Chapter 18

Saturday was our last full day with the colonel and his family. The bonhomie from the night before carried on into the Saturday morning and as Eleanor and Frank and their family were leaving after lunch we spent the morning together. Eleanor said to Shirley over coffee,"

"I learned something about your family last night Shirley, but I am not sure if you want to hear it."

"Now that you have told me that," she said, "of course I want to hear it. I would be left wondering what it was if I didn't ask you to relate it to me."

Eleanor smiled and said, "It is not really good news. Your Father had a heart attack and it was a bad one. It has led to him becoming a chronic invalid and your mother has to care for him more or less full time. The person I spoke with thought that he would not last very long his condition is so bad."

"I am sorry to hear that," Shirley said, "But then I would be sorry to hear about anyone being in that condition, but I am not going to rush to see him because he might be on his death bed. He was the self righteous pig who would have killed my daughter by having me abort her. The pronouncements of his minister and friend were more important than his daughter and the child she carried. And my mother went along with it. There was no love in their hearts then and it killed any feelings I might have had for them."

Eleanor smiled sadly, "We know a bit about that kind of feeling." She said.

"Our mother is not actually brimming with the milk of human love and kindness."

Shirley gave a little laugh and said, "I guess that does help you understand how I feel."

"It surely does," the colonel said, "Especially after my last meeting with her and after her walk out last night. I am none too full of the spirit of forgiveness myself right now."

The conversation wandered off onto other family matters and Eleanor and Ginny started a discussion on possible times for visits between the two families.

I faded out of their discussions which also involved Shirley and turned to the Colonel and Frank and our discussion took an entirely different direction. Frank had looked at the Colonel and said,

"After your sterling defence of Shirley last night, I have the feeling that you still have feelings for her that might want a bit more than friendship."

"I am trying to keep a tight rein on those kind of feelings," the Colonel said, "While she has been more forgiving in her attitude towards me, I am hesitant to push my luck and look for more than that from her."

Frank then turned to me and asked, "You know her better than any of us here, what is your take on that?"

I laughed and said, "The only thing predictable about Shirley is her unpredictability. I think I have said that once or twice recently. But from observing her reactions with Bill, I think she is on the horns of a dilemma. She still has feelings for him. She said something the other day about expecting him to act in a certain way, because that was the kind of man she had fallen in love with and he was still the same kind of man today. I have found the best way to deal with her is to talk to her in a supportive and yet challenging way."

"Chance would be a fine thing," the colonel said. I don't know if it is accidental or done on purpose, but apart from that lunch at your place, Gibby, I have never had a chance to be alone with her for any length of time."

"I had noticed that too," I said to him, "But I think there is a way round that."

"How?" The colonel asked.

"Well despite her long time out of the saddle she is still a very competent horsewoman, why don't you ask her to go riding with you early tomorrow morning? You can warn your daughters off from asking to go with you and then you can maybe get a better idea of which way the wind is blowing." I said

The colonel smiled and said, "I am beginning to agree with my daughter's assessment of you as a crafty and shrewd genius. I will do that."

I laughed at his double edged assessment of my abilities to get people to do things.

Just at that point a car drove slowly up the drive, and stopped and a woman a bit younger than Shirley's age got out and made her way up the steps toward us.

The colonel stood up and asked if he could help her.

"Yes sir, I think you can," she said, "I am Isabella Walker and I am a cousin of Shirley. My aunt asked me to come here and give you this letter for her. It is from her mother, and she begs Shirley to read it. Would you give it to her please?"

I will certainly do that," Bill said, "but as to whether she will read it, I could not say. Do you want to wait and see?"

"No sir," she said, "If she reads it and decided to take action on it, my aunt will get to know, and if she hears nothing it might be best if she is left wondering whether Shirley read it or not, but either way she will not get an answer."

The colonel thanked her and said he would pass it on to Shirley and the young woman went back down the steps and got into her car and drove off. The colonel handed the letter to me and said,

"Perhaps you should be the one to give it to her."

I agreed and took it from him and went inside to where the women were involved in discussions. I interrupted and handed the letter to Shirley.

"This was handed in by a young woman called Isabella who said she was your cousin. She said it was from her aunt and she was sent to deliver it. I take it her aunt must be your mother and there was a plea delivered with it, she begs you to read it."

Shirley looked at the letter for some time and we all waited to see what she would do. Eventually she slit the envelope and withdrew the letter and I breathed a sigh of relief, I was glad that at least she was going to read it.

She did so and then she handed it to me without comment. I unfolded it and opened the page and began to read.

