Chapter 3

I've spent the last week thinking about my daughter Megan's sexuality (and I'll admit, thinking about her sexually). And by association, I've thought a lot about my own sexuality as well. My mind has bounced back between questions about her: Who was she talking to on the phone when she was stripping and diddling? (No idea.) Was it someone she's had sex with? (No way to know, but probably.) Was it a boy or a girl? (Wait, she said it was a boy.) Did my behavior with Jason somehow influence her in this direction?; and questions about me: What was I like at her age (fifteen)? Horny ... very horny. Did I ever do anything like she did? (We barely had computers in '79-'80. We did have camcorders, but they were as big as a suitcase. I did a few stripteases but they were never captured on video.) Was I sexually active? (Hell yes.) If I had in fact recorded myself stripping at fifteen, which I could probably imagine doing if we had the technology to do it easily, and my parents saw it, what would they think? (I thought a lot about that one. Of course I don't know. They weren't super uptight about sex as far as I know. Would they have understood that this was something that teens did? Maybe. Would my dad have bent my mom over the table and fucked her while they watched me play with myself? Uh ... doubt it! LOL).

So where does that leave me? It has been one of the weirdest weeks in the last few years, rivaled only by some of the crazy-making times I had when I was in the middle of the "Mommy/Daddy/Jason saga." I'll never forget how conflicted I was. Nor will I forget how obsessed Alan became. He did things I would never have expected in order to get me closer to letting our son in bed with me.

"You did what?" I asked Alan incredulously. "You talked to Jason about what?"

"About how hot his mom is," Hubby replied.

"How did you end up talking to him openly about that?"

"It was yesterday, after you purposely walked past him in the kitchen in your panties and my mostly unbuttoned dress shirt?"

"Shit. Yeah, go on."

"He looked at you so hard I thought his eyes might turn to stone. He was mesmerized. I think he totally forgot I was even there."

"Yes, and... ?"

"And after he watched you walk out of the room and came back to earth, he gave me a nervous look, knowing that I knew that he had been checking you out. I just made some comment about how I figured you were sexier than most of his friends' moms."

"You did not! Alan, isn't that going a little overboard?"

"Hey, you've totally gone along with this teasing thing. You're the one who went into his room in your underwear. I think it's turned you on as much as me."

"I doubt that, Alan. And I had a shirt on! Anyway, what did Jason say to that?"

"He kind of mumbled an agreement. I could tell he was nervous saying anything to his father about how good you looked to him. So, I just gave him a little encouragement. I told him it was normal for boys his age to find their mothers attractive, especially when their moms are as hot as you."

"I can't believe you. It's one thing for me to tease him. But it's another for you to stoke the fire."

Little did I know he had some more fire-stoking antics up his sleeve.

But things were never that way with Megan. She wasn't as extroverted or playful as her brother. And during all that time when Alan and I were involved in various seduction plans with Jason, neither of us ever said a word about ever doing anything with Megan. I'm sure I asked Hubby and he said he had no sexual feelings about our daughter. And I think he meant it, because this week it was me wanting to talk about her and the experience we had watching her video. But Hubby didn't want to. I guess I was a little touched by his reluctance, but at the same time I've been horny all week and I wanted to process some of my lust by talking about it while getting screwed.

What we did discuss many times was whether or not to confront Megan about the video. There again, Hubby erred on the side of caution. Overall, I wanted to know what was up, what she was thinking, who she was talking to and how sexually active is she. I wanted to admit that her father had gone in her purse, to let him apologize and have the chips fall where they may. I figured the fact that she had gotten naked, spread her legs and masturbated while on the phone with some mystery guy, plus that she filmed the whole thing carried a lot more weight than Alan going in her purse. But Alan was afraid if we said anything Megan would clam up and never trust us again. He had a point.

In the end we agreed to confront her, just in case she was doing something really risky (riskier than making solo sex videos, which of course would be illegal to possess because she's fifteen). Kids usually don't think of the consequences of what they do. So, we found out that Jason was going out last night, so we told Megan she had to stay in. That started things off on the right foot ... ha-ha. After Jason left we let the cat out of the bag immediately. We saw no sense in beating around the bush.

"We need you to explain something to us, Meg," I began.

"Yeah?" she replied. "What's up, Mom?"

"Can you explain this to us?" I said as I pulled the flash drive containing her strip session out of my pocket.

"Whoa..." she said softly. "Where did you get that?"

"It doesn't matter for the moment where we got it," Hubby chimed-in. "What matters is what you're doing in the video on this drive."

"Oh, no way," Megan said as she looked down at the floor. "Well, I guess you've seen it. There's not much I can say. What do you want to know?"

"I want to know what you were thinking, Megan," I said firmly. "You obviously know what you were doing in the video. But why were you doing that, why did you record it and who on earth were you talking to while you did your little act?"

As I waited for her answer I reflected on how I might have acted in a similar situation when I was her age. I thought I would not have handled it nearly as well as my daughter was handling it. I probably would have been a wreck, especially knowing my father had seen the video. I never expected this calm from Megan. The last time anything we addressed anything sexual was nearly two years ago when Megan finally freaked out over how her brother and I and even her father had been acting.

"What are you doing, Mom?" Megan had said to me through tears. "What are you doing with Jason?"

"What do you mean, Honey? I had said, foolishly thinking I could play dumb. "What are you so upset about?"

"There's something going on with you two ... I know it!"

"Megan, please calm-down, Sweetie," I tried to say before she interrupted with the real killer.

"And you were kissing him, Mom! You were kissing him for real!"

She had paused and tried to collect herself while I made a desperate attempt to explain my behavior. I stammered out a few lines about us "just fooling around" and so on. But she was thirteen (or so). She wasn't being fooled by that level of excuse. I tried a second time to say something that could explain my bizarre actions. I certainly couldn't tell her it was part of her father's plan to get me into bed with our son. Nothing I could say helped and Megan went up to her room crying. Sitting here now I couldn't help but wonder what that might have done to my daughter emotionally. I also wondered who I thought I was to be taking her to task for anything sexual after everything I've done. But we had another matter at hand to deal with. And Megan wasn't in tears or freaking out this time.

"Mom, I don't understand what the big deal is."

"Honey, you really don't?" I inquired. "You're fifteen, Meg."

"Were you sexually active at my age, Mom?"

That made me pause. First, I wondered how I should answer. Should I be honest? I thought I should. But secondly, what was Megan saying? Was she saying she's having sex? I diverted the attention from me for the time being as best I could.