Chapter 18

"I'm gonna go see what the boys are up to," Sherry decided.

She gave me a friendly kiss, and Jane lifted her head briefly for one of her own before Sherry went back to the bedroom, probably to sleep, because it had to be super late I thought. But with Sherry who could tell? She might decide to wake my brothers up for some real cock. I smiled at that and held Jane tightly as we rolled over, keeping my dildo in her pussy as she seemed to like it that way. It wasn't bothering me, that was for sure, and it seemed sort of sexy, knowing that part of me was inside her like that, even though I couldn't really feel it.

We were both tired, but more physically than mentally. My body was worn out, but my mind seemed alert as ever and filled with questions. I just didn't want to embarrass Jane by asking the wrong ones, or make myself look stupid in front of her.

"Are you tired?" I asked her, sort of testing the waters a little. We were side by side and her hands were playing with my stomach again, which seemed to fascinate her for some reason. Maybe she'd just never met a girl with muscles before, not that mine were huge or anything, but they were defined and noticeable, that was for sure.

"No," Jane sighed, shaking her head slightly. "I just feel like relaxing."

"Yeah, me too." I nodded and had the sudden sensation of being on a first date, but the weirdest first date ever since we'd been having sex all night.

"Do you want to talk?" She looked at me and again I thought she looked like an angel, I really did.

Julie was beautiful too, as beautiful as Jane in my opinion, but they were so different. Julie had a beauty that's real, you know? Like something I could touch and possess and understand. It's beauty of an earthly sort, if that makes sense, and not really surprising because it seems familiar somehow. But Jane looked the way you imagine beauty to be, something distant that you wouldn't dare intrude on. She could be admired and remembered, but not to held onto. Like a masterpiece of art hanging in a museum. Or a sunset maybe, of the sort you only see once and when you talk to your friends you can't describe it, you can only ask them if they saw it too, hoping they did so you can share it.

But she wasn't a something. I frowned, realizing I'd been comparing Jane and Julie. It wasn't horrible doing that, and I hadn't meant it in a bad way, but I still didn't like it. Julie was my friend and maybe more than that, although being with Jane just confused me when I tried to figure out what I was going to do. Would Julie get jealous of Jane and angry, or would she not really care, since maybe she only wanted to be friends with me anyway? Or would she just find the idea repulsive somehow, not really believing I was a lesbian until the proof was in her face?

And Jane, she was my girlfriend now, like a real one, even though I hadn't really expected it, or even gone looking for it. It had just happened. What would Jane think if I told her about Julie? It would be like with Matt and the guys maybe, except worse. A thousand times worse, because I hadn't broken any hearts there. I'd just made my friends a little mad, a bit frustrated and jealous maybe, and that would be fixed soon, I was sure. But if I hurt Jane, really hurt her after all this, then what? She wasn't a sunset at all. Jane was right there in my arms, a thousand times more obtainable than Julie was, even if Julie did want to be my girlfriend. And if Sherry was right, and Jane was sincere, then I really did possess her and that realization was overwhelming!

All of that ran through my little brain at the speed of thought, twisting and turning and bending my emotions so fast it left me a little dazed. All I could do was just lay there, wondering what in the heck I thought I was doing. Everybody said I seemed older, but everybody was wrong, I was exactly what I was ... A 14 year old kid trying to grow up too fast. But knowing that didn't help, it just made it worse. I felt like I was going to have another one of those panic attacks and I really prayed I wouldn't. I didn't want to be curled up crying and passed out or something, not there, not with Jane and Sherry around.

I kissed Jane hard, taking her by surprise I think, since she had been watching the thoughts play across my face with concern. It was all I could think of to do, just to kiss her and hold her and find some comfort in being with her. It would be alright, I thought. I would be okay if this was real, if Jane was real and not just some dream, or a game that my brothers and Sherry had invented for their own childish reasons. I was afraid that it was all a lie, or if it wasn't, then I was scared that I would screw it up and accidentally break whatever promises I was making.

