Chapter 16

Understanding is a three-edged sword. Your side, my side, and the truth.

-J. Michael Straczynski.

The monotonous whir of the breathing machine was like a needle in my brain. It fluttered at the edge of my consciousness, always there. Every four seconds, the fucking thing would inflate and release, inflate and release, inflate and release; an endless cycle.

I hated that goddamned machine more than I had hated anything before in my life. Not because of the way it simply annoyed me, however; that was my due, after all. I deserved a thousand times worse than to be annoyed by a stupid pump. No, I hated it because my sister was hooked up to it, and every single breath of air it pumped into her slender body was a solemn reminder of my guilt.

I stared at Kelsey as I sat beside her hospital bed in the ICU. She didn't move, and tubes from the damnable machine were stuck in her nostrils and her mouth. Her gorgeous face was covered in bruises, and a large bandage covered the top of her head in order to keep a big cut in her scalp from getting infected. Her right arm was in a cast as she had sustained several fractures in her forearm. Another bandage was wrapped around almost all of her left leg, which had suffered from serious internal bleeding. Besides the breathing machine she was hooked up to several monitors as well as an IV drip; the sight of all the wires and tubes sticking out my sister's perfect body was a constant torment.

I endured the pain stoically. What other choice did I have? Her being in the ICU was my fault, and I was going to sit by her side until she got better, however long it took. I didn't even allow myself to think about the other possibility.

I sighed deeply as I put my elbows on my knees, resting my chin on my fists. A blinding flare of pain from my right hand shot through me; it was wrapped in a cast because I'd hurt it badly while punching through the window of my car in my efforts to save my sister from the wreck. I didn't give a fuck about my hand; the only thing I cared about anymore was Kelsey. She was in a coma, and her condition was critical—everything else was irrelevant.

Amanda touched my shoulder and smiled at me wanly as she sat down beside me, having returned from the bathroom. "Any change?" she asked softly.

I shook my head. Kelsey had been motionless ever since she'd gotten out of surgery. The accident seemed like a lifetime ago.

An ambulance unit had been less than a block away when the accident had happened, and the EMTs had arrived just a few moments after Jonathan and I'd gotten Kelsey and Stacey to safety from the explosion of my car. One of them had given Stacey a cursory exam, proclaiming she was in no immediate danger, but they had to work for nearly thirty minutes before they deemed Kelsey stable enough to even be moved into the ambulance. By that point a whole slew of ambulances, police officers and firemen were on the scene, and they were already working on getting a tow truck in to clear out the burned wreckage of my car. An EMT from a different ambulance had bandaged my hand, but had said that he was sure I had broken several bones, and I needed to be examined in the hospital.

The van's driver—a middle aged guy who was in absolute shock over having sent two young girls into the hospital—as well as several eye witnesses had given a statement to the police. They'd asked me for my statement as well, but I'd just sat there, staring at my sister's unmoving body and unable to speak, so finally Jonathan had answered their questions for me. The EMTs had allowed me to ride along with Kelsey in the ambulance, but after just a few blocks the guy had asked me to stop pestering him with so many questions while he watched over my sister's health.

Once we'd arrived at the hospital, Kelsey was immediately rushed into surgery, and all I could do was wait. Amanda had arrived about five minutes later, having driven Mom's minivan over. Jonathan came by every now and then to ask if we'd heard any news about Kelsey yet, then he'd go back to watch Stacey being treated in one of the trauma rooms. After several hours, he reported that she'd been moved to a hospital room, moderately injured but not in any kind of danger. Kelsey had still been in surgery at that point.

Mom and Dad had made it to the hospital after Kel had been in surgery for almost an hour. After she'd hugged me, Mom was inconsolable, crying the whole time as she kept walking back and forth, frequently glancing through the little window in the door that led to the ER surgery room, hoping for any sign of her youngest daughter's recovery.

Dad had asked me what'd happened, but I'd just sat there, unmoving, not saying anything despite his prodding. He'd asked Amanda if I was alright, and she'd said that she wasn't sure. Eventually Dad had a nurse come and examine me, and she'd said she thought I might be in shock. I'd just frowned; I wasn't in shock, I just didn't care about anything else except Kelsey.

