Klutz - Cover

Klutz

Copyright© 2011 by MisguidedChild

Chapter 23

Tim finally found a parking place. He was later arriving at the city park than he planned because Ruth and Susan couldn't get ready any quicker and most of the marked places were taken. Tim suspected the ladies' difficulties getting ready had something to do with all the giggling and whispering from the bathroom. Every once in a while Susan would run into the living room and give Bill a kiss. A few minutes later Ruth would run into the living room to give Tim a kiss. That may have slowed down the process of getting ready too.

Bill and Susan rode in the back seat while Ruth snuggled up to Tim in the front. The occasional moan from Bill accompanied by a squeal from Susan told Tim the action in the back seat probably wasn't G rated. Come to think of it, the action in the front seat wasn't G rated either. Tim had to drive most of the way to the park one handed. His other hand had been busy keeping his zipper up and belt buckled.

Tim gave a sigh of relief after he switched the big diesel off. "We're here," he notified Bill and Susan unnecessarily.

"Good. We need to get out of here. I mean, we need to get out there," Bill said with a breathless, strangled sound to his voice.

Both doors opened simultaneously and Bill and Tim slid out. Tim looked down and noticed that he had to buckle his belt again. He hadn't even noticed Ruth getting it unbuckled this time. Bill was red faced and was busy tucking his shirt tail in.

"I swear that woman has six hands," Bill muttered.

"What are you complaining about?" Tim grumbled. "At least you had both hands to fight her off. I only had one hand to try to control Ruth."

Susan and Ruth slid out of the truck laughing at the men's red faces, rumpled clothes, and noble response to the women's efforts.

"We are going to drive you two insane," Ruth promised.

"Beyond insane," Susan confirmed. "You only have two more days to wait and by Tuesday you will be panting."

"The only thing you guys gained by moving the date up is you get to chose if we do anything before the wedding," Ruth cackled. "We won't force you like we were trying before."

"Nope," Susan said with a grin. "No force will be involved. That doesn't mean we can't be a temptress all we want."

"Yeah, well, any more of this and I'm going to wrap you in duct tape until we get married," Bill grumped as he hugged Susan against his side. She drove him nuts and he just loved her more. Maybe he was nuts.

"Ohhh, kinky," Susan moaned in mock passion.

At least Bill thought it was mock passion. Maybe it was real. She had his head spinning so hard he didn't know what to think any longer.

"You had better not try to wrap me in duct tape," Ruth warned Tim as they started walking towards the gate to the park. "I want all six of my hands free and want to be a full participant."

"That was Susan that had six hands," Tim pointed out. How had she heard what Bill said? The woman must have the ears of a bat.

"Oh honey," Ruth murmured in Tim's ear. "Who do you think taught Susan everything she knows? I was just giving you a break because you were driving."

Tim jerked when one of her hands rubbed down his leg. A group of kids running past were yelling and laughing, pointing at the grownups. Tim blushed.

"Two days," Tim muttered. "I just need to last two more days."

Ruth's chuckle sounded almost evil to Tim. He moaned in frustration and kissed her. He loved her to death but, could he last two more days he wondered?

There was a van with the local news logo on the side parked to one side of the lot. Bill saw a pretty woman followed by a small man with a very large camera on his shoulder hurry into the park. The camera looked like it would crush the cameraman at any moment.

"What's with the news people showing up," Tim asked in amazement.

"Honey," Ruth answered dryly. "This picnic is a big deal. This is probably the biggest social event of the month for Show Low."

"It's a picnic," Bill protested. "Picnics aren't social events!"

Susan rolled her eyes at Ruth and said," You are obviously from a big town and don't understand what's important."

"I agree with Bill," Tim said shaking his head. "What could possibly be news worthy at a picnic?" he asked as they followed the news crew through the gate.

The four were only about 30 minutes late getting to the party but it was in full swing when they walked up to the pavilion reserved for their group. There must have been 150 people gathered around and more were wandering in from the parking lot. Someone had brought a chalk board to organize some of the games they had planned. Teams were being signed up for a softball tournament and for a horse shoe tournament. Bill quickly signed Susan and himself up for one of the horse shoe teams. He heard someone groan behind him when he wrote Susan's name as part of his team. An old guy with a fringe of white hair was standing there shaking his head.

"Is something wrong?" Bill asked the old guy.

"Well, not yet young feller but the day is still young," the old guy replied morosely.

"I'm Bill Miller," Bill said sticking out his hand.

"Andy Crandall," the old guy replied shaking Bill's hand. "I was the superintendent of the local school district when Susan graduated high school," he said nodding towards what Bill had just written. "You're the young feller that's fix'n to marry Susan aren't you?"

"Yep," Bill said with a grin. "In fact, we just moved the date up to this coming Tuesday." Bill hesitated and said, "I heard that Susan had a bit of a reputation when she was in school."