That was my real fear, maybe, that commitment I was trying to make. I hadn't committed myself to anyone, except Kyle, and he'd broken that the next day. Or maybe we both had. I was looking for a reason here too, I thought, with Jane, trying to find a reason to chicken out. And that made me wonder why I hadn't asked myself the simplest, most obvious question: Why did I need two girlfriends anyway? Why hadn't the thought of letting Julie go entered my mind at all? That was all I had to do, risk losing someone I might love in order to keep someone else I might love.

It was the first understanding I had that love required sacrifice, like it couldn't exist without it. You had to give something up, it seemed, pay a price or it was worthless by definition. And that was almost mind boggling and made me wonder how anyone ever fell in love with anybody, or at least stayed with anyone they loved for very long. I thought for a second I was better off not knowing anything about that stuff.

"I just don't want to hurt you, Jane," I said and that helped, just whispering that and holding her while my brain reeled with all those thoughts.

"You won't." Jane kissed me too, smiling tenderly and stroking my back as we hugged. Her right leg was over my thighs, just as Sherry's had been, with my cock inside her. "You won't hurt me, Ann, not like that. Tell me anything, or ask me anything, I don't care ... I love you."

And I realized she thought I was worried about talking to her, trying to understand what she wanted and why. I felt a little flush of embarrassment, or maybe guilt, like I wasn't very strong at all and I was probably lucky she didn't know the real reason I'd gotten so excited suddenly. I doubted that my crazy fear of being her boyfriend would have impressed Jane very much. I felt my male pride bruised and I kicked myself a little for being such a crybaby. This was that girl part of me again, I thought, looking for something to blame, and it made me feel better.

"I know," I said softly, nodding and regaining some sense of control. "I just, uh ... I just wanted to say it, sorta."

I blushed, trying to cover my tracks like any man would do.

"There's a girl I like..." I started talking, because if I was going to make a commitment to Jane then I needed to explain how and why. It seemed important and it did make me feel strong for a change. I wasn't a kid and I wasn't going to act like one, not anymore.

"Okay," Jane replied slowly, licking her soft full lips.

"She's ... Her name is Julie and she's my age, she goes to CFS over in Beaverton." I paused, but Jane didn't say anything. "Anyway I was, um ... well, I'm supposed to see her tomorrow and, uh..."

"Like a date?" she asked me.

"Yeah, I think so. I don't know." I giggled nervously and my heart was pounding a little. "I think she likes me and I sort of wanted to be like her boyfriend. Sorta."

"Is she gay?" Jane was tracing a finger around my breast, looking down at it so I couldn't see her face.

"I don't know." I shrugged, thinking it sounded like I didn't know a whole lot about this girl suddenly. "I think so, maybe. She's interested in me, I think."

"You should find out then." Jane looked up at me, not smiling, but not frowning either. "I mean, you really like her, huh?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "I like her a lot."

"Then find out ... And if she is..." Jane shrugged.

"But what about us? I mean, um, I can't be her boyfriend if I'm your boyfriend and..."

"Why not?" She did smile then, just a little and her thumb flicked over my nipple, teasing me.

"Because, I can't. I mean, if you went out with somebody I'd be pretty mad, I think."

"You should be mad." She giggled and seemed pretty happy I'd said that. "I wouldn't like it if you weren't."

This wasn't working out like I expected. I thought she'd be sad, or angry, or ask me what I was gonna do, or something. Then I would tell Jane that I was going to tell Julie I couldn't see her, and that I already had a girlfriend that I loved. Then Jane would be happy and I'd have made a promise that I'd keep no matter what, and things would be the way they were supposed to be finally.

Jane wasn't doing that though and all I could do was stare at her.

"I trust you," she sighed, like that was all there was to it. "You're the one I want to decide what we do, okay? Not me. If you want to have another girlfriend, it's up to you." Jane kissed my neck softly while she talked.

"But..."

"If you want me to be her best friend, I'll do it." She squeezed my smallish breast and kissed the nipple, pushing her sex against my strapon and moaning softly. "If you want me to watch you fuck her..." Jane looked up at my face as she took my nipple between her teeth, speaking carefully around it, " ... I will."