A doctor had eventually come into the waiting room and examined me there, then he'd badgered me to follow him to a treatment room until I finally gave in. After taking an X-Ray, he said I had several broken metacarpals as well as broken ring and middle fingers in my right hand. He'd cleaned and stitched my hand, cleaning out the wounds with antibiotics to prevent any infections, then he'd put it in a cast and said I'd have to wear that for at least six weeks to let the bones heal. He'd also said that I'd likely have several scars from the cuts, to which I'd just shrugged.

After he was done, I'd immediately gone back to the waiting room and continued my vigil. A little while later Carynne had shown up, her beautiful face wracked with grief. She and Amanda had hugged and sat together, talking quietly. They'd glanced over in my direction often, and I could almost feel their concern across the room.

Not wanting to worry Amanda, I'd given them a big smile. Then I'd turned my attention back to the door to the surgery room.

Kelsey had been in surgery for seven hours when the doctor finally came outside. He'd said she was still critical, though she seemed to be out of immediate life-threatening danger. She had two broken ribs, a broken forearm, a six inch gash across the top of her head that'd required thirty-six stitches to close, and a lot of internal bleeding in her left leg as the result of a ruptured artery. They had managed to fix all those issues, but the biggest worry that remained was the potential for brain damage.

After having sat in my chair without any hint of emotion for seven hours, the words brain damage finally tore through the wall I had built, causing me to burst into loud, tearing sobs. Amanda had immediately knelt beside me, hugging and kissing me even though she was crying as well. Carynne had put her hands on our shoulders to try and comfort us despite the fact she was in no better shape than we were.

The doctor had told us Kelsey was going to be moved to the ICU, and they were going to wait and see if the swelling in her head would go down enough in a few days, so they could do an MRI and get a clearer picture of the extent of her head trauma.

All of us had moved to the ICU where Kelsey was assigned a private room and was hooked up to a breathing machine. I'd sat beside her bed ever since, not moving. Mom and Dad had gone to get something to eat; I'd merely shaken my head when they asked me if I wanted to come.

"Do you want me to get you anything, Damon?" Amanda had asked softly.

"No," I'd said. After a few seconds, I'd added, "Thank you."

She'd grabbed my uninjured left hand and squeezed it, not saying anything. She knew what I felt since she was feeling it herself too.

The door to the room opened, and Mom and Dad came back in. Mom wrapped her arms around me, kissing the back of my head, then she gave Amanda a kiss on her cheek. She put a sandwich beside me on Kelsey's nightstand. "Just in case you get hungry," she explained.

"Thanks, Mom," I said.

"Damon, can I talk to you for a second?" Dad asked.

I sighed. The last thing I felt like doing was talk to Dad, but I nodded anyways.

"Outside please."

"I don't want to leave Kel, Dad."

"Amanda and your mom can look after her for a bit, and they'll call us if something changes. Come on," he said, this time making it clear he wasn't asking.

I sighed again as I got up, giving Amanda a kiss and nodding at Mom who was sitting on the other side of Kelsey's bed.

Dad preceded me out of the door, and we walked towards the ICU waiting room, finding it empty. He got himself a can of soda out of a vending machine, asking me if I wanted anything. I just shook my head; I'd tried to drink a cup of water a few hours before and had vomited it back up almost as soon as I had drunk it. My emotional turmoil was not making my stomach very happy.

We sat down, each of us taking a corner chair so we could sort of face each other. He gave me a long look, as if he was rearranging his thoughts, then simply asked, "So ... what happened?"

I shrugged. "It was a car accident. They ran a red light, a van hit them, they got launched off a pedestrian island and finally slammed into an office building."

He nodded. "I know that, Damon, I read the police report. What it didn't explain was why they ran a red light, why Stacey was driving your car with Kelsey, and why you were following them in your mother's minivan."

I looked at him for several long moments, struggling against my emotions.

"I'm not going to accept you staying quiet on this, son," he said calmly.

"Jesus, Dad! Kelsey is in there, maybe dying, and all you can think about is that fucking accident?!" I snapped. "I'll pay you back for the car, okay?"

"I don't care about the car, and I can't do anything about Kelsey's condition except to trust the medical staff. But there are some things that don't add up here, and I want to know what happened."

