It took me a while, but I've finally discovered what's wrong with women. Men; no doubt about it, men are the problem.

As I sit here in this bus stop shelter, smelling the leftover piss, from the derelicts that sleep here when no one is around, I can see all of my mistakes, and they're crystal clear in the rear view mirror of my mind.

I've got about an hour, so I can tell you about this chunk of my life. My life isn't exactly going the way I'd hoped. In fact right now it's an absolute disaster. I've been forced to take a long hard look at the way I live and treat people. But I'm still relatively young, so I can come back from this.

My biggest mistake was in believing that men would do the right thing. Neither of the men involved in my story did the right thing. Truthfully my idea of the right thing, is whatever is best for me, but I guess neither of them realized that.

My other mistake was in believing that other women would also act according to the rules and principles that I think keeps life organized. The other woman in the story was not supposed just swoop in and grab my toys before I was done playing with them.

So now I find myself taking this embarrassing bus ride back to my parent's house to try and rebuild my life in the hick town that I was so eager to escape from. I'm sure those small town tongues will be wagging when I get there. It will definitely not be the triumphant return that I expected, but it's not all my fault.

I'm a victim of conditioning. People are supposed to act a certain way around me, and when they don't I guess I don't make good decisions.

Men have always told me the same stuff since I was a little girl. "Oh Kathy, you're beautiful; I'd do anything for you."

They call me Kathy because that's my name. I'm an apple in a world of pears and that makes me stand out. Being an apple means that my tits are bigger than my ass. Don't kid yourself, look around there's lots of pears out there but not too many apples.

Anyway my long naturally straight blonde hair and crystal clear blue eyes don't hurt me much either. My daddy always said that I was destined to do great things and be a success in life.

Throughout my life thus far there has only been one boy for me Raphe Jenkins. He was the cutest boy in my school, and therefore in town. I latched onto him in the first grade and just never let go. He wasn't as driven as I was, but he always played his part. When we got to high-school and I became a cheerleader, he had to get on the football team, or lose me. He didn't like football much, so I had to motivate him to excel. He was a running back so I'd just tell him that when he got the ball that I'd stand under the goal-posts, and anybody that stopped him from reaching me could have some pussy. That lit a fire under him, because Raphe loved my pussy, and he hated sharing. By our senior year, Raphe had more touchdowns than any other player in the school's history. He probably could've gone to college on a football scholarship, but that wasn't in my plans.

Right out of high-school, we got married and moved to California. Raphe was a very good carpenter, and he got a lot of jobs around the city, so he could put me through college. While there I got my associates degree in business, and started working at the bank to gain experience. The first experience I gained was the fact that some of the people who worked in the bank, spent more money in a week on lunch than we spent on rent. They wore beautiful clothes, and drove expensive cars instead of pickup trucks. In short, they were living the life that I wanted. I'd spent a lot of time in school cultivating the correct image and losing my southern accent, now was the time for me to make my mark.

I started having Raphe drop me off, a block away from the bank in the morning, and pick me up a block away as well. That way no one would ever see me getting out of his old truck. Raphe was a good guy and I loved him in my own way, but there was no way I wanted anyone to see me in that truck.

One of the officers at the bank took a liking to me, and started helping me to develop into the person I wanted to be. I in turn helped him with a little problem he had whenever he was around me. It wasn't that big of a problem; his dick just seemed to stand straight up whenever I was around. Like I said it wasn't that big a problem since it was only about 4 inches long. I hardly even felt it when we had sex so I didn't really think of it, as cheating. I knew that Raphe wouldn't see it that way so I was careful that he never found out.

Anyway he started introducing me to the right kinds of people, and finally introduced me to Smith Benson. Was that classy or what, the man has 2 last names. Even his first name is a last name. Anyway Smith (that's his first name) fell for me in a big way. He was an account executive for an entertainment representation firm. They handled all kinds of stars and athletes in a number of fields. I didn't care which field it was as long as there weren't any crops growing in it. Smith drove a Silver BMW. It was the most beautiful car I'd ever seen. He got me a job as his assistant, no more days as a bank teller for me.

