Chapter 36: Spring

"Hey, Nii-sama! Let me see your phone." Mokuba bound into my office with all the excitement of a child half his age. And with no concern for the meeting I was having with the Marketing Dept.

I looked at my brother, more amused than annoyed. "You do see that I am in the middle of something here, yes?" He shrugged. "It's on the desk. Continue, Gorou."

"Yes, uh, well we found that 61% of users..."

"Ok dude, I switched it. Send me the signal." Mokuba's voice cut over my new section head's and I waved him quiet again as I turned to watch my brother. He was on my desk phone and watching the screen on a new handset. "Ok, I've got a signal. Hang on a sec. Hey big bro, what's your password?"

"Really?"

He looked at me and grinned. "No. I didn't think you'd actually tell me." He walked over and handed me the unit he was working on. "Just enter it here." I typed and handed it back. He returned to my desk. "Dude? Call me." A moment later, the unit rang and he answered it. "Awesome! Ok. Seto's in a meeting so I gotta run. I'll call you from Noah's office next." He hung up and returned the new unit to me. "Ok, you're all set."

"A new phone?" I looked it over quickly. It was black, but with a good texture and a good size and weight. In the upper left corner was the Kaiba dragon. "Ours?"

"Yeah. I got tired of my old phone and thought I'd try designing a new one. The phone's through KaibaTech, the battery's new from KaibaEnergy. 22 hours of talk time and like a month of stand-by. Plus a bunch of the standard Smartphone shit - you know camera, high speed processor, video player, internet, email."

"Etcetera."

"Right. I uploaded all the data from your old old phone - the one you had at the condo - when I was testing data transfer. We can move your current stuff when you're done with these guys."

"I thought that phone's memory was wiped."

"It was." He shrugged with a grin. "I recovered it."

I wasn't sure if I was proud of him or unnerved. "Maybe you being on another continent will be a good thing." I commented.

He laughed. "I didn't read anything! Honest! Not even the e-mails from Joey." He teased. I tried to keep the pained expression off my face and he stopped laughing. "Sorry, Nii-sama, I..."

I tried to smile again. "You know, eventually you'll have a relationship that lasts long enough for me to tease you about. As it stands now, we'd need a new division to track them all."

He blushed faintly. "There haven't been that many."

"Close." I put the phone down. "I'll call you when we're done. Now go annoy Noah so I can get some work done."

"Cool. I'll e-mail you the specs as well." He promised as he left.

It was several hours later when I had a moment to actually play with my new 'toy'. Mokuba had set it up with every personal and professional networking account he knew of and I had to spend the first half hour entering passwords to set up links. Then I spent some time personalizing layouts, icons, and quick links. The contacts list I noticed included virtually my entire high school class. I spent some time deleting names I would never contact again.

Until I reached "Puppy".

Joey's old number. Of course, it could not still be active. He'd been in the US for almost a year and a half. One year, five months and two weeks. Or so. In any case, he had undoubtedly blocked my number. I certainly wouldn't accept a call from him.

I decided not to delete the number. In case he ever did call, I would know who it was and I could ignore or cancel it without answering.

I put the phone away and went back to productive work. When Mokuba came by at the end of the day, I gave him a temporary password and let him add the data from my current phone. It was an impressive bit of technology and I praised him for it.

"I am very impressed with this."

"It wasn't that hard, really. A lot of this is standard so it was mostly just putting the parts and the software into the frame."

"Still. Very good work. When do we roll out the product line?"

"Ha! Never." He smirked. "The three I made cost a load. They're not cost effective unless we enter the telecom industry and that just looked like a mess to me."

"Three - you, Noah and myself?"

"Yeah." He looked a little sheepish. "I know it's supposed to be just you and me, but it seemed kind of wrong to leave him out."

I nodded. "Yes. He's almost like having another brother."

"I suppose I should take that as a complement?" Noah asked from my doorway.

"Hardly. I'm trying to get rid of this one not add another."

"Yeah, I don't need to be youngest of three." Mokuba added. "Although, you'd have to be a nicer big bro."

"I'm nice." I protested.

"I see." Noah came in a sat next to Mokuba. "And how long have you been suffering under these delusions of nice-ness?"

"I point out that I haven't killed either of you."

"Oh well, that's certainly proof of nice." Noah chuckled. "Or the current high costs of hit men."

"I'm sure I could get a two-for-one price deal."

"How?" Mokuba snickered as he put my two phones down and took the two Noah was carrying. "Pay him a bonus?"

