Chapter 20: Fighters and Healers

It was only the pain that kept her from screaming.

Annie dug her fingernails tightly into her own palms as she squeezed the controls, cutting into her own flesh. She gripped the steering wheel and accelerator handle so tightly, her knuckles went white. She pushed her tongue hard into her teeth, intentionally poking directly into the sharp points, nearly piercing herself. The pain in her hands and mouth focused her, which was the thing that kept her from screaming in fury.

"Bastard!" she fumed mentally. "Who the hell does he think he is, bringing that marshooes makheshaifeh into my house? Kicking ME out so he can shtup that skinny klafteh?"

They were sitting at a traffic light, waiting for the light to change. The light turned green, and the driver in front of her didn't move within the first second. Annie laid on the horn and roared at him.

<HOOOOONK!> "OY! TSHIKHEH ZAKH OYS! TEE-ZHE SHOYN EPES! NU SHOYN! IT'S THE PEDAL ON THE RIGHT!"

The car accelerated into the intersection, and she followed, biting her lip and tailgating until a clear spot opened, and she gunned the engine and passed Rip Van Earnhardt in his god-damnned gas-sucking Hummer, or as she liked to call them, the Sorry-About-Your-Penis-Mobile. She looked right to sneer at the driver as she passed him, but couldn't see him. Emily was in the way. Her passenger sat quietly beside her with one leg curled up with her foot on the dashboard. She was chewing on her thumbnail and ignoring Annie's temper. Her eyes were distant, focused elsewhere.

Annie tried to return her attention to the road, but could only bring her eyes there. Her attention actually returned to last night. Images smoldered in her brain; Joey proudly bringing this new girl into their home, Tricia so excited for him, Sarah acting so innocent and sweet, and showing off her powers, Matilda fawning over her. And then, suddenly she's naked, and she's in his bedroom, and Joey is pushing everyone out so he could stick her.

She grunted and took an exit without signaling, crossing over two lanes and rousing a chorus of honks from other drivers. She ignored the other cars and concentrated on her fury. For almost three hours yesterday she had to wait out in a sandwich shop with Tricia getting all stupid on her. Oh, how proud she was of him! What a stud! What a hunk! Her boy was growing up into some super-smoothie. Trish just couldn't wait to get home and get the details.

And all that time as she sat and listened to her roommate, Annie just stewed and plotted. She had worked herself up into a rage, rehearsed a dozen insults to let loose on him for breaking her heart, for not thinking about her, and her feelings. And as Tricia prattled on and on, completely oblivious to how she, Annie, was really feeling, Annie had just sat there and pretended to agree, and bided her time.

And when the phone call came, when the intruder was finally leaving, she was ready. They returned home, and she saw her kiss him. And when the girl with the freshly-fucked look on her face finally got off her back and into the cab, Annie was ready to lay into him. Ready to deliver. Ready to chew him down to two inches.

And then Joey took her hand.

And that was it! That was all she wrote. Annie eased up on the accelerator, pulling back from the guy she was tailgating, and wondered why. The anger was gone, all of it, in that one moment when he took her hand. She couldn't stay angry with him. She just couldn't. His indiscretion with Sarah meant nothing to her then, just as it seemed to mean nothing to Tricia. Maybe Tricia was right, that it was something to be proud of, but she couldn't see that. She couldn't see how it could be all right, but couldn't feel it being wrong either. Her wave of anger had passed as she thought about his touch, and she loosened her grip on the steering wheel, and felt her back muscles relax. What did it matter? She still had Joey. That was what was important, wasn't it?

She slowed down to a more reasonable speed, and signaled for a lane change.

She glanced back and saw the truck emerge from her blind spot, and a flash of panic stung her nerves. The truck wasn't doing anything dangerous, but the sight of large eighteen wheelers just tended to do that to her now. She wondered if this reaction was her actually remembering something from her accident, or if she was just imagining it. She didn't remember anything else from that day. She was only told about the truck. And her friends.

But the fear lingered, and she wondered if it really was the truck that was frightening her. Maybe it was something, or someone, else.

"I am not afraid of her," she told herself. "I am not afraid of her. I am not losing him to her."

