Chapter 3: The Crossroad

My return to North America brought home to me that we had been, in a physical sense, untouched by war. Walking about in Ottawa or New York left the impression that the war didn't even exist. Within a few months, the common sight of soldiers, sailors, and airmen in uniform dissipated and almost disappeared. My memories of Tobruk, El Alamein, Naples, Rome, London, and Antwerp, however, were seared into my memory, reminding me of just how fortunate we were.

My move to New York was heralded by my father and uncle. My father was proud that I would take a position in the service in which he spent his entire working life. My uncle was pleased that I would further polish the family escutcheon with my endeavours. He also suggested that the cornucopia of available women in my new city was almost overwhelming. He had, as he never denied, a constantly wandering eye.

I served at the consulate for almost two years, revelling in the vibrant city and its environs. My father had provided me with a handsome allowance to go with my salary. New York provided me with countless available women. I now had a closet full of formal wear, along with a reserved table at several of the renowned restaurants in the city. It was a wonderful respite after the miserable realities of the war.

It was in one of those famous restaurants that I came face-to-face with a memory from my past. I was sitting in the bar with several male friends when I spied someone who looked very familiar. It took me little more than a moment to recognize her, but when I did, I leaped up and made my way toward her table.

"Jocelyn ... is it really you?"

She looked up in surprise, struggling to recognize me I suppose. When she did, it was with an exuberant yelp.

"Trevor! Oh, Trevor. It's you! My god, I never thought I'd see you again," she exclaimed, almost shouting.

"Yes ... it's me," I laughed. I loved the joy with which she greeted me. It made my heart race.

She had immediately abandoned her friends and attacked me, wrapping her arms around me and kissing me soundly. I held her to me, once again remembering the feel of her wonderful body as it moulded itself into mine.

"I promised you we would meet again, didn't I?" I whispered into her ear.

"Yes ... yes, you did ... didn't you. I'm so happy to see you. Where are you staying?"

"I live here ... on Park Avenue. I'm attached to the consulate. But ... what about you?"

"Yes ... I live here too. We must get together to talk. I'm so anxious to know what you've been doing and how you came to be in New York."

"I'm with some friends. Can we meet soon? I'm desperate to hear all about your life," I said sincerely.

"Oh ... it's not so special. But I'd love to spend some time with you. Can we have lunch tomorrow?"

"Maxim's at one?" I suggested.

"Yes, that would be lovely. Order me a Manhattan straight up if I'm late."

"I'll be waiting anxiously for you," I said, kissing her briefly. The touch alone brought back wonderful memories of Lake Mississippi and our trysts.

We retreated to our respective tables. I saw a young man giving me the evil eye as I sat down. He must have been Jocelyn's escort for the evening. He didn't take my intervention kindly. I couldn't wait for tomorrow.

It seemed forever before one o'clock came the next day. Jocelyn was not late, and once more we embraced passionately.

"Well, Jocelyn, just what have you been up to in the past twelve years?"

"Ah ... well ... finished my education, married a New York lawyer named Lawrence Claridge, produced two children, both boys, divorced the philandering bastard, and currently live in a nice townhouse in Manhattan with my children."

Her synopsis was a bit blunt and I was caught a bit off guard with her plain-spoken evaluation of her ex-husband. I decided not to dwell on it.

"Are your children well? How old are they?"

"They are wonderfully well. Evan is seven, and Trevor is five," she said with a sly look.

"Trevor?"

"You didn't think I'd forgotten you, did you?"

"Does your ex-husband know?"

"No ... but someday I'll tell him when I'm feeling particularly evil. I couldn't quite bring myself to name our firstborn after you, so I compromised. When my second was born, I was aware of my husband's wayward ways and decided to honor you as my first true lover. I've never forgotten that wonderful summer we spent together. I think I'll go to my grave with that memory."

"So shall I. It was sublime, and I think of it often too. It carried me through some very lonely nights during the war."

"Are you lonely now, Trevor?"

"At times. There's no one permanent in my life. I haven't allowed it."

"Why? That summer we spent together told me that you are capable of loving. Has there been no one?"

"Oh ... once ... in Italy, but she was older ... a widow ... and then she disappeared. I don't think we were destined to be with each other."