"Of course not." I joined the two of them on my couch. "That would defeat the purpose of the cut price." They both agreed. "I'd be nice and let him have me for a night."

"Cost effective." Noah agreed. "But what if he doesn't want you?"

I smiled thinly. "No one's said 'no' yet."

"Wow, we really are a bunch of sick twisted freaks." Mokuba shook his head. Noah and I laughed; my cousin knew more details about the truth than my brother did. "Here." Mokuba handed Noah and I our handsets. "Everything should be up to date. Oh, and something else - they're as water-resistant as we could make them and you can't turn the GPS signal off. Tamura says with that, if you keep the phone on you at all times, none of us can get snatched again."

The thought sobered us all. Another time I failed him; he should never have been in France in the first place. If I hadn't been so intent on my own selfish needs...

"Nii-sama?" Mokuba shook my leg gently. "You can't blame yourself for everything that's happened to me. I knew that fucker was a sicko. I should have dealt with him in the first place."

"You wouldn't have been there in the first place if I weren't so stubborn." I reminded him.

"And neither of you would have been in that position if Uncle hadn't been an evil asshole using children against each other!" Noah snapped. "And, for the record, he wouldn't have adopted either of you in the first place if I had been good enough to be his heir; he wouldn't have needed anyone else."

Mokuba and I both looked at Noah. It was the first time he'd ever said anything about his position in the family.

"You don't know that." Mokuba said quietly. "He wasn't like -"

"He told Mother." Noah talked over my brother. "He didn't know I was awake. He told her I was too soft to be his son. That he'd rather adopt an outsider than adopt me as his heir."

There was a moment of silence before Mokuba spoke again. "He wasn't good at telling people how he felt, but he wouldn't have included you in his will if he didn't love you, Noah. Look, I know he was harder on you guys than he was on me. But I got to know him, kind of. He really did love you." Mokuba wiped his eyes. "I know he did."

I looked at Noah. My cousin sighed and shook his head. I put my hand on Mokuba's shoulder. "I think you must have known him better than anyone, brother. I'll trust your judgment. I'm sure time will give us all some perspective." An idea occurred to me and rather than analyze it, I simply went with it. "And I think it is us three now. No more cousins, just the sons of the House of Kaiba. I could, as Head of the House, legally adopt you both."

Noah laughed honestly. "And I call you 'Dad' from now on? Not on your life!" He put his hands on both of our shoulders. "No, I'll admit that when you first showed up, I was a bit jealous. OK, a lot jealous. But that's long gone. You two have always been more like brothers to me." He smiled. "I like that title though. Sons of the House of Kaiba."

"I think Dad would have liked it, too." Mokuba brightened some. "We should put that in a kanji and use it on stuff that's just for us."

"Like the new phones?" I offered.

"Yeah. And memos and stuff."

"Should be easy enough." Noah agreed. "I'll work up something and order notepads."

"Hey, I'm starved!" Mokuba stood up suddenly and stretched. "Since no one seems to notice we're all missing, why don't we sneak out, grab some take-out somewhere and go catch a movie."

I shook my head. "I can't; I..." I stopped. "Have we ever gone to the movies together?"

"Of course." Noah frowned in thought. "We must have." We all thought about it for a few minutes. Finally, Noah shrugged. "Fine. What's playing? I don't want to see anything mushy. I've had my fill of romance for the last month."

"I thought I saw a bunch of girl's numbers in your contacts!" Mokuba teased.

"Hey! What happened to privacy?"

"I should point out that you were the fool who gave your cell phone to a 13-year-old." I chuckled. "Find something I don't have to think about. If we're going escape, let's truly escape."

We each made the necessary calls to clear our evenings and got out of the building before anyone managed to stop us. We stopped at a sushi bar Noah knew and then went to a martial arts comedy that was actually very entertaining. Afterward, Mokuba suggested a bubble tea bar with karaoke - which the two of them indulged in while I refrained.

We made it home before dawn, but not much before.

Pharaoh was waiting in my room when I arrived. "Where have you been?" He demanded. His tone was decidedly possessive.

"Excuse me?"

"Where have you been? It's four am, and you have ignored my calls. I am not in the habit of accepting such treatment. I will allow, however, that with the park opening so soon, there may have been an extenuating circumstance. I am therefore giving you an opportunity to explain yourself."

"I don't think I need to -" I started, outraged and then suddenly realized why he was so upset. "We had plans for this evening, didn't we?"

"Yugi and Mai send their regards." He answered dryly.

