Chapter 8

I didn't want to go back into the party that was for sure. I couldn't go home either, since trying to sneak in would probably get me a free trip to the woodshed. I had Henry's bike, but it was getting sorta cold. Real cold in fact and I was sorta pissed that I hadn't thought about bringing a jacket. I coulda stayed the night in the Jackson's tree house if I had something to keep me warm. It wouldn't be the first time. Kitchner Jackson had built the world's best tree house about 80 years ago during the Depression and now Lazlow Jackson, or Lazy as he's known, owned it. But his kids were all grown up and long gone, so it just sat there.

"Hey! Sandy!" I whispered and knocking lightly on the window until the shade went up.

Sandy unlatched the window and lifted it open. "Hi!" Her face lit up with surprise. "What are you doing?" she whispered back.

"They still out there?" I gestured towards the door.

"Yeah," she shrugged. "I think they moved the party into the hallway."

"Losers." I rolled my eyes and she giggled.

"You wanna come back in?" Sandy started pulling the screen off the window.

"I got a better idea!" I grinned at her. "You ever sleep in a tree house?"

Half an hour later we judged our great escape a total success. We'd grabbed a couple quilts from the cedar chest and had them wrapped around us in our little hideout 20 feet above the grass in Lazy Jackson's wooded backyard. It was dark and a little dusty, but pretty comfortable anyway, and being under the covers with someone else was nice and warm, even though we were naked. Maybe because we were naked. Well, I was wearing my boxers, and my strap-on underneath that, but nothing else. I could feel Sandy's boobs against mine and her left leg hung over my right hip as we lay there facing each other, but we were just talking mostly. And kissing in between.

"I saw you before on the Fourth of July, but I guess you don't remember me," Sandy sighed. "I asked Josh about you. He said you were like a guy."

"I am," I said with a smile. "I mean inside I am. Outside I'm just kind of a girl."

"It must be hard." Sandy kissed me.

"It sucks," I sighed a minute later. "I like guys though, you know?"

"No," Sandy shook her head slightly.

"No?" I bit my lip, unsure of what that meant or what I wanted to say. I didn't want to hurt her feelings or anything. What was a guy supposed to say to a girl, especially one who said she loved him, if he didn't love her? I didn't want to sound stupid either.

"I never liked guys," Sandy tried to explain. "Even when I was really little, all of my Barbie dolls went on dates with other Barbies."

I laughed at that. "Really?"

"Yeah, seriously. I knew I was gay before I even knew what a lesbian was," she said. "I used to get these horrible crushes on my friends and I couldn't do anything about it."

"I know that feeling." I frowned. "I like guys, but I want them to treat me like a guy. Like, you know, we're gay, sorta." Sandy laughed at me. "What?" I asked her.

She kissed me again and snuggled a little closer. "You are a guy. You're the most beautiful guy I've ever met."

"Thanks." I probably sounded a little sarcastic, but she ignored it.

"So do you still want to find some gay guy?" she made it sound silly the way she said it. "Or do you think you could find a girl to love?" That sounded pretty sexy, the way Sandy breathed the words into my ear. Her hand played across my right breast gently, pinching my nipple between her thumb and finger and rolling it around.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "It's a little confusing."

"I know." She started kissing me again and I kissed her back.

Was it so bad to have a girlfriend? It didn't seem like it. Sandy didn't seem too interested my pussy and she obviously loved my cock. I didn't understand why she would like me so much if she didn't like guys. She'd basically told me that she thought of me as a boy. A beautiful one, sure, but there were a lot of good looking guys in the world. I couldn't figure her out anymore than I could figure myself out right then, so I gave up and concentrated on making her feel good.

"Would you kiss me..." she asked.

"Sure!" I laughed and kissed her sweet mouth once more.

" ... down there?" Sandy finished her question and I wasn't too sure how I felt about kissing another girl's pussy, but how was I supposed to say no?

"You know, I've never done any of this stuff before," I confessed, mostly because I was worried I wouldn't do it right.

"You mean you've never been with a girl before?" Sandy sounded surprised, but I thought she'd understood that already.

"I've never even made out with anyone before." I smiled self-consciously.

"You do it really good," Sandy assured me with a giggle and we were okay again. I'd sorta worried that I sounded like a little kid or something, but she didn't seem to think so.

