"So that tells you it's the real thing?"

"I don't know honey. I doubt anyone has a good or at least universal definition of true love. I figure it is where you want to spend the rest of your life, and not necessarily the entire time, with someone and where you would do almost anything to see they were happy. That doesn't mean you accept them trying to cheapen what you offer by failing to respect you as a person. If someone can't respect you, it isn't really possible to love them. They can respect you without necessarily loving you though, harsh as that might seem."

"I know Roger respects me and I think he loves me."

"There seemed to be a 'but' at the end of that sentence."

"Well I'm pretty sure he loves Rosalee and Hailey as well. He says he never really had much love in his life before he came here but it's hard to understand how someone can love more than one person."

"Well it is unusual in that sense I guess. I love you and your father and Brent so I can love more than one person but that is a bit different. I know I loved the boy I was talking about before and though we broke up I still loved him though I no longer wanted to be with him. When I met your father that didn't change though I realise that the boy I loved has grown into a man who is a stranger to me. I may not love that man, though if he called asking for help I might be willing to assist purely on the basis of love shared so long ago.

"To love three people at the same time though, especially when they all know each other sounds more like he is a little greedy or perhaps is simply unsure of what he does want."

"I don't think he is greedy; he certainly isn't selfish. Roger is aware that we can't really continue like we are and that something is likely to snap. We spoke about it today. I would prefer it was just him and me sometimes but I don't want to lose my friends over it. I certainly wouldn't want to spoil their happiness if Roger decided on one of them but I know I would feel dead inside."

Ma was concerned that Anna might have suicidal thoughts if I was to choose Rosalee or Hailey.

"Just because you feel there can only be one person for you, it is surprising that sometimes another is waiting around the corner for you to simply be free to notice him. If you find yourself not 'selected' please come and talk to me."

"Okay. I don't think it will happen soon. Roger says we need to be older and I think he would rather we break up with him if we feel we aren't going anywhere. That way he doesn't have to disappoint someone he still loves but can't be with."

"Disappointment is something we all learn to live with. It is necessary we accept the times when we have to disappoint people as well."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Just don't commit yourself to sex if that is the only way to get Roger because, if that is all that matters to him, maybe he isn't really worth it -- no matter if it feels otherwise at the time. I think better of him than that but you'll have to find out. If he wants you for yourself, he'll wait. I don't say that you have to be married first, I'm not a hypocrite, but I do think you should be older. Have I embarrassed you enough?"

"Not quite Ma. I love you."

"Well get through the shower so you're fresh for the afternoon and come down for lunch in your uniform so your father can see you."

Ma left Anna thinking as she changed, and walked past the bathroom where I was having a quick shower myself. Dressed for work myself, I met up with Ma in the kitchen.

"Can you give me a hand here please Roger?"

When I was what I was helping with I was sure Ma had an ulterior motive."

"I've just spoken with Anna. It sounds as though the two of you are more than friends."

"Would that worry you?"

"In some respects. I'd certainly be happier if you showed your feelings than tried to hide them. I know what it's like to be your age, believe it or not, and I'm not opposed to you and Anna being involved as such though it makes it hard if you do get serious and then break up. Living together, seeing each other every day, watching the other person meet someone new. All complications that don't normally happen."

"I have thought about that sort of thing but I guess I can't change my feelings."

"And Hailey and Rosalee?"

"More complications? I like them all as I said before. I can't really say I have a favourite. So far it has been good that they are all friends and we can go out together like that. Sometimes we need some private time though. Today was nice; I guess less complicated."

"Anna said you thought you needed to be older." Ma was directing the conversation without actually asking questions.

"Hmm? I guess I was saying things might sort themselves out. I haven't tried to hide the fact I like them all more than I expected.

"You've gotten yourself into an awkward situation. I hope you can resolve it without too much chaos."

"Me too."

I set the table and when Anna came down I surprised her by giving her a kiss while her mother watched. It wasn't anything other than a "Hi there!" but it was on the lips rather than the cheek.

"You look good in the uniform."

"Thanks."

"Doug will be home in about five so we'll wait."

I looked at the time.

"Mind if I put the TV on until then?"

"No."