Sarah danced in her mind, spinning through the magical hypersigil, and popping one heel up like a princess as she kissed him.

"I am not afraid of her. I am not afraid of her. Keep saying that to yourself. Maybe you'll believe it. I am not afraid of her. I am not afraid. I'm not."

"Why am I so scared?"

Annie blinked as she was interrupted from her thoughts, and she turned to Emily. Emily was crying. Tears had fallen from her eyes and froze to her peach skin, and the superhero turned to her. "I mean..." she continued in her faltering voice, "What's there to be afraid of, right?" She gave a half-hearted smile of confidence. "It's only cancer."

Annie stared at her.

"I mean, what's the worst they can say to me? 'We have the results of your blood tests, and you have leukemia, and there's nothing we can do. Go home, make yourself comfortable. Enjoy the time you have left.'" She broke and wiped her tears off her face, sniffing. "And I'm back to where I started, right?"

A cold shiver ran up Annie's spine, one that had nothing to do with Snow Angel's natural body temperature, and she teared in sympathy for her friend. "The truth can be scary," she offered, not knowing who that advice was directed to. "But I'm here, and I'm going to help you get through this."

Emily's eyes sparkled as she smiled and sighed, her breath frosty and visible in the morning sunlight. "Thanks." She took a deep breath. "It just seems like it should be such a little thing. I mean, I've fought Psi-Clone. He made me want to rip my skin off, but I wasn't afraid of him. Bhaugogh, K'thor, and Motaborn tried to claim my soul, and they didn't scare me. Malachi Blood was balls-deep inside me when he pulled out those fangs, and I wasn't afraid. He just pissed me off. This is just some infected cells, right? I mean, what's so scary?"

Annie marveled at Emily's ability to find ways to lie to herself, especially when she couldn't physically lie. She thought about it. "Well, try this. What's the best thing that can happen?"

Emily smiled. "He could say 'You don't have cancer. You just have a vitamin deficiency. Here, take a few Freds and Barneys, a couple Dinos, and oh my god you're gorgeous I want to start licking you.'" She paused and chuckled to herself. "That would be the best thing he could say. Assuming he's cute."

"Haven't met him yet. What if he's not cute?"

"It won't be the first time I've done it in a blindfold."

Annie gave her friend an infectious smile. "You know, when I was hurt, the scary part wasn't learning about what had happened to me, but finding out what all I was going to have to go through." She paused. "The scary part is the unknown. In your case, we don't know if they can do anything for you or not. If they can't, you're back to where you are now, and you try again in another ten or twenty years when the technology improves. But if they can help you ... you can be in this for the long haul. That means radiation treatments, and chemotherapy ... endless tests. And that's scary."

"Yeah," Emily agreed. "But I don't think that's the scariest part."

Annie frowned. "What is the scariest part?"

"What then?" Emily turned in her seat and curled up, facing Annie. "I mean, what if I go through all this, and it all works. Then what? What do I do?"

Annie took an exit, heading towards the hospital. "What do you mean, what do you do? You do whatever you want to do. You celebrate! You kicked its ass! You live your life the way you want to." She stared at her curiously. "Are you scared because you don't know what to do afterwards?"

She shook her head. "No. I think I know what I want to do."

"What?"

"I was thinking of retiring."

Annie blinked in astonishment. "Give up being a superhero?"

Emily took a deep breath and nodded. "I've been doing this for eighty years. It's the only thing I know how to do for a living. And I'm thinking, maybe with this, it's time to move on and do something new for a while. At least for a couple decades."

"Like what?"

"Have a baby."

Annie watched Emily as she stroked her tummy. "You're kidding."

"I don't lie."

"But you'll lose your powers, won't you?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. Things may be different when I'm cancer free. But if I do lose them, that's really how it should be, isn't it? I mean, if I'm immortal, and I have a mortal child, I'll outlive her. That's not the way things are supposed to happen."

"But you'll die."

"After a full life. But which would you rather do? Die of old age, or watch your child die of old age?"

Annie watched the road and thought, unable to answer.

Emily turned back and looked out the windshield. "I've been thinking about this for a while." She paused. "I want it, but it scares me."

Annie glanced back and saw Emily with her hand over her stomach. "So you're going to keep that child?"

