Chapter 7: Nightmares and Reality

I was only vaguely aware of being carried up the stairs and into my new room. I was warm and comfortable and safe, that was all I cared about. When I was put down on my feet, I protested and tried to snuggle back into that warmth.

"Kimber, can you just stand there for a second? I need to turn down the bed so I can put you in it."

I mumbled a protest in a sleepy, childlike voice and leaned against Evan. He held me against him with one arm while turning down the bed with the other.

"Okay, into bed you go," and I was scooped off my feet and slid into the sheets.

I blinked up at him owlishly, "What'd you call me?"

Evan grinned at me, "Kimber. Kimberly is a mouthful and Kim is too short. You seem like a Kimber to me, sort of unusual and elegant. Is that okay with you?"

It was already too warm in the bed. I pulled the sweats off and tossed them on the floor, leaving me in my t-shirt and panties.

"S'okay. You're weird, but I like it. I'm going to sleep now." My words were slow and sleepy. Talking was too much effort.

Evan reached down and touched my face gently before he turned off the light and left my room. I curled on my side, pulled a pillow down to cuddle, and was sound asleep in seconds.

I don't know how it happened, but I was back in the basement. The smell rolled over me like a fetid cloud and it was all I could do not to gag. Get the invoice and get out, that's all I had to do. Just get the invoice and get out. Then I could go back home, curl up on my sofa, and lose myself in my favorite book. Caleb was coming to see me next week, so this weekend I needed to pick up some stuff at the grocery store and clean the bathroom. But tonight I just needed to get that damn invoice and then I could relax.

Just as I reached for the door, it jerked open and the vampire was standing there waiting for me. "You didn't really think I was dead, did you? You stupid bitch!"

I screamed and screamed and screamed as he reached out and threw me into the wall.

"Kimber! Kimberly, wake up! It's a dream, it's just a dream. Come on, Kimberly, wake up!"

Evan was on the edge of my bed, shaking me awake. I was still screaming as I realized it was Evan and not the vampire sitting there. My brain finally made the connection and I started to shake as I realized I'd been having a nightmare. I couldn't help it, the tears started to slide down my face. Evan scooped me into his lap, rubbing my back and murmuring soft reassurances that I was safe. I wrapped my arms around him, buried my face in the warm curve of his neck and sobbed.

"It's okay. Nothing can hurt you here. I won't let anything ever happen to you again. You're safe. You're safe." I don't know how long he held me, but I cried myself out. Evan loosened his hold enough so he could tip my chin up and wipe my tears away. "Think you can go back to sleep now?"

I shook my head. I was exhausted, but I wasn't sure I could sleep. "I'm afraid to try," I whispered.

He dropped a gentle kiss on my temple, "Here, at least get back under the covers before you freeze." He stood up easily with me in his arms and then neatly tucked me back into bed. He disappeared into my bathroom and came back with some aspirin, a glass of cold water and a damp washcloth.

I watched him walk toward me and tried to ignore the curl in my belly. The only thing Evan had on was a pair of navy boxer briefs that molded to him like a second skin. His body was perfect. Strong shoulders and arms, tight trim waist, fabulous abs, and long, muscled legs. The moonlight played off the curves and lines of him and made me squirm.

Stop it. Stop looking. Don't think about him that way. You just woke him up, cried tears and snot all over him, and the last thing you need is to start lusting after him. I wasn't sure the lecture I was giving myself was doing any good, but at least I wasn't thinking about that damn nightmare.

"Here, that crying jag probably left you with a nice headache." I nodded in agreement and reached out to take the pills and the glass of water. After I swallowed them, he wiped my face with the cool cloth. "There, all better?"

I smiled weakly, "Not quite. But getting there. Here, let me have that a second."

I took the washcloth from him and wiped off all the tears and other stuff I'd left on his neck. He smiled and took the washcloth back into the bathroom. I realized I was still wearing my braid and quickly undid it. Sleeping in a braid always hurt the next morning and wouldn't help the headache I already had. After getting most of it finger-combed out, I slid down into the bed thinking about the nightmare again and dreading going back to sleep.

Evan came over and sat on the edge of the bed. He reached out to touch my face, sliding the tips of his fingers gently from my temple to my jaw. "You're safe here, I promise. Try to get some sleep, okay?"

I nodded and he reached over to turn out my light. I felt him stand up and the voice in my head started gibbering in panic. I couldn't face the dark alone.

"Evan? I'm so scared. Please don't go."

I reached up and found his arm, sliding my hand down until I could curl my fingers around his. I felt him squeeze my fingers gently. He didn't say anything when I moved into the center of the big, king-size bed, just slid in next to me and curled up behind me. He tucked me against him so that I was spooned into the curve of his body with his arm wrapped around my waist and my head pillowed on his shoulder. His warm skin against mine and the deep, even rhythm of his breathing helped me to relax. It took a long time, even with Evan there to keep me safe, before I fell asleep again.

