Chapter 1: Reflecting

"Frick on a fickle test tube stick!" Bella exclaimed, as she accidentally spilled half a specimen vial full of urine down the front of her green scrubs.

"Bella, STAT orders just came in from the emergency room!" her coworker yelled across the hospital laboratory.

Shit! I need to run to the OR, maybe see if they'll give me an extra pair of scrubs. And these scrubs are definitely going into the bio-hazard container.

Bella worked in the medical lab at Harborview Medical Center in Seattle as a certified phlebotomist. Bella loved the art of drawing blood. Yes, she viewed this an art form: the smell of an alcohol pad being swabbed against another's skin; the thrill of knowing she pierced the vein on her first try; even the visual delight of seeing the vials rapidly filling with dark red blood. Bella also welcomed and took pride in the validation of her patients saying that she was "a good stick" versus being called "the vampire girl out to get my blood." The wages were decent; her paychecks met the basic human needs for food, clothing, utilities and shelter.

At twenty years old, Bella Masen attended the University of Washington in downtown Seattle, commonly referred to as U-Dub. Bella lived off campus in a one-bedroom efficiency apartment that was within reason for cost and within short walking distance to the school. It was small, albeit cramped, but she called it home for the remaining two years of her schooling. Most of her furnishings were purchased at places like IKEA and Ross Stores, a smart way to get more bang for her buck. Bella chose off campus housing for good reason; she didn't want to fraternize with others, have a roommate or share her life with anyone outside of her personal comfort zone.

She was a private, introverted person, making few friends and keeping her love life to a minimum, sometimes a standstill. Her personality could be predominately classified as Type B, but with a hint of Type A tendencies. Bella could be outgoing and personable when needed; she was ambitious in nature, had somewhat of a need for control and she outwardly displayed a profound sense of urgency. These all fell into the Type A category. But Bella exhibited more dominantly characteristics typical of Type B, such as patience, a relaxed persona, an easy-going approach to life and an accommodating attitude.

Bella was especially interested in the study of human behaviors within social, cultural and material contexts. She also developed a curiosity about the psyche of one's mind. For this reason, she chose to pursue a four-year degree in the Science of Social Psychology. Her focus would be on the social conditions of society and how they affected the individual. Bella would receive the best of both worlds, a vast knowledge of psychology mixed with a variation of sociology, her two favorite subjects.

After her grueling eight-hour swing shift, Bella drove the short distance home, taking her time to reflectively think, a comfort, maybe more of a habit, she'd developed over the years. Bella shed her scrubs at the front door, showered off the feeling of being doused like perfume in urine, and opted to wear her favorite pajama pants and a t-shirt. Bella then walked over to her desk and turned on her laptop.

Bella's computer held a sentimental value to her as it was the last gift she'd received from her grandparents before their passing. Her grandmother, Elsie Swan, died less than two years ago from pancreatic cancer, an aggressive killer. It went undiagnosed up until it was discovered too late, the prognosis being six months or less to live. Her grandfather, Willard Swan, followed his wife only three months later, having no will or reason to live. Bella could no longer care for his deteriorating condition at home, thus placing him into a long term care facility. On the day of his demise, the treating physician informed Bella that the final cause of death was "a failure to thrive." Bella's grandfather had been married to her grandmother for fifty-six years, always referring to her as his sweetheart. Bella hoped and prayed for a beautiful lifelong love like theirs.

Bella quickly shook that train of thought away, putting it aside, and connected to the Internet. Her Gmail inbox had three new e-mails highlighted in bold. The last one immediately caught her attention. Bella's stomach filled with a fluttering sensation; it was sent from her brother Edward. She quickly clicked and opened the message, slowly reading and absorbing his words. Bella looked away after she came to the end, drudging up memories of the last time they said goodbye.

Bella harbored very fond memories of her childhood, especially those surrounding her older brother Edward. Bella and Edward lost their parents to a random act of violence on October 16, 2006; they were in the right place, but entered the building at the wrong time. Her parents, Carlisle and Esme Masen, on their way back from a friend's home, stopped at the Shell convenience station in downtown Seattle to pick up a gallon of milk.

Just hours before they pulled into the gas station, Bella's mother called to ask what she and Edward wanted for dinner that night. Bella could hear her mother's friends hooting and hollering in the background, no doubt due to intoxication. Apparently, her mother's best friend was celebrating her fortieth birthday with an "over the hill" theme, complete with two dozen black balloons that her father had purchased the day before.

Bella asked her mother, per Edward's request, to pick up a gallon of milk on the way home. Bella recalled that Edward religiously ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch every morning before trudging off to school; he was always such a creature of habit. Tomorrow morning would not have been a pretty sight had he been out of two percent milk.

