Chapter 2

I looked out at Ruthie. She was moving her head as she listened to what I was sure were unfamiliar sounds--much different sounds from what she was used to hearing in the city. I spoke from the door telling her to come in, as it was getting colder. I made coffee and as soon as it was poured, I asked, "Ruthie, how long can you stay? I asked you to be with me for the funeral. Could you possibly stay longer?"

"I can stay for awhile as I don't have anywhere I have to be. The thing that we cannot get away from is, I'm a burden to have around. You have your work and I am sure some sort of social life. I do not want to take any of that away from you. I have never been out of the city and I am glorying in the different sounds. I heard some birds, which I think, must be crows. Far off I could hear some heavy trucks grinding up a hill somewhere. There are fewer sounds, but that makes them the easier to identify. If I could stay for a little while, I'd love the new experience."

"And I'd love to have you here until you can't stand it anymore." That ended the conversation and I went about finishing what had to be done, by calling the funeral parlor. Having everything set to my satisfaction, I made that call to this man Peter as I had promised. After giving him the details, I said, "Peter, I have the funeral parlor setting up a web-site. Just for the reason that someone might want to have a picture to remember Nan. It can be downloaded and anyone can send his or her condolences. Her parents and mine will be here. They would like to hear how her friends felt about her. They might like to see that she had friends other than family."

The funeral was to begin at one p.m. three days hence. It could not be sooner, for the parents, hers and mine, would need to come from across the country. Mom stayed with me, of course. My step dad was unable to attend. Nan's parents came, but chose to stay in a motel, although I had a free room and asked them to stay with me.

I introduced Ruthie to Mom as being Nan's friend. Just like me, Mom was not at first aware of Ruthie's blindness. Ruthie and Mom sat at the table while I prepared lunch for them. I could see Mom being upset that this young woman was letting me serve both of them without pitching in to help.

My mother caught me alone and whispered that she didn't think much of Nan's friend. "Mom she is just out of her element here. When she is in her own environment, nothing can beat her. Don't worry about it."

After our sandwich, Ruthie stood and as she had heard me stack the plates in front of her, she proceeded to carry them to the sink. No trouble at all. I was watching her, proud that she had learned the location of everything in the room. "It is time I got dressed. I will be only a few minutes. I just have to slip on my dress and put on my hat." I was almost ready and so was Mom.

Ruthie went into her room. Fifteen minutes later Ruthie spoke. "Ralph, I need help as I can't find my brooch. Nan gave it to me and I wanted to wear it. I know it is here somewhere, I just can't put my hand on it."

"Mom, would you help her? I want to warm up the car." I guess the jewelry was right in sight when Mom went through the door. That is when Mom became aware that Ruthie had a disability. This earned me a very painful pinch when we got in the car. "Mom, isn't Ruthie amazing? She forgot to put on the light in her apartment and I talked with her two hours and was sitting in the dark before I realized she could not see. She has only been here three days and can navigate around the house better than you can."

"Ralph, I don't know why I put up with your shenanigans. Where did I go wrong? Anyway, dear, I think you are lovely. It is a good thing in one respect, though. If you could see him, you would say, Christ, look at the poor ugly man. Pity the woman that marries him."

"Ruthie, if you could see, you would say I was a perfect picture of," I paused and then continued, "my mother."

Ruthie was smiling at our banter. We needed something light to take our minds off where we were heading. I pulled my car right in behind the hearse. The doors to the church were closed, but a funeral attendant was there to open them as the mourners came in.

I took Mom's arm while whispering to Ruthie to just grasp my coat and follow me. I seated Mom in the second row of pews and then guided Ruthie in beside her. I then went to the first row and took up my place beside Nan's parents. I glanced back over the congregation, seeing my co-workers and several of my friends. I sat down and waited for the funeral to begin. I heard several more people come in but I did not turn around.

I had asked the minister to keep the service short, as there would be few here who actually knew my wife. He led off the ceremony by asking everyone to sing "In the Garden," stating that this had been a favorite song of Nan Burnam's. Then everyone recited the 23rd Psalm. Nan's mother stood and related a few things about her childhood. She said Nan was such a happy, wonderful child and how she was going to be missed by all that knew her.

I felt I should say something although the minister had said earlier that it wasn't expected of me. I stood and faced the people. "I met Nan while in school and dated her for a year. I lost track of her while she completed her education. One day I found her at my door. Shortly after that, we married. From that day on, my heart was always with her as hers was always with me. Together and apart, our love was always there and it never wavered. I truly am going to miss her, my wife, my love." I sat down.

