Chapter 2

James settled back into his old routine, though with some differences. Having no-one to go home to makes a big difference to how you live your life, though his recent experiences obviously affected the way he perceived things. Additionally, he was conflicted over several matters. Having actually set out to avoid death, or rather to not actively seek death, being hauled out of the water when in fact he could have died without it being suicide ... was he happy, or unhappy about that? Also, he found himself thinking of Beth Hanson and not merely because she’d risked her life for him. Did he want to go on sailing? What was he going to do about the void in his life left by Esther’s departure? These were just the main matters on his mind as he travelled around.

Customers found him preoccupied and pensive. To those who asked him if he was alright, or how he was, he gave a non-committal ‘I’m okay, thanks.’ He continued to wear his wedding ring.

After nearly three weeks of chewing over his position, he’d made no progress and decided the only way forward was to just get on with life and hope things worked themselves out. He called Marty Peters and arranged to meet them at a local restaurant at the weekend – the season was over for barge-sailing; Beth Hanson would stay with the Peters overnight so there’d be no problem her getting home, or with any of them having a drink of two with their meal.

It was a very pleasant evening. They kept the conversation light, Beth was friendly but not more, James enjoyed himself. All too soon it was over. Jenni, Beth and Marty thanked James for the meal. Jenni told him to keep in touch, that if he wanted to try some real sailing, he was welcome to join her and Marty on Asphodel in the new season as a third hand. He smiled and told them he’d think about it – it was certainly a good idea, though he added,

“I think sailing a dinghy is quite real enough – you’ve got it pretty comfortable in your tons of ship!”

Jenni laughed, “different strokes,” she said, “I like both. My friends Jessica and Dave say they like to be able to go to the toilet in comfort!”

They parted and James went home alone. On the way, he realised it was a different sort of ‘alone’. Although it was only a few months since he’d lost his Esther, although he’d never stop missing her and loving her, she no longer dominated his thoughts. He thought about his evening with his new friends and decided that, although he liked Beth, that he thought she wasn’t seeing him as relationship material. She’d been perfectly friendly during the evening, but had given him no hint she was interested in anything more. He’d put it out of his mind...

And so he did ... mostly. He threw himself back into his work. In between, he ‘Autumn cleaned’ the house, bagged up Esther’s clothes and took them to a charity shop and boxed up things of hers that he wouldn’t be using himself, leaving just one or two photos and mementoes that were particularly significant. He considered ... and rejected ... removing his ring.

As he slept the night that he completed the process, he dreamed of her. She was smiling in approval, blew him a kiss and turned and walked away. He woke in the morning with his face stiff with dried tears.

As he sipped his morning coffee, the phone rang.

“Robinson Plumbing and Heating,” he answered it absently.

“Oh ... Hello. My name’s Amanda Conway. My friend Jenni Peters gave me your number. I’ve got a sort of collection of minor problems ... slow drains, dripping taps, that sort of thing, and I think my boiler needs servicing. Could you fit me in?”

“Just a sec...” he dug out his PDA. “Next Tuesday suit you? Morning or afternoon?”

“Oh, I think the afternoon would be best if that’s okay.”

At the weekend he’d decided he needed to do something different so, on Saturday morning he drove to the Imperial War Museum collection at Duxford near Cambridge. This is a former second World War airfield where the old hangars and some new buildings hold a remarkable collection of aircraft, many airworthy, and other exhibits including the old operations room. The museum covers a wide area and takes some time to just walk from one end to the other. One of the new buildings houses the American Air Museum, including aircraft dating from the second world war up to the SR71 ‘Blackbird’. The most thought-provoking item though, for him, was the memorial in fifty-two glass panels bearing engravings of over seven thousand aircraft missing in action. Over thirty thousand American aircrew died during that war. He spent the day wandering around, gazing at the examples of aircraft and vehicles ... thinking of the pain of his own loss, thinking of thousands of loved ones that mourned their dead, the cost of trying to maintain a way of life, to stop a tyranny.