Being Pimped

by Paige Turner

Copyright© 2011 by Paige Turner

Erotica Sex Story: Coming home after being out on the road: Nothing like having company to mess up homecoming sex! The eight Tony and Nancy story.

Caution: This Erotica Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa   .

A Tony and Nancy Story

It had been a long three weeks out on the road and I was looking forward to getting home. A lighting guy on the tour lived in Marin and his girlfriend had come and got us at SFO. Guessing by the way that she stroking his leg and the hot kissing when she met us at the gate, I think that he was just as eager to get home as I was.

This had been a rather long three weeks and I was damn sick and tired of tour buses, loud all-night post concert parties and hallways full of giggling teenage girls who were egging each other on to make it with a rock star. The Midwest has a lot of small cities and towns in it and after a while it all looks the same. Flat fields, crops growing along the highways, barns, burger stands, small-town auditoriums and corn-fed beauties who stretched the hell out of their thin cotton t-shirts and who were willing to settle for the tour photographer once they had enough beer in them, including one who'd given me a dose of crotch crickets that had taken me a few days to get rid of. The temperature had been in the high nineties and low hundreds for the last sixteen days straight and when the door opened on the air conditioned buses, it was like opening a blast furnace door. You'd step down off the bus and just stagger from the hot, humid air hammering your ass as your feet hit the sticky asphalt, and I was so happy to be back in a land where summer days were a whole lot friendlier.

I thanked Rog and Lilly and got my gear over my shoulders and my bags in my hand in 'going through the airport carrying everything' mode and made for the side stairs. I had on a baggy pair of cut-off sweat pants that I'd hacked the legs off of back in Lawrence Kansas and a tank top and sandals and was looking forward to putting a cold beer down my throat and something down Nancy's throat as well. I had a half hard-on from riding with Lilly and John and was thinking of how much I wanted to ball Nancy's brains out and how much I was hoping that she'd not have any clients scheduled for the afternoon, as I had some plans for her fair young body involving making love in a place where there would be a cool breeze through our open windows and not having to wipe the sweat into my eyes.

As I bounded (well, more like struggled under the load of cameras, clothes, etc, ) up the uneven concrete steps in the side yard leading up to our flat, I could hear the Cat's laughter coming from the tub and just barely hear Nancy saying something back to her as I rounded the corner.

The way our place is, you go up the side steps and then there is a short piece of concrete walk way that leads alongside our storage shed built onto the back of the house and then there is the hot tub on your right and the small deck around it, then the back porch.

Just hearing the Cat laughing had put some additional ideas into my head(s) about 'how I want to spend my afternoon' and that half a hard-on that had decided it was going to get twice lucky and perked right up. It wasn't a full-bore 'blue steeler', but it was sure apparent that I had something on my mind at just that moment and it wouldn't be something you'd want to talk to your mom about.

Nancy caught sight of me out of the corner of her amazing blue-gray eyes and turned to me and there I was, being kissed by a naked lady standing in a hot tub, while I still had all of my gear hanging off of me like I was a hat rack. Then Cat grabbed my camera bag out of my left hand and I could get one arm around her and I just dropped my duffle bag on the walkway and had my other arm around her and the sling I had for my lighting kit wound up sliding down my shoulder and I just grabbed hold of Nancy's butt and returned some of the intensity of her welcome home kiss.

The Cat wasn't able to resist making a crack to their companion. "Five'll get you ten that she gets him out of his clothes in the next two minutes." Whomever it was chuckled, and said, "No bet."

I flipped the Cat the bird behind Nancy's back and finally we broke the kiss. "God, I really needed that," I whispered in her ear.

She whispered back, "Feels like that ain't all you need."

"Sure got that one right."

I hugged her tightly to me and she hugged me back.

"Let me go dump this junk and grab a quick shower."

"Okay. Need someone to help scrub your back, hon?"

"Think it's his front that needs the attention, Nance." The Cat tossed in casually.

"Fuck you, Cat."

"Well, as long as you'll still respect me in the morning, okay." She said cheerfully.

"Let me give you a hand." Nancy said as she got a leg over the wooden tubs side.