We were kissing again, more urgently as if to prove how good we really were at making out. Sandy's hands moved all over my back and neck and up through my short hair, turning and holding my head as we kissed. My own hands were busy too, rubbing along her spine and down to her round ass, kneading her gently and even slipping a finger between her butt cheeks. Her body was warm and damp and she felt wonderful like that.

I wanted to feel her pussy again, but my arm was just too short to get there, so I kissed down her neck, shifting my body lower. Sandy cradled me, pushing my head down so I could kiss her tits. I took another girl's nipple into my mouth for the first time, sucking it gently at first and her reaction was immediate. Sandy's body shivered slightly and pressed closer to mine, her hand pulling my mouth harder to her swollen flesh. I sucked harder, bathing her long stiff nipple with my tongue and my right hand reached her pussy from behind.

Sandy's legs were spread wide for me with one of them draped over my hip, and her pussy opened easily for my fingers. She had more hair than I did, but not that much. I'd noticed before in her bedroom that she must have shaved her pussy, or at least trimmed it, and I liked the way she felt under the quilts. I pushed into her sex easily, fingering the girl as I sucked her breasts, moving from one to the other and back. Saliva ran from my lips and coated her skin and I lapped it back up as she moaned and hugged my body tightly.

After a long while of that, Sandy finally began coaxing me to kiss even lower, practically begging me to kiss her pussy. She pushed and I surrendered totally. I'd given up trying to understand who or what I was and just knew that what we were doing felt really good. I'd wasted enough time on trying to analyze and define myself and all it had gotten me was confused. I didn't need any of that. I just needed to kiss my way across Sandy's soft tummy, pausing to lick and nibble playfully at her belly button. I moved lower still, getting up on my knees and elbows as she turned to lay flat on her back. I think my rear end was sticking out of the covers as I moved between Sandy's spread thighs, but I didn't care. I could smell her, sweet and tangy and pungent, the same way I must have smelled right about then.

"Oh yeah, Ann ... Kiss me ... Please..." Sandy's fingers were in my hair as she pulled my face to her pussy.

I'd never in my life imagined I would ever lick out another girl. But I wasn't licking another girl, was I? My hand went between my legs and I freed my cock from my boxers, wrapping my fist around it. I was a guy and Sandy was my girlfriend. I wasn't a lesbian and that might sound stupid to you, but it was the truth right then. I stroked my cock slowly as my mouth found Sandy's pussy for the very first time. I kissed it first, getting just a bit of her juices on my lips and the taste wasn't so bad. It was stronger than I expected, but not fishy like I'd feared and I almost laughed with relief. Sandy tasted more like some exotic fruit than anything else. She was sweet and sour and salty and ... Something else ... Tangy, I guess, all at the same time. I soon had my tongue slipping across her slit and between her swollen lips. She was so wet and delicious like that.

And Sandy's thighs ... She was patient, letting me explore her with my mouth and I found the soft hollows just to the left and right of her sex. I kissed and licked Sandy slowly, enjoying the unbelievable softness there. I even found a little spot on the inside of her left thigh that made her gasp when I bit it gently and I went to work giving her a hickey. I'd never given one before, but I figured it out and by the time I was done my lips felt numb, but she had a nice little love bite to remember me by.

"Now you're mine!" I whispered loudly with a giggle and moved my mouth back to her eagerly waiting sex.

"Yessss..." Sandy moaned and lifted her hips, holding my head and grinding herself to my tongue.

I kept one hand on my cock, jerking off so that it rubbed my burning clit nicely and used my other hand to rub and finger and tease every bit of Sandy's pussy I could. I fingered her while I mouthed her clitoris for a moment, exploring it blindly with my lips and tongue. Her sex seemed bigger than mine, like more mature or whatever, and Sandy's clit was long and sorta thick. I could pinch it between my lips and still wash the tip of it with my tongue and that seemed to drive her a little crazy.

Maybe too much as she began moving a lot and then pushed my mouth lower, wanting something else. So I kissed her pussy, the swollen labia and the hot hole between them. I kept rubbing her clit, but only lightly with my thumb and kept most of my attention on trying to fuck her with my tongue. I ate her out the best I could, learning from her reactions what she liked the most and tried to do it even better.

