Chapter 16: Cleaning House

When I awoke I decided I didn't want to put it off any longer. It was time to go back to my apartment and clean house.

"Good morning Molly." I said sitting at the Kitchen Island. "Where's Cleo?"

"Haven't seen her. Bed?"

"Hmm maybe she stayed late at the party, or went home with Flo." I shrugged. I ate my breakfast quietly.

"Something wrong?" Molly asked.

"No. I was going to borrow her car, but I guess she has her keys on her hey?"

"I'd guess so." Molly started the breakfast dishes. "Ask Jake."

"Good idea."

Leaving my breakfast only half finished I ran upstairs to throw on shorts and a tank. Tennis shoes completed the outfit. I trotted downstairs pulling my hair into an easy ponytail. Snatched my purse and headed out the door without a word. I had things to do today and I was getting them done. Like a solider I marched to Jake's place only to be told he wasn't there.

"This early? I thought for sure he'd be here."

"No hee left shortly ago. Mabee hour?" A house keeper said.

"Ok thank you." I wasn't going to be getting much more information out of them. They didn't speak English all that good and I'm sure Jake had some rules about telling people where he was.

I slowly started back to the cabin. Damn! Who did I know that had a car? Or better yet a truck? Eddie but no. Not yet. I hadn't even started to figure out what was going on in my head with Eddie. Dean? Billy ... Billy! I picked up my pace and took a short cut to the stables.

"Billy??" I called when I arrived.

"Up Stairs Katrina." Nick called.

"Thanks!" I headed up the stairs to his loft, calling his name. "Billy?"

He opened the door and asked "What's wrong."

"Oh. Nothing's wrong. Don't be alarmed." I could see his body start to relax. "I ah ... I wanted to see if I could borrow your truck."

"No." He said flatly.

I blinked. I really hadn't expected that.

"But you can borrow me and my truck. I don't loan it out. If you want the truck, you've got to take the driver."

"Done." I didn't even pause to consider.

"Let's go." Billy closed his door and started down the steps.

"No questions?" I asked surprised it was that easy.

"No. And you look in a hurry. Right?"

"Right. Well no. Kinda."

Billy grinned. "Women."

I stopped, turned, and headed back down the stairs.

"Nick taking the day off, call the cell if you need anything." Billy didn't even pause as we left the stables. Behind the wheel he asked one question. "Where to?"

"The City."

We were off, just like that.

It wasn't until after we left the camp area and were on the Interstate that I finally spoke.

"No questions?"

"Well Kat. People are a lot like animals. Their body language says all. Yours said you had something to do, some place to go and wanted to get started. Right?"

"Well yeah. Right. But most people would ask lots of questions."

"I'm not most people." He winked. "would you feel better if I asked a ton of questions."

I laughed. "Actually, yes."

"Ok. Why are we going into the city? Why did you need a truck? How come you came to me? What took you so long to come to me? Ummm ... That enough?"

"Much better. Now I get to decide if I tell you to mind your own business or spill it all."

"Get it off your chest, you'll feel lighter. Besides, you know it will stay with me."

I did.

"Wellllll. Last night I was at the pool party. You know there was one right?"

"Yeah. I heard it. It kept me up most of the night."

"Yeah, well I left early. I dunno. I haven't figured out things yet, or what really happened, or even why. But something changed right then. I think."

"Hmm sounds like definite maybe." Billy smiled.

"Yeah. Maybe." I said. "But I'll work on that later. It did however make me..." I was speaking slowly. Trying to put words to what I felt had happened. "make me, I dunno what to call it, round a corner? Make a turn? I dunno." I waved a hand dismissing it.

Looking at Billy's profile I realized he was listening. Intently.

"It's time for me to go back to my apartment."

Billy looked at me quickly then back to the road. "Go on."

"I need to take all of Derek's things and ... well. Burn em. Or at least take em to the landfill. And I'd like to get it done now."

"Sudden rush is because?"

"Sudden rush, I didn't think of it like that. But I do want to get it done. I mean, when I decide to go back to my apartment for good, when the summer is over I want it gone. I want a blank slate waiting for me. Understand? Does it make sense at all?"

Billy looked more relaxed. "Scary, it does."

I laughed.

"Good thing I'm around. You need not only a truck, but a strong back too."

"I hadn't thought of that. It should be fairly easy. I mean a lot of the stuff I never unpacked. It's just sitting there in boxes." I turned and sat sideways so I could face him without turning my head. "So tell me, how is the foal?"

We spent the drive chatting about his love, horses. By the time we arrived at my place I was relaxed and very sure of myself. Till I got to the door that is.

I looked at Billy then back to the door. I took a deep breath and shoved the door open. I was surprised. The place was absurdly tiny. I stepped in, and looked about like it was the first time seeing it. Billy stepped in and stayed quiet.

"I don't remember it being so ... closet like." I walked over and opened all the windows. It smelt stuffy and closed. "Where to begin?"

"Here?" Billy said helpfully and picked the top box on a stack.

I smiled. It really was that easy. I grabbed the next box and lead the way to the truck.

"Tell you what. I'll tackle anything you put here." Billy gestured to the smaller stack of boxes when we returned to the apartment. "You just pile it up."

I tackled the apartment with gusto. Shocked at how much still reminded me of Derek. I tossed the comforter from off of the bed. Many of my clothes hanging in the closet. All way too small for me now. I couldn't help remember how Eddie explained how sexy I was at this size. Just looking at those clothes reminded me of how tightly controlled Derek kept me. No, those days are over. I picked up the photo album and tossed that on the pile in the living room.