I stared at her then, feeling the small pressure of the dildo against my clit as Jane moved her hips. My nipples were hard and cold as ice, sensitive to the slightest touch. She was getting off on what she was saying, I realized, and so was I. It was strange and unexpected, bringing my body to flush hotly so that the room felt cold and goose bumps rose on my skin.

"I do want you to watch," I whispered, without really considering my words. "I want to see your face when I make love to her."

"Oh ... Yessss..." Jane hissed between her teeth and pulled against my hip with her hand, tightening her leg behind my thighs, and urging me to thrust my cock deeper inside her hungry hole.

"I want you to tell me how much you love me when I break her ... Ugh ... cherry," I said, grunting as I started riding her pussy faster.

"Oh yeah ... Fuck her ... I want to see it..." Jane breathed, rocking her hips quickly as she worked her pussy around my cock frantically, back and forth, up and down. She'd gotten into it quickly.

"I am fucking her," I gasped. "Right now ... Fucking Julie so good."

Behind my closed eyes that's exactly what I was doing too. I pictured Julie in my arms, my cock buried inside her tight virgin sex, making love to her while Jane sat close and watched, whispering to me, telling me she loved me.

"Ohhh ... I'm cumming ... God! Oh!" Jane gasped loudly, grinding her sex against the full length of my dildo. I'd pushed all of it inside her soaked pussy and the pressure against my clit brought my own orgasm, a small one, but welcome and pleasant and all the better because it had come the same time as Jane's.

I moaned softly, still working my hips slowly as I hugged her tightly. Her cheek was against my breasts as she panted for air. Our lungs were heaving in unison and I imagined I could feel heart pounding against mine, as if we shared the same body for those few wonderful minutes when were lost to everything else in the world except for each other.

"You were really thinking about her, huh?" Jane asked, her breath hot between my breasts. We were just regaining our senses.

"Yeah." I nodded, stretching my body a little, so that my strap-on finally slipped free with a wet squishy sound that made me giggle.

I felt a twinge of guilt or something though, thinking about Julie, but Jane just sighed happily and reached down with her hand to feel her pussy.

"I'm sore," she said with a grin. "And so wet! God!" She grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand down to feel her sex, "Feel that? Get inside ... Yeah ... There ... Feel it?"

She giggled as I felt around her puffy vulva gently; she seemed to be made of girl juice. The walls of her vagina were soft and loose and as I fingered her, Jane gave little gasps, holding my wrist and trying to guide me to find the places she most wanted me to touch. I kept smiling, feeling just a little embarrassed maybe, but not much. Jane acted like this was the most normal thing in the world, to be playing with her pussy after we made love.

"Here..." Jane whispered a few minutes later, pulling my hand free and dragging it to her mouth. I stared as she took my fingers between her lips, one at a time, sucking them tenderly and washing away her cum slowly with her tongue.

"Uh, okay..." I said softly, unable to think of anything more clever than that. What she was doing was not just sexy to watch for some reason, but it felt really good too, like somehow the sensation of her lips and tongue on my fingers was turning me on.

"Whatever you want me to do..." She even licked and kissed my palm, dragging her tongue slowly across my skin so that it tickled, but mostly made me feel hot all over. " ... just tell me."

Jane smiled and let go of my hand finally, getting comfortable and pulling the sleeping bag over our legs and hips. I couldn't believe we weren't sleeping yet, but I didn't feel tired at all. I figured it had to be like four in the morning probably, and I was going to be dead at that scrimmage later, not to mention if I really did somehow go to Beaverton to meet Julie. I wasn't sure I could go even if I wanted to. I was going to be tired as heck and I didn't have a ride lined up either. And Jane, had she been serious?

"If you do make me watch..." she breathed a few minutes later, sliding her body up mine a little, so our faces were close together, " ... It'll be even better." Jane smiled almost shyly and I kissed her nose just to see if she'd giggle.

"You won't be jealous?" I wondered if she'd read my mind or something, and I was thinking I had an awful lot to learn about her. It seemed pretty obvious she liked the idea of watching me with Julie.

"Of course I will." She rolled her eyes. "God, I'll hate it. I hate her right now just because I know you were thinking about her while you were fucking me." Jane grinned as she saw the confusion on my face. "But that's why it's so good too."