When Sandy came for the first time in my mouth it almost frightened me the way she squeezed her thighs to my ears and held my face against her pussy as she creamed. It was like a little flood of Sandy Syrup and I savored it, swallowing and licking and drinking her in. My face had grown hot and flushed, and soaked with saliva and girl juices and still we did it some more, until she'd cum at least three times. I'd come close too, a few times, but I had the luxury of pausing my masturbation when I needed to. I wanted to be inside her when I came, the way a real guy would want it.

I got my wish too. After Sandy's third orgasm, she'd finally had enough and I was able to slide up between her legs, kissing along her body until my mouth found hers. I reached down as we kissed, finding her pussy with the head of my dick and pushing slowly inside. She moaned into my mouth as I penetrated her ready sex and we made love gently.

"Do you want me to kiss you too?" Sandy whispered in my ear, hugging me as she lifted her hips to meet my thrusts. "I can lick your pussy if you want."

"No," I shook my head and hoped she could see my smile was real. "I want to cum like this, with you. Okay?"

"Mmmm..." I knew her smile was real and she pulled me even tighter. "I love you ... I love you..." Sandy kept murmuring and this time I found myself believing it, even whispering it back to her between kisses.

Saturday.

I opened my eyes and blinked at the sunlight, feeling a little muddled and not immediately sure where I was at first. I'd slept hard, but I'd needed it badly. I felt Sandy next to me and I guess she needed it too, since she was still sleeping. We were pretty tangled up, our arms and legs across and under and between each other and I hated to move. Not only because I didn't want to wake her up, but it was awfully nice being so close to her like that.

But it was Saturday.

"Shoot," I said softly to myself.

I had so much I had to do. I was supposed to be at work, probably. I had no idea what time it might be, but it had to be past eight, I was sure. I spent my weekends in the garage with Daddy and he was a big one on responsibility. It was a job, not a retirement plan, he liked to say.

Then I remembered that I had to talk to Mark and David too. Why hadn't I talked to them last night? I cursed myself silently for being so dumb. Mark wasn't going to wait for me. He'd been pretty mad and I knew he was going to tell David about what my brothers had been doing to me. Then he'd tell our dad and the world would end!

And Matt too. I'd been sleeping at his house, supposedly, and my bike was still there. What if Matt or one of the other guys called to see what I was doing? Or maybe even Matt's parents, since they'd been sorta worried about me the night before. I groaned and Sandy moved a little, hugging me while she slept. I was going to be in so much trouble! And if I was a lesbian now ... Was I? What did that mean? Daddy would have a fit! He'd probably kick me out of the house or something. All of us, except Mark and David, and maybe them too, just on principle. I was ruining everything and I felt really, really small right then. Life wasn't fair at all.

"Hey," Sandy said with a sleepy smile, sighing and stretching out against me.

"Hi." I smiled too, but it was hard. Well, not that hard I guess. For some reason just seeing her smiling at me kind of made everything else okay, although that didn't make a whole lot of sense.

"What time is it?" Sandy asked and I told her I didn't know, but I thought it had to be late. "My watch is in my purse." She looked over her shoulder at it, inviting me to get it for her.

I slid my body across hers and she didn't mind that at all, maybe that's what she wanted because Sandy had her arms around me as our breasts were pressed together. I tried to ignore it, reaching for her purse and fumbling blindly inside until I could get her little gold and silver Seiko out and look at it.

"Oh. It's just after seven." I felt a little relieved, but not entirely. "I have to get going. I gotta work today."

"Are you sure?" Sandy kissed me softly on my neck.

"Yeah," I sighed and looked down at her, wondering how this had happened. I mean, last night had been one thing, but this was morning already. I should have been coming to my senses or something. I liked guys. I wanted a boyfriend who would treat me like a guy and we could have guy sex and ... Was I really queer? As in ... Really? God!

"Thanks for last night," Sandy whispered, wrecking my train of thought completely.

"Oh." I smiled and maybe even blushed and I had no idea what a boy said to a girl the morning after, you know?

"I mean for coming back," Sandy told me and I think she understood. "I love you." And she kissed me again, our lips parting for a deep slow French kiss.

