Chapter 21

I wandered back in feeling utterly contemptible. I felt so hollow, so empty inside; I had deceived Jill by omission, allowing her to build up her hopes and then I had crushed them. If I'd had a gun to hand, I feared I'd do something rash; such was the depth of my despair and self-loathing. I slammed the door behind me as if I was trying to shut out the world of suffering I had caused. I fell back on the sofa, the very sofa where Jill and I had just rutted like wild animals. I looked to my left and there was a large damp stain on the edge of the cushion where Jill's pussy had spilled its contents, my semen. I slouched in to the kitchen and brought out a spray can of furniture foam and proceeded to rub at it vigorously with a cloth.

The damp area spread but hopefully, the stain would be gone. I went back to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge; maybe I'd drown my sorrows in a predictably selfish way, to ease my pain while Jill had to bear hers undiminished. I stood, slumped against the counter, the same counter where I had earlier given Jill a doggy style fucking.

I decided I needed a shower, I felt sweaty and dirty. As I moved towards the stairs, my phone rang. Once more I fell on to the couch as I answered it.

'Hello'

'Deller, it's me Jill, I... ' From the background noise, Jill was phoning from the taxi.

'Jill, listen, I'm so very sorry, I can't believe I let this happen.'

'Deller, shut up! I'm calling to put you out of your misery. You know I said that I sensed something wasn't quite right over dinner?'

'Err, yes... '

'Well, I'm surprised you didn't think the same. The truth is Deller, I met someone, someone else Deller, in Chicago.'

I was momentarily stunned, I actually felt hurt, the irony wasn't lost on me. 'You met someone else? Who?'

'You don't know him, and it doesn't matter anyway. The point is that it doesn't matter that you and me aren't going anywhere. I realised that I could find happiness without you. I know that sounds hard Deller, but it's not meant to. Me and this other guy aren't serious, he's married, so we won't be a couple either, but it just showed me that I could be happy wherever I am in the world. I just thought you ought to know, because I sensed that you were beating yourself up about it.

Do you hate me Deller?'

'Of course I don't hate you Jill. I'm glad that you have moved on now. So what's going to happen with this guy in Chicago?'

'Nothing probably, he hasn't phoned me since I got back, so I guess I was just a bit of fun on the side. But I was happy with him while it lasted, it proved that I could be myself again instead of the pathetic victim that I used to be. I can do what I like with whoever I like, including you Deller. So our little arrangement is still on, yes? And we'll both be free to pursue happiness elsewhere, OK?'

'I'm sorry Jill, I'm having trouble getting my head around this; you don't need me, or this guy in Chicago, so what do you want?'

'Nothing, simple as that. Except a tumble with you once in a while. I have my new found confidence, largely due to you, so I thank you for that. But I'm independent now, I'm my own woman and I'll make my own decisions on who'll I'll find happiness with. Sometimes with you, sometimes with someone else, simple. I'll settle down when it suits me.'

'Well it seems straightforward when you say it like that Jill. I must say I'm amazed and pleased that you've turned your life around so completely. So congratulations then.'

'Thank you Deller, and thank you for rescuing me and getting me straight, I think I can take it from here. I'll catch up with you next time you are in the office, take care Deller.'

There was a click and she was gone. I didn't know whether to feel relieved or rejected. Being needed by someone is something of a responsibility in your life, a duty you rise to, and a challenge you accept. Now, Jill seemed not to need me; well not in the emotional sense at least. I decided that, the bottom line was that now I was free to pursue my relationship with Una without the complications that a full-blown affair with Jill would have created.

I mounted the stairs to the bathroom feeling that I had managed to dodge the bullet, but in reality, Jill hadn't actually fired the gun. She had let me off easy, a fate I did not deserve. It only proved, if proof were necessary, what a wonderful person Jill is.

As I showered, I began to feel better about life, a burden had been lifted and the way forward with Una was clear; I had a lot to thank Jill for. Hopefully, I'd be able to make it up to her.

My thoughts turned to the weekend and the swinger party that Una had invited me to. It was still a few of days away and, strangely, I was beginning to look forward to it. Not because of the other women, but because I would be with the wonderful Una again. It was only a matter of days, but it seemed like an eternity to me. I decided that I needed some one-to-one time with her before the orgy.

The next day, things started badly. I had decided to get Una on her own in the morning but before I could make the phone call to her, David phoned me. It was bad news. The junior architect, who had screwed up the day before, had suddenly left the company. Apparently he'd had a better offer from another firm, which was why he hadn't been so diligent on the project; he didn't care enough about it because he was already off somewhere else; the bastard.

The project was dumped in my lap to complete. I thought I had a clear morning but now I was going to be tied up for several days finishing off the job. Bugger!

The drawings and specs were sent through via e-mail and I spent the morning, almost starting from scratch on a project that had already taken two weeks to get this far. I estimated it would take another two to three weeks to finish.

I picked up the phone and called Ryan Ellis, he was a junior under my wing as it were. He owed me a favour or two.

'Hi Ryan, it's Richard, how's you today?'