I stepped back a little bit and old Mr. Wang was shoving out the front of the cut off sweats pretty obviously, which embarrassed me a bit. While if it had been just the Cat there, it would have been okay, but I didn't know the skinny lady sitting on the side of the tub from Adam's off ox, and I was feeling a bit like a public spectacle. She gave my pants an interested glance and smiled, then looked over at the Cat. "That must be Tony." I picked up my suit case and Nancy got my camera bag and the light kit and I smiled a kind of inane smile over at whomever it was and followed Nancy's wet tail over to the screen door and into the shady privacy of our living room where my gear just got dumped on our way to the bedroom. As far a long slow afternoon of sensual delight fantasies went, well, they went in a hot rush of 'just fuck me now' urgency from three weeks on the road and missing the hell out of her. About five minutes after the suitcase hit the floor in the living room, we were giggling about how fast we'd both been and it was just great to be home and all that bottled up longing had just set us off in record time.

We kissed a few smoochy kisses on our way from the bedroom through the shower and while not lasting more than two, three minutes tops, might have put some guys in the dog house as far as their girlfriends went, mine just thought it was funny how quickly we'd both gotten off and was into a giggling and teasing space without any malice behind it. I tried to lure her back to the bedroom for a little more leisurely round of sex, but with having company and all, well, I could just see that this wasn't going to fly, but it was my way of teasing her back. We got out and I grabbed a cold beer out of the fridge and we went out on the back deck and into the tub.

I hadn't really paid any attention to the girl in the hot tub before, having more pressing business on my mind, and the Cat smirked at us and said, "Golly, that didn't take long. Guess you still haven't got that premature ejaculation problem licked yet, huh?"

"I got it fixed for him, Cat, and if you want any of his dick this week, I'd suggest you just shut the hell up, okay?" Nancy said sweetly.

"Aw, hell, hon, she's just jealous because she hasn't got a sex life." I injected drolly.

"Yeah, that's probably it."

"Fuck you." The Cat replied.

"Well, if I was you and wanted to get lucky, I think I'd say that in a different tone of voice, Cat." Nancy chuckled at her and I grinned.

"So who's your friend?"

"Donna, Tony, Tony, Donna." The Cat did the intro's.

"Pleased to meet you." I said.

"Likewise." She smiled at me and I smiled back. She seemed to be fairly at ease with the weirdness that had just gone down and had a bit of amusement showing in her face at my belated greeting.

"So, how long are you in town for?" I asked the Cat.

"About six or seven more days."

"So what is this gig I hear your doing? Did I hear right that you're doing PR shots for a movie? What the hell happened?"

"Tie in with a company that makes athletic wear. Kind of a waste of my talents, but definitely a challenge."

"God, Cat. Who did you piss off to get that assignment? Not your usual sort of gig, doing ads for jock straps."

She snickered at me. "Naw, it sure ain't, but they waved a huge stack of diñero in front of my agent, and seeing as the movie's being shot in Sausalito and around here, I lowered my standards a bit and took the gig."

"Hey, whatever pays the bills, right?"

"Right." She said smugly. Considering what her agent was asking and getting for her time and talents, she had a right to be a bit smug.

"So you're going to be working, or you going to have some play time, too?"

"I think I'm going to have plenty of time to play, soon as I get the fucking director straightened out." I raised an eyebrow in question. "Seems he's got the idea that I'm either a glorified set snapshot shooter, or some scum he has to put up with, and he's got the stupid idea that he's in charge of everything that goes on on the set. Can you believe the asshole started screaming at me about 'where the hell have you been?' yesterday when I showed up in the afternoon?"

"Didn't make your day?"

"He's not a barrel of laughs to work with. Prima donna prick tries to put everyone in the company into fear mode. Half the crew is ready to walk, and the other half are living in constant fear of getting fired." Cat picked up a joint on the rolling tray and fired it up. "Thinking is that this might be his break-out picture and he's really not doing too well under pressure."


"Yeah. Donna and I decided to get the hell out of Dodge today as she's not due on the set until tomorrow. He wanted her on stand by but I made sure that she didn't get the word in time and so here we are."

I looked over at Donna. "You talent or crew?"


I didn't know her, and figured she was a character supporting actress. Most actresses during that time had a lot better figure than she had, and figured she was playing someone's kid sister.