It was totally silent as my words were contemplated. I heard someone get to their feet behind me. "My name is Peter Gruber. My company employed Nan for the last two years as a secretary. She was a wonderful young woman. Troubled at times as all God's children will be, but the waters were calming before her and leaving the rough waves behind. We that knew her, and there were many of us, who are truly lost that she was unable to rejoin her husband before she was taken. She wore her love for her husband where everyone could see it. Nan was truly a unique person and we will miss her."

I had asked a three-person gospel group to sing, "Farside Bank of Jordan," to conclude the services. As the mourners passed by the casket, Peter Gruber shook my hand offering condolences. He then stretched his hand over to Ruthie, leaned over, and kissed the cheek she presented. I heard her murmur, "Uncle Peter, what you said about Nan was perfect. Thank you."

The churchwomen had a lunch prepared for those that wished. I escorted Ruthie with a guiding hand down the stairs. I whispered, "You have some explaining to do. For some reason, I feel some things have been kept from me."

"Yes, I suppose it looks that way. You must remember why Nan was in Boston. We did not know you. I think we do now, so we will be more forthcoming about our association with her. We will talk about it later. May I ask Uncle Peter to come to your house to explain?"

"Of course. What about my mother? This is not really any of her business."

"Let me handle that. I am a poor little blind girl. If I ask her for some help, she can't very well refuse. That will give you some time with my uncle."

There were seven couples and Ruthie's uncle that had driven up from Boston. They were in a corner by themselves having coffee and sandwiches. I went over and shook hands with all the men. Most of the men were aged forty or older. The women were all under thirty, I would guess. Even I could tell that none was married to each other. Although I did not doubt that all had been intimate.

I made a little speech. "I would expect that all of you knew Nan more intimately than I have in the last two years. I hope you have enjoyed the association. I received a letter from someone in Boston two years ago, saying that Nan was safe in your care. I appreciate that more than I can say. I knew my wife had a problem, and to be honest, dealing with it was beyond me. I am so fortunate that she became part of your group and taken care of so well in every way. Thank you all for coming today to help me say goodbye."

The women all hugged me and the men again shook my hand. Mom asked when I returned to her side, "Who are those people?"

"Those were some of the dearest friends that Nan had. She worked and played with them while staying in Boston."

"Well it was very nice of them to come."

Peter had overheard this exchange. I had the feeling he had been watching me as I made my way around the room. He smiled at me and I gathered I was acting in a way he approved of. "My niece says she is staying with you for awhile. I thought she might be going back to her apartment with me, so I drove up alone."

"Please don't take her away from me when I'm just getting to know her. She surprises me delightfully at every turn. I have a feeling she is a person that will be one step ahead of me as long as I am associated with her."

"You don't mind that she can't see? Most people would be uncomfortable around her."

"No, I don't mind at all. Please don't worry about her while she is up here with me either. I will take care of her to the best of my ability. Would it be possible for you to stay over tonight and return to Boston tomorrow?"

"Just a minute, let me talk to my lieutenant. It is Friday night and I did have some plans. Maybe he will forego his pleasures and fill the role I play in the planned event." From what he said, I knew it was a party night for his group. The idle thought crossed my mind that my Nan would miss this one. The addiction she had was as dead now as she was.

Peter followed me home. I let Ruthie ride with him, giving her a chance to tell him about me. Mom rode with me. She said she thought Ruthie was beautiful--too bad she was blind. My mother had never really liked Nan. I had never given her any details about Nan and me and she was unsure how much time we had spent apart. Now she would be out looking for a new mate for me. From the tone, I suspected she had struck Ruthie off that list already because of her disability. I hadn't yet. Too soon to have a list anyway.

Ruthie asked if Mom could drive her to a store, as she needed some personal items. This left Peter and I alone. I got out a bottle of Dewar's and sat down in the living room. "Ralph, I'm going to tell you some things that no one outside our little group knows about us. Mainly because of Ruthie, but also how you have handled the situation of your wife and her needs. I trust you and that is enough said about that. You can call us a fetish club. An extremely safe fetish club.

"For some reason, women's fetishes seem to be more extreme than men's. The men in our group exploit the women, there is no doubt about that. The men also are there to satisfy the needs of a particular woman's fetish, so it works both ways. You were aware of what Nan needed. She was the only one we have ever had with that particular 'need' if you will.

"We have one woman that likes pain derived by someone spanking her. Two women like oral, both giving and receiving, and we have one that likes to be in restraints and helpless. Some women like to be dominated and some like to dominate. A woman will do almost anything to satisfy her needs. Nan was unique in that men, many men, were needed to satisfy her. Therefore, there was no need to cross over into other forms of sex to satisfy the men involved. Are you following me on this?"

"Yes, because I was intimately aware of Nan's needs. Where do you find women like this, for instance, how did you find Nan?"