Bella and Edward, ages sixteen and eighteen respectively, lost their parents on a Saturday night, to a robbery in progress. The cashier was wounded, a minor knife laceration to the cheek and forearm; her parents met a different fate, a .45 mm Beretta to the chest and neck. This random act of violence was over in a matter of seconds; the robber took off with $52 dollars from the till, such a minuscule amount to gain for the lives of two people. The aftermath that followed was devastating for the siblings.

As the months passed, Bella was informed of the bits and pieces that happened that night at the final trial proceedings. The robber was apparently strung out on a week's worth of crack cocaine mixed with a little meth, claiming it was the drug, not the person that pulled the trigger. On the stand, he was well groomed and wearing a business suit, probably suggested by his lawyer as a tactic to play the part of an upstanding citizen.

Pfft, Bella snorted. Like the jury wasn't going to see through that facade, all the way down to his black shitty soul for the killer that he was. This is not going to play in your favor, buddy. Low life crack head, Bella mumbled.

He tried to look remorseful for the crimes he committed. His lawyer carefully danced around the murderous acts, focusing more on his personal character traits, painting a picture of sunshine, rainbows and unicorns. The prosecution was less than enthused at his lawyer's tactics. So, during redirection the prosecution for the State reamed his ass, pointing out every real and perceived character flaw he had, ensuring that the jury was privy to what was really at hand.

The defendant, James Aulden, testified that he ran out of money and drugs two days prior to the robbery. He tried to explain that he didn't know what he was doing or even what really happened. Bella was thankful for this as she really did not want any details of the crime. That would have only welcomed running thoughts in her head of how scared they had been and how long they'd had to suffer.

He admitted to not knowing right from wrong at the time. His lawyer tried explaining that the illicit drugs, or lack thereof, in his system led to his irrational and violent behavior, almost as if he were "insane," or more correctly, as his lawyer put it, that he suffered from diminished capacity. The robber testified that he regretted pulling the trigger, thus killing two innocent people and harming a third ... the night that he said "changed his life forever."

Ha! thought Bella. He's reaching for it, his eventual freedom by playing the sympathy card with the jury. What an insensitive bastard. Changed his life? Does he not see me or my brother in this court room? What about how it changed our lives? You're still living, prick. My parents are dead. Gone forever. Freedom will not be likely, asshole. You'll be spending the rest of your days being ass raped by big bubba gump men on a quest for fresh young man meat.

At closing arguments, his defense asked the judge for mercy in considering his final sentencing. His lawyer felt it was right to ask such leniency, since he was a first-time offender. Bella didn't believe any of the bullshit his lawyer was spouting; she would never forgive or forget that fucker for taking away her parents, and neither would Edward. Bella was sure the jury realized this fact too.

The King County District Court ruled that his crime was not premeditated due to the absence of intent, therefore throwing out a conviction under a second or third degree murder charge. The defendant, James Aulden, was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter on February 10, 2007. Bella strongly felt as though he deserved the death penalty, not three hot meals a day, not a gym for exercise, not a library for learning and definitely not free medical healthcare to keep that piece of shit alive and well.

Bella found some comfort in the fact that he was going to serve a life sentence without the possibility of parole at the Clallam Bay Corrections Center. Thank God for that. She would have dreaded having to go to future parole board hearings, a convening for his possible release, to state her case as to why he should stay in prison and not be reintroduced back into mainstream society. Once a fuck up, always a fuck up, Bella thought.

On the night of the crime, Bella and Edward were escorted by police to their grandparents' home in Kent. Edward was considered a legal adult at the time while Bella was still a minor, therefore, her grandparents on her mother's side were given legal guardianship until her eighteenth birthday. Her father Carlisle had lost his parents years ago from poor health and unfavorable living conditions. Bella had one aunt on her mother's side and two uncles on her father's side. They lived on the east coast, far from Washington and rarely did they check on Edward's or Bella's welfare.

Their parents' home was sold shortly after the funeral; the siblings receiving enough profit from the sale to at least pave the way for a college education. Esme and Carlisle's two vehicles were fortunately paid off by the insurance company, a smart move on her parents' part to ensure that they left Edward and Bella with no outstanding debts. Whole life insurance policies were taken out as well. However, their parents' final will and testament specifically requested that the money be placed into a trust fund. When Edward turned twenty-five, the trust would be broken, freeing the funds for use.

