Chapter 16

When they began the journey southward, Pardin had privately dismissed the idea of stopping off to visit his ma. Letting his imagination run wild, he was half convinced that she would run screaming into the village square when he presented his bride. Now that he had a dragon, he was sure his ma would flee in terror.

Adray was insistent however. When the road cut right and headed due east towards the largest town and her marketplace, Pardin turned left down the rutted path that led to his village. Every step of the way he felt he was making a mistake. If he was lucky, they would all flee to the surrounding woods and if not, there was going to be a lot of dead bodies lying about the place. Adray had handed off the orcan sword to him and was toting the battle axe again. The trolls now had their weapons in view in the front of the wagon and wolves kept making brief appearances at dawn and dusk. Then there was the small problem of his dragon and her appetite.

She loved the smell of apple blossoms. She ate the entire tree, trunk and all. At least the tree was in the back of the orchid although it was obvious that these groves were tended. One farmer against an armed band was not much of a threat but Pardin had principles about stealing from others. Eating someone's apple tree went against one of his principles although he seemed to be the only one who was concerned.

"Look at that pile of shit your dragon left," Fuster said, pointing at the steaming pile that came up to Pardin's knees. "There is enough fertilizer there to boost the growth of half of the orchard. Greater than a steaming pile of cow shit, this is primo grade-A dragon shit. Your dragon left a fair trade for the tree she ate."

"How much is dragon crap worth if we sold it?" Pardin said.

"Ahh, dragon shit would be a new market and new markets are notoriously fickle," Fuster said. "There are a lot of upfront charges and a long payout curve. I would recommend against it." With a swish of her wings, she disappeared quickly.

They were still an hour's distance from the village when Anorexia alighted in a clearing next to their path. Neither slithering nor waddling but using a strange mixture of the two that was rather graceful, Pardin admitted, she blocked the road and laid her head down. Adray took one side and Pardin took the other. Together they stroked the scales behind her ears and rubbed her bony ear carapaces. Anorexia tried to cuddle both of them and promptly fell asleep. She needed an afternoon nap.

Taking their cue from the dragon, they all lay down for a nap except of Pardin. He stood guard and fidgeted. He knew how close they were to his home village and the anxiety was eating at him. Eying a boulder just off the path, Pardin sat down and decided to have himself a think.

His da, may he rest in peace, had warned him about sticking his dick in the first hole offered to him. Yet here Pardin sat, with a wife and baby on a road outside of town with a potful of responsibilities on his shoulders. A year ago he could not have imagined two magic swords strapped to his back, a flock of "fair trade my ass" fairies, a couple of romantic trolls and talking wolves shadowing his trail.

Pardin missed his da with his crooked, blackened teeth and pinched eyes. His da could wilt flowers with his breath but he could squeeze a grown son tight with his massive arms. The man could handle an axe all day and a mug half the night, then get up and do it again the next day. Damn that lord and his wars. Pardin admitted that there was a part of him that wanted revenge for his da's death.

Anorexia stirred, awaking the entire camp with her stretching limbs and tail. At least the wagon was out of reach and beyond where she could easily tip it over. The sun was far westerly when Pardin led them to the village. Taking the shortcut, he bypassed most of the houses and climbed over the fence behind his family's little house. His da had built it sturdy even though it was a bit small.

He debated knocking but grabbed the latch instead. He stepped inside, waiting a moment for his eyes to adjust.

"I see you made it back after you fled in the night," his ma said. "You couldn't be bothered to tell your own kin."

"You had no clue and thus you had nothing to give away when the bastards came calling for my skin," Pardin said. "Good to see you too, ma."

"How do expect me to be happy when the only set of strong arms makes off in the night without leaving his dear mother any provisions for the larder," she said. "Your sister and her husband are worthless."

"I would have been dragged off in what, a couple of days' time?" Pardin said.

"They gave you three days," she said. "Ugly bastards they were. They came again, just weeks ago."

"I know. They shall not bother you again."

"Oo, gone from mommy's lap for half a year and now he's the big man of the mountains," she said.

Pardin scratched his head. This conversation was not what he had imagined and he had no stomach to continue to bicker. He had expected her to at least give him a hug and tell him that she missed him or at least act grateful that he returned.

"Come outside and meet my bride," Pardin said. "She wants to meet you."

"She doesn't have the manners to come in," his mother said. "What kind of mountain trash have you dragged back to town? Probably embarrass me for a lifetime."

"She can't come in because she has to stay outside with the ... the baby," Pardin said.

"You ain't been gone that long, boy," she said. "You brought me pond scum."

"Quite the opposite," Pardin said and grabbed his ma by the arm and slipped another around her waist to usher her out the door.

"Who did you steal those swords from?" she demanded as she tried to fight him.

"One is a wedding gift from my father-in-law and the other belongs to a dead orc," Pardin said. "Now come outside and all will be explained."

She stepped outside where Pardin's party was waiting. "Well, shit in my britches and run for the castle," she said.