"She's about to make it big, and that's why there is so much pressure on the asshole director."

"Oh?" I asked curiously.

"Ever hear of Tits?" The Cat asked. I made an inquiring murmur as I had just sucked down a whole lot of smoke and didn't want to blow the toke. Nancy snickered as she took the joint out of my hand.

"Tits. The movie?" Had I ever heard of tits? Oh, the movie!

I let go the toke and shrugged. I'd seen a review of it in the Rolling Stone on the tour bus and it had won some kind of an award at Cannes, but it had just been released in the states and there weren't that many 'art' movie theaters in the Midwest. Evidently, it was a picture that had a lot of critics raving about it. "Just what I read."

"Well, Donna's the lead actress in it."

I couldn't help it. I glanced down at her chest and over to Cat, who smirked at me. Donna laughed at my bemused expression.

"The movie was about a flat chested girl who wondered if she'd ever get a boyfriend." Donna explained. "It had some great lines in it, and I was ideal for the role."

I knew when to keep my mouth shut sometimes. "So how did you wind up in a European flick?"

She shrugged. "I was living in England and my boyfriend heard about this low-budget movie that was being cast and I went to the audition. Seems that my body type was just what they were looking for and I could deliver a line, so ... Just lucky I guess."

"That's neat. So you getting rich and famous?"

"Not yet, but it looks like it's in the works, if things work out."

"Good deal. Hope it works out okay." There are a lot of things that can go wrong with becoming famous and I knew of a guy who everyone thought was going to be a huge star but his entire performance was cut out of Goodbye Columbus and his career just dropped dead on the cutting room floor. Donna gave me a smile and said thanks.

The Cat talked about how Tits winning the Greased Palms award moved this new flick from almost-no-budget to half-way-decent budget just before they were to start filming and a few higher budget scenes and some location work had been added at the last minute. The director was someone-who'd-made-it-big's film-school buddy and the guy wasn't dealing well with the stress of running a major motion picture. But there was a tie in with athletic gear and the Cat had been hired to take pictures of Donna and that brought her into conflict with the so called director, who couldn't shoot a simple scene without doing a half a dozen CYA shots 'just in case' and who was burning out the crew. Seems that there were some words spoken between the producer of the movie and the director and the money that the athletic company was putting up was a significant budget line item so the Cat had dragged Donna away for the weekend so she could 'get the shots' she needed for the ads and hadn't left a phone number.

The Cat had gone through the suddenly-becoming-famous drill and had become chummy with Donna hanging out with her in her mobile dressing room. There wasn't a great deal of stuff for them to do while the crew was getting the lighting and stuff ready, so they'd talked and gotten to be friends. Right then, a lot of people were trying to become her friend on the set in that phony Hollywood way. After all, if the buzz on Tits lived up to its expectations, she'd become a hot property and access was the name of the game, right?

Well, the Cat had dragged Donna over to our place to hide out at, and she and Nancy had hit it off pretty well, and she seemed like a nice person, so I just settled into the tub and caught up a bit on how the Cat was doing.

When you live with someone a long time, you can pick up stuff they aren't saying. While jumping Nancy's bones all afternoon had been high on my list, with no more than a few side glances and a very small nod in return from one raised eyebrow, we had a nonverbal communication that went something like, 'why don't you be nice to the Cat, as she's pretty hard up right now and could sure use some loving' and I said, 'you sure you want me to take care of the Cat's itches instead of your own?' and Nance indicated to me that we'd have the rest of the week, but the Cat had only today free, and I gave a very slight nod in agreement and then Nancy was suggesting that we have a barbeque for dinner and one thing lead to another and New Girl got roped into going to the grocery store with Nancy, knowing by girl signs too subtle for a guy to pick up that it would make both Nancy and the Cat very happy if they wandered off and left us alone for a while.

Well, soon as they were about half way down the stairs, the Cat was climbing into my lap and by the time I heard the 240Z firing up, I had a boner that the Cat was using to persuade me to accompany her out of the tub and into the bedroom. You could say that she had me well in hand, but it was damn near a repeat of the trip I'd just made with Nancy. Into the bedroom, into the Cat, and a few minutes later she's howling out her orgasm. Only difference was this time I didn't get my own cookies, and kept hammering her sweet box until she had another orgasm, then another, and another.