The light streaming through the windows woke me. Evan was sprawled on his back, still sound asleep. I was curled up against him, one leg thrown over his, my arm over his chest, using his shoulder as a pillow. His arm was wrapped around my shoulders and he had a handful of my hair. I cuddled closer and thought about trying to go back to sleep. He was so warm and comfortable that going back to sleep shouldn't be too hard. Then again, there was a lot of sunlight coming in. Caught in between, I watched Evan sleep with my own eyes half closed.

He'd stayed all night. He didn't leave me. The nightmares hadn't returned. I couldn't explain why, but Evan was becoming very important to me. I didn't know anything about him, but he'd saved my life, given me a home, and protected me from the nightmares.

Not knowing much about him didn't really seem all that important at the moment. He'd said we were going shopping today. God knows, I needed clothes and everything else. I didn't see how I could go today, though. My documents and my resettlement money wouldn't be here for a few days yet. It looked like I was going to be wearing borrowed sweats for a few more days.

"I can hear you worrying, you know." His raspy voice woke me out of my running internal dialogue with myself. "You don't have to worry, I'll take care of it if you'll just go back to sleep for a while longer."

I smiled a slow, sleepy smile. I didn't bother to look up at him, "You will? But what if I'm worrying about Buffalo not having a shot at the Super Bowl? You can fix that?"

"Out here, we root for Seattle. Problem solved. Now go back to sleep."

I wiggled against him, "But what if I want pancakes for breakfast? With mashed strawberries and whipped cream?"

"Then I will make you breakfast. Later. Sleep now."

I grinned, teasing Evan was fun. "You're awful grouchy in the morning you know that?"

With a swift and sudden move, he rolled me over and pinned me underneath him. His eyes glittered dangerously, blue shot through with gold, when they locked onto mine. I was trying to ignore the hard length of him pressed against me, but it had been a long time since I'd been under a man and Evan made my breath hitch.

"And you are awfully damn chatty at seven a.m. Is it really too much to ask for a little quiet around here?"

His voice was rough with sleep and his words came out in a sexy growl. Was he really irritated with me?

I couldn't decide if I should apologize or shut up. I decided on option number three. "Thank you for staying last night. I don't think I could have slept without you here."

I stretched and kissed him softly on the cheek. As I pulled back, his eyes caught mine again and I hesitated. Had I overstepped? The air filled with tension and I began to wonder if I'd angered him, but then he lowered his lips to mine and dispelled that fear.

He couldn't be angry and kiss me like this. His lips just barely brushed over mine, just a whisper of contact before he came back for another taste. I couldn't help it; I moaned and wiggled underneath him, my tongue flicking out to catch at his lower lip. His response was instant, crushing me beneath him in a passionate kiss. His body molded itself to mine as he nipped the corner of my mouth. I gasped and he came back to take some more, devouring me with his kiss. His tongue slid against mine and a small moan escaped my throat. I hadn't felt anything like this before. It felt like I was going up in flames everywhere his demanding hands touched me. I wrapped the fingers of one hand in his hair and explored the silken skin of his back with my other. He tasted like sin and I wanted more.

And then he was gone. He jerked himself off me and rolled away until he was on the other side of the bed. It was so abrupt that my senses reeled. I pushed myself up to look at him. He had his eyes closed and his fists clenched in the sheets.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you like that." His voice was low and very growly. He opened his eyes to look at me and I felt a shiver of fear. His eyes had changed to a bright gold color and they looked at me hungrily.

"I didn't exactly ask you to stop, Evan. I was enjoying it."

"It would be wrong now. You are still healing, still hurt from all that has happened. It would be taking advantage of you and we won't do it."

We. He and his wolf. That's who was looking at me with eyes made of gold. A small part of me, deep down inside, hurt from this ... not rejection, really. Distancing. But the logical part of me knew he wasn't trying to hurt me. He was trying to protect me ... even from himself. Just as I was making that connection, he was out of the bed and almost to the door.

"If you can wait an hour or so, I'll make you breakfast."

He closed the door gently behind him. I curled up in that big bed alone and missed his warmth next to me. I refused to cry. I was tired of god damned crying. He was right to stop it, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

How long had it been since I'd been with a man? Over a year, closer to two. But sleeping with Evan would be one big, fat complication right now.

I needed to figure out what I was going to do with this new life, who I was going to be, and how to control this beast inside me that was so ruled by emotion and instinct. Jumping my host just because I was horny and he was available wasn't a terribly smart move.