I wished I could have brushed my teeth, but Sandy didn't seem to mind and she was still sweet and warm and good, so I guess it didn't matter. I remembered telling Sandy that I loved her too, especially when I'd cum for like the third time while we'd been fucking. That sounded so crude, fucking. It was the word in my head, a guy word, but it was wrong and I fixed it in my mind, remembering instead how I'd made love to her in our little tree house.

"I love you too, Sandy," I said a moment later and it had just come out. Saying it like that in the morning light and seeing her bright eyes staring into mine ... They were more green than hazel now and my tummy did a flip-flop and I had to go.

We got dressed slowly and I felt shy for some reason, especially when I tucked my fake dick back into my pants. It had seemed so real in the dark, but now it looked ... Fake. Like it wasn't part of me at all. Sandy didn't say anything about it though, she just watched me, smiling and putting on her clothes. We folded the quilts up and got them out of the tree, and before she went back into her house we kissed again, just a quick one though because we were in Josh's front yard.

"Will you call me?" Sandy asked and I nodded. "Do you know the number?"

"Yeah." I smiled at her.

I knew she didn't want me to go, or maybe she wanted to come with me. I figured it was some kind of girly clinging thing maybe, or probably because we'd had sex, maybe she thought I was done with her. I'd heard some of the girls at school talking about stuff like that, and how thoughtless a boy could be, but I'd never really understood it. Why would a guy lose interest just because he'd had sex with someone?

"Okay." Sandy kissed me again, like she'd never stop, and then waved as I got on Henry's bike. The metal felt cold and damp with dew.

"Bye," I said, really thinking there ought to be more and feeling stupid cause I couldn't think of anything.

"Bye." Sandy smiled. "Hey..."

"What?

"Last night, in the tree house?" she said slowly and I nodded. "It was the best, Ann. Thank you."

"Yeah," I swallowed hard cause it had seemed pretty great to me too. "It was nice."

"It was perfect," she said with a giggle and I pedaled away with that thought to keep me warm.

It was still chilly, being so early, but the breeze felt good and really cleared my head. I tried to think about other things, but my thoughts kept going back to Sandy. Did I really love her? I didn't think so. But I kind of did, too. I'd told her I did, so that meant something, right? I wasn't a lesbian because of it, I was sure of that. I mean, Sandy hadn't even touched my pussy. She liked my cock and she treated me like a real guy, calling me a boy all night long. When we'd had sex, it wasn't lesbian girl sex, it was making love the way boys and girls do it. I was a guy inside and she knew it, so what was the problem? A guy should have a girlfriend. It meant I was normal, sort of. I was a guy in a girl's body and I'd just found out I wasn't totally gay, that's all. I was bisexual or something and that had to be good, right?

Did I say something about clearing my head? I take it back. I felt more confused than ever and trying to convince myself that some label could define me somehow. I'd been getting totally stuck on that, on trying to put my sexuality in a can and live within those narrow confines. But every time I turned around there was something new and unexplored and pulling me in a different direction. Was it like this for everyone? It couldn't last, all this confusion, I'd go crazy before I reached my 16th birthday. I'd never get a car if I went crazy! That thought made me grin and I half-decided that I was just gonna do what I needed to and figure it all out later ... Like when I was 50 or something and didn't have anything better to do.

"Hey, Daddy!" I gave him my best smile as I entered the house through the kitchen door.

He sat at the table reading the paper and drinking coffee and didn't look up right away. Scott was there too, standing near the sink and making a fresh pot. He just shrugged at my questioning look, so I didn't know if I was in trouble or not.

"Humph..." Daddy wasn't much of a morning person. "How was your sleepover?"

"It was okay," I replied carefully, shrugging as if everything was normal.

"Want some breakfast?" Scott asked me.

"Sure, yeah. I gotta get a shower though." I gave Dad a little kiss on the cheek as I walked by, like I usually did.

"What's that smell? You wearing perfume or something?" Daddy looked up at me and I shrugged.

I probably smelled a lot like Sandy, but that wasn't perfume at all. "No," I answered. "Must be the soap at Matt's house or something."

But Dad had forgotten about the way I smelled. "What the hell is that?" he asked, staring at a spot just below my chin.

I'd forgotten all about the hickey Sandy had given me and I felt my face reddening, powerless to help it. "Uh..." I licked my lips and Scott, naturally curious, stepped around to see what Daddy was talking about.