Well, even though it was quite a bit cooler out here in California than it had been back in Kansas, it got pretty sweaty as we rolled around in the sack and got into a few other positions than the missionary we'd started with. Sometime much later, we were cuddling and just enjoying a break in the festivities when I heard the screen door open and Nancy and Donna had gotten back with the groceries. We kissed and sighed and then got up to go help deal with the groceries.

It's kind of funny how being naked out in the hot tub didn't bother Donna at all, but it seemed that two naked people in our small kitchen she kept bumping into kind of bothered her a bit. Nancy picked up on it and shooed Cat and I out, telling us to go take a shower because we smelled 'like whatcha been doin' which wasn't a hard sell for either one of us.

The Cat and I got into the claw footed old tub and put the shower on. She soaped up her hands and did me and I did the same for her.

The Cat asked me to do her a favor while we were in the shower, and I kind of looked at her kind of strangely after she asked it. "Say what?"

"Would you be into getting it on with Donna?" She repeated.

"What brought that one up?"

"Well, it's a long story."


"Oh, hell, I'm not good at asking this kind of stuff, like Nancy is."

"Hell, Cat, you know me. Just blurt it out in your own way."

She kind of fidgeted around, while I did her tits. "Well?"

"Yeah, well, it's like this. She's got this really bad self image."


"She doesn't think she's sexually desirable, so I was wondering how, as a favor to me, if you'd mind getting it on with her."

"Well, just when I thought I'd heard everything." I muttered under my breath. The Cat has really good ears, though, and gave me a smile. "I dunno, Cat."

"She's nice people, T, and I think you'll find her a lot of fun in the sack."

"Cat, how the hell I am going to swing that? Just come out and say, 'hey, you, wanna fuck?' Between you and Nancy, I'd say that I have my dance card pretty well filled out for tonight."

"Well, let's just say that if it ever comes up, you wouldn't turn it down, would you?" I gave her a curious look. "Would you?"

"Turn it down? Jez, Cat, where in the hell do you come up with some of this stuff? How on Earth would I make a pass at her without..." I shrugged. "Well, it would coming across as pretty low, I guess."

"Well, she and I and Nance got into a talk last night."

"Oh oh." I said.

"Yeah, well, oh-oh yourself. Nance is fine with it, and I'm cool, too, so..."

"So what do I do? I just can't see hitting on her and not coming across like a sleaze ball."

"Tony, believe you me, she's not going to think you're just hitting on her, and Nance and I have told her that we'd be cool with her sharing your bed."

"And where are you and Nancy during this time? Aren't you guys a little old to fall for that 'here's money for the movies, now get lost kid' routine?"

"Tony, I know this sounds a bit crazy and all, but it took a while to talk her into this, so don't go blowing it, okay?"

"Me? How come this gets to my fault?"

"Oh, don't be an asshole. It's not your fault, so don't even go there. She's pretty neat people, and stressing out like you wouldn't believe about all this crap going on in her life right now. Why do you think I dragged her up here, anyway? You have no idea of how strange it's getting for her and she needed a place to unwind. Nancy and I were talking with her last night after Nance got done working on her and Nance was kidding her about how she just needed to get laid, and this whole thing with how she doesn't feel real sexy looking, but really digs the hell out of sex, but just can't find any guys that are worth a damn in the sack that will even look at her twice. And it's about to get a lot worst in her life, real soon, and if you think I have a tough time getting laid, think how it's going to be for her."

Well, this was certainly a bit strange, to say the very least. I think I'd said maybe about ten words to Donna since I'd meet her, and here was both Nancy and the Cat, trying to get me into the sack with this stranger I'd just meet under rather odd circumstances and who was busy helping my old lady put away groceries while our lover was pitching me with this totally off the wall proposition and fondling my dick while she was hitting me with this idea.

"Shit, Cat, how in the hell do you come up with stuff like this?"

"Well, Nancy is the one that came up with it."

"Figures." Yeah, it sounded like something Nance would come up with all right.

"So. You in?"

