Chapter 9: Thinking Too Much

Cleo plopped down on the edge of my bed. "What gives?" She asked without preamble.

"What? I'm just reading?", and as if to prove the point I looked down at the page in front of me.

"Kat!" Cleo snatched the book from my hands and tossed it to the nightstand, with a thud. "What's up?"

"Nothing, only now I'll spend a full five minutes trying to find my page again." I frowned at the thick book.

Cleo folded her arms over her chest and waited, saying nothing.

"I'm healing."

"Bullshit." Cleo said briskly. "Try again."

Ignoring her I reached for the book.

"Kat, come on. You've been locking yourself up in this room for what? Two days now? You have a fight with Billy? Eddie?" Cleo fished. "Dean??"

I snorted. "You remember Amanda?"

Cleo blinked, unfolding her arms. "Skinny Amanda with the braces? 9th grade Amanda???" She asked with both eye brows raised.

"Yeah her." When Cleo nodded I continued. "Amanda had this annoying little brother, I forget his name, he used to follow her everywhere, she always got stuck watching him cause her mom made her, remember?"

Cleo laughed, "Yeah we used play tricks on him all the time and that one time, we made him walk clear across the football field to get us a chair by the goal post, when he dragged it all the way back to us we told him we'd changed our minds and he had to take it back." She was laughing. "Yeah, why?"

I smiled. "That's Dean. Always around, can't seem to get rid of him ... annoying..."

We both laughed.

Cleo was nodding. "Yeah when you were missing he was like a useless puppy, if I turned around, I'd run smack into him. I finally just had him running to the stables and back to see if you'd shown up about every 20 minutes or so, just like Amanda's brother! He's got the hots for you. You should take him up on the offer, trust me, he's not as bad as he seems. He's mostly ... Well never mind"

Cleo stopped whatever it was she was going to say.

"Ok," Cleo said, "So ok it's not Dean." Dismissing Dean as an issue.

Snap, I thought, almost side tracked her.

I folded my hands on the book, I put the most solemn look I could on my face.

"Come on, tell me." Cleo prompted, getting serious.

"I've started my period." I said in a flat tone.

Cleo blinked. Frowned. Then hit me in the thigh!

"Hey!" I exclaimed.

"Be serious!." Cleo didn't like the joke.

"Ok. Ok. Fine." I frowned at her rubbing my thigh. "I did start it, just don't hit me ok?" Cleo sighed and waited.

"Fine." I growled. "I'm confused as hell ok?" I almost shouted.

"Over what?" Cleo settled down, happy to be addressing an issue.

"Over what?" repeated and stood up, pacing the bedroom. "Everything! Derek, Eddie, Billy. This Place! The apartment I rented sight unseen that I'm stuck with till the lease runs out. Me! Everything!" I stopped and frowned at her. "How the hell did I end up in this mess!"

Cleo turned and leaned back on the headboard of the bed. Making me wait while she fluffed the pillows and got comfy. To me it looked like she was settling in for the long haul. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Ok. One at a time. Derek." Cleo ticked off item one. "What's the issue?"

I stared at her as if she'd grown two heads! "Cleo!"

"No, really Kat. Talk it out." she reasoned.

I sighed again. Fine.

"Derek." I said, addressing the item as Cleo had done. "How did that happen? How was I so ... and then for so long ... and still now ... do you know how often he enters my damned head? Do you realize the apartment still has a lot of his shit sitting around ... I dunno ... waiting?!?" I waved my hands around.

"Waiting for what?" Cleo asked calmly.

I blinked. Wasn't it a given?

"Waiting to ... to ... to..." I frowned. "Well it's his stuff ... I mean..."

"Yes?" Cleo waited, seeing me struggling with actually figuring out what it is I had been waiting for. "Did you think he was coming back?" Cleo finally asked. "Even if it was just for his stuff?"

I frowned. "I ... No. I don't think he was going to come back." I said haltingly. "But yeah. Ok. Maybe I did think he was going to at the very least, send for this things."