We didn't have television as a background during meals but Ma had no objection though she couldn't understand what we would see in five to ten minutes that was worthwhile. I however was aware that the midday news report would be coming on and local news was covered first.

Anna sat beside me as the headlines were read out. Number two was the "Horror Fire Tragedy" where six people died when they were trapped in a suburban house overnight; number four was the damaged caused to appliances in hundreds of homes by a still unexplained power surge.

Anna didn't recognise the home and no names were mentioned until the newsreader expanded on the story.

"The family of shady local identity Adam Pringle all died when they were trapped in the blazing Greenview home last night. Investigators are still at the scene which took the lives of Mr Pringle, his wife Beverley, twelve year old daughter Michelle and seventeen year old twins Mark and Kyra. The name of an employee who also perished is being withheld until relatives can be notified. And in Bel Vista thirty-four houses had to be evacuated after a police raid on a makeshift Methamphetamine lab in a rental property revealed unstable stores of dangerous chemicals..."

"Roger, that was Kyra and Mark!"

"Yeah. How could such a thing happen?"

"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"Well it's a shock and Mark was a friend."

"But Kyra -- you and she..."

"I told you. That was more like a job; it didn't mean anything. I'm sorry that anyone had to die like that though. It seems a shame when she was, they both were, so young."

"I don't know if you're brave or heartless."

"If it were your family you'd realise I wasn't heartless. Kyra and Mark were okay but their father was everything the stories said about him and more. I heard from Mark that he'd had someone killed who had gotten close to Mark."

"He killed Mark's girlfriend!?"

"Not quite. Don't spread it around though it can't hurt Mark now but he didn't really like girls."

"Mark was gay!? But how did you know?"

"Mark needed a friend. He wasn't sure about me and I asked him openly. We talked."

"It didn't worry you? Nor that others would think you were gay if he was found out?"

"I don't object to anyone being honest about what their feelings are. If Mark fancied me, and could then accept me as just a friend, I was willing to be his friend."

"I don't think there are too many guys around here who would be like that."

"I think that was why Mark was so lonely. In a round about way that is how I got to be with Kyra; his father was going to be suspicious of any male friends Mark got close to. One thing led to another and you got cross with me."

"I'm sorry for that now."

"No need to be. It was a reasonable way to react."

Doug had arrived home and had caught just the last part of my sentence. "What's a reasonable way to react?"

"Two kids Roger knows were killed in a fire last night."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay Roger?"

"Yeah. It's a bit disturbing to know someone and hear they're dead but I'm okay."

"You sure? If you don't feel like working I can call someone else in."

"No. I think I'm better working than just sitting thinking of them."

Doug left us and a minute later Ma came in to check I was okay. She focussed more on the immediate situation; was I feeling like lunch? I was and Anna and I followed her into the kitchen.

Brent was home and was prevailed upon to join us. He too expressed his sympathies to me; rather a surprise but appreciated regardless of my actual state. I had to pick a little bit. I couldn't appear entirely unmoved but I still managed to put away everything on my plate.

Doug gave us a couple of minutes after lunch before bundling us out into the car. We would be early but he figured if we were ready we were just as well off waiting in the store as home.

I clocked on when I got there and reported to the shift supervisor. He greeted me and asked me to start clearing tables. It was a job I had grown to know and, if not love, to understand. It was the duty given to the lowest of the low, which merely meant the newest staff rather than any true employee hierarchy. I wouldn't only be cleaning up but, with restocking and an occasional spell taking orders, that was how I would spend maybe three fourths of my time -- the other fourth being devoted to operating the coffee machine under the watchful eye of an experienced barista.

This time there was a difference. The Supervisor introduced me to our new trainee, a girl called Anna. He asked me to explain to her what I did as I cleared the tables then he would see how well she managed and give further instruction as needed. It was as much a test of our ability to work together as of our skills.

Though it was a Sunday there were more than enough people around to keep us busy and little time for Anna or I to do more than smile at each other even if we had been inclined to mess around while working. Of course, that was exactly what I had been doing for the last three weeks -- messing around while I was supposed to be working.

Around three we were both surprised to see two bright young ladies sitting at one of the tables.