Chapter 20

Over Easter we joined the Scottish swimming team at their training centre. It did not take much time before we felt a bit overawed by the standard of the competition. Scottish swimming at this point in time was on quite a high. We had several swimmers who were British champions and some of them who had achieved bronze silver and gold at the most recent world championships. Listening to them talk, what amazed us most, was the hours that each of these champions was prepared to put in to reach the top of their sport. Beside them we felt like part timers.

At home we got up early two or three mornings a week to put in an hour and a bit of training and spent some time in the evening twice a week. Several of them were being sponsored and could almost devote their whole time to training. Others had been sponsored then for one reason or another lost it but they were still putting in a phenomenal amount of time around their school work or their jobs to achieve times that were either at or close to world record times

While there, I think the four of us from our school received tips that would improve our technique and help us shave fractions of a second of our times. The thing which impressed me most, however, was the dedication which would be needed to compete with the best of the best. I found myself asking again and again, did I really want to put in that level of effort and the commitment of that amount of time in the attempt to win one of three medals, whether they would be gold, silver or bronze. I enjoyed the level I was swimming at now, but was I willing to make the sacrifice of almost all my other interest for this kind of pursuit.

That was not to say I did not enjoy my time at the training camp, I did. I also admired the skill and dedication of the coaches and the spirit of friendly rivalry among those who were competing for places in the same events. It was also obvious that those who were selected to represent their country at this level had great camaraderie with their fellow team mates and encouraged and supported each other when they were competing against other nations. I had no doubt if I made the effort to reach their level, I would enjoy the competition and give my all in an effort to win. I would enjoy the fellowship and the team spirit. What I was not sure about was whether I wanted to try.

I did not mention this inner struggle I was having to Katy or to any of the rest of our friends from school. They could make up their own minds without me sowing any seeds of doubt about whether or not it was worth the effort. I did resolve that once the time at training camp was over I would have a serious discussion first with Katy and then with Joe and Isa about how I felt.

With my financial resources, I could well afford the funds; but I also wanted to do well with my educational opportunities and keep up my martial arts and other interests. I also had to think seriously about the kind of career I wanted in this new existence and bear in mind that it seemed to me that for most swimmers they peaked early but had shorter adult careers than many other sportsmen. There were exceptions and perhaps other careers would lesson in importance if funds and prizes for swimming started to reflect those available in other areas of athletic enterprise. As I thought about all this I knew I would struggle to find the desire and commitment to go down that road.

When we returned from the training camp Katy was quite excited by being there and mixing with the top athletes so I did not say anything till the following evening. As we at around the table at dinner that night Joe asked us what we felt we had got out of our time there. Katy was enthusiastic about her time at the camp and the fact that in her final swims she had cut almost a second off her time in both her events. When I did not say much, Joe turned his attention to me and asked for my reaction.

"I enjoyed it tremendously," I told him. "I loved the fellowship and the camaraderie and I also benefited from the skill of the coaches and I think I would really enjoy competing at the level of the top swimmers who were there."

Joe looked at me shrewdly.

"Why do I get the impression that there is something lurking behind that statement which says you have doubts or reservations about what you got out of it?" He asked.

I told them about the other side of the coin as I saw it. About the commitment of time, the dedication to a single goal and the sacrifice of almost all other interests that one needed to reach the top in any sport nowadays. It was almost vital to get sponsorship and become a full time athlete if you wanted to be consistently among the best as training took up so much of your time.

"While I could do this without sponsorship because of my financial assets," I told them in conclusion, "I am not sure I want to make the commitment of time and the sacrifice of my other interests that would be necessary. There is also another concern. I am not sure yet what path I want to follow as a career and if I make that kind of commitment to swimming now, how will that affect or limit the choices open to me."

Joe, Isa and Katy were now looking at me with surprise on their faces.

"My word," Joe exclaimed, "You have really been asking yourself some searching questions while you were away."

"I think that is probably what being invited to train with the national squad was meant to do." I responded. "The coaches are dedicated and committed to providing what is necessary for swimmers to improve. Equally, they want the same kind of dedication and commitment from those they are training. It is only fair then, that you should be prepared to make the kind of effort which would match theirs."

"I thought you were a lot quieter than usual when we were at the camp," Katy said. "You were thinking much more deeply about what was needed than the rest of us. That side of things never really crossed my mind. I was just excited and pleased to be there."