"How can you be so calm? Kelsey could..." I stammered, then a huge wrench of pain tore through me, causing me to choke on the word.

He put his hand on my knee. "She could die, yes. I know. Believe me, I know," he said softly. "But freaking out isn't going to do anybody any good. Try to relax."

"That's easy for you to say," I said through my tears.

"Why is that?"

"You see people die every day!"

He shook his head. "And because of that, you think I don't care about my daughter maybe dying? Believe me, Damon, I'm a mess inside. But I have to stay calm and cool for your mother's sake. She's half an inch away from completely going to pieces, and if she sees us lose it, she's going to lose it as well. We have to be strong for her. She won't be able to handle this otherwise."

I stared at him for a few seconds, sniffing loudly, then I wiped away my tears. "I'll try, Dad."

He nodded. "Thank you. And trust me when I say that seeing a child die is the most horrifying thing in the world. I once held an eight year boy after he was shot, and he died in my arms. I'd rather die myself than watch another child die, especially my own daughter."

I nodded, closing my eyes at the pain running through me. Kelsey couldn't die. She couldn't!

"So, what happened?" he asked again, not letting me off the hook.

I glared at him, but he just coolly returned my gaze. He didn't get intimidated by criminals with guns, so he sure as hell wasn't going to get intimidated by his eighteen year old kid. I swallowed audibly as I ran over the options in my mind. I could try to lie to him, of course, except he was an expert at ferreting out lies, and he'd undoubtedly trip me up over an inconsistency somewhere. The alternative was to tell him the truth. But if I told him the truth, how far would I have to go? It was all connected, and the detective in him would follow those connections to their ultimate conclusion, no matter where they took him.

I looked off to my left into the ICU, where my sister was lying in a coma. My lip began to wobble, and I closed my eyes, seeing her before me again in her satin dress on Pandora's balcony, looking so unbelievably fantastic. We'd had such a terrific night before it had all gone wrong. All because of me.

"It was my fault," I whispered, barely audible, as I opened my eyes.

"What was your fault?" he asked.

"Everything. The car, the girls fleeing from me, the accident, everything."

He frowned at me, though his voice remained calm. "I think you'd better explain this to me, son."

"Kelsey had taken my car yesterday to go to the fair. I'd borrowed Mom's car to go after her because I was angry at her. Stacey knew I was angry at her, so she'd gone to the fair too, and she found Kelsey before I did. They took my Mustang and took off, while I followed them in Mom's car. Stacey eventually swerved around traffic and ran a red, and that's when they got hit."

"Why did Stacey run a red light?"

"I don't know! To try to get away, I guess."

"Why were they so anxious to get away from you?"

I sighed. "Because I was really, really angry."

"Why were you so angry at Kelsey?"

There it was: the inevitable question I knew was coming. Dad would always get to the big issue in just a few questions. So I was left with the choice to either tell the truth or to lie, and I was getting sick and tired of all the lies.

I swallowed audibly, then I looked him straight in the eye. "Because she lied to Kim, and because of that she caused Kim and I to break up."

I expected to see surprise in his eyes, or denial, or shock, but instead he just sat there, staring at me as if none of this came as any surprise. "And she'd done that, because... ?" He left it hanging.

I clenched my teeth. It was the moment of truth, and suddenly I found I didn't care anymore who knew. I loved Kelsey with all my heart. If anyone couldn't handle it, they could go fuck themselves, even my dad. I was done hiding it. "Because she wanted me for herself," I said decisively.

He let out a loud sigh and slumped in his chair, nodding almost as if to himself. He sat staring at the floor for what seemed an inordinately long time, and I was beginning to get pretty fidgety when he finally looked back at me. "Tell me the whole story, Damon. From the beginning."

So I did. From the football game, to going out with the girls, to falling in love with Amanda, to Kelsey finally seducing me. I left out most of the stuff with the other girls, including the amazing orgies we'd had, but I explained why Kim had gone crazy, Stacey's confession of being Kelsey's co-conspirator, and everything else that had happened between that very first time I had cuddled with Amanda and my sister in the stands, all the way up to the accident.

