Chapter 16

Amy dreamed of Barry; he was standing holding Lucy (his wife, not their little daughter) and they were smiling and radiating love.

"It's time to say goodbye ... or perhaps au revoir," Lucy said, "Barry wanted to keep an eye on you until you found someone. I suspect he wanted to make sure you didn't settle for the wrong one."

"Lucy," he protested.

"I told him you had more sense than that."

"I might have settled for Terry," Amy said quietly.

"No, you wouldn't, because his destiny is Anh ... and something else."

"And you can't tell me what the something else is, of course."

"No ... he has to work it out for himself. But you ... will be fine, and we must go on."

"Amy," Barry spoke, then, "right from when we first met, I wanted to care for you, to protect you, but you insisted on loving me. You made my life richer ... not just bearable, but rich; you gave me yourself, of course, but you gave me Lucy and Andrew. Now, making you happy is someone else's responsibility, as his happiness is yours. Go on, Amy, with our love and our blessing."

John woke; it was still dark. Amy's head was resting on his chest and there were tears trickling across him.

"Amy? Amy, my love? Are you all right?"

She surfaced slowly, becoming aware of strong arms wrapped around her. It was John, of course. Nothing to be afraid of, quite the contrary.

"John ... don't worry. It was just a dream."

"Would you like to tell me?"

"Yes, I think I need to ... to explain something to you. But, if you don't mind, I'd like a cup of tea."

In dressing-gowns, they went downstairs and brewed tea to take back to bed, where they leaned back against the head-board, John's arm round her as she leaned against him.

"Explain it how you like," she began, "a friend of mine described having several ... visits ... by his dead wife. I won't tell you the story, because it's his story, but I said to him ... I was sad I'd never had a visit from Barry after he died; I felt so alone. Then last year, I dreamed of him and his wife, who died a year or so before I met him; they said I would meet my life-mate this year. Tonight I dreamed of them again. Now that I'm with you, they can go on, they said. I'm not sure why I was crying. Perhaps there was more than one reason; that they'll be going completely out of my reach, that my grief and their love for me was holding them back, perhaps just because I have to let go of some of my past. As I said, it's a new start."

"Our deeds still follow us from afar, and what we have been, makes us what we are."

"What do you mean, John? That sounds like a quote."

"So it is; from Middlemarch. Everything we've done and experienced goes to make us the person we are today, shapes the person we are today. Your life with Barry is a part of you; he left a part of himself with you and no-one can take it away. I fell in love with you, though I fought the idea because of my position; I didn't want to be involved with a client. But I fell in love with Amy Conway as she is now, and I honour your first husband for guiding you to become the person you are today. I don't want you to forget him."

"I love you, John."

"That's good, because being in bed with you like this is giving me ideas."

"Then we'd better put these mugs down before we spill the tea."

When they woke again, Andrew was bouncing on his mother and Lucy was looking at John very seriously from a foot or so away.

"Isn't it breakfast time?" Andrew was asking Amy.

"Are you going to be our Daddy now?" Lucy was speaking to John.

At a loss, John looked at Amy, who gave him a little smile and a small nod. He hitched himself up the bed to lean on the headboard and held out his arms to the little girl. When she lifted her arms, he picked her up and held her in his lap.

"You can only have one Daddy," he said, "and yours was special. But I asked your Mummy to marry me and she said yes, so I could be a stand-in if you like?"

Her expression as she looked at him said she was deciding what she thought, and he saw her come to a conclusion.

"I think that would be nice," she said and snuggled into his arms.

Sitting on the lump that was his mother under the duvet, Andrew looked consideringly at the man – naked as far down as the duvet – and John wondered what he was going to come out with.

"But can we call you Daddy?"

"Suppose we wait until your mummy marries me? If you want to call me Daddy then, that would be lovely – I'd like that very much."

"Okay!"

Amy spoke up then; "Off you go, both of you, and let us get up if you want some breakfast."

"Ohhh!" Lucy clearly wasn't keen on that idea.

"Lucy, dear ... off you go, please."

The little girl very reluctantly moved away from John and slid off the bed. Andrew walked round and took her hand to lead her out of the room. As she left, though, her head was turned to watch John; she actually bumped the door jamb on the way out. Andrew pulled the door to and they were alone again.

"I get the impression Lucy misses having a man around the house," John commented.

"I'm sorry about that..." Amy began.

"Don't be. As long as they're accepting me and you haven't changed your mind, I'm very happy."

"Changed my mind? After all the time I've waited for you to make a move?" Her hand crept to his groin and she smiled as she found his morning erection. "Pity we don't have time to make the most of this..."

After breakfast and teeth-brushing, Amy sent the twins to find something to play 'for a few minutes, while I talk to John'.

"Are you ready to meet my parents?" She asked when they'd left.

"Do I haaave to?" He had that whine down to a 't'.

"Yes, you do ... and the sooner the better. Not this morning, though, they'll be at church," she laughed. "Not the parish church, which is where I take the twins when I go. Do you go to church?"

"Not usually ... but it won't kill me, I suppose."

They got out of bed and Amy tossed him a dressing-gown out of the wardrobe.

"Here, put that on," she shrugged into a similar one, "have a shower while I start the twin's breakfast."

He didn't want her to cover up, but supposed she had to. He did as he was told, and when he arrived in the kitchen she was just putting bread in the toaster as Lucy and Andrew were finishing their cereal.

"Give them this when it's done, will you? I'll have my shower now. Help yourself – cereal, toast, fruit juice, coffee when it's done dripping through."

He had to answer a barrage of questions, mainly from Andrew, about himself and what he did for a job - he knew it was something to do with Tom, but didn't understand how. The questions were very sensible and entirely age-appropriate. He explained he worked with a team of people, doctors, nurses, occupational therapists and psychologists, to help young people with all sorts of problems.