"God, Cat, what the hell am I supposed to do? Just go; okay, let's fuck?"

"Don't worry about it, T, Nance and I got it covered."



"Yeah, 'oh-oh'. Between Nance, you and her, I can see that she's going to be rather disappointed in what a great lover I am."

"Tony," she said and raised her head up and kissed me a quick buss on the lips, "she's not looking for the world's greatest lover here, just someone that isn't going to bone her and make her feel like she should be grateful that she got lucky." I gave her a kind of cocked eyed look, and she nodded. "Yeah, she's fucked some real losers."

"Sheesh!" Some guys, I thought to myself, but didn't finish the thought.

"So be a nice guy, hey, and do us this favor?"

I sighed. "Man, Cat, you guys sometimes come up with some of the most off-the-wall shit I've ever heard."

"So that means you'll do it, right?"

"Well, I ain't going to make any promises here, okay? About all I'll say if it feels okay, I could probably be talked into it."

"Ah, that's my boy."

"Seriously, Cat, what the hell is going on?" Sometimes you just gotta cop to the fact that you haven't got a clue as to what is twisting and turning inside the feminine mind.

"Well, let's just call it stress relief for someone who's become a pal of mine, okay? A favor to a friend."

"So you just come up with this idea on your own, or did you have help?"

"Well, long about the third bottle of that absolutely wonderful merlot you got laid on you, Nancy and I and Donna cooked up this plan."


"Uh huh?"

"Well, let's just say that our soon-to-be-star out there hooked up with three losers in a row, all in the last month or so. So I had to top her, you know?"

"Uh, okay." The Cat had a lot of problems with her fame and getting laid.

"Then Nancy chimed in with a few of her own, and we were giggling and laughing, but Donna knew you were coming home today and said at least Nancy was going to get laid, then she said, 'Well, it's not just me, the Cat'll be having some, too.'"

"Oh." I said as I soaped her back.

"Yeah. So I said, 'hey, Tony's easy, and not too shabby in the sack, either.'"

"Any idea of what a slut that makes me look like?"

"Well, yeah, why do you think Nancy brought it up?"

"Oh, so it's Nancy's fault now?"

"Fault? Here I am trying to get you laid by a soon to be internationally famous film actress. Least you could do is gratitude." The Cat, who had been stroking my half a hard on lazily slipped her hand down and cupped my balls. "But I suppose fear will work, too." She gave me a smirk and playfully squeezed me, but not too hard.

"Okay, okay, I'll get with the program, anything you say, dear!" I said in a falsetto voice.

"I'll 'dear' you, you..." The pressure on the family jewels got a little more intense.

"So how is this going to work?"

"I don't know. Let's go out and see."

The groceries were put away and a bottle of Chablis had been opened, and the other women were out on the porch by the tub getting undressed when we came out.

"Okay everybody, I want everyone into costume in five minutes!" The Cat sang out as we came out. Donna flipped her the bird and Nancy just chuckled.

Subtle and the Cat are two different things.

"Okay, Donna, you're up!"

Nancy cracked up looking at my face. Which I was covering with my hand just about as Donna gave me this startled look. I don't know what she read on my face, but she shot Cat a look of 'you didn't really tell him about that did you? Did you?' But the look on my face was all the confirmation she needed to convict the Cat of confiding Girl Talk to a guy! Oh, yeah, the Cat had zinged us both, and as far as one-upsmanship in our sometimes rather off-the-wall game played to make the other one blush, she'd scored big time on this one.

"That was over the line, Cat, even for you!" Nancy scolded.

"Yeah, well, thought I'd break the ice, you know?"

"Uh, sorry." I said to Donna. Obviously, I didn't know what the hell I was apologizing for, exactly, but Donna shook her head and I shrugged, kind of taken aback on how to deal with this really awkward as hell thing that the Cat had just sprung on us.

"I'll live," Donna said dryly. "Nancy warned me about you two."

"They do get out of hand quite a bit, don't they?"