"But he didn't, and hasn't, and in all likely hood, after so long, been made clear never will. Right?" Cleo reasoned.

I sat facing her at the foot of the bed. Puzzled. "Right." I crossed my feet up Indian style, frowning.

"So what are you waiting for?

I frowned. "I'm waiting to throw it back in his face. I'm waiting to set fire to it in front of him and tell him to go to hell. I'm waiting for..." I paused, damned near seeing the light bulb light over my head. "I'm waiting for closure."

To her credit, she didn't get smug, she simply waited.

"I'm waiting for some act on his part that tells me he didn't just turn and go back to life like I was never there. But in reality that's exactly what he did do, and I allowed it, because I've been waiting all this time for..." I stopped. "it's a cycle. As long as I'm waiting ... He ... He will be doing just that, going about his life, and I will be waiting..."

Damn it! I thought to myself. Damn it to hell. I shut myself off of my life, waiting and waiting and had I really wanted closure, it was the wrong thing to do, I should have nailed his ass, so he couldn't have gone on merrily with his life. But ... But I could have gone on with mine. When I get back I'm having a huge bonfire.

When I raised my eyes and met Cleo, she smiled gently and moved on efficiently. "Eddie?"

I laughed. "Cleo, where were you a year ago?" I waved my hand, "no, don't ... Ok. Moving on. Eddie."

Cleo and I shared a smile. I didn't care she wasn't around a year ago. She was now. And maybe I needed that year of ... zombie hood?

"Eddie." I repeated. "What can I say about Eddie? I like him. Really I do. He's good looking. He's protective without being overbearing. He's encouraging. He's ... I dunno. I mean the things I've done with Eddie I couldn't dream of doing with anyone else!" I shook my head. "Yet, it wasn't him leading, or was it?" I frowned. "I don't know!"

"You haven't been sharing what you've been doing" Cleo complained. "But I do know what you mean. You're dancing on the floor at Jake's place wasn't exactly the Katrina I knew from before." Cleo held up her index finger. "But. It was Eddie who lifted your skirt for you. It was Eddie who pulled you to the dance floor, and it was Eddie that took you out of the party." Cleo waited, again quiet, allowing me time to think.

Yes, True, I thought. Eddie did do all of those things. And he encouraged that couple to come up on the porch. And it was him who set me on the hood. But it was I who knew these things were happening and it was I who continued them. I went to the dance floor and allowed my ass to shine. I not only allowed it but also loved it. Same with all the other things. He wasn't forcing these things, and there wasn't a moment of doubt in my mind had I told him to stop that he wouldn't have. He was almost like a teacher, encouraging but not forcing?

"Yes. But Cleo, He may have cooked the food, but I ate it." I tried to explain. "and wanted seconds." I smiled. "Maybe that's why I like him? He's allowing me to explore and doesn't hold me back, and at the same time doesn't force anything either. I think he's more worldly in the areas I'm discovering and kind of helping me explore. Does that make sense?" I chuckled. "Like a virgin who knows she's giving it up tonight, just not sure how to get it done."

Cleo smiled. "Ok. So what's the problem with Eddie?"

I frowned. "I'm not sure there is a problem." I thought for a bit. "Maybe that's the problem." I paused again. "I like him. I enjoy him. And think he feels the same way. So... ?"

Cleo smiled, knowingly. "So what's the problem?" Seeing that I was at an impasse she helped. "There is no problem! I think you've geared yourself up that if you fuck someone you should love them. Or be setting up household with them. Or taking them home to meet your mom. Stop. Relax. Enjoy it, enjoy him. Allow him to enjoy you. If and when things advance address them then. Don't go looking for trouble before there is."

I frowned. "Isn't that what I did with Derek?"

"Ah." Cleo paused for a moment herself. "I don't think so Kat. With Derek he made those promises to you. He bought you a house, he..." She waved her hand about looking for a way to label it. "he set you up thinking you were to expect that. Eddie hasn't. Has he?"