"Hey!" Billy grabbed my arm. "Not those."

"Huh?"

"The photos. Keep em."

"Why? Why in the world would I want those reminders?"

"Come here hey?" Billy pulled me in for a hug. "I don't have to open the front cover to know what's in them. And it's more than just an old love. Those photos contain your life. Be it a happy time, or unhappy time. They are your life, your history. Keep it. One day you may want to look back and remember. Even if it's just to see how far you've come from there. Or maybe to keep you from falling back with someone else like that. Or, and I know there are some in there, look back on the happy day's you had in them. Now that may be painful. But one day it won't be. Keep em."

"I'm not sure you're right." I paused. "But. I've nothing to lose if I keep them a while. But I can't ever regain them if you ARE right."

"I'm right." He kissed my nose and released me.

I moved them to the coffee table. "I guess we're about done then. Give me some time to empty the fridge? I wasn't expecting to stay so long."

He plopped down on the sofa and turned the TV on. "I've got no where to go and all day to get there."

"Men." I smiled and headed for the small kitchen. I threw out every thing in the door and all the items in the lower half. Leaving the freezer. I made a couple of calls and had them temporary shut off the water, and cable. I picked up my mail and threw most of it out. Ads and junk mail. I'd called in last month's bills and paid with my bankcard. I'd do the same for the rest of the summer. I closed all the windows and nodded to Billy.

"All set."

"Lunch?" Billy grabbed the trash bag and it was time to move on.

I laughed. I was surprised to find that, I too, was hungry. I'd been so busy I hadn't thought.

"Lunch. My treat." I linked my arm in his elbow.

"Of course." he said and pulled the door shut behind us. The rest of my life would be waiting when I returned.

We hit the local drive through before heading to the landfill. I took great delight in standing on the back of the truck chucking Derek's things on the rotting pile of trash. To his credit Billy merely stood with his arms folded against the bed of the truck, remaining quiet, and allowing me to do the work myself. A box would explode on the pile and I'd see my memories go tumbling down the pile of trash. The shirt I'd bought him for Christmas the year we met. He had hated it, it was hardly worn. His winter coat, heavy leather and lined~ how I used to love to snuggle into his arms, and he'd wrap that coat around me enclosing the both of us, now it was going to rot in the landfill.

The next box I tossed crashed opened. It contained the evening cocktail dresses he'd bought, along with the matching shoes. I frowned. Logic said I should keep those, yet every time I'd see them I'd remember trying them on, spinning and awaiting his approval. He'd reject anything I'd pick out. At the time I'd thought it was simply he knew where we'd be going and what looked good for the occasion. Now however, I could see it for how much he wanted to control me.

I got lucky, the next several boxes remained closed and tumbled down the pile holding their secrets. That's ok. I knew what they contained. The stuffed animals he'd won for me at the carnival. The leather rose he gave me from the Renn Fair we'd attended early one spring. One contained the Christmas decor we'd bought together.

The last box flipped open. Black satin spilled out and draped the pile of trash. My nightgown. I'd bought that. I stared at it. I'd so wanted to please him. I paid a small fortune for it. It was long and edged in lace. A slit ran up the leg to the thigh. It had fit me like a glove. The night I'd worn it was incredible. He was a fantastic lover. I stood there beside a trash heap and missed him so much at that moment my body ached for him.

"Kat?"

I blinked. Why in the world was I missing him? I'd had so much sex I was confused and puzzled. There is no way I could be missing the sex. I know what a cheating liar he is so there is no way I could miss his love. What is wrong with me!

"I'm ok." I smiled at Billy a bit weakly.

I jumped off my side of the truck and climbed inside. Billy didn't say a word, merely started the truck and pulled away. I looked back through the side view mirror. A stranger was tossing a bag of trash on the pile. It burst open and wet rotting food rolled out covering my nightgown.

"How fitting." I muttered, staring at it till it was out of sight. We were quiet for a long ride. No music, no talking. Just the hum of the tires on the road.

"What are you thinking?" I eventually asked.

Billy laughed glancing at me before looking back at the road.

"What?" I asked with both eye brows raised.

"I'm not thinking a thing."

"Humph. That's impossible you know."

"Oh? Well you're right. I'm thinking is that guy ever going to get out of the left lane or am I just going to run him over." Billy nodded to the small hatch back.

I glanced up and noticed for the first time the car we'd been following was going a bit slow.

"I bet you could. I wonder how brave he has to be to let you cruise this long on his bumper."

Billy glanced at me then back to the road. With a playful gleam in his eye he rev-ed the engine and advanced just a bit. We both laughed. About that time Billy hit the gas for real and we eased into the oncoming lane and passed him easily.

"Care if we make a stop?" Billy asked.

"Sure. I'm done for the day. You have something in mind I take it?"

"I was just thinking, since we're out this way I can stop by the Kincaid place and check out a few of the horses Jake is considering."

"Wow ... thinking of traffic and horses?" I teased.

"Yea. Amazing hey?" Billy glanced at me with a huge smile on his face and took the next exit. "By the way, how are you doing?" He asked in an off hand sort of way.

"That just came to you hey? You weren't wondering that or anything hey?" I teased him more.

He shrugged. "Naw, it just popped in there you know?" His grin actually made my tummy flip over he was so handsome and charming. "Come here?" He lifted his right arm and wiggled his fingers, a signal to slide over to his side of the truck. He kissed my temple then merged into traffic.

"Honestly? I dunno. Confused. Angry. Lonely." I shrugged. He nodded and said nothing. I pushed it from my mind and watched the road while he drove. Content to be close at his side with my hand on his thigh.