Chapter 4

The next day was moving day. I've heard how being out on tour with an entertainer can seem a little like riding a tornado without a safety belt but you couldn't tell that by me. I've heard how some tours play twenty cities in twenty days but that isn't how things are done in Ireland. Time seems less important and venues aren't always open when you want them to be. We were doing 25 shows in three months and that included a two-week break in the middle to "relax." Not exactly an arduous schedule if you ask me but then I certainly wasn't going to complain. At about three days per show we had plenty of time to move, set up and settle in. Add to that Ireland isn't all that big and the way they had the tour scheduled the distances between most venues was less than 200 kilometers, a two to three hour ride even on the abominations the Irish call roads.

We'd be doing it all by coach (bus) and lorry (While I still mostly called a bus a bus, I'd been with the Brits enough that I actually started to call a truck a lorry even if it did sound weird.) Most of the sites we could have reached via Tube but there were a number of backwater burgs that weren't even connected to a Tube line. It was just as easy and probably just as economical to rent a bus and have one of the roadies drive it; we had to have a lorry for the equipment anyway.

I'd assigned Corporal Caoimh to be our liaison with Camberge's assistant, Valeria, and he/she was working on revising the accommodations to my specifications. As much time as Caoimh spent talking to her I had the feeling he was trying to work his way into more than a room for the night. You should have seen his face when I told him she was 67 years-old and weighed over a hundred kilos; well I though it was funny anyway. I think Mac and Faolain peed their britches when Magaoidh finally told him I'd never met the lady and hadn't any idea what she looked like.

"That isn't sporting, sir," Brian complained after he found out. "Officers aren't allowed to have a sense of humor."

"Did you think it was funny?" I asked him.

"Certainly not!" he replied.

"Then I guess I don't," I shrugged.

"Ya would 'ave if it been one of us," Mac pointed out to him.

"True enough," Caoimh nodded thoughtfully. "I suppose it's one of those situational humor things."

"I'll try to restrain myself for your benefit," I said dryly.

"That would be most appreciated, sir," he answered just as dryly. Then he paused and asked, "So, Sir, you'll not be knowing what Miss Valeria is actually looking like?"

"For all I know she could be the next Miss Ireland," I shrugged.

"Now that's a thought," he muttered as he left.

The roadies were dong their thing and getting the equipment loaded under Faolain's watchful eyes while Magaoidh and Caoimh retrieved our surveillance gear as Shauna and Eimile made their way down for breakfast. Not surprisingly Niamh didn't. Even with a massive dose of De-Tox I was pretty sure she wouldn't be wanting a whole lot. I remember doing that a few times myself back in my impetuous youth before realizing the nighttime buzz wasn't worth feeling like shit for half the next day. I may not be the brightest guy in the world but it didn't take too many repetitions to convince me of that.

It was noted by those breaking down the gear that breakfast for two had been delivered to Niamh's room so at least someone was going to eat. The night watch had noted in the log that Rachael and a "guest" had returned very early this morning so I had no idea when she'd be rolling out of bed. That was a bit of a pain since someone had to stay up there close to her room until Her Majesty decided to come out but nothing we couldn't handle. I suppose to be fair someone had to be up there for Leanne and Niamh but it was easier to blame Rachael. I just didn't like her and among the three, Leanne being very likable, Niamh being mostly a mystery and Rachael being a bitch I preferred to blame the bitch. It didn't change my job or alter my actions one bit but it made me happier in the privacy of my own mind. So sue me.

Later in the morning the hotel staff started complaining they needed to get into the rooms to clean and I politely told them to either stop bitching or find someone who gave a fuck. We weren't leaving until early afternoon and I figured not cleaning two rooms was something they could live with; we were buying their food and drinking their coffee while we waited so they could deal.

A little before noon Leanne and Niamh made their way down to the restaurant. Niamh looked tired and sheepish, Leanne just looked aggravated. They came over to sit by me and I waved down a server.

"Coffee, please," Niamh whispered.

"Tea for me," Leanne nodded then when the server left she elbowed Niamh and said, "Well, get on with it, ya silly thing."

Niamh grunted and glanced up at me then looked down again. "Ah want to apologize for me actions last night and to thank ya fer taking care of me."

"You don't have to apologize to me," I assured her. "And if you should thank anyone it should be Leanne here; you're very lucky to have your cousin watching over you." She just nodded morosely.

"Rache not down yet? When we'll be leaving?" Leanne asked looking over and seeing the twins. I know, they're not really twins, not sisters at all but they look so much alike and are practically joined at the hip so I naturally thought of them as one unit, "The Twins."

"Still in her room," I shook my head. "We don't have to leave for a couple of hours yet."