Andy snorted before saying, "And a well deserved reputation it was. That girl was a walking disaster area. Still is to hear some people say it."

"Ah, well, that was just rumor though wasn't it?" Bill asked. He was pretty sure his nervousness couldn't be heard in his voice.

"Rumor," Andy barked with a laugh. "I was there when she stepped on the back of Nancy Grayson's dress at the senior prom. Pictures of that poor girl in just her prom dress top and panties are still circulating around town. Maybe Nancy deserved it though. That girl always had a mean streak in her. But that's not to mention the graduation ceremony. Susan's graduation was the only graduation ceremony I ever missed in 12 years as superintendent."

Bill was starting to feel a little dazed. He knew he shouldn't ask the next question but also knew that he couldn't stop it from coming out. His mouth just wouldn't pay attention to what he wanted sometimes. "So, why did you miss Susan's graduation?" Bill asked slowly.

"Well young feller. Susan was one of the first ones across the stage. She stumbled and knocked me off the stage. I broke an arm and a leg and the ambulance had to take me away," Andy explained. "So I missed the graduation. They told me it went pretty smooth after Susan got across the stage."

Bill took a deep breath and let it out slowly before asking, "OK, why are you worried about the horse shoes?" It was another of those questions he didn't want to ask but knew he had to. Bill desperately wished he had more control over his mouth.

Andy snorted again before saying, "The last time Susan played horse shoes at the park was about three years ago. No, maybe it was four years. Whatever, I lose track of years. Hell, it could be five years for all I know. Anyway, she was still married to that no account husband of hers. Ah, let me see, Danny Rangel it was. Well, he was at the park that day too. Susan saw Danny kissing on some girl up from Holbrook just as Susan was throwing a horse shoe. She hit the mayor in the head and sent him to the hospital with a concussion. Then she took the rest of the horse shoes and chased Danny and the girl all over the park. She hit the girl once with a shoe and Danny twice. I wasn't at the park that day but by all accounts, Susan's a pretty good shot when she's mad. The mayor banned her from the park so she hasn't been back since. The mayor tried to charge her with assault but the Chief of Police said he didn't have a case. Plus, his political advisor told him that it would be political suicide," Andy concluded with another snort. "Who ever heard of a mayor in a little one horse town like this having a political advisor? The guy was a crook."

"Ah, is she still banned?" Bill asked hesitantly.

"Well, maybe technically but we got rid of the crook and voted in a new mayor. He doesn't come to the park very often. He mostly just sleeps. Best kind of mayor to have. What were you asking, oh yeah, I don't think the ban would be enforced unless she did something really crazy," Andy replied. "You never can tell when crazy stuff will happen when Susan's around though. You are in for an interesting life young feller," the old man said with a smile as he patted Bill's arm.

A little round woman called Andy's name and the old man waved towards her. "Gotta go. Good luck with those wedding plans young feller," Andy called over his shoulder and he meandered towards the little round woman.

A moment later Susan slid under Bill's arm and wrapped her arm around his waist. "What did Mr. Crandall say?" Susan asked a little nervously.

"Oh, nothing much," Bill said nonchalantly. "He just said something about it never being boring when you're around." After a moment he asked, "Did you really jerk a girls skirt off at the prom just when they were getting ready to take their pictures?"

"Ohhhh," Susan groaned. "I didn't jerk her skirt off. I kind of accidently stepped on the back of her skirt and she stumbled forward when she took a step. It was her own momentum that pulled the skirt off," Susan said defensively.

"Kind of accidently," Bill said as he slowly savored the words. "Does that mean it was an accident or wasn't really an accident?"

Susan was quiet for a moment before softly saying, "Kind of wasn't really an accident." She looked up at Bill a little fearfully and said, "But that was a long time ago Bill. I wouldn't do something like that on purpose now. You don't think I would do you?"

Bills chest was shaking throughout Susan's explanation and defense but at her last sentence he couldn't hold his laughter in any longer. The laughter burst out of him in a bellow.

Susan stared up at Bill in astonishment. Then her face started clouding over. "Bill Miller, you're laughing at me," Susan accused.

Bill could only nod his head helplessly.

"You quit laughing at me right now," Susan ordered and elbowed him in the short ribs.

The breath whooshed out of Bill and he started gasping as he tried to get his laughter under control.

About that time Ruth and Tim walked up and Tim asked, "What's so funny?"

Bill could only shake his head as he choked and gasped for breath. He pointed at Susan and tried to protect his side.

Ruth raised an eyebrow at Susan in question.

Susan shrugged and with an offhanded tone said, "It wasn't anything to warrant this much of a production. Mr. Crandall just told him about Nancy Grayson at the prom."

Ruth shrugged and said, "What's the big deal about that?"

