Chapter 5

Adray found the larder under the house, a space that Pardin had missed. The builders had carved a significant hole out of the living rock under the house that went just a bit into the mountainside. The entrance was a trapdoor not far from the chimney. The shelves of the pantry were completely empty except for two empty pickling barrels but the potential storage was more than enough room to store food for a long winter.

She didn't let him forget that oversight either, reminding him in her colorful fashion that a blind, buggered idiot could have found the hole. The elfish idea of the marital pledge had great exceptions by Pardin's reckoning. By the pledge he had committed her to accept by the magic, she loved him and in elfin fashion obeyed him but she had no qualms telling him he was stupid. Obedience in an elfish world was no where near the ideal of the demure wife curtsying before her husband-master. Bernie was correct again: no mere removal of her tongue would solve the problem.

They needed to prepare for the winter. Meat was plentiful although preserving it was a matter of different tastes and great argument. She argued a lot, with great rounds of cursing, foot stamping, and accusatory finger pointing. The meat had to be preserved yet they also needed roots, berries, and vegetables. Adray was adamant about smoking the deer meat and Pardin left her to the task, having surrendered the battle. Picking up his sack with the strap, he reluctantly accepted the chore of scrounging in the late autumn for whatever foods the animals hadn't eaten yet in the forest.

As he crossed the path in front of the cabin and prepared to make his way along one of numerous game trails, he heard a familiar buzzing of fairy wings. Fuster Cluck and her abundant breasts were joining him for the hunt. She clarified that she was only coming to keep the human from hurting himself. The elfish attitude seemed to have impressed the fairy as well and Pardin was not happy.

As they traipsed down to the lower forest where Pardin estimated they would have better luck, Pardin struck up a conversation with the fairy. Cluster was a charming being who liked to talk and loved to make puns. However, she had a peculiar habit of translating every possibility into a percentage, such as Pardin's estimation of finding vegetables to eat was 55% downhill and 35% uphill. Pardin wondered if she was a gambler when she wasn't babysitting elfin families.

Finally Pardin worked up the courage to ask her about her name.

"Of course I know what my parents did when they named me," Fuster said. "I was named after the largest, most elaborate orgy in recent history. I was conceived during the Mongolian Cluster Fuck of the Blue Harvest moon on the branches of a heart tree. No one else was and I'm proud of that distinction. Everyone who is anyone knows Fuster Cluck."

"I suppose that could be a point of pride," Pardin said trying to keep the dubiousness out of his voice. "If you were conceived during an orgy, how do you know your father is actually your father?"

"The magic, of course," Fuster said. "You really don't have a grasp of how the magic works, do you?"

Pardin bent down and pulled up a wild onion. The bulb was white and as big as his fist. Brushing off as much of the dirt as he could with his fingers, he placed the onion in his sack. "I thought you were supposed to be helping me find vegetables for dinner. I'm doing all the work here and the sack is sadly near empty."

"You can't run away from the subject forever, you know," Fuster said. "Turn left; go between those two trees and then out to the glade. On the right is a couple of winter squash."

He didn't want to know about the magic. Whenever he felt the magic, he thought with his dick instead of his brain. Barely a man, Pardin now had a wife because of the magic. He had fairies to feed and new responsibilities. He could be the only living human in the world to have fucked an elf, but he wasn't sure he was a winner or, if he had won, what had he won? The magic tingled in his hands last night and when he touched her, they had a double go around, even with fairies flying around the room. Magic had taken over his life and his good sense.

The gourds were a good size. When he rapped on them with his knuckles, they sounded meaty and thick. The sack finally had some weight to it when he added the heavy squashes.

"Do you want to see my tits?" Fuster said.

"I hadn't thought about it," Pardin said, scanning the bushes. He saw some greens that might have edible roots and started walking. "Why would I want to see your tits?"

"Because I want to see your bush beater when it's hard," she said, alighting on his other shoulder. She started rubbing his earlobe.

"Surely you saw it in action last night," Pardin said. You were practically crawling up my ass while Adray and I were making love. I've never done it before with an audience."

"I missed it last night because I was so tired," Fuster said. "Adray had to mate the caretaker on the other side of the tunnel, the furthest point from anywhere interesting, the selfish bitch. Anyway, Kiester bragged all morning about how tight your ball sac is and how he got to see it first."