"No, not at all. Eddie has been ... great." I shrugged. "No promises, no pressure, just fun."

"Then don't create pressure till you're ready to move up a step. Don't look for problems till you see things advancing. If it even does. Have you considered this is just a summer pleasure trip? You are here." Cleo waved her hand to encompass the room.

"Sexual Camping for Adults?" I grinned.

"Ok." Cleo was grinning and shaking her head. "That works. And Billy?"

"Ugh! Billy!" I flopped over the bed dramatically.

Cleo laughed. "That bad? Or that good?"

"Yes." I groaned. "He called me a fledgling!"

Cleo laughed till tears came out of her eyes.

"Stop!" I tried and failed to scowl at her.

Wiping tears from her eyes she asked, "Is that the night you went upstairs in a huff?"

This time I did scowl at her, which sent her off laughing all over again.

"Want me to go paddle him? I know I'd enjoy it!" Cleo added laughing.

Picturing Billy bent over Cleo's knee while she paddled that adorable ass of his was funny. Billy was about a foot taller than her and I'm sure he'd crush her legs.

"OK, Ok ... sorry." Cleo was trying to get a grip. "So" Cleo coughed. "what brought on the name calling?"

"Sex."

Cleo gasped. "You had sex with him and he called you a Fledgling!!!" Her eyes wide.

"No!" it was my turn to punch her in the leg.

"Ow! Well what!?"

"We were both sore and ended up in the hot tub to relax. Dean showed up." Side tracked I had to tell her about the Speedo.

"Oh my god! Neon Green Speedo!" She gasped. "Then you saw his charms?"

I laughed this time. "That's one way to put it. But yes. How he stuffed it all in there is beyond me!"

"I don't think I've seen Dean resorting to bait, usually ... well, never mind." Cleo shook her head. "Ok, go on..." She flopped on her belly, hugging the pillow to her breasts waiting for me to continue.

"Well Dean showed up and started talking about some party... , which reminds, you've got to fill me in ... anyway, I had my hands under the water, and well, I was enjoying watching Billy's face as I tested how far he'd let me go. Then he turned the tables on me and, well, bottom line is we both were randy and ready."

"Ugh, you never give details. But I follow you, go on." Cleo complained.

"Ok, so we get home and I want to continue."

"Naturally." Cleo nodded.

"He said no! He said we would one day, but not till he was ready and I was a Fledgling!"

Cleo frowned. "Those very words?"

"No." I tried to think back. "I can't remember word for word. But he said we would, and once we did, he wasn't going to let go and I was a Fledgling."

Cleo scooted back and sat up on the bed.

I followed. "What. You look all serious."

"Billy's smart Kat."

I nodded, I knew that.

Cleo smiled at me. "No offence Honey, but he's smarter than you are right now."

I frowned at her. "Hey."

She reached over and patted my hand. "No. My advice?" Cleo smiled warmly at me. "Let Billy be for a bit. Enjoy Eddie, more importantly enjoy yourself. Spend some time thinking about Derek till you're able to fully let him go. I think you've got way too much on your mind and can't see the trees for the forest." She shrugged. "Hell, see if Dean's Speedo is held together at the hips with Velcro. You'll enjoy what he's packing."

Cleo was all smiles.

"Dean? And just how would you know?" I decided not to dwell on Billy for the moment. Cleo was right. My mind was so full of Derek and what was happening to me now that I couldn't add 2 plus 2.

"Cause Honey." Cleo licked her lips. "I have."

"My God Cleo! What a sexpot you've turned into! Have you fucked everyone at this place???" I gasped.

She shrugged. "Not everyone. Believe it or not, Not Jake, and not Billy." with that she walked out of my room.

"Well that leaves everyone else!" I called out loud enough so she'd hear.

"Not Elliot!" I heard coming from the steps.