Donna laughed then, one of those half from relief and half just because of the way Nancy had delivered the line so drolly. She shook her head and dropped her skirt, then peeled her panties down her legs. I didn't want to seem like I was gawking, so I just went over and laid out on the deck on my stomach to catch a few rays on my lily white ass. Three weeks of road had taken and wiped out my tan, and I wanted to start working on eradicating the tan line that I'd aquired going shirtless in the Midwest. Pretty soon, there were three naked ladies laying out on the deck next to me. Nancy and Donna were talking about something or other and the Cat just laid face down next to me, while the other two sat up and chatted and carved up some apples and cheese on the small chopping block.

When they passed over a plate, the Cat sat up. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

"Not, we're just fattening you up for the sacrifice later on tonight. Moon's full, you know?"

"Sorry, Nancy, I'm not qualified anymore, as you may remember."

"That's okay, the gods said that you'd been to the Virgin Islands and that's close enough."

"Well, it was only a five-day shoot. That can't hardly count. Besides, I got laid there, so it really doesn't count."

"Cat, you've been laid on every continent on Earth." Nancy said matter of factly.

"No I haven't."

"No? I miss one?"


"That's an island."


"Fraid she's right, hon. Continent."

"Big fucking deal."

"Well, I figure I owe Donna a Cat story, so, which one should I tell?"

"Give it up, Nancy, Donna's hip to what a slut I am."

"So you told her the one about Studio 54?"

"Ah, Nance, let's not go there, okay?" I put in quickly.

"Oh yeah, we don't want to make you look bad too."

"Uh, listen, Donna, sometimes I just see a line and I can't resist it."

"Boy, I'll say," I mumbled under my breath.

Donna gave me a wry half grin, sharing in just how awkward the Cat's not-too-subtle tactic to break the ice had put us both on the spot. I was plainly mortified at my friend's blatant way of jerking my chain. I gave her a 'sorry about her' look and shrug, plainly not having a clue as to how to deal with this, but hoping that she wasn't going to hold it against me. "Not a problem, Cat. Plenty of people have already warned me about you, so I should have been better prepared."

"Yeah, well, Tony and I go back a long ways, and with him," Her shrug was pretty eloquent. "Sometimes I just don't know when to stop." That was about as good an apology about our odd 'let's see if I can get him to blush' embarrassment game we played. "Seriously, though. I hope I didn't wreck it."

"Wreck what?"

"Getting you laid."

"Ah." Plainly Donna didn't have a clue as to how to deal with that one.

"Come on Cat. You're just making it worse." Nancy said.

"Yeah, well." The Cat shrugged. "I fucked up. I still think that you'd like doing Tony."

"God, Cat, your really making me feel pathetic as hell here." Nancy had fired up a doobie and handed it over to me after taking a toke. I sucked in smoke like it was the breath of life. Hell, if I had a toke in my lungs, I couldn't be expected to talk right then now could I? And this was one conversation I wanted to sit out as much as possible.

"Hell, Donna, I got the same problem, so just ditch that 'I'm so pathetic' shit and don't look a gift horse in the mouth, okay? Tony isn't just some low-rent gigolo that I'm pawning off on you, you dig?" She toked up the joint I'd given her and Nancy kicked in her two cents worth.

"Hey, Donna, just relax. The Cat is about as subtle as a sack of cement at times, but she's got a good heart. I know that it's odd, being offered some stranger to fuck, but she's got your best interests at heart. We both love the big lug, and I don't mean just 'love to fuck him' either. I don't have any objections to him getting some strange on the side," which caused the Cat to blow her toke and Nancy to shoot her an irritated glance, "so yeah, this is an odd-as-hell thing here, but it's seriously okay if you want some.I asked him while we were showering if he would be up for it, and its okay with him. He's a good fuck, too." Donna had a lot of cool, I'll give her that. I knew I was blushing furiously and couldn't do a damn thing about it.

"Let me get this straight. You're just offering me this guy to fuck I just meet, right?"

"Yeah." The Cat said. Nancy just nodded. Donna looked over at me, and I looked back at her. Her look was speculative, like part of her couldn't believe that she was actually having this happen, and part of it was 'you okay with this?' mixed in with 'I wonder how good in the sack he is' buried way down deep, plus a certain amount of horniness, and a layer of surrealism over the top of it all, while I just looked back kind of helpless about the whole thing the two women in my life were hauling out on me.