We sat silently as the lunch was served. Our conversation had dried up quite suddenly, perhaps because the topic had become quite personal. It was an awkward period and I strove to break it.

"Where are your children today?"

"School. Trevor is in kindergarten and Evan is in grade two. It's a private school. I have a nanny that cares for them if I'm out."

"Is everything all right with finances? Are you looked after?"

"Yes ... I'm fine. Lawrence's alimony and child support payments and my parent's trust funds make my life quite comfortable. I've no need to worry on that account."

"That young chap you were with yesterday seemed quite perturbed at your enthusiastic greeting of me. Is it someone serious?"

"Goodness, no!" she laughed. "He'd like it to be, but he's just not my type."

"Oh ... what is your type?" I taunted.

"I've set my sights on finding a young man, late twenties, early thirties, handsome of course, financially secure, and, most of all ... a very good lover," she grinned.

"How goes the hunt?"

"Poorly ... until yesterday." I could see the calculating look as I was being appraised.

"Dare I ask who?"

"Don't be so obtuse, Trevor. I've had a thing for you since that first afternoon."

It was my turn to appraise. Motherhood had produced a softened maturity that enhanced her beauty even more than when we had first met. She was elegant, wearing her clothes with a grace and style most women could only hope for. Her figure was more rounded, yet not overly so. She was truly beautiful and very, very desirable.

"Well, here I am, available for the taking," I smiled.

"Are you serious, Trevor? Don't toy with me ... please. You are someone very special to me. I kept a place for you in my heart, even though I thought I would never see you again. Now ... here you are. You look wonderful."

"I feel wonderful seeing you again, Jocelyn. Isn't it strange that something that happened all those years ago could still have such a strong pull on us? So much has happened in the past twelve years, and yet, you look even lovelier than I remember. Motherhood suits you," I smiled, reaching for her hand.

"Thank you, Trevor. I'm a little older and much wiser now. I'm very dedicated to my children. They are the most important thing in my life today, but someday I want them to have the father they haven't had. Lawrence was an absentee father, supposedly always working on some big case or other. For the last two summers we were married, he didn't even come on vacation with us to the lake. The boys hardly knew him."

"How long have you been divorced?"

"A little over eighteen months. I'd known about his little affairs for a couple of years thanks to some friends keeping me informed. For the sake of the boys, I didn't raise a stink about it as long as he didn't rub my nose in his tawdry liaisons. But ... he wasn't that clever. I saw him coming out of the Ritz at three o'clock one afternoon with a woman on his arm and decided enough was enough. I hired a detective and got the goods on him. He's been paying quite dearly for his dalliances."

I shook my head and voiced my thoughts. "It's hard to imagine him not being satisfied with a wonderful woman like you. The man was a fool."

"Thank you, Trevor. I know you mean that. But ... let's talk about happier things. What are you doing at the consulate?"

"Getting prepared for the new United Nations assignment. I don't know whether this is the right thing for me, but I'm going to find out. I'd be just as happy with a foreign assignment if it meant not having to deal with endless shuffling of paper. However, in my junior status, I can't expect too much too soon."

"I'm sure you'll be a great success. You said you spent time overseas during the war. Where were you?"

"North Africa, Italy, England, Belgium, and the Netherlands. I was translating captured documents. Very boring stuff, but what was going on around me wasn't. I was fortunate and didn't suffer any wounds. A lot of the men I was with weren't so lucky. I know it changed my outlook on things I took for granted. But ... to be truthful ... I didn't exactly cover myself in glory. I'm afraid I was a bit of scoundrel when it came to taking advantage of the ladies."

"Is that who you are now, Trevor? Are you another Lawrence?"

I didn't answer her immediately. "I don't think so, Jocelyn. I'm not sure who I am. My life here is very nice ... very comfortable. But ... and I'll be the first to admit it ... it's shallow. I do my job, meet with my friends whenever possible, and don't think much about tomorrow. I don't feel like I have much of a sense of direction apart from my career."

"It sounds like that bothers you."

"Only recently. Before that, there was university and the war. They occupied my time, along with the occasional companion. Seeing you again has caused me to pause. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of you over the years. It didn't seem possible you would re-enter my life ... but here you are."

Jocelyn sat quietly, lost to her thoughts. I didn't know what to say at that point. I hadn't really planned on a confession of any sort, but there it was ... out in the open.