Chapter 67

We didn't call my father and ask him to come home. There had been enough challenges to his authority. We waited for him to return. If he didn't ask what we had discussed I would bring it up.

When we were most of the way through dinner it was pretty obvious he wasn't going to bring it up. He had relented and agreed not to use my wedding as a commercial promotion. What more could possibly be expected of him? He didn't say that; it's how I interpreted his silence.

I'd had time to think about how to position it and decided I needed to be forceful if he had no interest in reason and cooperation. I decided on my bottom line and was willing to threaten the ultimate sanction - cancel his wedding and hold our own elopement with the Goldberg family. I didn't know how I felt about having to exercise it and hoped I would not have to find out.

I had asked Mom to get the ball rolling.

"Ebenezer, I told the children about your wise decision to defer your concept of a wedding promotion until after their wedding. They were pleased."

Children? We certainly hadn't discussed using that word. I worried the infantilization would undercut my ability to negotiate, but it was out there and I couldn't think of any way to fix it.

"Good. I'm gratified they appreciated my efforts." He was aloof.

That was an effort? Declining to make my wedding a marketing circus was an effort? He was gratified? I knew efforts was an attempt to spin his backing down as going out of his way to do something nice for us. That I could stomach. Gratified was just pompous. Jeff would have been gratified I didn't burst into flame and call my father an asshole.

My newfound ability not to fly off the handle was a measure both of how far I had come and how far I had needed to come. I was embarrassed at who I used to be.

"Dad, you have a lot of business friends and associates coming to my wedding. I think you're not doing them justice by inviting them this way."

Since I hadn't had a lot of time to prepare for this, I had discussed the wording with Jeff. He agreed with my analysis. Having a lot of people did not accuse my father of having too many, though the need to reduce the number was still required. Calling it my wedding would reinforce my right to have a say in how it was celebrated.

Most of the discussion concerned whether to say I think you're not doing them justice as opposed to I don't think you're doing them justice.

The former seemed to say he was doing something good, but I had found a flaw and wanted to point it out to help correct the problem.

The latter felt like it implied he was screwing up and I had to step in to fix it for him. Also, don't think seemed to suggest some uncertainty whereas think did not.