"Got yourself a little muffler burn there, Annie," he laughed and it didn't help my situation at all!

"Muffler burn, hell!" Daddy narrowed his eyes. "What were you doing last night? Matty give that to you?"

There wasn't any right answer to that. If I told the truth I was dead. If I lied and blamed it on Matt, he'd still be mad and probably never let me hang out with him again. Matt was like my brother, Lance too, and I could see Dad trying to understand what was going on. I needed a villain; a good one to blame this on, and only one person came immediately to mind.

"No, Daddy," I shook my head and bit my lip a little, putting on my patented guilty little girl act. Sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it, being the only girl in the house was handy, but not as often as you might think either.

"Well, who then? You got a boyfriend I oughta know about?" Daddy had turned fully to face me and Scott went back to scrambling some eggs.

"Sorta," I agreed. I couldn't seem too eager, but I didn't want a whipping either. I had to walk the line, you know?

"You better say more than that, girl." He stared at me hard and I looked down at my feet.

"There's a boy..." I said slowly, " ... on the football team. We, uh ... sorta kissed a little after practice yesterday."

"Kissing huh?" Daddy snorted. "This boy got a name?"

"Um, Brian," I said with a hard swallow. "Brian Hades." I rushed to say more, the way people do sometimes, "He's nice, Daddy. He's 14 like me and the quarterback and he didn't mean to give me a hickey and..."

Scott was shaking his head and stirring the bowl slowly with a whisk.

"How can you not mean to do that?" But Daddy actually smiled, just a little. "You look like Dracula's been at your neck, girl!"

"I know. I'm sorry." I gave him a hopeful smile. "We just kissed, that's all."

"You sure?" He rubbed his big square jaw thoughtfully. "He didn't try to, um..." he rolled his hand a little, " ... uh..."

"No!" I stared at him, actually shocked that he might be thinking what I thought he was. "God no, Daddy!" and that was undeniably the truth as he could undeniably see.

"Okay, um ... Good," he nodded. "You have to protect yourself, okay? I know you're growing up and well, you had to get a boyfriend sometime, I reckon. Just make sure..."

"I'm careful, Daddy." I promised with a nod.

"Bring the boy around sometime, okay? Probably a good thing we have a little man to man just to make sure he isn't trying to do anything else he might end up doing." He grinned at me. "Okay?"

I couldn't believe how well that had gone! Daddy hadn't gone through the roof at all; he didn't even seem to mind I'd been kissing a boy! It never occurred to me that maybe he might actually be relieved that I had a boyfriend. But looking back on it, I think he really was. He'd been raising me as a boy for so long, maybe he was finally ready to have a daughter. Boyfriends and all.

"Thanks, Daddy!" I kissed him again just as Henry walked into the kitchen, obviously having just woken up.

"What the hell happened to you now?" Daddy stared at Henry's two black eyes. The one on the left wasn't bad, but the right eye was still pretty swollen.

I made my escape while I could, catching just a bit of Henry's excuse that he'd gotten in a fight a school. What else was he going to say? He'd gotten cracked by his brothers for taking pictures of me after I'd sucked his dick? I don't think so! Daddy wouldn't care about a school fight anyhow. He always told us it was better to put up a fight and lose than it was to run away. He said if you always run you'll always lose. It makes sense some of the time, but other times I'm not so sure.

It wasn't until after lunch that I had a chance to talk with Mark and David. I was out back, behind the garage working on the transmission of a John Deere D9 which is a honkin' big tractor, if you didn't know. It just didn't want to go into reverse anymore, but that wasn't bad. I like tractors a lot. They're simple mostly, especially the older ones like the D9, and tearing into a transmission is always a good workout.

"Hey." Mark came around the corner, followed by David.

"Hi." I smiled at them and climbed out from underneath the tractor. That was the other good thing about those things; they had a lot of room to work with.

"Pops took off for Beaverton to get some parts," David said. Both of them were pretty dirty, they'd been working on a Ford Taurus that had cracked a cylinder.

"I didn't say nothin' to him." Mark looked at me. He held a Coke and took a swallow. David had two and he tossed me one.