From the very start I knew that Smith was interested in me, after all he was a man. I watched his progress trying to get into my pants and realized that as rich and powerful as he was, or as I thought he was, that I had power over him. For the first few weeks, I kept everything above board and business like. But I had to be careful too, because if I made him wait too long, he'd replace me with someone who would give him what he wanted. I intended to give it to him too; I just wanted something in return.

He took me to lunch in a different fancy restaurant every day. He got my hair done, and even started to buy me clothes and things. I explained to Raphe, that Smith was just trying to make sure that my clothes and manners didn't call adverse attention to me, in the company we were keeping at work. Raphe, the jealous little boy that he was, had threatened to bust Smith's ass, if he so much as laid a finger on me.

I think he followed us a couple of times as we went to lunch so I had to do something to get him off of our track. Raphe still didn't like the thought of sharing me with anybody else, go figure.

Smith and I had one of his mysterious clients coming in, she was an artist from France, and had a big following all over the world. She was coming to the United States for the 1st time for a show. She was going to be here for a month before the show to finalize her new pieces. This presented an opportunity for us, I told Smith.

"What's on your mind Kathleen?" he asked.

"Where is Amanda staying when she gets here?" I asked.

"We have an apartment/studio rented for her," he replied.

"Do you have any carpentry work that needs to be done there?" I asked again.

"Well there are a few things that could be done, why?" he asked.

"Because, if you hired my husband to do it, we'd know exactly where he was and when, so we'd be able to be together without worrying about him finding us, and busting your ass."

So Smith called Raphe and had him come over for a meeting 2 days later. They worked out all of the details, and Smith gave Raphe the keys, and they shook hands as Raphe left.

Smith then came over to me and told me to pay him for hiring Raphe. I knew exactly what he wanted, because his payments usually involved my 2 friends, Kneel and Bob.

Everything should have been perfect. Smith had gotten us a room, at a motel clear across town from the apartment complex Raphe was working at.

What was Raphe doing near the motel? You can train a puppy not to shit on your rugs, but you can't train a man to do anything. Raphe was driving past the motel, because the motel happened to be located near the only fucking Burger Queen restaurant in town. When he saw Smith's BMW, he waited outside the motel and saw us coming out.

Of course Smith and I didn't know Raphe had seen us, we thought we had gotten away with it. Smith was happy, and I was disappointed but happy as well. I was disappointed because by now I had cheated on Raphe with 2 big city types and neither one of them had any idea that they hadn't rung my bell. Sex with Smith was every bit as boring as with Mr. 4 inch Jones at the bank. At least I could have my cake and eat it too. I could let Smith warm me up whenever we got together, then go home and let Raphe fuck the living shit out of me.

Raphe

I couldn't believe that I saw Kathy coming out of a motel with that slimy ass boss of hers. I guess she was just too fancy for me now. She had been spending so much time with al of her big city cohorts that she was just too sophisticated for a country boy.

Well if that's what she wants she's welcome to it, I won't bother her. I called a friend of mine back home and he said I should call a lawyer about a divorce, so that's what I did. It's gonna be kind of expensive, so I'm gonna have to keep working. It's like that joke from the dukes of Hazard movie. "Why are divorces so expensive? Because they're worth it."

The lawyer had set me up with a Private investigator to get evidence, to prove my claim. He also told me that since we had no kids, and were both working that if I could prove infidelity, I wouldn't have to pay Kathy any kind of alimony or support. That's what I wanted just to be free of her.

At the same time I still loved her so much. I just couldn't imagine why she would do this to me. Yeah, I could, why should I lie to myself. From the first grade, me and Kathy had both been in love with the same person, her. We always did, what she wanted, only this time I guess what she wants, she needs someone else to help her get.