"Mokuba, Noah and I found ourselves with a free afternoon. We went to a movie." I had completely forgotten about meeting Yugi and Mai for dinner.

"A movie?" His brow knit. "You stood me up for a movie with your brother?"

"As odd as it may sound, the three of us have never done anything that simple. Go to a movie, sing karaoke, relax."

"You? Sang karaoke?"

"They sang." I chuckled. "I watched. And laughed." I looked at my phone. "I turned it off so the office wouldn't call." There were four missed calls from Pharaoh. "Forgive me. I didn't think."

He frowned again. "Even with Yugi, it was embarrassing."

"I'll make it up to you." I promised, crossing to him and slipping my arms around his waist. "I truly did not intend to embarrass you."

He thought it over while I kissed his neck. "Well, I guess I could be persuaded to forgive you. I suppose I know a way you can make it up to me."

"Name it." I whispered.

"Let me bind you tonight."

I stopped. The thought gave me chills.

"No pain, I promise. Just a harmless little game." He pulled my hands from around himself and held my wrists together. "You'll enjoy it."

"I..."

"What are you afraid of?" He whispered warmly.

I took a step away from him. "I am not afraid. My ... hesitation ... stems from the fact that I understand we are both competitive men. Our tendency to try to win at all costs may lend itself to us taking actions that later prove counter-productive." I took a deep breath and felt more secure. "Now would be a bad time for such games at any rate. In four hours, I need to leave for Gifu. I'll be there until the park opens."

"Yes and Yugi and Mai are also leaving for two weeks. That was why we scheduled dinner for tonight."

I frowned this time. "I have already apologized." I could see he was hurt, however, so I decided to give a bit. "Come with me. I'll make it up to you there."

"I have my own plans."

"Those being?"

"Mine."

We looked at each other for a moment. Something was between us, but neither of us could move past it. I finally asked the question in the back of my mind. "Who is he?"

"Who is who?" He looked confused. Then his expression became dark. "Surely you don't mean Yugi?"

"I meant who is your other lover. Unless, you mean to imply that you are still..." The words faded from my lips as I realized that that was exactly what he meant. "Are you and Yugi still -"

"Are Yugi and I still one soul divide into two bodies? Yes. And, although our intimate contact is rare these days - and no, not tonight - it will never stop just as I will never stop worshipping Ra. Or loving you, unfortunately." He smirked. "Just as you will never let go of your precious Joey."

Heat ran through my body as his words cut straight to my weakest point. "How dare you -"

"Presume such? I don't. You still call for him in your sleep." I had no idea. The revelation left me temporarily speechless. "You have on several occasions, held me in your arms and called his name. I accept this solely because I understand, Priest, that you and he are bound by ties you cannot deny - just as you and I are."

There it was - the thing between us. The reason I could not give myself to Pharaoh wholly. This irrational desire for a boy that could no more care for me than Gozaburo did. It was maddening. Disturbing. Unfair.

"Leave." I said with as must poise as I could retain.

"For how long? A day? A year?" he laughed humorlessly. "To what end? I'd return to you or you'd return to me and the cycle would begin again. Five thousand years ago you swore on your life's blood that nothing would take you from my side; you even still have the scar." He pulled my hand, and turned my wrist up to show a birthmark - a faint line that paralleled my vein. "And cursed fool that I am, I swore the same to you."

He put his wrist beside mine. There was an old scar. I'd seen it before but I'd never noticed how similar the two marks were. I pulled my hand away from him.

"Then I release you from your oath to me."

"Would that make you happy?" He sneered.

I tried to say it would, but I couldn't even pretend to lie. I could almost love Pharaoh. I could almost fool myself into thinking he was enough. If I lost him as well as Joey, my life would be truly empty.

'I choose to believe' Fujita Tenchi had said at his wedding. He chose the happy fiction over the lonely truth. There was no magic after all; it just took me a little while to see through this particular smoke. 'Love' is merely what we call compromise with someone we fuck.

"No." I replied with a heavy sigh. "I should get some rest. Tomorrow will be a long day."

His eyes narrowed as he looked at me. Then he seemed to understand my position and nodded slightly. "Later in the week I will be going to a Mah-Jong competition with Grampa. We will be returning in time for the opening of KaibaLand."

His plans; a concession. "I'm sure you will do well. Please give my regards to your Grandfather. I will see that hotel arrangements are waiting for him. I'll be sure my key is at the desk for you."

"Thank you." He turned and left the room.