She shook her head in the negative and winced. "Well, technically I'm keeping it, but I have to do the spell again for this one."

"You sure? Maybe we should ask the doctor if they can help you keep it."

She shook her head again. "No. If I'm going to fight this, I'll need to know that the magic will stay put." She sighed and stroked her tummy. "Sorry, little one," she said to her abdomen. "But you're going back into my ovaries."

"But what if..." Annie started, but stopped.

"What?"

Annie bit her lip and returned her attention to the road. "Nothing," she concluded. "I think it's great that you want to have a child."

They pulled into the parking lot, took a spot up close, and Annie shut the engine off. As she took off her seatbelt and shifted into her wheelchair, Emily just sat and stared at the building through the window, stroking her stomach.

"You okay, Emily?"

She nodded and took Annie's hand. "Yeah. I'll be okay. Thank you for doing this. I don't think I could do this without you."

Annie smiled. "You're welcome."

"Just don't leave me. I need you for this."

Annie answered something simple, probably an "I won't" or something like that, but a second later had completely forgotten what she had said. Emily's "Just don't leave me," was too busy echoing in her mind, and she wondered if she had the courage to say that to Joey.

Emily took a deep breath. "Now, let's see what's in my future."

"You have leukemia."

The words took the doctor's entire office, leaving very little space for anything else, and Emily deflated slightly in her chair. The light faded in her eyes as she took in the confirmation, and for a moment she just sat quietly.

"I understand," she finally said.

"I'm sorry," Dr. Rosario offered.

She took in a steady breath. "It's what I was expecting, but not what I was hoping for."

"Are you sure about this?" Annie asked the doctor.

Dr. Rosario nodded and consulted his paperwork. He was a fairly handsome man, Annie decided. Mid-forties, hispanic, moustached, serious looking glasses, square-jaw, and dark eyes. Just the type her mother would want her to date, providing he was Jewish. He continued. "The CBC shows severe anemia, thrombocytopenia, and neutropenia."

"English, doc?" Annie prodded.

He paused. "Your complete blood count showed a low red blood cell count, low platelet count, and low neutrophil count. That's a type of white blood cell. This is consistent for a diagnosis of leukemia. Plus there is the presence of leukocytes in the blood."

Emily sighed and swallowed.

"Also your hCG level is high. You're pregnant."

She nodded. "I knew about that. That's nothing we're going to worry about. This is not going full-term." She sighed again. "So, how bad is it?"

He chewed on his lip. "Hard to tell, considering your numbers and the fact that you walked in here without collapsing." He bought some time by consulting the folder on his desk. "This is an unusual case, obviously. Your GP has given me your history, which is ... colorful to say the least ... and has informed me of..." He read the name from the paper. "... 'Alice' and her needs, and of your special needs for confidentiality." He closed the folder. "I can't answer your question yet. Right now, we need to do more tests. We specifically need to find out what type of leukemia we are dealing with, and how far it has spread. This will enable us to chart a treatment plan, and establish a prognosis."

"What kind of tests?" Emily asked seriously.

"We need to do a bone marrow aspiration and a biopsy. We can do that right now, and..."

Emily interrupted. "How do you do that?"

Dr. Rosario paused. "We take a sample from your pelvis and examine it in the lab under a micro..."

"HOW do you get the sample?" Emily stressed.

Annie leaned in. "Doc, this is an issue we had to go through with the blood test. You see, Alice is very protective of Emily, and needs to know EXACTLY what is going to happen. No surprises. You can't just pull out a Ron Jeremy-sized needle and stick it in her. She needs to see the tools, needs to know how much pain there will be, and how much you plan on taking out. It really helps her if she can see the test performed on someone else first. This is just as much for your protection as hers."

The doctor nodded. "Doctor Booth explained this to me, and I am willing to take the risk." He turned to Emily. "But you need to understand that, as generous as it was for your friend to take a blood test with you to alleviate your fears, there is no way I am going to continue that practice from here on. I will not do an invasive biopsy on a healthy person for no cause. This is to protect her. The only reason she was able to do the blood test is because it is a routine test, and we could submit her sample for testing as well."

He turned to Annie. "By the way, you're fine."

Annie shrugged and nodded.