I drove over to the apartment that I was supposed to be working in. I hoped that they'd have a microwave there so I could warm up my food from Burger Queen.

This should be an easy job, but it would be time consuming. I had to build a series of easels and stands in different rooms of the apartment, and a few on the deck out back. This was so the person that was going to live here could paint or do whatever they did, where ever they wanted. I was also supposed to look around the place to see if anything needed to be repaired. If I could do the repairs, I was supposed to do them and bill Slimy Smith for the work. If it was outside of my capabilities or comfort zone, I was to notify Smith so he could have it done before his client arrived.

As I opened the door, I noticed that it squeaked and kind of stuck when I tried to open it. I'd put that on the bill, and charge Slimy Smith fifty bucks for a shot of WD-40.

In the kitchen, among all of the state of the art appliances I found a microwave. It was a really nice one too. As my burgers were heating up, I sat down at the table in the breakfast nook. I started thinking about Kathy again. There was no way I wanted to stay married to her, she was a ... Try as I might even now I couldn't think of anything bad to call her. I guess I wasn't wired that way.

I was pulled from my revelry by a sound. I wasn't quite sure I'd heard it, maybe I imagined it. But it sounded as though someone had gone up the back stairway really quietly, like they were only wearing socks.

I probably did imagine it. I ate my burgers while the smell of charcoal grilled beef permeated the apartment.

I measured all of the open walls in the rooms that I was told to put the easels in. I had a better idea in a couple of the rooms it made more sense to build racks in front of the walls.

Once I had all of the measurements done for the interior, I looked at the outside. I had an idea here too. I thought I build the easel out here inside of an enclosure so that wind or rain or dust wouldn't damage any pictures or whatever was going on. After that I cleaned up my mess and went home.

Kathy was there already. She was wearing one of those slinky night sets that she liked to lounge around in. I remember when she used to look just as good, if not better, in one of my old shirts or T-shirts. But she was too sophisticated for that now.

She came over towards me, and I pretended to have to put my tool belt away as she reached for a hug.

"Raphe did you eat, yet Hon?"

I wondered why the hell, she was asking me that. She can't cook, and I don't smell any food that she brought in.

What if I was hungry, was she just going to pull my dinner out of her ass?

"Yep", I said, "I had Burgers."

I guess I was hoping that she'd remember that I only liked Burgers from 1 place.

She knew that even though there was a McClowny's restaurant on every corner, I only liked Burger Queen. The only one in town was right near the motel she'd spent part of her afternoon in.

"Well good," she said, "Maybe we can spend some quality time together then."

I noticed 2 things right off the bat. The first was that her fake city accent was gone and she was talking like she did when we first got here 3 years ago. That meant that she wanted something. The 2nd was that she smelled like she'd just taken a shower, and cleaned herself up. Getting rid of the evidence I guessed. She'd just been out fucking old Slimy Smith, did she really need even more sex, or was this just her way of fooling me into thinking that nothing was going on. I'm not as sophisticated as Kathy and Smith, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid.

I could have gone to college, I did have a lot of scholarship offers, and my grades were better than Kathy's, but when we got here, I had to make the money so she could go to school.

She sashayed over to the bedroom door and just leaned in the doorway. I guess I was supposed to trip over my dick running after her. I just played it cool instead. I spread out my measurements on the kitchen table and pretended to go over them.

"Sweetheart I have to make sure that all of my figures are correct for this job," I said.

"If I do anything wrong, it would reflect badly on you to your boss."

"And we wouldn't want that, now would we?" I asked.

"I'll be in soon," I said.

She pouted but she went on into the bedroom anyway. She wasn't used to not getting her way, but soon enough she'd be able to do things any way she wanted because I'd be gone. My heart ached, but I knew this was the right thing to do. My daddy had always told me that when you're in a bad situation, the right thing to do was usually the one that hurt the most.

