Chapter 10: Sunday, November 18th, 2012 - 3:15 PM

Bill lay on the crest of a hill between two rocks. This was another of the lookout points he and Rob had prepared. The one he had used this morning was on their property so they could build it up and stock it for defense. They had prepared three that were off their property. Bill was in the one facing south right now. There was another on the hills to the north of the property and another on the west side. Rob didn't think they would need one on the east side because they had such a good view from the top of their property lookout to the east. They couldn't build up or stock the three off property lookout locations but they had rearranged some rocks to make them more secure and easier to watch from.

Each location had some kind of shade so the watcher wouldn't be cooked if they needed to watch in the summer heat. The rocks in each location were moved so a lookout would be hidden from the sides and he couldn't be flanked easily.

Bill was lying on his stomach and watching the road south for any activity. A brown poncho was over the rocks above him so he was in the shade and sunlight couldn't glint off the binoculars. There was about a 15 mile stretch of the dirt road south that he could see from this location. He could see anything that moved on that road from here.

He felt movement near him and brusquely said, "Mary, try not to move. Movement attracts the eye."

Bill thought of the ride to the lookout point and grimaced. Cherie's words had haunted him. When the young girl leaned forward, pressing her little nubs against his back, he almost jumped off the quad. Her arms encircling him and resting in his lap, inches from his groin made him even jumpier. He had told her she needed to set up and brace herself against his shoulders. He told her that riding a motor cycle like that was OK but on a quad it was just a good way to get your head banged.

She had hesitated but then she set up straight.

"Keep an eye out," he told her. "Look for anything out of the ordinary."

She hadn't said anything until they got to the lookout point. They started taking what they would need from the quad when she asked timidly, "Bill. Am I pretty?"

Bill looked at her surprised by the question but knew he had to answer carefully. "Are you kidding me? You are beautiful Mary."

Mary was silent for a moment as he handed her another water bottle then the AR-15. "Am I pretty enough to be someone's girl friend?"

Bill slowly unlatched the M1A1 trying to decide how he should answer that question. He slung the rifle over his shoulder on the strap as he replied seriously, "You are pretty enough to be anyone's girlfriend Mary. There is something I should warn you about though."

Mary looked at him quizzically as he motioned towards the rocks and started that direction himself.

"What happened yesterday can cause some people that lack a certain level of maturity to decide they don't have anything to protect anymore and they try to rush into adult hood because of it," Bill said slowly. He was talking slowly but his mind was working at ninety miles an hour. "Yesterday was terrible for you honey. You went through an ordeal that no girl or woman should have to go through. You survived it physically though." Bill paused as he set down his load and looked off to the south. He took a deep breath and continued, "Mostly you survived physically. You lost your virginity but it wasn't voluntary. The physical lose can't be undone. You haven't lost your mental virginity and that is the most important. You haven't willingly given yourself to a man."

Bill started spreading the brown and green poncho over the rocks and asked, "Help me here, would you?" They straightened the poncho and put rocks on it to hold it in place.

"But," Mary started and Bill held up his hand.

"I'm not finished and I would really rather finish before you say anything." Bill said. "It is hard to put in the right words so you understand. OK?"

Mary nodded and they moved everything under the poncho and crawled unto the space. The shade felt cool. That was one of the big advantages of the dry heat. It really was cooler just being out of the sun.

Once they were settled Bill continued. "I have heard there are a lot of 12 and 13 year olds messing around with sex at school. Is that right?"

Mary hesitated then nodded her head. "I know some that are. They even have a colored bracelet thing that some of them do to show what they have done but I think some of them are exaggerating."

Bill snorted and said, "Well, boys brag about real and imagined conquests so why not girls." He laughed and continued with, "But you didn't mess around did you?"

Mary shook her head. "Just kissing at a party last summer and I let a boy touch me," she said gesturing toward her chest.

"Why didn't you go farther," Bill asked. "Your friends were doing it. Why didn't you?"

Mary looked down and blushed. "I didn't love any of the boys we hung out with. I liked them but I don't think I loved them." She hesitated and continued when Bill didn't say anything. "I wanted my first time to be special like mom described." She blushed even deeper and said, "She didn't go into a lot of detail but said the first time was special and I should treat it that way."

Bill nodded before saying softly, "Mary. You need to understand this. Yesterday wasn't the first time you made love. Yesterday something was taken from you but it wasn't the first time you gave yourself to someone. Your hymen was broken but that has happened to girls on bikes and horseback riding and a bunch of other ways that have nothing to do with sex. That surrender to someone that you love is the real virginity that you need to protect. That time should be special. Don't let what those men did make you cheapen or lose that special time. They can't take that from you but you can surrender that to them. That is the choice you have to make as you try to understand and come to grips with what happened yesterday. Does that make sense to you honey," Bill concluded softly.

Mary nodded hesitantly, her eyes wide as she looked at Bill. He felt unnerved by her gaze.

"What if I think I love someone," Mary asked? "Do you think that would be OK?"

Bill turned and lay prone to look to the south as he said, "Sure. If you love someone and you decide that someone is the one you want that first time to be with then it is fine. The question you need to answer though is how do you know you love someone?"

"What do you mean," Mary asked as she stretched out beside Bill.

"I don't know anything about how girls feel at 13 but, I do know how guys feel. From my own experience, I was in love half a dozen times between the time I was 13 and 21. I know that Rob, my son, was in love at least as often while he was a teenager." Bill chuckled and said, "I almost felt sorry for him when he was a teenager. He didn't have a clue and every teen thinks they have all the answers but they don't."

Bill shook his head and looked through the binoculars before continuing. "My point is honey, at your age it will be hard to tell when you are in love. Teenagers hormones make it hard enough but the circumstances we are in just makes it worse. Take the time to make sure before you do something that can't be taken back. There is only one first time that you give yourself, your real virginity to someone. It is worth going slow to make sure it is the right person."

Mary's brows were knit in concentration as she absorbed Bill words. She raised the other pair of binoculars that Bill had given her to her eyes. She had been sure of her course of action. Now she wasn't so sure and her thoughts seemed to tumble over each other. She was so confused and didn't know what to do.

Bill looked at her out of the corner of his eye and saw the intense look on her face as she thought about what he had said. He was going to say more on the subject but decided not to. She seemed to be trying to digest his advice so let well enough alone.