He returned his attention to Emily. "But from this point on, you cannot use her as a guinea pig. She is only here to give you support, be it emotional, moral, spiritual, or financial, or whatever it is she is doing for you. But I will not put her through any tests for you."

Emily sat and stared at the doctor. Her eyes narrowed as she processed this. "So I'm just supposed to trust you and go through all of this by myself?"

Dr. Rosario returned her gaze. "Yes, you are supposed to trust me, and no, you are not going through this by yourself." He paused. "I understand that you tend to lash out against attacks, which is a normal and healthy reaction. The problem here is, cancer treatments are attacks. So do not think of this as treating a disease; you are in a fight for your life. And you need to convince Alice that I am not the enemy. I am your ally. The enemy is inside your bone marrow, and it may have spread to other areas of your body. And I think that as a licensed superhero, you know that the first thing we do in a fight is gather information about the enemy. We find out what it is, where it is, and how strong it is. In this case, the enemy is diseased tissue surrounded by healthy tissue, so the only way to reach the diseased tissue is to get past the healthy tissue and anything that is protecting it. Biopsies are invasive. They will hurt. Treatments include radiation and chemotherapy. In radiation treatments we use controlled high-energy radiation targeting the cancer, but it will leave you feeling like you have a severe sunburn inside your body. Chemotherapy is targeted poison which will disrupt your digestion and strength. You will get sick from this. You will be hurt in the process. But in all cases we try to maximize the damage to the cancer and minimize the damage to the rest of you. You will not be alone in this process. We will be with you every step of the way."

Emily chewed on this for a long time, sitting silently. Annie watched her breathing and her gaze fall to the floor. Emily's fingers twisted around each other.

"Thank you, Doctor," Emily finally said.

Annie breathed a heavy sigh of relief, and she reached out to take Emily's hand. "So you'll do it?"

Emily shook her head. "No." She stood up. "Thank you for your time, but I will not be taking treatment." And she turned to leave.

"EMILY!" Annie yelled. "What are you doing?"

"Miss Angel, please reconsider." Dr. Rosario said, standing up.

"No, I'm sorry," Emily said. "I can't take the risk. I can't be sure I can control my reactions"

"Look, I understand that you are afraid," Dr. Rosario said. "But you can't just run away from this fight, and I believe this is a fight you can win."

Emily nodded. "Yes, but the thing is, I don't have to do this today. I can do this later on, as Annie said, in ten or twenty years when your technology improves, and the way you do this changes."

Dr. Rosario sighed. "Yes, the technology will improve over the years, and the drugs will get better, but the tactics won't change. It will always be a fight, and you really shouldn't..."

"Oh, Applesauce!" she cursed, suddenly infuriated. Emily blew out a long, loud, frosty breath of exasperation, and she wheeled at the doctor. "Listen, buster!" she yelled, jabbing a finger at him. Annie cringed in her chair, remembering how Emily could just suddenly lose her temper and what happened when she did. "Just what do you think I am? Huh?" Emily yelled. "Some pushover? A reuben? Some Dumb Dora? Some whipper-snapper that just came off the boat?" Dr. Rosario blinked in shock and he took a step back, and she advanced on him. "Do you really think for one moment I am actually this young? I'm old enough to be your great-grandmother, for Pete's sake, so I know when someone is leading me on! So knock it off with the fight-talk, okay? Just because I'm a superhero, doesn't mean that I think of everything as a fight. Fighting doesn't impress me. I actually try to avoid fights! I try to stop them. I'm not a fighter; I'm the team healer, so you can just can it with your fancy-shmancy doctor-pop-psychology!"

The doctor didn't say anything, and she glared at him. "I'm not doing this!" she continued. "I don't know if I can control it, so I'm not going to put you in any danger. That's it. It's settled." She turned and walked to the door. "Come on, Annie. Let's go shopping."

"Emily," Annie said. "Please don't do this."

"You coming or not?" she asked. "'Cause I don't need you for a ride."

"This is your health we're trying to save. Your life maybe!"

Emily sighed. "I'm sorry, but I'm a healer, and I won't do anything that might threaten the life of another. Especially another healer," she said, referring to Dr. Rosario. And she turned towards the door.

