Chapter 28

The next two days were like being on a honeymoon. We put all our focus on being together. We ate meals out. We didn't do laundry or dishes. We made love.

We went to a movie. We took walks. We played Scrabble - once. Never again will I allow someone to so thoroughly humiliate me at a game.

He even let me take him to a club where I knew the bouncer so we didn't need fake id, which was good because Jeff didn't have any.

It was very generous on his part. I could see him trying to pretend to have a good time for me.

He found the music "energizing" but he looked worn out when he finished saying it.

The people were "friendly" but he made no attempt to talk to anyone.

The whole evening was "a lot of fun" but I could see the thinly disguised panic in his eyes.

He really tried not to let me know how awful it was for him. It was incredibly sweet.

One thing I knew for sure: he could never lie to me. He did insincerity so badly.

I began to see some of why this might not be fun for him. It was too loud to talk effectively. People were trying to impress each other with their clothing, their drinking and their dancing. Their faces took on masks of enjoyment for each others' consumption just like Jeff's was for mine.

I enjoy dancing around with complete freedom. But it doesn't compare to dancing cheek to cheek.

I loved walking around during the day hand in hand. I loved leaning against him as we watched the little ducks follow their moms by the pond.

A honeymoon is a time when you pretend the rest of the world is irrelevant and all that is important is the two of you and your immediate pleasures. This was a make-pretend honeymoon, but why should that be spoiled by one more level of make pretend?

On Sunday we had to pack and the mood was spoiled. My packing was relatively minimal. I would be back here in the fall and I could leave whatever I wanted. Then we faced what to do about Jeff's stuff.

We knew I would be back, but was it 100% certain that he would return? What might happen during the summer that could change that?

"I think you should take your stuff, Jeff. If I have room to take it home now, I'll have room to bring it back in the fall. You never know."

"What don't you know?" he asked.

"What could happen."

"What could happen? Are you unsure about us?"

"No. Not even a little bit. But, you know, stuff happens you don't plan on."

"I see. So if my parents bought a vacation cabin, my dad should bring his stuff home when they leave because, you know, stuff happens you don't plan on."

"That's not the same thing. That's unfair," I said.

"What's going on? Do you think you don't deserve it or something?"

"I don't know. I just have a foreboding. We don't have any formal commitment or anything, you know. Anything could happen."

He took a deep breath. I think that's why his tone was calm instead of agitated.

"Have you ever heard of divorce?"

It was rhetorical; he didn't wait for an answer.

"People make a formal commitment. Based on it they have children. They acquire property and debts. And then more than half of them dissolve the formal commitment.

"In the final analysis, if you're committed to a relationship, the formality or legality of it should not be enough to deter you from doing what you believe in.

"I say: assume we're not getting divorced. If the unlikely occurs, we'll figure out how to deal with it. I'm committed to being in this place with you again in a few months."

I conceded the argument with an embrace.

We left some of his stuff in the drawers and in the closet.

When he wasn't looking, I snuck one of his unwashed InTime shirts into my suitcase. I wanted to be able to smell him while we were apart.

A week later I got a last-minute surprise. I got to tell my parents I was going to graduation; I had some friends to support and it had slipped my mind.

I did have some friends to support, but Jeff had forgotten his family would want to go. His 4.00 average was sending him to grad school in the fall. The school had rushed his grades because the possibility of his graduating had previously been unanticipated.

Just a few days later I would find out I had earned a 4.00 as well.

I told my parents I wanted to make the trip leisurely and, since I had nothing planned except packing for Europe, I would be spending a few days at school.

Jeff just told his folks he'd be spending a few days at school without bothering to supply an explanation. Even his sister knew why he was taking the extra time.

When I picked him up that removed any possibility of subterfuge.

Jeff met me at the door and I really couldn't wait. I put my arms around him and leaned in for one of those delicious kisses. Just as important was to revel in his aroma: the scent of his soap, his shampoo, the laundry detergent his mother used and a scent that was unique to his skin underneath it all.

Sometimes there was the added bite of his perspiration. I didn't know if Jeff was reveling in the Ashley fragrance, but he was content to just hold me close as we shifted position now and then.

"I don't even know what to say. I don't know exactly what it is you two are enjoying so much, but it is very sweet." Sunny beamed.

It was sweet. Neither of us felt any urgency to stop in front of an audience. Eventually we felt we had refreshed our connection sufficiently to hold us over until we got to school, and we left.

It was a delight to spend the time together. It didn't matter to me what we were doing. Well, I did mention some preferences now and then without pressing the matter. I wanted to try something new.

I felt the compulsion to drag him into bed and make love with him until there was only time left for him to shower, dress and rush to the graduation exercises at the last moment.