"Phew on that," she scoffed. "Ah guess we best be getting up there and sorting the princess out or we'll be forever. The useless thing can't even pack 'er own wardrobe." She stood up and signaled the twins to follow her.

"Ah, Leanne," I cautioned. "She's not alone up there; she has a guest."

"Oh she does now, does she?" Leanne's eyes twinkled. "Then that'll be even more fun, now won't it. Ladies," she said snapping her fingers at the twins, "we have a dosser to toss and slapper to raise." I was about to follow them but remembered Niamh was still there and would be uncovered if I did; besides Magaoidh and Caoimh were still up there. If those two couldn't handle one grumpy house guest then the whole British army probably couldn't. I gave them a heads up and Ryan gave me an amused affirmative.

"I think I understood what she just said," I mused out loud as I sat there with Niamh. She actually chuckled very softly.

"She said, now let me say this how you Yank's might," she started. "They have a slut to get up and a useless one to get rid of. Ah hope they be gentle about it; me cousin's a bit put out at me and looking for someone to rain down on. She may be stirring up a bees nest there; me sister can be quite a git in the morning and she doesn't always bring back the cream of the nobility, if ya know what ah mean."

"Mr. Magaoidh can be very diplomatic," I assured her. "And anyone foolish enough to take a swing at a colour sergeant late of His Majesty's army will learn the error of his ways quick enough."

"These colour sergeants are fearsome creatures then, Mr. Leforge?" she asked looking up at me with just a hint of a smile. "Even more so than majors?"

"Oh much more so, Ms Niamh," I smiled back. "Colour sergeants are bred to be fearsome creatures. It's well known that with a mere disapproving glance colour sergeants can cause grown men ― trained killers who laugh in the face of death ― to soil themselves like tiny babies."

"Go on, you!" She did laugh this time. "You'll be messing with me now I know."

"Maybe just a little," I replied keeping a straight face. "But seriously, if Mr. Magaoidh supported by Mr. Caoimh can't handle one belligerent guest, or even a roomful of belligerent guests, I would be shocked beyond belief."

"That is good to know," she said still smiling. Suddenly her smile fled and she dipped her eyes again. "Ah still have me apologizes to make for me behavior last night."

"No you don't..." I tried to say.

"Yes, yes ah do," she interrupted forcibly and then continued with a grimace. "As was instructed to me this morn. A very stern tongue lashing ah got ah'll have you know. All about how having one embarrassment in the family being quite enough and other such."

"Ms Niamh, or would you rather me call you Mrs. Callahan?" That was her married name after all.

"No!" she answered sharply. "No, and Niamh will do well enough."

"Only if you call me Martin," I responded.

"Fair enough, Martin," she smiled again. "Ah'd rather be Niamh Geallaigh if is all the same to you. Ah admit that ah'm married to Tom Callahan for all me sins but if ah could forget it ah would.

"Ah'm such a sap," she sighed and looked a nothing over my shoulder. "Tom has always been a fine thing, big strapping man and smooth as a sip of Irish whiskey. 'E and I were married when ah was seventeen and ah was madly in love. What ah didn't know was that Tom was also, just not with me but with 'imself. He's off in southern Europe now, doing "research" for a book that'll never be written. Whoring and gambling is what he's doing and has now fer years. Drains the bank when ah cobble enough together to tuck a little away and calls me every month or two. A darling of the scuzzies he is. They love to plaster his vid out there with whatever two-bit tramp he's riding that day. They love it that he's off playing while ah'm here being the goodwife.

"And here ah sit being the pathetic little weak thing; ah watch the damn vids and drink meself sodden," she sniffed. "Ah hate meself!

"And you be wondering why ah don't just set 'es kit out the door and be done with the bad baggage, now don't you?" she demanded angrily.

"I try not to judge others on what I think I might do," I responded softly. "I can't say I've had the best luck in the romance department myself. Here I am 32, unmarried, no girlfriend and without much of a prospect of one either, if I want to be truthful. I don't have much to say in that respect."

"So you say now," she said and actually smiled almost a little evilly. "But still you wonder why ah don't dump the wanker and mark his name off in me book."

"I suppose because you love him," I replied. "Love has a tendency to make people do strange things."

"Aye it does," she nodded. "But this isn't one of them. Ah don't love the bloke, haven't fer years; ah'm just a fool too weak to do the right thing. Doing nothing has been easiest. Ah suppose you'll be contemptuous of me now."

"No," I shook my head. "I feel sad that you're not happy but I don't feel contempt for you. Everybody has to handle the troubles in their life as they can, not as someone else would. I will say that from my vast experience, though, I've found the easy way has a tendency to actually be the hardest way in the long run.

