Chapter 4

Ron paced his living room and watched the clock. Six-ten and April hadn’t shown. He paced more. At six-fifteen he picked up his phone and began entering her cell number. The doorbell rang.

He pulled the door open and regarded her. She wore a short, denim skirt, sleeveless blouse and flip-flops. Her chestnut hair was pulled into a ponytail. “I’m sorry I’m late. May I come in?” she asked.

“Certainly.” He stepped aside.

“You’re angry with me,” she said.

“Please sit.” He gestured toward the sofa and sat beside her. “I’m not angry.”

“You’re angry and frustrated.”

“No -- I am not angry or frustrated.”

“Now, you’re lying.”

“No ... I’ll admit I’m ... perplexed. I thought we had something going ... It seems it’s been two steps forward and one step back ever since we met.”

“Ron, please listen...”

“Let me finish. April, I’ve fallen in love with you.”

“I know you have.”

“If ... if you need us to step back, I’m willing to do it. I want you, April. I want you in my life. I’ll take you however I can have you.”

She smiled. “I know. I know you will.”

“Why do you keep saying, ‘I know’?”

“I’m getting to that.” She drew in a deep breath. “Ron -- I’m going to tell you something about me that very few people know. I hope it won’t change how you feel about me.”

He regarded her face. “What is it?”

“You know about my learning disability.”

“Yeah ... What does that have to do with it?”

“I have another ... gift ... although sometimes I think it’s more of a curse. I don’t know if it’s to compensate for my disability or because of it. Ron -- I’m an empath.”

“An empath? What’s an empath?”

“Someone who can sense other people’s feelings.”

“I can sense other people’s feelings.”

“You have empathy. With me it’s ... different. I actually feel other people’s feelings ... as intensely as if I’m feeling my own.”

“You can read minds? Like telepathy?”

“No -- I can’t decipher thoughts. But I can feel emotions. Right now I’m reading you very strongly.”

“What do you read from me?”

“Bewilderment, frustration ... disbelief ... All on top of a deep and sweet love.”

“Not hard to guess under the circumstances.”

“I’m not guessing. It’s what I feel from you.”

“How is that possible?”

“I don’t know it works. All I know is it’s true.”

“I don’t believe it,” he replied.

“I know you don’t ... Do you have a deck of cards?” Ron opened a drawer on his end table, removed a pack and handed it to her. “This is a game I sometimes play with Mattie. I’m going to hold up a card and announce its face,” she said. “You tell me if I’m telling the truth or not.”

“Okay...”

She held up a card, its back to him. “Jack of clubs.”

He regarded her face. “Yes.” She set down the three of diamonds.

“King of spades.”

“Yes.” She set down the five of clubs.

“Ace of diamonds.”

“No.” She set down the ace of diamonds and Ron winced.

“Now, you try it with me.”

“Okay...” He took the cards, shuffled them and held one up. “Seven of clubs.”

“Yes.” He set down the seven of clubs and held up the next card.

“Jack of spades.”

“No.” Ron set down the nine of hearts.

He slipped a card from the center of the deck and held it up. “Ace of spades.”

“Yes.”

He set down the ace of spades. “It’s a trick. I’ve seen stage magicians do the same kind of thing.”

“No trick, Ron,” she replied. “When you lie, I feel it. You could have me in another room and I’d never miss one. We could go through the whole deck and I’d never miss one.”

He regarded her, slack-jawed, as he slipped the cards back into their box. “Have you ever had it ... studied?”

“No. I don’t want it studied. I don’t want to be someone’s laboratory rat. I don’t want anybody to know about it. I just want to lead a normal life.”

“So, you’re telling me that all day long you’re bombarded with other people’s feelings and emotions?”

“No, thank God. If I were, I think it would drive me crazy. I can only read people I’m close to.”

“Do you mean physically close?”

“Physically and emotionally. If you picked someone off the street for that little card game, I wouldn’t have any better luck than you did. It’s why I like to have intimate conversations in person ... especially with family or loved ones.”

“You’re spying on my feelings!”

“Not spying. I don’t deliberately pry. But, I can feel right away if I’ve said something wrong or if you take it the wrong way.”

He nodded. “That could be useful talent. It would be handy in a meeting.”

“I can’t read strangers. I can only read someone I’m close to ... involved with. Well, sometimes I can sense malice from strangers -- if it’s strong enough. After our dinner at Farleys...”

“The bad feeling you had -- you felt malice from those thugs.”

“Yes.” She bit her lip. “And the terror, pain and anguish of the victims. That’s what unnerved me so that night. I had never experienced anything like that before.”

“Let’s not go there, April if it upsets you.”

“Let’s not. Ron, I can read you unusually strongly -- stronger than anyone I’ve met other than my own family. At your sister’s picnic -- when Mattie fell into the pool, I felt her terror. Even though I was in the house chatting with Connie and Steve I knew something was dreadfully wrong. I ran to her and found her in your arms.”

“You did seem to come from nowhere. I would’ve done it for anyone.”

“I know...”

“Last week ... when I scalded my foot. You felt that.”

April nodded. “Yes, I felt your pain.”