"Thanks." I looked at David, all of 17 and handsome with dark curling hair and brown eyes. He looked like Mark's twin, except for being a year younger and about an inch shorter. "Mark told you?"

"Yep." David smiled, but it wasn't a happy one, just lopsided and a little embarrassed maybe.

I opened my soda and it fizzed out some, running cool over my greasy hand. I took a swallow and walked over so we could all sit at the little picnic table we had back there. It was covered with parts and tools, but that didn't bother us. We ate, slept, and breathed cars mostly.

"Did they really do that stuff to you?" David asked me finally.

He dug a cigarette out of his coveralls, getting it straight and lighting it. He was the only one who smoked in our family, but none of us really cared, not even Daddy. We just nagged him a lot about killing himself and he kept promising to quit, but those things must be awfully tough to let go.

"Yeah, sorta," I agreed.

"What do you mean sort of?" Mark looked at me with a frown.

"I mean it takes two to tango, you know?" I shook my head at him. "I wanted it too, alright? It wasn't like I got raped or anything."

"But they're your brothers, Ann." David's voice left blue smoke in the air. "Steve fucked you? C'mon..." He was being deliberately vulgar.

"Who gave you that hickey?" Mark asked, sounding like he was accusing Steve of that too.

"None of your business." I smiled sarcastically.

" ... and you gave Henry and Greg blowjobs?" David pressed on. "That's like abuse, Ann. You're just a kid."

"I'm not a kid. I'm fourteen and besides, it's not like you're so old." I was feeling lectured when I didn't want to be. "Neither one of you!"

"Well, we gotta stop this," Mark decided. "It isn't right. You don't get it. You've been like ... Brain-washed or something."

I laughed at him then, "Brain-washed? I just..." I didn't know how to say it and I waved my Coke around in a gesture of futility. "I just wanted to try it, okay? I wanted to do it and see what it was like. I didn't mean to make any trouble, that was Henry's fault, alright? He's the one with the camera and he's the one who acts stupid all the time."

We sat there for awhile, each of us just thinking to ourselves. I didn't know what to do about any of this and neither did Mark or David. It was obvious they didn't really want to tell our dad anything, but I knew they thought they should. Mark especially. And somehow, even if they didn't say anything, we still had to eat at the same table and sleep under the same roof. All of us. We were still a family and my brothers couldn't stay mad at each other for too long without some real trouble starting.

"Don't tell Daddy, okay?" I had to know what they were gonna do.

"You have to promise none of this is gonna happen again," Mark told me. "I mean it. You have to promise and so does everyone else. Steve, Scott, Henry, Greg, everybody."

"I promise, I swear to you guys," I nodded. "We talked about it last night. We won't do anything ever again. They'll tell you."

"They better," Mark said and he tossed his can onto a pile of rusting scrap metal. He gave me a hug then and I hugged him back hard. "I just don't want anybody to ever hurt you, Ann."

"I know." I had my face pressed to his chest. "I love you too."

"Why don't you hang out with us?" David said a minute later, he looked at Mark and back at me. "I mean, if you want to. It's gotta be better than being off on your own anyway."

"What do you mean?" I narrowed my eyes a little, trying to figure out what he was saying.

"Like last night. You were at Josh's party, right?" Mark gave me a conspiratorial smile.

"Yeah ... So?" I felt a little nervous wondering what they knew about last night.

"Well, Pops was saying you got a boyfriend..." he said.

"That Brian Hades guy," David interrupted.

" ... but he spent all night trying to get into Jackie Vale's panties." Mark was grinning at me.

"So if it wasn't him and it wasn't anybody around here..." David continued, meaning if I didn't get the hickey from one of my brothers. "Then who was it?"

"One of your friends?" Mark watched my face as he reeled off their names, "Matt? Lance? John? Um ... Kyle maybe?"

But I just kept shaking my head and smiling, although inside my stomach was knotted up tight.

"C'mon, sis, you can tell us. We ain't gonna tell anybody!" David smiled too. "You must have left the party pretty early. Hmmm..."

"Yeah." Mark scratched his head theatrically. "Who else left the party early last night?"

"Aww, just leave me alone about it, huh?" But this was the usual sort of game our family played, I just felt lucky they weren't doing it around Sunday dinner for a change. I grabbed a wrench and made like I was gonna go back to work.