Chapter 2

The morning light coming through the window hurt his eyes. Pardin tried to squint and then reluctantly pressed his forearm over his face, trying to block out the rays. Sleep had come easily last night but he had tossed and turned for hours in the early hours of the morning. By the brightness of the sun, he had also slept later than usual.

Using the poker, he stirred up the ashes in the fireplace and was rewarded with plenty of red glowing coals. He added some kindling and soon had a breakfast fire. He couldn't stop glancing at Adray who was curled up on top of one of travel blankets with her back to him. Her blouse had risen up her back and her pants had dropped, exposing the cleft of her butt cheeks. The sight was a bit much for a bright morning after a lousy night's sleep. He filled the kettle with water from the cistern and placed it on the coals to heat.

He heard something outside. Three distinct voices were yelling and cursing each other but the sounds they made were not quite human. They were deeper and more gravelly than a man's voice and he couldn't make out any of the words. Pardin rushed to the window and spotted three dwarves walking up the path to his house. They looked angry and each was carrying a huge battleaxe.

Looking at the still sleeping elf, Pardin muttered a curse. He stomped over to her and nudged her awake with his boot. "Hey, get up," he said loudly

"Let me be," she moaned. She hadn't moved.

"I would but I don't think the three dwarves are going to have the same opinion. They look mighty angry," Pardin said. "Do you know anything about them and why they are here?"

Adray sat straight up and turned to him. Pardin got an eyeful of her bosom before she tucked it back in, which made him angry and frustrated. He usually liked looking at women in the market and in the taverns. This elf did have a small handful on her chest yet her presence frustrated him no matter how appealing her frame was.

"Does one of them have a red ruby earring in his left ear and jewel encrusted armband on his right arm," she asked, stretching her arms up into the air, exposing her bellybutton.

Pardin tore himself away and returned to the window. "Yes."

"Piss, shit and snot," she said. "How did that fucker track me down? He couldn't have smelled me all the way out here."

"Who is he?"

"Bernnakin Scrumchus Quimstick," Adray said, "master of the Tangleroot Mines and slayer of the Seeches's Hand."

"I'm sure that whatever is on the master dwarf's mind, it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you," Pardin said.

Pardin weighed his three choices. Either he could pretend he wasn't home and not answer the door, which would probably end poorly or he could wait for the dwarf to knock and that would still trap Pardin in the house, putting him at a disadvantage. The last choice was to go out and greet the dwarf on the path. If the dwarf decided not to talk but swing his axe instead, Pardin could run and leave the elf to them. In fact, he wanted to leave the elf to them anyway, which left no reason to delay.

He opened the door.

"No!" he heard her yell as he stepped out onto the porch. He walked fifteen paces down the path before meeting the three dwarves. Bernnakin came up to his chest, but the top of his axe, whose shaft rested on the dwarf's shoulder, was even with his eyes.

"Greetings and welcome," Pardin said, not sure the being would understand his human speak. "What brings you to my humble home?"

"I've come to claim my bride-to-be, human," the dwarf said, although when he spoke his words rumbled. His breath stank like moldy bread at the bottom of a forgotten sack. Pardin held his right wrist in his free hand to keep from waving away the stench in his nostrils. He didn't want to upset the fearsome being.

The dwarf was looking beyond Pardin, at something further up the mountain.

"I'm not your whoring bride, you pot-belied excuse for a limp pompadoodle. Besides, your salami is green with rot," the elf maid said. "You couldn't stick it up a pig's ass without tying it to a stick first."

"Better you than me," Pardin said to the dwarf, wondering what affection dwarfs had for pigs. Pardin wanted to make clear to the dwarf where the human stood in this lovers' quarrel.

"You might think it's her tongue, human, but don't be deceived. Washing her mouth out with soap is a useless gesture." The dwarf rested the head of his axe on the ground as if he was settling in for a long conversation.

"It couldn't hurt, dwarf," Pardin said. "In fact, I wondering if we should negotiate a pact where one of us holds her down and the other applies the soap."

The dwarf laughed. "Naw, her claws are too long and her teeth are too sharp. I want to keep my fingers for the time being." His two companions down the path had laid aside their axes and laid down spread eagle in the grass. They both had large bulges at their crotches. One of them belched and the sound carried clearly across the mountainside.

Adray stomped her foot and glared at both of them. Pardin noted that she stomped her foot a lot. She also glared a lot. The dwarf didn't seem to be the least concerned with the elf's obvious dislike of him, Pardin noted as well.

"She promised to be my bride," the dwarf said again. "Unless you," he pointed at Pardin, "sullied the nest, I'll take her now, if you don't mind."

"Yeah," Pardin said, trying to buy time while he figured out what "sullied" meant. He looked at Adray who gave him a double glare by jerking her head forward. She reminded him of the snowy white birds who stood in shallow ponds hunting for fish with their long necks and thin beaks.

"Inside, please" she said, while pointing an accusatory finger at Pardin. No longer a bird, she transformed into a barking dog in Pardin's mind.

"A moment of your patience," Pardin said to dwarf who shrugged in response. The dwarf adjusted his helmet to block the sun out of his eyes.

Together Pardin and Adray tromped back inside the cabin where she slammed the door shut with anger. She paced back and forth across the length of the cabin with her arms folded across her chest. Finally she stopped in the middle of the room and turned to face him.

"He seems like a reputable dwarf and upstanding fellow to me," Pardin said, just for the joy of needling her.

"Do you know that dwarfs have cocks the girth of beer steins?" She said. "Just one thrust would tear me to shreds and I'd never walk again. No woman, elf or human, would lie under a dwarf willingly. They aren't quick on the draw either; they can go for hours. No one but a dwarf cunt could survive that abuse."

"He's willing to give it a go," Pardin said, sort of fascinated by a cock as big as a horse. "Maybe he knows how to make it fit."