When it was all over, my mouth was dry, and my heart was beating rapidly. I felt relieved to finally have the weight of the secrecy taken off my shoulders, but I had no idea what to expect from Dad after it. I was pretty much expecting him to just pull his gun and shoot me. I didn't deserve much else.

He just sat there, however, staring off into the distance, seemingly reliving something in his mind. When he finally looked back at me, he had a small, wry smile on his face. "Since you've been so honest with me, I suppose it is only fair that I be honest with you as well."

I frowned at him. What on earth was that supposed to mean?

He shifted in his seat and took several deep breaths. "I've known about you and Kelsey. That you ... what you were doing, I mean," he said awkwardly.

"You knew?" I asked, aghast. As that realization sank in, I immediately knew where Kel and I had messed up. "The kitchen, right?"

He nodded. "Yes. I saw your sister..." he began, then he actually broke out in a huge blush.

"It's okay, Dad. The word doesn't bother me," I said softly.

"I saw your sister sitting in your lap, and the two of you were obviously having sex. I deliberately dropped my keys, to give you two a chance to break it off before I came charging in there and catch you at it red-handed. Then, once I was inside, I saw that you had obviously ... well..." he sighed and collected himself for a few seconds. "You had obviously already climaxed on her."

I felt myself shrink into a tiny bubble, wanting nothing more than to sink into the floor and disappear forever. Suddenly I knew how Amanda had felt when her mom had caught us having sex.

Dad chuckled at my embarrassment. "I decided not to make an issue out of it, then I ran into you two again in the garage! I assume you'd been having sex in there as well, too?"

I nodded, unable to speak.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Dad said. "Anyways, I again gave you guys a way out, but by that point I was getting pretty damn uncomfortable. I'm glad I didn't run into you two again!"

"I'm sorry, Dad," I said softly.

He shrugged. "It's okay."

I couldn't help but let out a small snort. "It's okay? You found out your son and youngest daughter are having sex with each other! Why didn't you freak out, or ground us for life, or shoot me, or something?!"

"To be honest, I wasn't really sure what to do. That's why I've been so on edge lately, I'm just..." he sighed again. "I'm just trying to deal with the reality of this."

"So what do we do now?" I asked.

"Now we pray that your sister gets better," he said emotionally, a tear running down his cheek. "And when she does, you two need to sort out whatever's wrong between you two, and then you need to make sure to be a lot more careful from now on. Do I make myself clear?" he said pointedly, staring at me.

"Yeah, Dad," I said quietly. "But you're not going to stop us or anything?"

He hesitated for a few moments. "No," he finally said. "You're both eighteen and old enough to make your own decisions. You can do whatever you want to do. Just be careful. You two are being safe, I hope?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I also want your promise that you two will not do it in our house again when either your mom or I are home. That's very disrespectful to us, and I will not stand for it."

"Okay. I'm sorry, Dad."

"It's okay. Believe it or not, I was young once, too, and having my parents home was really damned inconvenient at times. Oh, and for God's sake, do not tell your mother, and do not be so stupid as to let her find out! Please!"

I nodded. "We won't."

"Okay. Thanks for being honest with me, Damon. Now we better go back and see how your sister is doing."

The reality of the situation came crashing back down on me, and I felt tears well up in my eyes again. I was making plans for the future with Kelsey, yet there was a good chance she wouldn't be there. I dropped my face in my hands, starting to cry in earnest. Dad just put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me close, holding me tight as I cried, the anguish flooding out of me.

Eventually I got hold of myself, then we got up and walked back to Kelsey's room. Carynne and Mikaela had joined Amanda and were sitting alongside Kelsey's bed, softly talking to each other. Carynne was gently stroking Kelsey's hand, and I could see tears in her beautiful eyes. I went over to Mom on the other side of the bed, giving her a big hug and feeling her shiver against me.

"She's gonna be okay, Mom," I said, trying to sound as confident as I could. I didn't feel that way, but I knew I had to try to keep up a positive face for her sake.

Dad came over to Mom as well, giving her a hug as soon as I released her, while I went to stand by the girls. I gave Amanda a big kiss, then I motioned for Mikaela to remain in her seat when she got up to make room for me.