"Miss Angel, wait. Please," Dr. Rosario said. Emily stopped and looked at him. He took a deep breath. "All right. I apologize. I apologize for all of the fight analogies. Part of my training is finding ways to motivate a patient, and I discussed this at length with Dr. Booth, and we came to the agreement that the best way to motivate you was to use imagery from your career as a superhero. And I understand now that this is the wrong approach with you. You identify yourself as a healer. Well, so do I. So I think you would understand that your rule of not threatening the life of another healer would apply to me as well."

Emily squinted at him, scrutinizing him. "You threatening me?"

"I'm saying that, as per your rule, I won't do anything that threatens the life of another healer, and that includes letting you walk out that door while refusing treatment."

She thought about that for a moment, and smirked. "Are you getting tough with me?"

He nodded. "Yes, I am."

She gave him a smile. "Good. I like my men tough."

He blushed slightly, and gestured to her chair. "Please, have a seat."

Emily shrugged and returned to her chair. She plopped into the seat, folded her arms, and crossed her legs. "Okay, healer. Let's talk about healing."

Dr. Rosario gave her a smile and sat on the edge of his desk. He collected his thoughts for a moment. "Let's consider the thing that you are most concerned about; my safety. How precisely am I in danger from you?"

Emily's smile faded, and she became very quiet, and very serious. Her eyes grew dark and deadly. "I can freeze you solid," she said. "Just as a reflexive action. And I'm not just talking a simple glaciation. I'm not limited to just coating you with ice so you suffocate painfully. No. I'm talking about a complete crystallization of every water molecule in your body. Every cell in your body bursting from the pressure of the expanding ice. The flesh breaks off the bones in huge chunks. There's no bleeding. Nothing drips. And at first nothing drops off because your body is only held together by a coating of ice. But as it melts..."

Her eyes became distant. She took in a shuddering breath, and continued in a soft voice. " ... first it is just water that drips off ... and slowly over time ... the water stains." She dropped her gaze to the floor.

"Then pieces just fall off," she concluded.

She turned her head away from the others and looked at the bookshelves, the diplomas, the potted plants, anything but them. Annie could see her fighting the memory.

The doctor watched her carefully. "I don't believe you want to do that to me," he said.

"I don't want to do that to you," she answered. "I don't want to do that to anyone."

"So I take it this has happened before?"

"Please don't ask me about that."

He glanced at Annie, and she nodded in confirmation. "So what happened?"

"I said..." Emily started.

"He raped her," Annie blurted out.

Emily snapped at her, infuriated "ANNIE!!"

Annie just continued. " ... and then he tried to do a D and C on her with non-sterile equipment, no anesthesia, and no explanations." She glared at Emily. "NONE of which will happen here."

"Will you STOP that?" Emily hissed at her.

Annie didn't back down. "I'm sorry, shvester, but this is why I'm here; to help you get through the hard parts. I know you've got good reasons keeping that secret, but that secret is killing you."

Emily opened her mouth to respond, but couldn't. She merely squeezed her eyes shut.

Dr. Rosario spoke. "I'm sorry that you went through that. It must have been humiliating and traumatic."

"Thank you," she whispered, unable to look at him.

"I'm not going to judge you harshly for what you've gone through. As far as I'm concerned, you've more than proven yourself in your entire career. But Miss Angel, you have to understand that the reason you are here, the reason Dr. Booth referred you to me, is that you are not the first superhuman I've had to treat."

She opened her eyes and cautiously gazed at the doctor.

He smiled, and rolled up one sleeve. "I've had patients who are much stronger than me, patients whose skin needed power drills to puncture, patients who fought back. See this here?" He lifted his arm and showed her the scar. "This guy was never concerned about hurting me. Those are the ones that worry me. They are the ones that tend to lash out; the ones who've never really been in a fight before."

She stared at the scar until he rolled his sleeve down again, and he continued. "You on the other hand are terrified of hurting me, and have been in fights before. So I'm not worried. I have faith that you won't lash out. We'll take things slowly, I'll show you every step along the way, answer every question, and won't pull any surprises on you."