"You are not the only one who is surprised by Peter's reaction," Isa said. "But I can see that he is quite right to think along those lines. However, I get the feeling that as well as having thoughts about what is needed, he has serious reservations about making the kind of commitment that is necessary. Is that the case Peter?" she asked.

"Yes it is," I told her. "I am not at all sure that I want to go down that road. I like the level of competition we have reached, because it does not exclude the other things I do, like my martial arts training, or my other ways I have of keeping physically fit. Above all I can fit it in around my educational aspirations. I am not sure I could do as well in this field as I want to if I make that kind of commitment to swimming."

"You have obviously been giving this some serious thought," Isa said. "Have you made you your mind what you are going to do?"

"No I Haven't," I told her, "Because until now I have not discussed it with the most important person in my life and that is Katy. I will talk things over with her and find out how she feels before finally deciding what to do."

"Peter, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do because of me." Katy said firmly.

"I won't," told her, "It would be possible for you to commit yourself to swimming if you wanted to, and I could support you in that without necessarily making the same level of commitment. But I think we should both look at the options and the implications of our decisions together so that we are clear about where we are going."

I could see from the expression on Katy's face that she had not take this the way I intended and she was obviously scared that if she made a different decision from me then she would be endangering our long term relationship. I tried to reassure her that this was not the case.

"Katy, we can both have different interests in certain areas of our lives and I want you to know that you can do so without endangering how we feel about each other," I said, "All I am saying here is that it is important that we discuss it with each other."

She nodded her head uncertainly but I could see that she was thinking about what I had said,

When we got back to our rooms she immediately brought up the subject of our swimming commitments.

"Are you thinking of opting out of the swim team?" She asked.

"No I am not," I told her, "I am just questioning how deep my commitment to swimming should be and how much of my time I want to give to it."

"You seemed very pleased about being picked to go to the national training squad," she said, "but now you have changed your mind."

"I haven't changed my mind," I told her, "I have just been made aware of the level of commitment needed to stay at the top. It is almost two years till The Commonwealth Games and another two years to the Olympics, and that makes four years of really hard dedicated effort and I am thinking about how that will affect our lives and our education."

"I had not thought of that until you brought it up" she said, "It is only because you have said this that I can see how much time and effort it is going to take."

"I enjoy the level of commitment we give now because it leaves me time to do other things I am interested in," I said, "I am not sure that I want to do much more or that I want to give it greater priority."

"What are your priorities?" she wanted to know

"My first priority is you." I told her. "I love you and I want to do all I can to nurture and deepen that relationship. Now if we both commit ourselves to swimming that should not affect our relationship it may even deepen it because we will spend so much time together in training.

But even if one of us gives greater commitment to swimming than the other, as John and Alice have shown, that doesn't mean our relationship will be adversely affected. Indeed we will still share a level of commitment because until the end of our high school years we will still be sharing some of that training time together."

My second Priority is to get good set of Highers so that I can go to the University of my choice. No doubt I could do that and still swim at the top level but I would not be able to pursue much else.

My third priority is to try and decide what kind of career path I want to follow. And again that involves discussion with you because it may well be affected by the road you want to go down. What about you, Katy, have you any thoughts on these things?" I finished by asking her.

"My first priority would be the same as yours," she told me with a smile. "I love you too. I also want to do well in my education, and until we were invited to join the training squad was quite content with what I was doing and enjoyed it very much. I really hadn't thought a lot about the ramifications of pursuing and international career and now that I can see what is involved I will have to think about that. My career is something else I have not thought to deeply about, but my thoughts are centring on medicine or veterinary medicine and both these are quite long courses of study. But you have not said that you have anything in particular in your sights."

I had been giving my own career options some thought. I was rich enough to be able to do things I really wanted to do. Based on my previous experience I was thinking once again of becoming a soldier this time around too. I liked the life and I felt this would equip me for many jobs when I left the forces. This would be especially true if I progressed to the higher officer ranks. I thought that now would be as good a time as any to fly that kite before my beloved.

"One of the things I am really considering," I said, "is doing an honours degree and then applying for a commission in the armed forces. How would you feel about that?"

"If that is what you want to do, I have no objections," she said, "Though I think it may mean quite lengthy periods of separation at times."

"In the present climate with all that is going on in Afghanistan, that may well be true," I told her, "but six or seven years down the line all that could have changed, especially if Scotland became an independent nation."

"I had not thought of that either," she said. "Do you think that is likely?"