I sat down on the end of Kelsey's bed, gently putting my hand on her left foot. I hoped for some kind of movement, but her foot was as immobile as the rest of her.

Carynne murmured something to Kelsey, then she broke out in tears again. Amanda wrapped her arm around her friend, and pulled Carynne close to comfort her.

"If she ... if she dies, Amanda, then I'll never have ... I'll never have told her," Carynne sobbed softly.

"I know, baby ... I know," Amanda said, her own voice cracking. She was close to breaking down herself, but she clenched her teeth to try and stay strong.

Carynne put Kelsey's hand back down on the bed, and I scooted closer, taking it between mine. "I love you, Kel," I whispered quietly, staring at the motionless form of my sister while the rhythmic sounds of the breathing machine continued their endless echo in the background. "I love you so much! Please come back to us, honey ... please," I murmured, putting her hand against my cheek and kissing it several times.

I glanced at Mikaela, and she gave me a small, compassionate smile. "Thanks for coming, Mikaela," I said softly.

She nodded and wiped away a tear of her own. "I love her too."

"I know you do. We all love her," I said, biting my tongue to keep from crying again.

A few moments later, the door opened, and a tall, well-built man in his late fifties entered. His hair was shot through with gray, but his brown eyes were those of a man at least a dozen years younger, and he took everything in in a single glance. He wore an absolutely immaculate, dark business suit, and he had an unmistakable air of power around him. Two men in black suits stepped into the room after him, but he sent them back out with a simple shake of his head.

He looked at my parents and bowed his head. "Hello. I was hoping I could talk to you for a second. I hope I am not interrupting?" he asked, his voice quiet and respectful.

Mom smiled at the man for a moment, then she returned her attention to her daughter while occasionally sniffling. Dad let go of Mom and walked over to the man, holding out his hand. "You're not interrupting. I'm Bill Richards."

The business man firmly shook Dad's hand. "Mr. Richards, it is a pleasure to meet you, though I wish it was under different circumstances. I am—"

"Karl Winterton, I know," my dad interrupted. "I've seen your picture in the paper enough times. It's an honor to meet you."

Mr. Winterton shook his head. "Please, none of that. Right now I am merely a father who is concerned for his daughter's health, just like you."

Dad gave him a wan smile and nodded.

"How is Kelsey?" Mr. Winterton asked.

"In critical condition, but the doctors say she's out of any immediate danger. They have to wait for the swelling in her brain to go down before..." Dad wavered, and I saw him bite back his tears, "before they can do an MRI to see if she has any brain damage."

The multi-billionaire sighed and put his hand on my dad's arm. "I am truly sorry, Mr. Richards. I want you and your wife to get whatever care you need for your daughter, no matter what, and to not worry about the bills. I have already instructed the hospital to send any charges to me. I will take care of them."

"You don't have to—" my dad began.

Mr. Winterton held up his hand. "Please, it is the least I can do. I wish I could do more, I truly do. My daughter absolutely loves yours, and I know Kelsey is her best friend. Stacey is completely devastated over this, especially since she was driving. I want you to please accept my apologies for what happened."

Dad shook his head. "Your apologies aren't necessary. If Kelsey had been driving herself, it's very likely the accident would have still happened," he said, though he gave me a glance that seemed to indicate that he, perhaps, did not really feel that way.

"It is kind of you to say so, but you still have my sincere regrets. Please, if there is anything you need, anything at all, talk to one of my staff here at the hospital, or just give me a call. Here is my private cell number," Mr. Winterton said, handing Dad a business card. "Anything at all, I'm serious."

Dad nodded. "Thank you, sir."

"Call me Karl, please."

"Alright. Thank you, Karl. How is Stacey, by the way?"

He sighed. "She has a compound leg fracture, a lot of bumps, bruises and scratches, as well as some minor internal injuries. The doctors say she will make a full recovery, though."

Dad smiled. "That's good to hear."

Mr. Winterton nodded. "I will do anything in my power to make sure your daughter will also make a full recovery."

"Thank you," Dad said gratefully.

Mr. Winterton smiled at the girls and I, then he glanced at Kelsey, and I saw his face cloud over. "Seeing a child hurt so badly wrenches at my soul. Maybe someday we'll find a way to safeguard them from danger."