"Nan came to us from someone who knew her in college. She knew the requirements and that she would be fully satisfied if we let her in. Sometimes we hear about other women from their husbands who want their wife more satisfied than they, themselves, can accomplish. We are very, very careful in our selection. Both with the men and the women. Hygiene is at the very top of our list of requirements. It has to be in this day and age.

"Now, for a little more information, I do run a legitimate business. Nan was employed with me for four hours a day. The business is not big enough to employ too many of our so-called secretaries, so I can only give them a limited number of hours. We also arrange safe places for some to live as I did with Nan.

Others live at home. In other words, if we receive some benefit from one, we look out for them. Often we manipulate them, as I had to do with Nan. That is why she ended up living with my niece, although Nan never knew that it was planned in advance. That has never happened before because Nan became like family to me. I loved her like one of my own children so she was given special treatment."

"How did you come to form this group? I gather from everything you say that you are the head of it."

"Before I explain how, I have to explain myself. I have always been curious about what makes humans act as they do. I have concluded that if you look deep into a person, you will find things in their make-up that are considered outside the norm. Having said that, the question is what is the norm. I am sure if you went to a shrink for a long enough time, he could discover something about your behavior that is against the law of the land, or something society frowns upon. The people that I deal with just may be extreme and unable to control it than what is considered the so-called 'norm.'

"I discovered early on that I am a voyeur. I discovered this when I came downstairs one late evening and found my oldest daughter having sex with her boyfriend. I was riveted by what I was seeing. I watched, never interrupting what was going on. I will be clear, it was not that the woman was my daughter for I have absolutely no interest in incest. It was the act of watching a couple having sex, totally involved unto themselves.

"When someone has a fetish and it is being taken care of to the point where they are oblivious to their surroundings, that is where I get my most satisfaction. Do I ever want to join in? Absolutely not. Do other people know this about me? My wife does and reaps the benefit on Sunday after one of our parties. Ruthie knows about it for she is my confidant, more than anyone else in my family is. I spend a lot of mornings talking with her about the different ones in my charge.

"Every one of those women that were at Nan's funeral today is in my charge to some extent. I have never been intimate in any way with them. I try to push every one of them to control their needs. I know if they don't, they may end up down in the red-light district selling themselves just to find a few minutes of satisfaction to feed their fetish. Do I feel I am providing a service--you bet I do? Can you imagine where Nan would have been if I hadn't been there to watch out for her? Think about that."

"Thank you for the explanation, and yes, thank you for taking care of Nan. I have her diary. You were almost successful in sending Nan home to me. It was written in the diary when she was coming home, in another two or three weeks. She wanted just a little more time to be doubly sure that when she came home, she would be mine forever. Then Fate stepped in and it was all for naught. We all are losers by her dying."

"I take it you are going to put thoughts of her away and move on?"

"I am. What else can I do? Actually, I suppose I have just been marking time anyway. She went away and it was unknown to me if she was ever coming back. Now I know. I am thirty years old. Maybe some way I can regain my zest for life that I had when Nan came into it."

"Good. You are wise. One question, is there anything in my group that you would be interested in doing? I'm asking only as someone that is extending a service to a friend."

"No." I chuckled. "If there was something, I wouldn't take you up on it. That would be like kicking Nan when she was down. Too hypocritical."

"Again, good, and another question. Is it okay having Ruthie stay here with you, after I have told you that she has knowledge of my group?"

"Yes, of course. I think I admire her even more." I got up and laid a fire in the fireplace, explaining that my mother liked to sit in front of it in the wintertime. Ruthie would be able to hear it crackle and smell the apple wood that I had picked out of the woodpile. The added warmth would be welcome when the two women came in.

I excused myself to the kitchen and set about preparing a light supper. I took two cans of tomato soup and added some extra strong cheddar cheese to it. I put a pan of baking powder biscuits in the oven. I finely chopped some onion and took a pound and half of hamburger and an egg, seasoning of salt, pepper, Worcestershire sauce and mixed it all in a bowl. Making the patties up ready to put in the skillet, I buttered six buns seasoned with garlic powder.

I cheated, for I had bought prepared salad mix but the dressing was my own. When I heard Mom drive up, I started the soup so the cheese would melt. I then put the buns in the toaster oven, the patties on the stove and pulled the biscuits out of the oven.

As Mom and Ruthie came through the door, "Supper in ten," I yelled. To me the supper had been simple in fare and in preparation. Peter gave it raves. Ruthie said it was delicious.

Mom said, "Ralph, I didn't know you could cook. That is the wife's job. Must be Nan had been laying down on her job and turned it over to you."

My reply was, "Nan has been in Boston quite a bit lately." Mom did not need to know how I had lived my life in the last two years. I saved some of the biscuits and gave my guests a choice of homemade strawberry jam or maple syrup to top them with for dessert. Ruthie had never tasted either, so I split hers and covered them with the different toppings.