Coming back to the present, Bella reclined in her computer chair, staring back and rereading the e-mail Edward sent. She had missed his company over the years and recalled the times they played in the creek out back, muddy from head to toe, catching small fish and turtles. Her thoughts turned back to the most memorable, yet heartbreaking, time in their lives; it forever turned her world upside down.

In the summer of 2007, nine months after her parents' passing, Bella suspected, or rather felt, a change in Edward's demeanor. He walked around with a sullen face, an almost guilty look for something he'd done or wanted to do. He holed himself up in his room, coming out only for food and bathroom breaks. He avoided Bella like a disease, which was not normal.

Bella stood at his bedroom door one night and knocked timidly; she was told to "come in." Bella walked through the door, noting that Edward was sitting in the dark, an ominous presence filling the room. She decided to turn on the bedside lamp, at least minimize the dreariness lurking in her presence. Bella stood at the foot of Edward's bed and thought, It's now or never.

"Hi," Bella said, trying to get him to flash his beautiful smile. Edward was lying in bed, propped against the headboard, knees up and feet flat on the mattress. Edward responded with a half-hearted hand wave. Bella walked around the bed and reclined back onto the mattress. She turned to her side facing Edward and began to try and pull him out of his funk.

"Can you talk to me, pookey? You're not yourself and I haven't spent any quality time with you in, like, forever." Bella continued without letting Edward answer; she shook her pointer finger mockingly at him and said, "Don't think I haven't noticed that something is bothering you ... mister man!" She smiled in the hopes that he would too. She wanted him to open up to her and get whatever it was off his chest. What came next was unexpected.

"I'm sorry ... I just can't deal with this shit anymore ... the pain and guilt, it's so overwhelming ... the murder of our parents. God! When I think about the pain they went through that night before they died ... I miss them so fucking much, Bella." Edward whimpered at the last statement; his lip quivered and teary eyes followed. He continued with his tirade, now sitting straight up in the bed, keeping Bella at a distance for the time being.

"It's my fault. My fault! It's like I'm the one who changed their destiny ... with one selfish stupid request. How could fate be so fucked up? If I hadn't needed that gallon of milk..." Edward's chest was now quivering and he desperately tried to hold back the sobs that were threatening to spill over. He fell back on the bed and brought his hands up to cover his face in the hopes of drowning out his cries.

Edward hated feeling this constant internal turmoil. The guilt overran his life. He didn't let Bella see this, but inside he felt like he was dying. He always portrayed himself as the strong one, being the older of the two. He never wanted Bella to see any of his weaknesses, for he was the one that needed to be the rock in their relationship. He emotionally broke down after their parents' death but quickly recovered to be a comfort for Bella during her time of grief and heartache.

Bella quickly interjected. "Please, please don't do this again. Please. It's not your fault. God made that decision, not you. Please, Edward, don't do this." Bella rose from her lying position and grabbed Edward's hands from his face, threading her fingers through his. Edward slowly closed his eyes and exhaled. He reopened them seconds later and stared into her eyes. Unfortunately, Bella knew her pleading words were falling on deaf ears. Edward recomposed himself and took a few deep breaths.

He decided to quickly change the subject, realizing that the time was right for him to speak with Bella about his decided plans for the future, an overdue conversation he procrastinated over for the past two weeks.

"Uh, I have something to tell you."

Bella raised her eyebrows, her forehead slightly crinkling in the process. She rotated her hand at the wrist, indicating that he needed to continue.

"I saw a military recruiter a few weeks ago."

Bella's eyes grew wide. Her expression quickly fell. "Really," she deadpanned. She dropped back to the mattress, her eyes staring straight up to the ceiling. Bella knew that this was not a fleeting action for him. When Edward put his mind to something, he always followed through. Edward halfheartedly began explaining.

"Yeah, the Air Force. Can you believe it? I scored really high on my ASVAB entry exam. They gave me some job choices based on that. So, I finally chose the field of electronics. Well, the position is technically called Precision Measurement Equipment Laboratory or PMEL tech. I'll calibrate military equipment or some shit."

Bella just stared and finally found her voice, speaking with raw impulsive emotion. "What the fuck? You're really going to leave me? You can't ... you just can't. We talk about everything, Edward. Everything! Why am I hearing about this now?" Her eyes watered and her lip quivered. The tears were now falling and her whimpers followed.

"Bella, please don't cry. I'm not doing this to hurt you, okay? I would never hurt you. I just ... don't have it in me to go to college right now, nor do I have the funds. Granny and Grandpa are on social security. The money from Mom and Dad's home will only cover one person's tuition for four years and we still have a ways to go before our trusts can be broken. I want you to be the one to go to college first after you graduate high school." Edward paused for a moment. Now on her side again, Bella just stared, tears running down her face.