To my dearest daughter,

I know I have lost every right to address you in these terms. But I have been told what the colonel said at his dinner last night. I am so sorry, that I did not have the courage or felt I had the right to stand against your father when you most needed me to do so. Not only that, I cannot say how devastated I am that I did not believe you when you said you had slept with no one but the colonel.

That just emphasises how little I knew or understood my own child. Over the years I have come to hate myself and the kind of religion that made me put their rules before my love and concern for my daughter. It has been a great struggle for me to stay with your father all these years and keep my wedding vows and I cannot leave now, for as you probably know he is helpless. I wish I had done it years ago and come looking for you, but I felt that would merely add to your burdens rather than relieve them.

I am not asking for your forgiveness or even your understanding when I cannot forgive or understand myself. But I would make one plea to you. Please meet me at the Station Cafe at three o clock and let me see you and the beautiful granddaughter you have so courageously given me. I ask this so that I can have a picture of you and her in my mind when I think of you as I have done often in the past with tears and a sore heart. At least if you come I will have a picture of you both in my mind when I do so in the future.

I wanted to sign this as being from your loving mother, but that would be a travesty and difficult for you to swallow.

I just plead with you to let me see you one last time if only because I am the woman who bore you.

She has just signed it and left it to Shirley make whatever response she wanted.

I had tears prickling my eyes as I read her letter. This was yet another victim of an intransigent and unfeeling mind that had been her husband's. Ginny looked at me inquiringly and I signaled her to come with me. We went in search of Shirley and found her crying in the back garden. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said,

"She says all these things to me now and when I most needed her she said and did nothing"

I went to her and put my arms around her and held her as she cried. As she got her sobs under control,

I said to her, "My dearest Shirley, I too cried when I read this letter, but I cried for both of you. I can feel her pain in almost every line and I realise that she too is the victim of another person's so called principles and intransigent mind. But I am not going to tell you what you should do. I too have felt deep despair but it was a despair born out of the loss of those who loved me. Yours is different, it is born out of the failure of those who should have loved you. I am sorry."

As I held her, I said, "Do you want to let Ginny read the letter."

She nodded. "You know, and I cannot expect you to keep its contents from the woman you love."

Ginny read the letter and I could see the tears running down her cheeks as she read.

"Oh mum!" She said and as I stood back she hugged her mum and her tears soaked into Shirley's shoulder.

"I just don't know what to do?" Shirley said.

"I can't tell you mum," Ginny answered. "But I will say this because you know it is true. Rejection leads to bitterness and despair, not just in the rejected but also in those who do the rejecting as this letter shows. You now have evidence of its corrosive effect on both sides."

Shirley drew out of Ginny's arms and looked at her daughter with a kind of awe.

"How is it that despite the way I have dragged her up, I have this brilliant, extremely beautiful, loving and caring daughter? You have just summed up this situation in a nutshell. After what you have just, said we can do nothing else but go and see her. What happens thereafter is in the lap of the gods."

I could have cheered my lady's wisdom and my future mother in law's courage. They were each in their own way proving to be two remarkable women. When we came back into the house everyone was waiting on us and it was obvious to them that it had been an emotional time for all of us. Shirley took the letter and handed it to Bill,

"Be a dear, she said and read it to the rest of the family." And with that she moved up stairs obviously heading for her room. Bill read the letter and everyone was obviously moved by it.

I told them what Ginny had said to her mother, and her mother's response.

The colonel looked at his daughter and said, "You are indeed a beautiful and perceptive young woman, for your beauty is on the inside as well as the out."

I agree sir," I said, "I am a very lucky young man because I have in my life two very remarkable loving and forgiving ladies."

"I take it from this you will both need a lift this afternoon. If you are going to have an emotional meeting perhaps someone else should drive" Bill said.

Ginny nodded and he said he would arrange for his driver to take them there and wait for them while they were meeting Shirley's mother.

Shirley came down the stair a short time later and was more composed. Bill went over to her and took her in his arms, and gave her a hug.

"You will be glad to know," he said, "that our future son in law, thinks he is lucky to have two such brilliant, beautiful, loving and caring women in his life, and I think all of us here would agree. We too consider ourselves lucky to be the recipients of your presence with us in our family."

Shirley gave him a tremulous smile and said, "There you go again, you have just won a few more credits which you will no doubt want to cash in later."

"Bill smiled and said, "Of that you can have no doubt." Shortly after this we went through to lunch

In the afternoon Ginny and Shirley were driven to the cafe and as they entered they looked around. Shirley recognised her mother sitting at a corner table even though she looked much older and more careworn. She made her way towards her with Ginny following. As they approached the woman recognised her daughter and stood up and there were tears in her eyes.

Shirley said, "Hello mother, I would like to introduce you to your granddaughter."