"Well, as far as a zipless fuck is concerned, I'd say that this is about as close as I'll ever come to actually getting that fantasy offered to me in real life."

"Don't turn it down," Cat broke in hurriedly. "Seriously."

"We don't normally go loaning him out like this," Nancy said. "But it's for a good cause and all."

"Jesus, Nancy." I complained. The Cat kicked in her two cents worth before I could say anything else.

"Look, Donna. You're wound up tighter than a drum with that asshole director and all this shit about to happen in your life. You got some serious talent and you're under one hell of a lot of pressure and yeah, this is about as romantic-sounding as a trip to the dentist. Bet you have a lot of things zinging around inside your skull about what kind of slut do they think I am and what kind of sluts are Nancy and I to just pimp out her old man like this, right? That's not even scratching the surface of what kind of a guy would go for something so fucking lame as this, and yeah, I can sort of see where I screwed up with my wise crack there and all that, but how in the hell can I make this sound less nuts than it is?"

"Jesus, Cat, thanks for trying to score me a pity fuck, but no thanks, okay?" She glanced over at me, but I couldn't figure out the expression on her face.

"Well, shit, I'm sorry, okay? I fucked up."

"Don't turn this down because of the Cat, Donna." Nancy kicked in. Donna got a kind of determined look on her face, mixed in with 'getting pissed off.'

"Well, shit, I fucked up, okay? I'm sorry."

"We don't normally set Tony up with chicks like this," Nancy said, "But as you don't have a lot of time, it's about the best we can do about getting your horniness problem taking care of on short notice." Donna squinted over at Nancy, looking into the sunlight.

"Sides," The Cat tossed in nonchalantly, "I thought you'd go for the zipless fuck fantasy part of the deal." That got a chuckle out of Donna.

"Welcome to the Twilight Zone." I offered. "Only thing I can say about all this shit is that it never gets dull with these two around." Donna smiled and laughed.

"I can see where boredom isn't a major problem in your life."

"To say the least." I mumbled.

"Sorry." The Cat said contritely.

Donna could see that she was genuinely sorry about the way it was, so she just laughed again. "Well, I suppose you should apologize to Tony, too."

"What for?" The Cat asked, genuinely perplexed.

"For passing him around to strangers."

"Hell, it's not the first time he's been handed out," Nancy said. "He's not exactly a blushing virgin." Said non-virgin certainly was blushing though.

"Uh, Nance..."

"Shit yeah," The Cat cut in. "How in the hell do you think he and I hooked up the first time?" Donna gave her another look and the Cat snickered. "Guess what I got for my sixteenth birthday?"

"Hey, Cat..." I tried to head off where this was going.

"Tony's a big guy, he can take it." Nancy chipped in. "While I don't make a habit of passing him around like a box of candy, once in a while I try and set him up with someone nice, so it's not like he's not used to it."

"You're kidding!"

"Uh..." I tried to get into the conversation, but not a chance.

"Nope. Nancy gave him to me for my sixteenth birthday, and Connie's got a..."

"Come on, Cat! Just shut the fuck up!" That got me some attention. I guess I was kind of loud, and more than a little pissed off by then.


"Aw, fuck it." I got off the deck and went into the house.

"What's his problem?" The Cat asked plaintively.

"You're making him sound like a total slut and sure as hell embarrassed him in front of company. What do you think his problem is?"

"Oh! Wh..."

I didn't hear the rest of it, as I closed the john door and sat down on the throne. I had to take a crap and it also got me out of that really damn strange conversation going on like I wasn't involved in it at all.

I'd been home less than three hours and already wanted to be back on the road.

Sometimes the Cat meant well, but just didn't know when to keep her mouth shut. Donna didn't know me, didn't know how the Cat and I would zing each other, didn't know of our 'gross everyone out' games and sure as hell didn't think a lot of me right about then. I finished my business in the john and went into the bedroom and got dressed. I dug out the exposed film box from my gear and picked up the keys to the van and came back out. Nancy could read me like a book and she didn't say anything and the Cat didn't know quite what to say. I made my apologies and said I had to drop off the film for processing before the lab closed and split. I figured that I didn't really have anything to say in this deal, and the things I wanted to say shouldn't be said. If the women worked it out, okay. But if they didn't, well, I wasn't the person that created this problem and I really didn't like sitting there and looking like some god damn 'I'll fuck anything on two legs' prick in front of someone I'd just meet. The Cat hadn't even noticed I was getting pissed off, so used to our games where we'd try to get a rise out of each other, just ignored me when I tried to insert a word in edgewise. I know she loved me, and I usually loved her, but not today. I just wanted to get the hell out of Dodge before I said something that I'd really regret later on.