“That’s why you came back. You said you heard me yell but I know I didn’t ... and I know even if I had there was no way you could’ve heard it. These buildings are pretty well insulated.”

“The night before when you had your episode with your heart -- I sensed your discomfort then, too. At the picnic, we sat and talked and over-ate ... I began to sense you ... vaguely at first and then stronger. I knew then I was falling for you. I had just ended a relationship and I wasn’t ready for a new one. I was reading you so strongly ... when you asked me to go to the fireworks I panicked. That’s why I told you I was going to New York. Later, I regretted it. You stupid girl, I thought, maybe he is the one.”

“I think you’re the one for me.”

“I know ... I had no idea you were also my online friend. I can’t sense you when we’re apart -- I need to be physically close to feel you -- closer than one town away. We set up our meeting at Panera. I sensed you approach. I was hoping you wouldn’t notice me ... but it turned out you were wiz99. Ron -- I sense you more clearly, more intensely than any man I’ve ever known. It can mean only one thing and it’s scaring me.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m falling more deeply in love with you than any man I’ve met.”

“Why does that scare you?”

Tears began streaming down her cheeks. “Because this ... curse of mine makes it impossible for me to have a long-term relationship with a man.”

“Why? Why would it?”

“It’s because of how men operate. You deny your emotions.”

“I do not.”

“Now you’re denying that you deny them. All men do, Ron -- to one degree or another. You deny them to yourselves and you especially deny them to those you love. But, you can’t hide them from me.” Tears began to stream down her cheeks.

Ron grabbed a box of facial tissues and handed her one. “We can overcome this. If we love each other we can overcome anything.”

“I haven’t been able to in the past. It’s always ended in heartbreak.” She staunched more tears with the tissue. “I’m sick and tired of the heartbreak!” she sobbed.

“Why does it have to end that way?”

“Because ... Because sooner or later you’ll get fed up with me being right all the time. You can’t hide anything from me, Ron, and it’ll start to bother you. Anger, hatred, jealousy, deception ... You’ll try to hide it from me and I’ll challenge you and you’ll deny it but deep down you’ll know I’m right and that will make you even angrier. No matter what you do -- I’ll know it. I’ll know exactly how you feel no matter how you try to cover it.”

“Have you felt anything like that from me so far?”

“No, but we’re in the heady, love-drunk, pure passion stage. Once that stage passes...”

“Just because it hasn’t worked in the past doesn’t mean it won’t work for us. We’re all unique.”

“I know ... That’s my hope. I’m hoping that telling you about it will help you understand me.”

“Now that I know ... I can ... I can ... adapt. I promise I won’t get cross with you.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“Then I promise I’ll be honest with you. I promise I’ll be honest with myself.”

She dried her eyes and gazed into his. “Yes I think you can promise that. I’ll hold you to it.”

“I’ll do anything to keep you. That’s the truth.”

“I know. That’s why I keep coming back to you. I feel really good in your presence, Ron. I feel how much you care for me ... how much you desire me. A woman needs to feel desired. When we’re together, I’m on cloud nine. Then, when we’re apart ... the doubts and the fears creep in.

“What doubts? What fears?”

“I told you how strongly I feel your desire. I don’t understand why. Why are you so attracted to me?”

“You’re my type of girl, April.”

“So, a homely, pudgy girl with a lopsided nose and glasses is your type?”

“You are beautiful in my eyes. April -- I lost my older sister to anorexia and bulimia.”

“You had another sister besides Connie?”

“I’m the baby of the family,” he replied. “Beverly was twenty-two at the time. Connie was twenty and already married to Steve. Bev was Mom’s favorite ... parents aren’t supposed to have favorites but they invariably do.”

“I was my mom’s favorite,” she replied. “Mom said there was too much of Brad’s father in him.”

“I was sixteen and Bev was living at home. She had flunked out of college her freshman year. We knew about her eating disorder and tried to get treatment but nothing worked. She slowly starved herself to death. She weighed about sixty-five pounds when she died. My mother never recovered from it. About a year later I came home from school. There was a note that my mom had put a pizza in the oven for Dad and me. She had gone down to the basement and hanged herself.”

“Oh, my God...” Tears flooded down her cheeks. “Don’t you see? You deny yourself your own grief ... but you can’t hide it from me.” Then, calm spread over April’s face. “How did you do that? It’s like you walled it off.”

“Believe me, I have done my mourning. It happened so many years ago, I’ve reconciled myself to it. I have pangs of sorrow but they don’t last long.” He looked into her eyes. “What I did was to stop thinking about my sister and to start thinking about you. You’re a healthy, robust woman, April. You’re not pudgy. You have curves ... curves in all the right places. Some guys think the skinny ribs-and-abs showing look is sexy. I don’t.”

April pulled the hem of her blouse from her skirt and lifted it to expose her belly. “Nope. No abs showing here.”

“You have a sexy tummy, April. You’re not homely -- you have a pretty face. I don’t care if you wear glasses. You have a lovely smile and I like it when you use it.”

Ron’s comment evoked a smile from her. “The harder I fall for someone the worse the heartbreak when it ends. I’m falling really hard for you. I don’t want to break up with you and that’s what I’m afraid of.”