I groaned and fell back on the bed. "What's that? 3 out of 25 ish?" I said to the empty room.

I had tons of thinking to do. I thought to myself. Cleo had changed. I always remember her being a bit ... frisky, with the boys, but this? Yet she seemed well adjusted and normal. She'd only been on this job a year or so! I started thinking of names, Gus and Jim. Girls too? The hot pink Flossie? With Cleo I didn't know anymore. Was I following her? The things I've been doing with Eddie were way out in left field for me. I was changing, that was clear to me. I'm not feeling guilty about what I'm doing. I'm just concerned where it will stop. If it will stop. Could that be what Billy meant? I'm coming out of myself, fledgling? Of course! Idiot. I rolled my eyes and sat up.

Idiot. I thought to myself and went back to reading. Even Eddie had said something to that effect. A butterfly in his hands? Enough for now! Like Scarlet O'Hara said "I'll think of that tomorrow". I forced myself to concentrate on the book for a while longer.

At breakfast the next morning with Cleo and Molly I brought up the subject I'd been wondering about.

"I know I asked before, but how long are we staying?" I asked Cleo.

"Is there anything better than Molly's pancakes?" Cleo said pouring on syrup. "Me? I'm staying the entire summer, I'm guessing. That depends on when Jake gets the itch to return. Normally it's after the Ball in August. You could go home today if you wanted." She passed me the syrup.

"No." I poured. "I don't think so. I am enjoying myself, and not looking forward to the mess waiting for me back at the apartment."

"Thanks for reminding me." Molly cut in. "Jake wanted this years theme to be Pre civil war, he said he didn't want any soldiers that it was too easy."

I laughed.

"What?" Molly asked?

"Too funny." I shook my head. "I love Gone with the Wind. It just seems that keeps popping up."

"Well frankly my dear I don't give a damn." Molly quoted with a huge smile. "My favorite too."

"Save me" Cleo rolled her eyes.

"Tell me more!" I begged, suddenly very interested. "Do we role play? Wait! I thought Dean said he was going as Zorro or something?"

Cleo snorted. "He would. At least he has the right time frame, more or less" and "No, No nothing so ... corny as role playing, exactly." Cleo said.

"Oh." I said.

Molly and Cleo both laughed at my disappointment.

"What? I thought it would be fun."

"Well I guess you could." Molly said and shrugged.

"I'm not sure how you couldn't. Getting all dressed up and ... tell me more." I prompted.

"Well first off it's a party held by Jake." Cleo paused, letting me figure out what she meant without saying it.

"Well ok." I agreed. Which meant sexual themed. I thought.

Cleo nodded. "Anyway, over the years he's collected costumes. It's up to us to pick our costume, alter it, and be ready for the thing. Some years it's flash backs of the 70's, right up Dean's alley, other times it's the roaring '50's."

"My favorite." Molly added, pointing at herself as she began the dishes.

"Others are set in themes like Belly dancers ... An Arabian type thing. Others are Camelot" Cleo shrugged. "Who knows what strikes him when." Cleo leaned back in her seat. "Ugh. Can't eat em all Molly" Meaning her pancakes.

"If you girls go today and pick out the costumes we can start to alter them this week!" Molly said cheerfully.

"Wise idea Molly. If we wait much longer the good ones will be gone." Cleo agreed. "It's Saturday too. So best time."

"Trash arrives today." Molly said.

"Huh?" I asked, looking from one to the other.

"The majority of RV people come today in droves. Lots more will be here by the end of the weekend." Cleo supplied.

"They're bad?" I asked. I'd seen the RV Park and didn't have a problem with the few who were already here.

Molly snorted and left the room.

"Yes. and No." Cleo paused to sip her coffee. "I don't know why Jake allows them here, other than for watching them like, say, you'd watch squirrels in the park." Cleo frowned.

"I don't get it."

"You will. I'll get dressed and we'll go to the storeroom."

I attempted to finish my own stack of pancakes, dreaming of being a Southern Belle.