That set Bill off again. Finally, getting himself under a semblance of control, he gasped, "Tim, you need to get them to tell you the story." He hugged Susan against his side but it was debatable if it was out of affection or out of protection so she wouldn't have room to swing her elbow again. "This woman is a gem. That's all I can say," Bill gasped. That last gasp was partly from the laughter and partly from the little fist that caught him in the short ribs again.

People looked at Bill kind of strange for the next hour as the foursome walked around and greeted everyone. Bill was walking kind of hunched over. At first people thought he was trying to minimize his height as he walked next to the diminutive Susan. Then some people noticed him flinch when one of Susan's elbows came to near his side. Well, everyone knew that being around Susan was a little dangerous.

"Aw, isn't that sweet?" Susan asked as they walked towards the food area. The twins were nearly swarming around Mary. Every time she would start to do something, either Jerry or Jim would beat her to it.

Mary's face was a curious mixture of astonishment, surprise, happiness, and terror. She didn't know what to do. She was eating up all the attention from the twins. Every time one of them did something for her she was surprised all over again. It thrilled her that Jerry and Jim liked her and she was scared shitless that she would do something wrong and make them not like her any longer. Mary felt like she was in one of those twilight shows were anything could happen.

Susan and Bill sat down at a picnic table with Beth, Junior and Carl sitting on the other side. All three of the kids looked at Bill and Susan as if they were interrupting something.

"OK, what are you three up to?" Susan asked.

"Nothing," Beth said innocently.

"Junior and I want to go play softball," Carl explained with just a little frustration in his voice.

"Well, why don't you?" Susan asked.

"Because all Beth wants to talk about is food," Junior grumbled. "Uncle Bill, I think you corrupted Beth."

"Me!" Bill exclaimed. "I didn't do anything. That was just Susan blaming me."

"Everybody knows it's always the man's fault," Susan said primly.

"Look, Junior, I don't know if it's a good idea for you to hang around with Beth," Bill said seriously in an effort to change the subject.

"Why shouldn't he hang around with me," Beth protested.

"That's mean Uncle Bill," Junior protested. "Beth's cool. Give me one good reason I shouldn't hang out with her."

"I just want to protect both of you," Bill protested sadly as he put up his hands to ward off the kids anger. "People will start talking about both of you behind your backs and both of you could really get hurt."

"Nobody's going to talk about them behind their backs," Carl promised. "They're my friends so it's just not going to happen. Why would anyone want to talk about them behind their backs?"

"That's right Uncle Bill. Why would anyone want to talk about us behind our backs?" Junior asked.

"We're not doing anything wrong," Beth said a little sadly. It seemed that her efforts to get someone to corrupt her, just a little were constantly being foiled. "No one has a reason to talk about us."

Susan was looking at Bill a little sideways too. She couldn't figure out why Beth shouldn't hang out with his nephew either. Was Beth not good enough for some reason? She could feel her hackles start to rise in defense of her daughter and she muttered, "I'd like to hear the answer to this one too."

Bill sadly looked down at his hands and sighed before looking back at Beth and Junior. "I'm sorry kids. It isn't a problem right now but, you see, Susan and I will be getting married on Tuesday. That would make you two first cousins. If you hang around together after Susan and I get married it would be kind of like hanging around with your sister."

There was stunned silence at the picnic table for a long moment as the information sunk in.

"You duffus," Susan laughed and punched him in the arm.

"Uncle Bill," Junior yelled and threw the end of a hot dog bun at him. Of course the hot dog was gone. Junior was a growing boy after all. The mustard on the bun did leave a small stain.

"Mom, make Bill quit teasing me," Beth laughed getting up from the table.

Beth walked around the table to get behind Bill. Bill hunched his shoulders preparing to get hit again. Beth hesitated a moment then hugged him from behind. "I'm going to like having you for a dad," she said softly.

Susan had to smile. She could see Bill melting from Beth's words.

Straightening Beth looked at the boys and asked, "I thought you guys wanted to play baseball? What are you waiting for?"

The boys looked at each other in startled amazement. Bill and Susan heard Junior telling Carl, "My dad says we have to let them be right if we're going to get along with them."

"My dad says something like that too," Carl said. "Except he says it doesn't matter what you say or do, they will win anyway."

About that time Beth caught up with them and the three started racing towards the soft ball diamonds.

Susan leaned into Bill and he put his arm around her as the two of them watched the kids run towards the softball diamond.

"You know what Bill?" Susan asked.

"No. What?" Bill asked.

"It's good to know that those boys are being raised with a true understanding of the females of the species. There's one more thing I want to say to you Mr. Miller. I love you for a lot of reasons but I really enjoy just hanging around with you," Susan said as she nuzzled his shoulder.

Bill kissed the top of Susan's head before saying, "I enjoy hanging around with you too. I think that's what I want to do the rest of my life. I guess I can blame it on loving you so much."

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