"Niamh," I continued and reached over and just touched the back of her hand with the tip of my finger, her hand flexed but she didn't pull it back, "you are a beautiful woman with a talent that awes me. You deserve much more than you have now and I believe that when you're ready you will do what you need to do to get that happiness you deserve.

"Don't let Leanne or anyone else bully you into something you're not ready for," I added. "But don't try to drink your problems away either; that I can guarantee will never work. You just feel bad in the morning and the troubles are still there."

"Aye, and ah end up being naked in front of strange men also from what ah hear," she grinned although a tear or two still rolled down her cheek.

"Yes, well, that was Leanne's fault," I protested. "She said she couldn't move you to get you undressed and then you..."

"Hurled all over the countryside," she snorted.

"Well no, then you got sick in the toilet," I corrected.

"After you dragged me there and held back me hair back," she sighed. "That must have been a picture; the big fat cow jiggling her diddies with her face in the jakes."

"Niamh Geallaigh, I will say this only once and then this conversation will be over and done with," I said picking up my finger and shaking it in her face. "After I was privileged to assist you in disrobing due to your incapacity there are many words I could use to describe what I saw but fat isn't even close to any of them. And that's all I'm going to say because the direction this conversation is turning is definitely not towards one I should be having with a married woman."

"You have a bit of the blarney in you, don't ya?" she smiled again.

"Woman," I replied shaking my finger firmly again, "you are fishing for compliments and you of all people have no reason to do so. I stand behind everything I've said but this conversation is over with, now!"

Luckily I didn't have to enforce my edict as the girls, supported by Ryan and Brian, herded a very petulant and churlish Rachael along with a very tired but happy looking young man into the hotel lobby. In no time Rachael's baggage was brought down, loaded and we were off for Clonakilty.

Clonakilty was a much smaller city than Cork, more of a town than a city. The hotel we were booked in didn't have enough rooms to give all us one even when we took one full floor. The twins volunteered to share a room as did Leanne and Niamh. I put Mac and Faolain together but with rotating duty it was unlikely they'd actually have to share all that much. Rachael got a room by herself since nobody else wanted to be with her as did the corporal, colour sergeant and myself; RHIP (rank has its privilege) after all.

The drive was scenic and without incident. We pulled in mid afternoon and were all ensconced in our rooms well before dinner time. The hotel didn't have a restaurant but there was a small pub next door. The food was decent and the staff highly excited over having real celebrities dining with them. Even Eimile hurriedly signed a few autographs although she couldn't look the requester in the eyes. It still terrified her, I could tell since she was pressing back against me the entire time she did it and I could feel her tremble. When they were done I gave her a pat on the back and whispered how proud I was for her being so brave and she gave me a shy little smile from under her bangs.

Mac had Rachael duty that night and she tore off to see what trouble she could cause. It didn't last long and even she was back and in her room alone by 2100 hours. I guess Clonakilty just didn't have the nightlife that lived up to her expectations. Everyone else had settled in early and I spent some time answering my mail and looking up some of my old British contacts. I didn't call any yet since I hadn't heard from Mayhem but at least knew where I thought I could find them.

After taking a tour around the hotel and checking all our surveillance eyes I turned in myself. I'd been in bed about half an hour when my door suddenly opened and then closed again.

"Lights," I said out loud. Nothing happened which wasn't surprising; I'd forgotten this hotel was so old the lights weren't voice activated; you had to hit the plate next to the door. I was reaching for my gun when somebody flung back the sheets and crawled into bed with me. Probing the other side of the bed with my hand I discovered a very slight, very soft form and after about two seconds of running my hand over it I knew exactly who it was.

"Reading me tattoos with yer fingers, Martin?" Leanne asked in an amused voice.

"Leanne, what the hell are you doing here?" Sure, stupid question but not as inane as my next statement. "Ah, I didn't know you had any tattoos."

"Ah don't," she purred. "But ah'll help ya look anyway."

"You can't be here, Leanne," I said.

"Ah can't?" she asked. "But it would appear ah am therefore ah would have to say yer wrong, Martin."

"I don't mean you can't be here," I babbled. "I mean you shouldn't be here."

"Well now that be a matter of opinion, now wouldn't you say, Martin?" she cooed moving up against me and rubbing her body on mine like a cat marking her territory. "And my opinion is such that ah very much should be here. Again ah would have to say yer wrong."

"But ... but ... I'm your bodyguard!" I insisted.

"And a poor job you be doing of it so far if ah must say," she giggled and pulled my arm around her as she flung her leg over mine.

"But it's not professional..." I whimpered.

"No," she agreed as she nibbled on my chin and her hand fluttered down around my shorts. "But it's what ah've wanted since the first day you strode through our door, my man, and when you fought to protect Eimile..." She shivered and bit my neck; it wasn't just a nip either. "Then ah knew ah would be having you and not just wanting to."