Chapter 1: The loss of my wife

Here I was listening to Ol' Blue Eyes singing on the radio as I was driving to a party to celebrate my retirement. Forty-two years of service at one place, the Ford Motor Company. Mary and I had looked forward to my retiring our whole life. We were finally going to go all those places we thought about through the years.

The only problem is my sweet Mary died of cancer two years ago. I now lived alone in the big house. I figured that after I retired I would find a nice place for myself. Too many memories and just too big of a house to take care of. Hell, I was sixty-two years old now.

I spent the last two years working and taking care of the house, while working. Doing most anything to keep busy. Now it was time to move on. While listening to Frank on the radio I drove along thinking about my life.

I was drafted and served my two years. Dad had gotten me a job at Fords right out of high school. After being drafted they saved my job for me. They even let my continuity of service continue while serving my country. That's why I now had forty-two years of service. Not many people spend their whole life at one employer anymore.

I met Mary shortly after I returned from the service. I attended a friend's wedding and Mary was one of the bridesmaids. My friend told me that Mary and her boyfriend had recently broken up and Mary was alone at the wedding. It didn't take me long to introduce myself. We ended up spending the whole night together and I don't mean just at the wedding.

Maybe it was just being out of the service or the fact that I was a horny twenty-two year old but I wanted Mary. It was kind of the love at first sight but I chalked it up to being horny.

After the wedding reception I took her to my place and we had sex. Her body was so soft and warm. She looked and smelled great. I went down on her and when I finally entered her I knew I wanted her to be my girlfriend. I don't know how many times we did it that night.

The next morning she apologized and said she wasn't the kind of woman that slept around. It must have been the drinking at the wedding and me catching her on the rebound.

I asked her if she was sober now and she said of course she was. "Will you let me make love to you now, while you have your senses?"

We went back to the bedroom and made love. I knew right then that we would be together forever. We started dating and had sex all the time. If I wasn't working I would be with Mary. She worked as a clerk at the local drug store.

It was only three months after the wedding we attended that she told me she was pregnant. I didn't hesitate to ask her to marry me. We went to a judge and had a small reception with family and friends. In the next sixteen years we had six kids. She even had two miscarriages.

Our life was what I considered normal growing up. We had both the good and bad times. We spent most of the time going to the kid's activities. Four boys and two girls and I think they belonged to everything possible. It seemed we had something to go to just about every day.

Of course Mary always put the kids first. Even when we had a vacation we spent it as a family. I don't think Mary and I ever had a vacation alone. She would say we can go by ourselves after the kids left the nest and I retired. Well, here I was, retired and alone.

Needless to say our sex life dropped off pretty drastically after the first couple of kids. It was hard enough to just get some alone time let alone time to make love. We still had a few special times like our anniversary when we would really do the nasty.

I had to figure that most married couples go through the same thing. Just part of life. If we got together even once a month we were lucky.

After our fourth child we needed a bigger house. My grandparents were getting on in age and offered to sell me their farm for a really cheap price. There were three hundred acres and a big six bedroom house, with barns and other out buildings. I told granddad that I wasn't a farmer.

He told me I could live in the house and lease out the land to local area farmers and it would help make the house payment. I knew he wanted me to have the farm so Mary and I talked it over and we bought it.

The kids loved it. Now every one of them wanted pets. They all were in 4-H throughout the years and we had a menagerie of animals all through their school years.

I was able to get on the maintenance program at Fords and eventually became a pipe fitter. I got my journeyman card and was now making the big money, at least for a factory worker. Maintenance workers were the highest paid hourly workers.

Between leasing the land to local area farmers and making a decent wage we were able to pay off the farm in twenty five years. That along with the kids starting college we never did much for ourselves. It was always, "We'll have time after the kids are gone," said Mary.

Looking back, I don't regret my life but I do wish I could have done more for Mary. She was happy just being around the kids and being a mother and grandma. We did have our bad times too. The kids becoming sick or Mary and I arguing over what now seems like piddly shit. However we did have one huge argument after which I left for over a week.

Every five years Mary went to her class reunion. She loved seeing her old friends. I never went to mine so I sure had no desire to go to hers. Anyway when her fifteen year reunion came up she asked me to go. I decided at one of my weaker moments to say yes. Mary was ecstatic so I guess I made her happy.

I knew most of her girlfriends whom I met over the years but few of the boys, now men, in her class. I guess my jealous streak showed a little when she began dancing with all these old classmates. One in particular was paying too much attention to her in my opinion.

I did my best not to make any trouble but I would talk to Mary about it later. I danced a couple of dances with her but otherwise just sat there and drank my beer. I began wondering if Mary had ever slept with any of these guys? I knew she wasn't a virgin since we slept together on our first date. I also wondered if one of them might be the guy she broke up with before meeting me.

Mary never gave me any reason to distrust her but watching her dance in another man's arms and me drinking too much was not a good combination for me. She was hugging them goodnight when we were leaving. She hugged this Brad fellow a little too long for my taste.

I kept quiet all the way home. Mary had her fun and I wasn't in the mood for a blowout argument right now. I had to work the next day and our kids were going on an outing with the church. I just headed upstairs and went to bed.

I was hung over the next morning at work and nothing seemed to be going right. My boss said we had to get this job done before we could leave for the day. I called Mary and told her that I would be late getting home and to not hold supper for me. She reminded me that the kids were gone for the day and she wasn't cooking today anyway.