Emily sat quietly for a long time, thinking, gazing at the floor, and twisting her fingers in her hands. Annie watched and wondered. There is so much fear in her. But what is it that is really scaring her? Hurting a doctor? Facing one again? Trusting one? Or is it the fact that if it works she loses the thing that gives her clarity about her life?

She reached out once more and took her chilled hand, warming her. "Emily?"

Emily finally lifted her eyes, and looked back and forth between Annie and Dr. Rosario. "I'm sorry," she finally said. "Thank you for your kindness, and it's nice that I have your faith and confidence, but I don't need your bravery." She stood up. "I need mine. Thank you for your time."

"Bravery?" Dr. Rosario said. "But you're a superhero. Shouldn't you be brave already?"

"It doesn't work like that," she answered.

He cocked his head at her. "So what is it that makes a superhero brave?"

She shook her head as she answered. "Not fighting for myself. I get brave when I'm helping others."

Dr. Rosario blinked as he thought about this, and a smile crept over his face.

"Well, if THAT is all it takes..."

"NOOOOOO!!! I DON'T WANNA! GET AWAY!"

They could hear the screaming and crying all the way from the hallway as Dr. Rosario led Emily and Annie towards the examination room. Emily tensed up and bit her lip as she came to realize just what it was she was walking into.

"In here, please," Dr. Rosario said as he opened the door for the two women. The screaming sharpened and clarified as the door opened, the full force of the sound no longer blocked, and Annie jolted in her chair as the scream pierced her spine.

There were several patients inside the waiting room, but all of the attention and action was in one far corner. A young couple knelt on the floor, peering underneath the rows of chairs as a child screamed and wailed and hid under the chairs, throwing a temper tantrum.

"Please, Claire. Come on out! It's going to be all right," said her mother.

"It's going to be fine," said her father, reaching in towards her.

"NOOOOOO!!!" she screamed and kicked.

The nurse standing next to them saw Dr. Rosario come in, and she rushed to him. "Doctor, I'm sorry but you can see we haven't gotten anywhere with her. She won't lay still, and now she's fighting us. I think she's going to need a sedative."

Dr. Rosario shook his head. "No need. I brought a specialist." He then just turned to Emily and looked at her. Emily's jaw dropped, and she looked back and forth between the doctor and the commotion on the far side of the room.

"Your patient," he prodded her.

She squinted at him. "You mean..."

"Claire is seven years old, and she needs a biopsy. And she's scared. She needs someone to help her be brave. I think you can relate."

Annie watched Emily carefully, but her face was a frozen mask. She could see no anger at being manipulated, nor concern for the girl. It was as if both emotions were still fighting for control over her. She simply processed this for several seconds, and then nodded.

Emily carefully walked through the waiting room to the far corner, her eyes focused on the chairs that hid the crying child. As she approached her parents, she cautiously touched them on the shoulders to get their attention. "Excuse me. May I?"

They shivered and jolted at her cold touch, and gave her curious looks as she slowly knelt down onto the floor. She pressed her head against the carpet and peered under the chairs at the girl curled up underneath.

The child wasn't looking at her, but was still screaming and crying, and Emily gestured slightly and blew a gently chilled breeze towards her. The air tingled with the sound of mystic wind chimes, and the waft of frosty air caught the girl's attention. She turned her head and looked out at Emily. Her fearful face was a mess of redness, tears, puffy eyes, and snot draining from her nose.

Her parents gasped at the sound of the wind chimes, and the room fell silent to the chilled breeze.

Emily smiled at her. "Hi there."

The girl wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeve, smearing away the bulk of the drainage, but leaving her face still in fear. She still shook from her crying.

"You're scared, aren't you?" Emily said gently. The girl sniffed but didn't answer. "I have cancer, and I have to get a biopsy too," she said to her. "And I'm scared," she confessed.

The girl still didn't say anything. Her wide, wet eyes just locked on Emily, and she strengthened her grip on the chair leg.

"Can I trust you with a secret?" Emily asked.

Claire nodded.

Emily smiled warmly and lifted a hand. Her fingers glowed with an emerald light, illuminating her face and underneath the chairs. Several people in the room gasped at the sight, and Emily reached to the side of her face and took the edge of her glamour. She pulled it gently, and the invisible field which disguised her skin pulled away like a simple cloth, revealing the green girl inside.