"Hey Gwen."

"Hey, Tony! How was the Midwest?"

"Sucked, as usual."

"Yeah, I've been hearing about the heat wave they've been having. Doesn't sound like it was a whole lot of fun."

"Not unless you like sweating so much you can step out of the shower and never towel your self dry." I handed her over the film and she gave me a glance.

"Well, at least you're out of there. When did you get in?"

"Landed at eleven." It was about three thirty in the afternoon by then. Gwen gave me an odd look as she added two and two together. She knows Nancy and I and knows that usually after I came in off the road, there would be a period of time where Nancy and I would catching up on the love making we'd missed. It was Monday, which was one of Nancy's days off from her job.

"Everything okay?"

I grimaced. "The Cat's in town."


"She brought someone home with her." Gwen eyes moved back and forth as she sorted out the options.

"She got someone?"

"No, she brought home this actress with her."

"So what's the problem?"

"She offered her friend a piece of my ass." Gwen couldn't help it, though she tried. But that little quirk of her mouth gave her away. She was a pretty good poker player by the way.

"Ah." She was trying to keep her face straight, and I could see it was a strain.

"Ah, fuck, it was just strange as hell is all." I shook my head. "Go ahead and laugh, bitch, I know you're dying to." She didn't, but the grin plastered across her face was eloquent enough. "Don't worry about hurting my feelings."

"Well, it is kind of funny."

"Yeah, but it really pissed me off the way she did it."

"Well, what can I say? You know how the Cat is."

"Yeah, I guess I do. It still pissed me off though, so I thought I better get out of there before I said something."

"Well, you can go over and hang out at my place if you want. I can split early if you like."

"Want to go get some iced coffee or something?"

"Actually, I'd be more up for a beer."


"Let me log these in first."


Gwen and I split, my tossing the bike she rode to work into the back of the van. She and I talked about friends and stuff that had happened while I'd been out on the road. So and so did this, or got fired from that, or broke up with whomever, the 'just stuff' that your friends go through, you know?

Gwen went to get out of her work clothes and came back into the living room that she shared with a room mate in the two-bedroom flat. I already had a Coors in my hand and had one waiting for her when she got back wearing shorts and an old Dead t-shirt that she'd cut the sleeves off of. I handed her the beer and she popped the top and took a long gulp.

"Thanks." She said as she lowered the can.


"Welcome home, dude." We clinked cans and tilted them up for a sip. "Sorry about the homecoming scene."

"No big deal."

"Well, I suppose you'll get over it."

I gave a humorless laugh. "Yeah, I guess I'm going to have to." Her nose wrinkled up with the force of her grinning. "What?"

"Jeeze, usually when you get off the road, I don't see the film for at least a day or two." She nodded to the couch and I took one end while she plopped down on the other. Her end had a stack of pillows on it and she tossed me a couple to put against the wooden arm. I knew she usually laid down at that end watching TV. She reached over on the coffee table and picked up a little dark brown wooden box she'd picked up at the Renaissance Faire and slid the lid back and got out an already rolled joint. A small lighter was in the box and she flamed up the doobie and took a toke and handed it to me.

We passed the smoke back and forth in companionable silence for a while and I relaxed. Gwen and I go back a long way and she knows all of us, so she just let me be for a while and got up and went over to her Marantz receiver and turned on KTIM, the local underground FM station for background. Instead of coming back to the couch, she went out in the kitchen and came back with another two beers and a can of cashews.

"So, tell me about how all this went down?" I told her about coming home and finding we had company all that had happened. She shook her head at the right times, and laughed at the predicament, but not with any kind of malice, just one of those 'ain't life the shits sometimes?' type of laughs.

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