Kathy

I couldn't believe that Raphe, my Raphe was making me wait to have sex. He should have jumped in here at the first glance. Normally as soon as he came through the door he was looking at me like a stallion in heat. And now not only was he not all over me, he was making me wait. Smith, and every other man I know, would do anything to get between my legs and I've got Raphe making me wait. I lay down on the bed with my legs just slightly parted. I wanted him to see the matching top and also the thong panties of the night set I was wearing. This set was perfect it was baby blue to set off my eyes. My breasts were barely contained in the top and it could be released with one tug, my ass like I said, wasn't anything to write home about but the right frame makes any picture better, and these panties were the right frame. They were so tiny they made my ass look fuller.

Smith had loved the way I looked in this set. Unfortunately, the whole thing had only taken about 10 minutes. We checked into the room, he had to make a couple business calls while I changed. He came in saw me, took his clothes off, pulled the string of the panties aside stuck his dick in me, grunted and thrust about 8 times and then just laid down next to me. I thought he was taking a break or switching positions but he was done. He even came inside me, what a fucking prick. He was starting to fall asleep until he saw the way I was looking at him. Then he just looked up at me and asked me if I wanted to do it again.

When I said "Oh yeah, I can hardly wait," he didn't realize that I was being sarcastic.

There was no foreplay, no touching, Raphe usually spends more time just eating my pussy, than Smith and I spent in the motel. I think it takes me longer to suck Smith's dick than we spent in the motel. Shit, Raphe had better hurry up and get in here.

I started imagining exactly what I wanted my husband to do to me, and I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew it was 3 a.m. and Raphe was already in bed beside me. The unusual thing was that normally even if I went to bed first, when I awoke the next morning Raphe would always be spooned up behind me. Even if we'd had one of our rare arguments, it was just how we slept. He used to say that we gravitated towards each other in the night. But not only was he not next to me, he was all the way on the other side of the bed, and he was facing away from me. I slowly rolled towards him and put my leg over his leg and hip, but he didn't react. I gently tapped him on the shoulder, no result. Finally when I shook him awake, he yawned and asked me what I wanted.

"Nothing Raphe, just go back to sleep," I said angrily.

I'm not sure but I think there was a hint of a smile on his lips, as he turned back away from me. This should have been a wake-up call for me that something, other than the things I had done was wrong in my marriage, but I failed to see it.

The next morning when I woke up to get ready for work, Raphe was already gone.

For the first time that I could remember he hadn't kissed me goodbye or said anything to me before he left. It was one of those things I could never cure him of. He always told me that if he got hurt or died, or I did, he didn't want us to go into the next life without having told me he loved me, or kissed me one last time. Raphe was a puppy; he wasn't a complicated entity so I never thought that he had any kind of plan or that anything was going on. But he had never refused, or said no to sex with me.

In high school Raphe got tackled and had a groin sprain, he supposedly couldn't move his lower body at all, without a lot of pain. When I visited him, with his mom, I asked him what he wanted. He lifted his eyebrows in a way to let me know that pain or no pain, he wanted pussy. His mom said she had to talk to the doctors for a few minutes, we fucked. It was that simple. I've heard that every man has times when he can't perform, and we are in our mid twenties now so maybe last night he was just tired. But why was he sleeping away from me. I still needed Raphe in my life, and in my own way I loved him, more than anyone else in the world. I knew I loved him far more than any feelings I had for Smith. But Smith was my ticket to the life I needed, and Raphe would never find out about him.

Raphe

I got out of the house as early as I could. I was really worried that Kathy would want to have wake up sex. It was strange, that I could go from totally enraptured, to total revulsion in 24 hours but here I was. Stranger still was the fact that emotionally, I still loved her so much and wanted for us to fix this. But the thought of having sex with her; the thought of putting my lips, or even my dick anywhere near that hole she gave Smith made me want to throw up.