"Short of keeping them at home, locked up at all times, I don't see how we'll ever achieve that. And I'm not sure that's the best way to have them grow up either," Dad said.

Mr. Winterton sighed and nodded slowly. "You're probably right. Did Kelsey receive a head wound?" he asked, pointing at my sister's bandage.

"Yeah, a big cut," Dad said. "They put a lot of stitches in it."

Mr. Winterton frowned. "Bill ... do you mind if I call you Bill?"

"No, of course not."

"Bill, let me call a plastic surgeon in for you. He is the best in the country; he fixed a nasty scar on my wife's arm for her, and it's now completely invisible. Your daughter is way too beautiful to have to live with a large scar on her head. He'll get rid of it."

"Eh ... I—"

"Please, just say yes," Mr. Winterton prodded. "I insist."

"Okay, yes. Thank you."

Mr. Winterton nodded, giving Dad a big smile. "I will go call him right now and tell him to get on a plane here as soon as he can. Now, I have kept you long enough, and I know that you all probably want to be alone anyway. Please remember: anything you need, you call me. Day or night."

"I will. Thank you, Karl," my dad said, shaking Mr. Winterton's hand again.

The powerful oil magnate just nodded, then quietly exited the room. He was digging his Blackberry out of his pocket before he even closed the door.

Dad returned to Mom's side, and we all sat quietly, staring at Kelsey's still body, the ever present whirs of the breathing machine filling the room with its slow staccato.

All of the cheerleaders stopped by over the next few hours, each of them crying when they saw Kelsey lying there, motionless. They each gently gave her a kiss on her head, quite a few of them praying for her, then they hugged Amanda, Carynne and Mikaela before leaving again, not wanting to crowd the room. Amy was especially torn up, and Carynne eventually had to take her from the room to calm her down. She returned about thirty minutes later, giving a wan little smile to Amanda and I. We knew why Amy had been so upset, of course.

Amanda's mom came by a little bit later. After saying hi to her daughter, Helena softly kissed my sister's forehead and smiled at my sister through her tears, then she hugged my mom. She stayed for about an hour, then had to go home because she had to work another late shift. Amanda told her she wanted to stay with me, and her mom just nodded, telling her to do whatever she wanted.

At nine o'clock that night, a nurse asked us to please leave the ICU, saying that visiting hours were over. We all slowly trooped outside, frequently glancing back at Kelsey as if to imprint her image onto our retinas forever.

Mikaela and Carynne hugged everyone, including my dad, as they said goodbye for the night. I gave Carynne a soft kiss on the top of her head as she shivered against me, still struggling with her grief. "Are you going to be okay to drive, Carynne?" I asked worriedly.

"I'll take her home," Mikaela said before Carynne could say anything. I half expected the gorgeous brunette to object but instead she just nodded. We held each other for several long moments, then the two girls quietly left, leaving me with Amanda and my parents.

"Alright, let's go," my dad said. "We'll drop Amanda off on the way home, then tomorrow I'll see if I can find you some transportation, Damon."

"I'm not going home, Dad," I said adamantly.

"What? What are you going to do then?"

"I'm staying right here with Kelsey."

"They won't let you in to see her; visiting hours are over."

I shrugged. "I'll sit here in the waiting area."

"Damon, don't be silly, you can't—"

"I'm not leaving, Dad!"

Dad looked as if he was about to object, but Mom just pulled on his arm. "Bill, honey, just let him stay here if he really wants to."

Dad gave her a smile, then he nodded at me. Mom quickly came over and gave me a big kiss, making me promise to call her if anything happened. "Do you want us to take you home, dear?" she asked Amanda.

"I'll stay with Damon if you don't mind," Amanda said softly.

"Of course not, sweetheart. In fact, thank you. I feel better knowing you're here with him," Mom said quietly, wrapping Amanda in her arms. "Thank you, dear, for everything. You're such a wonderful girl."

Amanda blushed softly, but she gave my mom a beautiful smile. "Thank you, Shirley."

Dad clapped me on the shoulder, giving me a handful of twenty dollar bills. "In case you get hungry or something."

"Thanks, Dad."

"Call us if you need anything, okay? We'll bring you some clean clothes and such in the morning."