At work we got lucky and got the job done earlier than expected. Finally, I thought, something went right. I would be home ahead of schedule. When I pulled up to the drive there was a strange car in the drive. It was a rental car. I had to wonder who it belonged to.

I opened the front door and there was Mary and this Brad guy hugging. It looked like I broke up a kiss when I opened the door. His hands were on Mary's ass.

"What the hell is going on?" I yelled.

"John, it's not what it looks like..."

"It looks like this mother fucker has a hold of your ass."

Mary pushed his hands away as I approached him. He held up his hands and said, "Nothing happened John, I was just saying goodbye."

I pushed him and he fell over the coffee table. I grabbed him and was about to hit him when Mary was screaming at me.

"John, please stop, we didn't do anything wrong, He was just getting ready to..."

"I don't want any more lies. I saw you with my own two eyes. You want this fucker, you can have him. Hell, for all I know you already have and he's probably Jeff's father." I hit him once and walked out the front door. I had no idea where I was going.

I regretted saying that part about Jeff but I was mad and we all have a tendency to say things we can't take back. I've always believed Jeff was my biological son.

I heard Mary yelling at me but I wasn't listening. I got in my truck and drove away. I drove around a few minutes and decided to head back and beat the shit out of the guy. When I got near the house I could see his car was gone. I wasn't about to go talk to Mary so I headed into town and found a cheap motel. There was a bar next door so I went in and decided to get drunk.

I walked over to the juke box and hit 'That's Life'. It's a song I always liked listening to. I was listening to the part where Frank sings.

That's when I said to myself that if Mary could fuck around, so could I. I met this gal in the bar and bought her a drink. She told me she was married and her husband was on a business trip with his secretary. "I know he's fucking her. This isn't his first time."

We sat there and got drunk together and headed to my room. It was walking distance to my room. I took my revenge against Mary out on this woman. We must have fucked most of the night. I think it was even more than Evelyn bargained for.

I will honestly say it was the only time in my life that I ever cheated on Mary. I was so mad at her for what I thought she had done to me.

The next morning cooler heads prevailed. I called work and told them I wouldn't be in that day. Evelyn took a shower and said she should be getting home. As for me I wasn't sure what my future held. I went home since I knew the kids would be in school, the young ones at day care and Mary would be at work.

I packed myself a couple of suitcases and headed back to the motel. I sat around, drank a few beers and tried to figure out what my next move would be. I knew I would have to talk to Mary eventually. I almost wished I would have stayed at the house, just beat the mother fucker up and had it out with Mary.

Now I had to wonder why he took off so soon after I left? I'm sure that I saw his hands on her ass. It was so stupid to leave my own home. My mind was working overtime. I headed back to the bar and ate dinner there. Had a few more beers and decided to head back to my room and sleep it off. I had to work the next day.

At work, Paul, a friend of mind asked me how I was doing. His wife Judy was friends with Mary. I figured he might know something.

"Judy asked me if you were at work yesterday. When I told her you weren't she told me that Mary said that you and her had an argument. She wouldn't tell me what is was about but said it was just a big misunderstanding and if I saw you to tell you Mary needs to talk to you and straighten it all out."

"I need a few days to think. Thanks for letting me know what Judy said. Right now I'm just going to keep my problems to myself. No offence Paul."

"I prefer to stay out of other people's business. No offence taken."

A couple of days later when I got off work Judy was waiting to pick up Paul. Actually I think Mary sent her to see me.

"John, Mary asked me to tell you to please call her if I see you. She needs to talk to you. John, I know Mary and she's scared that you mistook what you saw. She really loves you John, no one else, just you. Please give her a chance to explain. She did tell me what happened and I believe her."

"Thanks for passing along the message Judy but I think this is between Mary and me. You're her friend, I would figure you would side with her."

"She didn't cheat on you John, believe me, if she did I would never side with her. Just give her a chance to tell you what happened."

Paul came out and got in his car. "See you tomorrow John," he said.

I waved at him and went back to the motel. I called the house and my oldest son Jeff answered the phone. I knew Mary wouldn't be home yet and I wanted to make sure the kids were ok.

"Dad, where are you? When are you coming home. Mom said you and her got into an argument. Dad, please come home we all miss you."

"I'll be there in a couple of days. I need a couple of days to clear my head before I talk to your mother. Is everything ok? Are you kids listening to your mother?"

"Everything's fine dad except for mom worrying about you. Please come home soon." The kids that were home all talked to me. All asking me when I was coming home.

I have to admit that even though it was only a couple of days, I missed them. I went and got something to eat and stopped at the bar for a couple of beers. I thought about picking up a bar broad but decided against it. I already cheated on Mary that first night and wasn't proud of it now. I headed back to my room.

At work the next day, Dave my supervisor told me I received a call and it was Mary. She asked me to call her as soon as possible. We were always told that we shouldn't receive calls at work unless they were really important. I wondered if one of the kids might be sick or something so I went and called Mary. It was her work number.

"Mary, what's the problem that you had to call me at work?"

"I need to talk to you. You haven't called me and I'm worried."

"You know that we're only to get important calls at work. What do you want Mary?"

"This is a very important call, John. You see, I love you and you never gave me a chance to tell you exactly what happened. Please come home after work so we can talk and let me tell you what really happened. The kids miss you and I miss you too."