I stood, shaking, unable to master any of the emotions swarming me. I wanted to scream, to break things, to cry, to run and grab him and never let him go.

To go back. To go back to being simple. To just Tak and loving Joey and not knowing there was anyone named Pharaoh in the world.

In an almost blind impulse, I pulled out my phone, scrolled through the numbers and dialed Joey's. This time, I would beg. This time, I would let go of my pride and say the things I should have said at the airport before I let the only man I'd ever really love fly away.

"Mmm." I heard someone kissing when the call was answered. "Yeah?"

I was too paralyzed to speak, but a second voice responded. "You know what I like, baby."

"Later." Joey chuckled. I heard the screech of several buttons being pushed simultaneously on the phone, but the call did not disconnect. "Gimme that cock." Joey purred.

"Oh, fuck yeah!" the other man groaned. "Oh God, I love how you do that!" He moaned as I remembered exactly what Joey's mouth felt like when he wrapped it around my cock. I could hear the sucking, the slurping. The moaning and groaning. The orgasm when the man - Hirutani, no doubt - was finally allowed to release.

"Fuck me, Joey." He begged. "You know you want to."

I should have hung up. I did not want to listen to the man I was planning to pour my heart out to making love to someone else. But the simple truth was that I was absolutely riveted - by mind and libido - to the call. It was like a train wreak from which I could not tear my proverbial eyes away.

"Like this?" Joey teased.

"Oh Fuck! Come on, baby! Put it in!"

"It is in."

"Deeper, damn it!"

"I'm getting there." Joey snickered as his lover groaned.

I could all but hear each stroke, knowing Joey's control and imagining him slowly pushing in by half inches while the man under him went mad with desire.

"Please, baby, faster!"

"What's the hurry? Don't you like this?"

"You make me crazy you fucking sonovabitch! Oh God! Fuck me, please, fuck me!"

"Like this?" The bed creaked and both men groaned.

"YES!"

"You like this?"

"YES!"

"You want me to cum?"

"Oh fuck yes! Please!"

"Say you love me."

"Oh fuck!"

"Say it. I can do this all day, Tani." He chuckled evilly and I knew he had every intention of making that man suffer exquisitely. "I won't cum til you say it."

"Oh God!"

"Say it. I know you do."

"Oh ... fuck..."

"Say you love me."

"Oh ... shit ... oh God!"

"Say it!"

"Oh shit, Joey!" the man finally burst. "I love you!"

"Again!"

"Fuck! I love you, Joey! I love you! Iloveyou! IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouI..."

They both howled. I was panting with them, my lips moving, whispering the words too.

"I love you, Joey."

"What?"

Joey sounded surprised and I heard someone fumbling with the phone. "Oh Shit! Hello?"

I gasped - I hadn't realized I'd spoken out loud. I disconnected the call. Seconds later, the phone rang. I cancelled the call. And then realized that that act would have sent it straight to my voice mail.

I threw the offending handset across the room hoping it would shatter into a thousand pieces. Instead, it bounced loudly and dropped intact on the floor.

I, too, dropped to the floor and did not shatter into a thousand pieces.

I had never felt helpless before. Not when my mother died, not when my dad followed her. Not when we passed from aunt to uncle to cousin, each more foreign and less caring than the last until Mokuba and I were taken to the orphanage and forgotten. Anger, sadness, confusion, yes, I felt those. But I always knew what to do next. I always could see a plan for what I wanted. My plans didn't always succeed, but I could always see the goal and a path to it. I always had hope.

This 'love' - this was hopeless. I opened my heart and let this boy in. I would have given up Kaiba for him, if he had asked. And he couldn't care less. I am merely another fool he can make beg for his attention. I trusted, I had faith and I let him make a fool of me. A year after he leaves me, I still can't let him go. He haunts my mind yet I'm not even a thought to him. And I can't see a way to change that - I have no hope of getting him back.

I growled in frustration. Even Gozaburo had never tormented me as well as this. Throwing myself out a window was beginning to sound pleasant. Maybe...

Maybe Gozaburo was right about relationships, lovers, love. Maybe he was trying to protect me from wasting my energy on emotions that hurt so much they become all-consuming. He would never have let someone in, never have been reduced to being the pawn of one lover and the toy of another. Friends, Gozaburo was wrong about - friends were useful.

Lovers? Maybe he was right about them.

I began packing. I called Nakamura and had him drive me to the airport early. There was always work to do and the sooner I got to KaibaLand, the sooner I could start.