So I found myself driving over to the Home Depot near the apartment before the sun came up. It was open at 6 a.m. I ordered my materials from contractor supply, and went to get coffee while my order was filled. I looked through their Tool section and got new blades for my jig saw and my circular saw. By the time I was done there, they were calling me to tell me that my order had been filled. I got receipts for all of the items to present to Smith for re-imbursement, and then I drove to the site.

As I pulled up in front of the apartment, I could swear the light was on, on the upper floor. I pulled into the driveway and when I looked again it was off. Maybe I'd mistaken which unit was lit up. It didn't matter anyway since they were all dark now. The person that Smith was leasing the apartment for wasn't due to be there for a few weeks, so no one should be here now.

I got the keys out and started unloading my materials. First I moved everything from my truck to the large living room area. Then using the sketches and measurements I'd taken the previous day, I divided the load up into smaller packages and moved each package into the room it was designed for. The remaining materials, for the outdoor deck, stayed in the living room. I'd probably do the deck last and I didn't want my wood ruined if it rained.

After all of that unloading and lugging heavy pieces around, it was time for a break. So I sat down to drink my coffee. I probably should have kept moving because as soon as I sat down my mind went back to Kathy. I imagined her doing all kinds of things with Smith that I was too dumb and countrified to know about. I remembered back when we first got to California, how I'd had to work for a contracting firm until I got my license and was barely able to keep food on our table, and pay Kath's tuition. For that first year, every time she took another class we ate tuna or bologna for a week or two, so we could buy her text books. She was becoming a success and leaving me behind. I didn't regret a single one of the things I'd done or given up for her. It just hurt so bad that she'd betray me like this. I couldn't help it, the thought of living the rest of my life without her, had me desolate. Before I could stop them the tears started rolling down my cheeks and I had to bite my lips hard to stifle the urge to just break down and really cry.

It was OK for a few stray tears to escape under situations of extremely high emotion, but to just sit here bawling, was just not manly. Since my daddy didn't raise no bitches, I wasn't going to start crying now. As I wiped the tears away, I swear I saw movement at the top of the stairs. When I got my eyes clear, there was no one there.

I went back out to the truck to get my tool belt, and strangely enough felt better after the emotional release. The vibration at my side scared the shit out of me, and I nearly jumped through the ceiling. It was only my cell phone. I looked at the display and saw that it was Kathy, so I didn't answer it. I needed to start preparing myself for the time when she'd no longer be in my life. I didn't let myself think about where she was, or what she'd be doing. I'd know everything she did and with whom by the end of the day anyway. The PI would give me daily reports until we had enough hard evidence to go to court with.

I started framing the rack in the living room. The way I designed it the rack would be able to support canvasses and framed pictures in almost any width or height. There'd be adjustment bars every 3 feet so two or more pieces of differing dimensions could be viewed or worked on next to each other. For the living room I thought I would do one rack on the west wall and one opposite it on the east wall. If I built them that way the racks wouldn't interfere with either the entry way or the fireplace. I started cutting the lengths of wood I'd need, then I drilled holes for the screws and bolts to assemble them.

I decided against cutting and drilling all of the wood at the same time, because I wanted to see how well the first one would work before I committed and possibly wasted all of my materials if the design was flawed. Also I started thinking that it might be good to have at least one rack complete just in case this guy got here early. Artists were known for being flaky so who knows what could happen.

By this time it was nearly lunch time and I knew where I wanted to go. Back to Burger Queen, damn those burgers were good.

So I got back in my truck, and headed over to the drive through, on the way over, I noticed Smith's car parked outside the motel again. This time in a fit of rage I stopped, I caught myself though as I remembered my lawyer's advice on doing anything stupid.

I crept slowly over to the expensive car, looking around to see if anyone was watching me. I removed a sharpened punch from my tool belt and punctured both rear tires. Then I went forward and flattened both of the front tires. I know it was childish, but boy did I feel better. Then taking the same punch I deeply scratched a line down the side of the car. I got back in my truck and drove off, feeling electrified.

I ordered my usual from the Queen, and decided that from now on I'd have to order less. Too many burgers and I'd have trouble replacing Kathy, when the time came.