It wasn't like me. I was generally pretty cautious about men, waiting until I was firmly established in a relationship before having sex. I'd never had a one night stand, never jumped some man I barely knew just because he was hot. It was the wolf in me, it had to be. He was safe. He made us safe. He would take care of us. That he was hitting a 9.6 on the Summers Scale of Awesome didn't hurt either. Not Summers anymore, I thought, now it was Sparks. I had to start thinking of myself as Kimberly Sparks. Yet another change to get used to. I'd just add it to the already long list.

It was weird, but I could sort of feel Evan moving around the house. I couldn't tell exactly what he was doing, but my wolf instincts were telling me he'd gone downstairs. I tried to be as still as possible and I realized I could hear him. He was down in the kitchen ... doing what? Coffee. I heard the machine start brewing, and I knew he was making coffee. The wolf must have excellent hearing, if the coffee pot in the kitchen was audible from my room.

I mulled over what had happened and realized romping with Evan this morning was sort of like what happened with Agent Stanton. I'd let my emotions get the better of me and lost control. At least I hadn't turned into the wolf this time, but I could feel those instincts buzzing around in my head. She wanted to go hunt Evan down and continue what she'd started. Part of me wanted that, too, but I was in charge here. Not the wolf. I wasn't going to go jump Evan, no matter how much we both wanted to.

It looked like I'd be taking a cold shower this morning. A shudder ran through me as I remembered the feeling of his body on mine ... a very cold shower.

After I was showered and dressed, I wandered down to the kitchen. Evan wasn't there, but Noelle was. She looked amazing. It was a simple outfit: jeans, a sweater, really great shoes and a gorgeous scarf. It wasn't the clothes so much, but how she put it all together and added the perfect accessories to give it style. Having her along for shopping was going to help immensely, since my style tended toward jeans, sneakers, and baggy t-shirts. Then again, I'd never had a body I'd wanted to show off before and clothes that fit had never been all that easy to find. I couldn't begin to guess what size I wore now. The sweats I had on were a large, but they were very loose. Today was going to be all sorts of fun and I grinned thinking of it.

"Good morning. Evan went up to get a shower but he said he'd make pancakes when he's done."

Pancakes? Sure enough, on the counter was a bowl of frozen strawberries thawing. I couldn't help but grin. Evan was keeping his word, even though I hadn't shut up and let him go back to sleep. He was still making me pancakes.

Noelle was still chattering, "Today is going to be fantastic. Pancakes for breakfast, shopping, and then dinner with the pack. I hope you slept well, you're going to be one tired wolf at the end of the day."

I sighed, "Actually, I had a pretty bad nightmare. But Evan calmed me down and I managed to get some sleep after. I think I'll be okay. Where are we going shopping?"

"Woodburn. It's about halfway between here and Portland. They've got a really nice outlet mall there that should have plenty to get you started. If you want, we can go to Portland in a few days, but this is a little closer to home and they have a nice mix of stores. There should be some good stuff there."

"That sounds great. I slept through most of the plane ride yesterday, but I'd rather not spend hours in a car again."

"Me either," Evan grumbled from behind my left shoulder.

I whirled in surprise, I hadn't heard him come up behind me. A small growl escaped before I tightened down and convinced the wolf Evan was no threat. He took a step back and apologized for startling me. I couldn't meet his eyes. I was so ashamed of myself.

His fingers lifted my chin and he grinned a crooked smile. "You can't help it. You were attacked and now you're a wolf. Your instincts are going to be jumpy and defensive for a while. No blood, no foul, okay?"

Breakfast was excellent. I hadn't had strawberry pancakes in a very long time. I helped myself to a second plateful and washed it all down with Evan's amazing coffee. When we'd stuffed ourselves silly, Evan took a look at my neck.

"I think the stitches can come out now. It looks almost healed. If we leave them in until tomorrow, I think we'll have trouble getting them out. Besides, getting the stitches out will make it less noticeable, and you'll be more comfortable if people aren't staring at you all day."

Which brought me back to reality with a hard thump. "I don't think I can go shopping today. Stanton said my stuff wouldn't be here for a few days, so I don't have access to my resettlement money yet."

Noelle rolled her eyes at my comment. "You don't need that. Evan, haven't you told her anything yet?"

The look on his face made me want to scoot my chair away from him a little, but I sat still. He glared at Noelle. "I haven't exactly had a chance to explain it, yet. It's not like we've been on a vacation, Noelle. She damn near died and the hospital isn't exactly the best place to talk about private matters."

I looked at them both. Clearly there was something going on that I didn't understand.

Evan sighed and turned to me, "You don't need the government resettlement. It's a token they give you to make you feel obligated to follow their rules. Not like they need it. The threat of death hanging over your head is generally enough to get you to go along with whatever the government wants.

"Wolves in North America fall into the jurisdiction of the CanUS Council. It's a play on the fact that gray wolves are Canis lupus as well as identifies that it's the Canadian/United States Council. The Council governs all the werewolves here. There are rules to this new life, which you aren't in any danger of violating, so they can wait until tomorrow.