"Do you, um ... like spankings and stuff?" I asked softly, trying to sound cool, but I wasn't cool at all. Jane didn't seem to mind though and maybe she'd been waiting for me to ask.

"Do you want to spank me?" she teased and didn't give me a chance to reply because she knew my question was a real one, she just couldn't resist and it made me grin. "Yeah, I like it. We tried some stuff, Sherry and me. Mostly things we saw on the internet."

"Like what?" I reached down to unstrap my dildo, it had been biting into my skin for a long time, but I'd ignored it. I could feel the little indentations where the straps had been and they itched. I tossed it on the couch and got a little closer to Jane, so that our pussies almost touched with our legs scissored between each other's.

"Like spanking and being tied up, gagged and that stuff," Jane spoke softly, watching my face for reactions. "We didn't really know what we were doing, you know, but it was fun and yeah, I liked it."

"How about having your boobs spanked?' I asked slowly, thinking I knew a little about that at least.

"Oh!" She smiled like I'd just asked her to a picnic. "We never did that, but I'd like to." It was about as open an invitation as I'd ever heard and I swallowed thickly.

"And, um ... Could I put clips on your nipples? Like with a chain and, uh ... Pull them?" I don't know why I was so nervous, maybe it was because I was putting myself directly into the question.

"Of course!" Jane laughed lightly. "You can do whatever you want!"

"I can't do whatever I want!" I shook my head laughing. "I mean, there must be something that you know you wouldn't like."

"Um, well..." She appeared to consider that, while I tried to remember everything Coach had ever said on the subject. But aside from his thing with safe words and holding the balls while he whipped my tits, I couldn't seem to remember much at all.

"What?" I pressed her. Jane had to give some idea of where the finish line was, I mean we were just at the starting blocks and I didn't even know where we were going!

"I don't think I want to be like shocked or anything," Jane said with a small shiver. "I don't like electricity." She sounded pretty definite on that subject.

"Okay." I shrugged, wondering who did. I'd touched a few electric fences in my time. I'd crossed a twelve plate tractor battery once too. Ouch! That hadn't been fun at all; it had really knocked me on my butt and turned my fingers black and blue. Daddy had laughed and told me everyone has to do it once, just so they not to do it ever again. He wasn't kidding.

"And uh, I guess I want to stay awake, I mean if we do stuff." Jane looked at me and it seemed like she wasn't really a hundred percent sure. "Sleeping is kinda boring and I want to remember everything."

"Uh-huh, sleeping is bad." I grinned and she giggled.

"Well, I don't know. I guess it sort of depends." She looked down as if she was a shy little girl with a secret. "I heard of a girl who passed out at a party..." she glanced at me, " ... Do you know Nancy Westin?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "I fixed her mom's car about a month ago. She's in 11th grade too, right?"

I didn't really know Nancy too well, but nobody in Squinosha was really a stranger either. She seemed quiet and looked like a bookworm, sorta, with round glasses and short black hair. She wasn't beautiful or anything, but Nancy was cute with a nice body; she just needed to be more outgoing or something.

"Yeah," Jane said. "Anyway, she went to a party at Marshall Dennison's house last summer and got really drunk. It was like her first date or something, first party for sure!" Jane laughed and rolled her eyes. "So she ended up in one of the bedrooms and like every guy at that party had sex with her. More than once too!"

"Really?" I watched Jane lick her lips and nod. "She let them do it?"

"She didn't know!" She giggled like that was the best part. "She was totally out of it and didn't find out until like the next morning when she woke up."

"Really?" I sort of blinked because I'd heard like stories, but just in general. Like somebody heard it from someone else that some chick at a party did something, you know?

"I was there!" Jane said. "I heard they gave her something, like date rape knock out pills or whatever, but I think she just drank too much. Quiet girls are the worst."

"What did she do?" I asked.

"She couldn't do anything." Jane grinned and squeezed my arm, but I felt sort of sorry for the girl. "Nancy was still drunk and sick too, so she went to the bathroom and tried to clean herself up. She was so embarrassed, she didn't scream or yell or anything. She just went home and I guess her mom got really pissed and grounded her for life or something."