While I was there another thought went through my head. The damage I'd done to Smith's car would affect him about as much, as having to drive out and buy these burgers had affected me. It was a bit of an inconvenience, but nothing more. This sobered me up, and knocked the wind back out of my sails.

I was trading in the girl I'd loved since the 1st grade, for a few scratches and tires. By the time I got back to the apartment I was nearly in tears again. I went back in ready to eat my burgers, and it just kept hitting me. There had to be something wrong with me, for her to treat me this way. Obviously yesterday wasn't a one time thing. I now saw that they had only given me this job to keep track of my whereabouts during their time together. This could get really ugly really fast. There was really nothing I could do to save my marriage. Kathy had always been driven towards the good life. She wanted maybe even needed, things that I was never going to be able to provide. The fact that I loved her, and loved only her, didn't matter. And in Smith she'd found someone who could not only provide those things, but was the kind of person she really wanted. The only thing for me to do was get out of their way.

I really thought that I'd hit bottom about all of this yesterday, but here it was again only worse. There was no way I'd ever get her back. It was like someone had just backed up a dump truck full of concrete, and then just dropped the whole load on me. I fell to my knees and just sobbed.

Every emotion I'd ever felt just oozed out of me, it was the most desolate sadness I'd ever experienced. Time had no meaning, I was overcome. I'd heard people talk about wanting to die when a loved one passed or left them, and I now knew how that felt. It was as if everything moved in slow motion, every action, every thought required my consent, and I couldn't see a reason for any of it. Should I breathe in? Why? Why shouldn't I just stop breathing and let go of the pain. If I died maybe she'd understand why I just gave up on life and feel sorry. Maybe everything would start over again and she'd never hurt me like this again. Maybe she was just a cold hearted snake, who had never loved me and never would. She'd probably just laugh when she found out I was dead, because it would save her and Smith the trouble of having to get rid of me or divorce me. My death would be the last gift I'd give her.

It was about that time that I felt the hand on my shoulder. I'm a pretty big guy, but I have to admit that hand, though it was tiny, completely scared the shit out of me. I jumped nearly through the roof. My heart was beating so fast, I got light headed. When I turned around, I saw a girl. Well maybe she was a woman, she was just frigging tiny.

Kathy is small compared to me, but this woman was tiny. She was barely 5 feet tall, if that. She had curly brown hair that cascaded down her back, stopping where it was blocked by her shoulders and spilling over the front. It wasn't all of that hair that stopped me in my tracks though it was the expression on her face. I'd never seen so much concern in one expression. Her eyes were hard to describe, they were kind of a grayish green, that were piercing and inviting at the same time. They appeared to take in every detail of every thing they gazed at. The eyes didn't appear to form opinions, there was no right or wrong in her gaze, it only measured and compared details. As if after seeing someone this way she could easily, replicate any and all objects she saw. And right then she saw me.

As my brain reconnected with my mouth, and I realized that I could talk, words started coming out.

"Hey, who the hell are you, and why are you here?" I snapped.

"You are so sad," she said, with the thickest accented English, I'd ever heard.

"This is my house," she said. "You make my, how you say, picture stands. Only I think you do better job, with these, what you call them?"

I was speechless, and words simply would not come out.

"I was on the 2nd floor hiding and I smelled the food again," she said smiling.

"I was dying to just come down and eat with you. But no one is to know that I am here. I work day and night, but I have no ideas, only paintings with no, vision. I could do as well with a camera. This is not art."

"And as I watch, you are consumed by this sadness. It threatens to take you away. You must tell me about it, maybe I can help?"

"Come let us sit down, we will talk about it."

She led me over to the same table I'd been sitting at for a couple of days. All those times I'd thought I heard something, I guess I had.

She was again very tiny, and also obviously French. She was the person that Smith had rented the apartment for. So I guess technically that mad her, my employer's employer. Or basically, she was, my boss's boss.